IVIN VIKESH
CRU Singapore Staff & Founder of Athletes in Action Singapore
WHY DO GUYS DO SUPER-SWEET THINGS AND THEN COMPLETELY ‘GHOST’ ME?
It could be because they are afraid. They may show you that they like you and send you signals that they like you, but putting myself in their shoes, I would think that they are afraid of one thing — rejection. No guy wants to be rejected. Rejection is a very scary thing for a guy! If I liked this girl so much and there was a chance that I might be rejected by her, I would go into hiding.
One of the greatest issues about men, including myself, is being passive. If we look at the account of humankind’s fall (Gen 3), Adam’s first sin wasn’t that he ate of the forbidden fruit, but that he passively stood by when Eve believed the serpent’s lie about God and chose to disobey his instruction not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Passivity and the fear of rejection are two likely reasons for a guy to ghost a girl.
If a guy is acting this way, extend grace to him. If he is struggling with a fear of rejection, let him ease into not being afraid of it. If he is just being passive, it’s probably wise to consider if this guy is someone you want to pursue a relationship with. If it’s not, move on. Let other guys talk to him.
ISAAC ONG
Founder of Colours Global
WE ARE SOMETIMES TAUGHT TO PRAY FOR OUR FUTURE HUSBAND. IF WE END UP BEING SINGLE, ARE THESE PRAYERS WASTED? WHAT IS THE GODLY PRAYER TO PRAY?
Prayer for me is an ongoing conversation with God. I don’t think any prayer is wasted because sometimes we have conversations with people and they say stupid things. But we don’t see that conversation as wasted because it is part of building a relationship. There are many times I’ve prayed things that I thought were “wasted” because they were not godly prayers, but they were not wasted — I was a child and I spoke like a child (1 Cor 13:11). The Lord matured me through prayer.
A lot of times, I pray for things I think I need, but I don’t actually need. I assume I am praying really wise prayers that are Christ-centred when in actuality they are far from it. The beautiful thing about it is that we have a really loving Father who knows us and what is good for us.
If in this moment your genuine honest cry is, “God, give me somebody,” and you don’t know how to pray anything else, then pray and cry out honestly. There will be many sobering moments in your journey, and you may come to a realisation that this isn’t the thing you need, and you pray a new prayer. If you feel that your prayers are not aligned with God’s will, pray the Scriptures. Bring your desires to the Lord and ask Him for clarity in this area.
If we don’t grasp prayer for what it is, we will chock up ten years’ worth of unanswered prayers, because we never had an honest conversation with God. This is where the posture toward prayer should change, more than just the topic [of your prayer]. The topic will come in alignment [with the will and pleasure of God] when the posture is healthy and biblical.
JONATHAN CHO
Elder in Bethesda Frankel Estate Church & Songwriting Mentor from Awaken Generation Music
DO WE NEED EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES IN A DATING RELATIONSHIP? WHAT KIND OF BOUNDARIES SHOULD WE HAVE?
When we talk about boundaries, what we are looking at is whether we have emotional spaces or areas in our life that we choose not to let people into.
In a dating relationship, it’s important to recognise if there are emotional spaces in your life that you refuse to let your partner into and ask yourself why. For some of us, it could be that we are drawing boundaries because of distrust, and that needs to be dealt with.
On the other side of the spectrum, you could have no boundaries! It could be that your door is always open to others, always pouring out, sharing, and seeking advice because you are over-reliant and over-dependent. While reliance on others is a very normal part of life as we were built for relationships, we need to be aware when reliance becomes unhealthy.
Let me give you an example as a married man. You may think that in marriage, there are no emotional boundaries because my wife will know everything about me and vice versa. While that trust and open sharing should be present, it is important that we still draw certain emotional boundaries in other ways. I cannot be over-reliant on my wife to satisfy my emotional needs. I should not be dependent on her validation and affirmation. If I cannot sort that out on my own and bring it before God, I will always have to rely on someone.
In a dating relationship, you will begin to discover where these emotional dependencies lie. Most of the time it is with the person you are dating, but it can be found with certain friends or family members. It is also important to draw some boundary lines and ask yourself this question: Why am I so dependent on what this person says to be able to make a decision about my emotions and my relationships? It could negatively affect your future marriage if you do not deal with this early on.
PS ANG HERN SHUNG
Pastoral Staff at Trinity Methodist Church
HOW DO WE EMBRACE OUR SINGLENESS WITHOUT BEING BITTER ABOUT IT?
I have not always felt that singleness was enjoyable. Instead, I felt like I was missing out, especially when my friends were getting attached and married. It has taken a while for me to say to myself and to others that I see singleness as a gift from God.
What changed for me was when I opened the Bible and understood that the gifts of singleness and marriage are equally valid callings. Singleness is not God’s Plan B for my life; I’m living in God’s Plan A. The questions I now ask myself are: “What good can I make out of this? What good can God bring out of this?”
For me, singleness is a season to serve God with undivided attention and to do more radical, time-consuming things that may be more difficult to do in marriage. It has allowed me to pour out my life, time, and commitment in serving the church and going on more mission trips. On top of serving God, it has allowed me to deepen good spiritual friendships. This actually sets me up for the season that awaits. I am maximising my singleness by building these friendships and serving God and people.
I read that the best way to prepare for marriage is to prepare in the season of singleness. We will arrive at marriage in much better shape when we learn to embrace this gift of singleness. We learn to be content in who we are and we learn to rely on God primarily and become a whole person.
MISSED OUT ON THE LIVE SESSION OF THIS VIRTUAL PANEL? WANT TO HEAR MORE FROM THE GUYS?
Our full video recording is available for purchase below!
In this two-hour virtual panel, they answered questions like:
• How do I reject a guy without being insensitive?
• What does love look like to a guy?
• What do guys find attractive in a girl?
… and more!
