Apologetics, Faith, Issue 49

Finding The One

Finding The One

In my early 20s, I would pray every single day for God to show me whom He wanted me to marry. I patiently waited, but there was neither a sign from God nor any suitable partners.. When guys did show their interest in me, I asked God: Could he be ‘the one’? Silence. Should I let the guy who was standing right in front of me go? I heard no reply from God. It was really hard.

A DECISION

Then in 2015, when I was 22, I made a decision that I would marry whomever God chose for me —regardless what he looked like or what he did in life. I told God that my desire was for Him to decide on my life partner for me. In essence, I was promising Him that I would marry the man He gave me. I entrusted my heart to Him as my matchmaker.

A POSSIBILITY 

That same year, Clovis — one of my friends in my prayer group — broke up with his then-girlfriend. I heard a still but clear small voice say, “Just be there for him.” So, I was there for him whenever he wanted to talk. I was his listening ear, and my heart would ache whenever I knew he was sad. Gradually, I started developing feelings for Clovis.

Yet, I wondered if these feelings were just my own desires.

Soon, it was time for me to depart on a six-month overseas exchange programme. I asked God for a sign: if Clovis were to send me off at the airport, then I would hold on to my feelings for him. I thought there was a high chance that he would not come, as only my family and my closest girl friends had told me that they would be there. However, on the day of my departure, I saw him walking toward me at the airport and was stunned with happiness. I kept asking myself: Is this God’s confirmation or a mere coincidence?

I ENTRUSTED MY HEART TO HIM AS MY MATCHMAKER.

After I returned from the programme, Clovis and I met up, and I was glad that our close friendship remained. However, in the following few months, he started to distance himself. My frustrations began to mount: What was I to him? Was I just his friend? What was God trying to teach me?

A TOTAL SURRENDER

In early 2017, the year I turned 24, during my devotion time, I experienced a meltdown about the situation with Clovis. After much wrestling with my own desires for the relationship, I surrendered my heart to God. I begged Him to remove my feelings for Clovis, as I did not want to seek anyone for myself any longer. I wanted to be abandoned to God’s call and will. In that moment, God filled me with such a great relief that I knew that my burdens had been lifted.

But just when I thought that this marked the end of the drama with Clovis, I had two consecutive dreams that very night. In the first dream, I saw my wedding ceremony. I could clearly see that Clovis was the bridegroom and the pastor conducting the ceremony told him to kiss me after our vows. In the second dream, Clovis joined my family to take a family portrait. I woke up the next morning with such peace and assurance. The dreams were utterly unexpected — I understood them as God finally confirming and assuring me that Clovis would be my future husband.

I prayed for God to reveal His plan directly to Clovis, and also to our parents, as I wanted them to have the same peace. Eventually, my father and Clovis’ mother sensed that God has revealed to them His plans for us to be together. However, Clovis did not take any initiative to pursue me for a whole year. Pent-up emotions and doubts crept back: Why did God show me Clovis in my dream? Would it be wrong for me to date someone else?

OVER TO HIM 

In July 2018, Clovis and I, along with some friends, went for the One Thing Gathering, a worship conference. I remember that the opening message was on Psalm 139, reminding us that God knows our hearts and He knows our thoughts before we utter or even think them. It was there that Clovis decided he wanted to surrender his own desires completely to God.

It was a few weeks later that God spoke to Clovis through a dream. In Clovis’ dream, both of us were in his car, preparing to worship God in an open-air carpark. In the dream, Clovis was feeling frustrated, as he couldn’t figure out the chords for a particular song. So, I logged in to his personal email to retrieve the chords for him.

GOD KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND HIS TIMING IS PERFECT.

The dream showed Clovis that I was someone significant; we were more than friends. We were together not just to have fun, but to be in the same ministry to lead people into God’s presence through worship. It was clear to him that I would be his wife and his helpmate.

A STEP OF FAITH TO A LIFELONG ADVENTURE

Clovis shared his dream with me. I could hardly believe that after three long years of waiting, the time had finally come for us to be together. This was actually real; God was indeed our matchmaker. Since God had spoken so clearly to us, we decided to take another step of faith. With our pastors’ guidance, we got married in October 2018, after only three weeks of wedding preparation. God accelerated our progress as a couple. Clovis was my boyfriend for a month, and my fiancé for a week, before becoming my husband for life. We took that step of faith to embark on a lifelong adventure with each other and with God — and we have no regrets. I hope that our story encourages you if you have been struggling with waiting. But remember, God works in different ways for different people. His ways and thoughts are higher than ours, and we should never try to put God in a box and presume to know exactly how He would move in each of our lives. God knows what is best for you and His timing is perfect. Seek Him, ask Him, wait on Him, and obey His Word completely. God has never failed. When you truly surrender, God will move!

How Do I Discern God’s Voice?

1. ALIGN YOUR DECISIONS TO GOD’S WORD
Learn how to read the different books of the Bible and do it daily, and you will get to know God better every day. This will help you make good decisions and raise red flags that you should not ignore. For example, when you feel interested in someone, whether you pursue the relationship or not would be influenced by the warning in 2 Corinthians 6:14 about unbelieving partners.

2. SEEK COUNSEL FROM YOUR SPIRITUAL LEADERS AND PARENTS
Whenever you have to make a big decision — such as whether to date or marry someone — ask for advice from the people who know you well and love you (Prov 11:14). You may be so consumed by your feelings that you are unable or unwilling to check if you are making a sound decision. Your spiritual leaders and parents should be able to guide you through your decision-making process and highlight the potentials and pitfalls.

3. ENSURE THAT YOU HAVE THE PEACE OF GOD
If you feel unease about any decision, commit to time in prayer and even fasting (which can be about giving up a distraction) to earnestly seek God, and wait for Him to communicate with you clearly. Remember that the peace of God doesn’t mean ignoring danger signs or pretending that everything is fine, but having Jesus Christ as your centre (Phil 4:6–7).

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