Anxiety, Change, Faith, Issue 54, Life

Change makes me anxious in life

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Change makes me anxious in life

KELLY GOH shares the fears and anxieties she had when dealing with change in her life, and how God’s faithful love brings her comfort.

The morning of my birthday usually starts with me scrolling through my messages while lying in bed. I unknowingly start to smile as I read the sweet birthday blessings my friends and family have left me. But it is not long before my beaming smile turns wistful as uneasiness starts to creep in. 

Since I was a teenager, I have always had a fear of growing older and of things changing. Birthdays were a dreaded occasion for me as I wrestled with the weight of this fear. I would reflect on the past year, thinking about all the wonderful memories that I had with my loved ones, all the opportunities that life had presented to me and how much I have grown as a person. Yet I would get downhearted when I remembered that these happy moments will not last forever. Worries about the future start to fill my mind as I think about how things will no longer be the same and that I will never get to experience the comforting and joyful moments of my past again. “Today’s going to be a hard day,” I think to myself, unable to shake off the heavy burden of my anxieties. 

Other than birthdays which mark the end of the year for me (my birthday falls in November), tiny or drastic changes throughout the year make me anxious too. Every change in my life feels like a new season to me, one that can take away the comfort and joy from my previous season, and present me with new challenges to undertake. Amid the anxiety concerning an unknown future that my older self has to go through, God’s word reminds me that He has a plan and purpose for every season of my life (Ecc 3:1).

It was on my 17th birthday that I slowly started to embrace the new seasons of life. I remember feeling sentimental scrolling through the photos I took with my friends and family that day, and once again feeling emotional that these precious moments had ended. However, God sent someone to talk to me that day and her joy and excitement for the future made me realise that as I tightly held on to the happy memories of the past, I had lost sight of the joy the future can bring too. God also prompted me that night to think of things that do not change. I realised that though these moments had already ended, the love from these people will not. And most certainly, God’s faithful love for me goes on forever. That thought itself was enough to fill my heart with so much peace. In a world where things are constantly changing, it is comforting to know that I have a God whose love endures forever (Ps 136).

No matter the season, God’s hand will always be at work in our lives and He will use every season for our good and for His glory. Hence, I will now try to look forward to a new season with hope and actively seek joy with the help of the Holy Spirit. And if change still scares me, I will run to Jesus who remains constant yesterday, today, and forever (Heb 13:8)!

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