Friendship – Kallos

The Gift of Presence

Alina Teo — Fri, 15 Sep 2023 09:11:00 +0000

Mask on.
Expressionless faces.
Mask off.
Eat.
Mask on.

If you were in Singapore during the Circuit Breaker, do you still remember how it was when you were not allowed to go out? Only essential services were permitted. Restaurants, cafes and kopitiams were vacant, their entrances barred with red and white tape. Do you remember how that felt?

Everything “normal” became abnormal and we had to adapt, change our usual ways, and look forward to the day when going out to eat with friends would be considered acceptable again.

THE GIFT OF PRESENCE

Having formed several coping strategies for life under social distancing, some have now normalised this way of life even now that we are in the endemic rather than pandemic days.

In the aftermath of Covid-19, it has become something of a norm for some to attend church online. Words like “it’s just easier” or “there’s no difference” play on our lips as excuses to suit our own convenience. We think to ourselves that no one will notice when we aren’t around.

The truth is, you matter. So when you don’t turn up at church, it matters.

Each of our lives is a gift that God has blessed the church with. You being there, sitting with the rest of the body of Christ, listening, talking and simply being present is such a precious gift.

No one else can be you.
You bring to the table something that no one else has.
You, being you, are a gift.

So when we choose to turn up at church to be together with the rest of the body of Christ, we are giving the gift of our presence to others. You may not think it is much, but it is. On the flip side, when you choose not to turn up, you are depriving others of your presence.

The truth is, you matter.
So when you don’t turn up at church, it matters.

EXAMPLE OF THE EARLY CHURCH

The early church described in Acts did more than just turn up once a week though. They were in the habit of meeting up daily to pray, eat, share all that they had, and simply be together as the body of Christ (2:44–47). There was a good purpose for meeting together physically, being able to look one another in the eye, perhaps join hands in prayer, and sit and eat together around the table. These rhythms of life, these habits that were cultivated with God’s provision, caused the church to grow. It enabled people to share their lives — the good and the bad — and let others help them.

Perhaps today, with our ease of travel, we have taken the blessing of being able to gather together for granted.

So, perhaps it’s time to ask ourselves, “How do we give the gift of our unique presence?”
Can we extend our hand of friendship and love to others and be present with them?

These rhythms of life,
these habits that were cultivated with God’s provision,
caused the church to grow.

OFFERING OUR PRESENCE

Children’s books often offer a depth of wisdom for life that are sometimes overlooked as childish or naive. On the contrary, I have gleaned much from these reads. I like this depiction by A. A. Milne of the friendship between Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet in this quote of Pooh’s difficult day:

“Today was a Difficult Day,” said Pooh.

There was a pause.

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Piglet.

“No,” said Pooh after a bit. “No, I don’t think I do.”

“That’s okay,” said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.

“What are you doing?” asked Pooh.

“Nothing, really,” said Piglet. “Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don’t feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.”

“But goodness,” continued Piglet, “Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you’ve got someone there for you. And I’ll always be here for you, Pooh.”

And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs … he thought that his best friend had never been more right.

May we be like Piglet, offering our presence and being that “someone there” who says, “Come, let me sit with you.” Let us be in the habit of ‘holding space’ for one another by offering a listening ear, a comforting hug, and a place for another to be vulnerable.

As God’s hands and feet and His bodily expression of love and hope in this broken world, let’s give the gift of our presence to those around us and so see God’s kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.

You’re not as alone as you think

Kallos Team — Wed, 02 Nov 2022 07:56:00 +0000

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:12–13)

True to my optimistic nature, I emerged from my teenage years never having any boyfriends but with a plan to be married by the time I was 23. Now 33 and as single as ever, the very human urge to pin it on an unexplainable lack of ‘luck’ has made itself an unwelcome guest in the waiting room of my heart.

With years of training by now, I chase the bitter feeling away with prayer and Scripture, and — more humanly — divert my attentions to a good book or Netflix series. But when another new relationship announcement is made, or a season that celebrates love and loved ones comes along — the guest returns, along with its equally unpleasant friend, loneliness.

The years of training, however, also gave me time to study this condition and discover that loneliness pervades even the best of romantic relationships. No person will ever be able to fully know or understand us, and any person will inevitably fail to love us perfectly. “But Joanne,” you might be thinking, “I know God is the only one who can love me perfectly, but I don’t really feel it or believe it.” And can I just say: I get it. Neither do I, on so many days, when the feelings overwhelm my faith.

The loneliest I have ever felt was through a physical ailment of sorts that developed in my early twenties, which remained undiagnosed until a year ago. The condition had worsened through the years, with no doctor being able to identify what was causing it, and it brought me much physical and emotional pain. Not wanting to burden anyone, I kept it largely to myself for years, going from one doctor’s appointment to the next — alone, since I didn’t have a partner.

Only at the height of the illness, when my symptoms got really bad, did I finally crack open the door of my tired heart and admit to a few close friends the severity of what I was going through. I was met with much sympathy and support — though I continued heading for my check-ups alone, as I was used to.

It was only very recently that a friend who lives near me suddenly offered to come for my medical appointment with me. I later discovered it was another friend, to whom I had mentioned I was nervous about this upcoming review, who had asked her to accompany me. At first I refused, saying it was unnecessary, but something in my heart told me to receive the gesture of love.

As she sat with me opposite the doctor, the first friend to ever do so in the last decade of my long health journey, I realised this is what Jesus instructed His disciples to do in John 15:12: Love each other as I have loved you. I imagine this is what Jesus would have done for me, and always does, though I cannot see Him. But I could see my friend, in the flesh, and this is also what He left for us, besides His Holy Spirit: each other. The Church of fellow believers.

Loneliness is an inescapable part of life, but its real cause is not the lack of a partner, since no one person can fulfil our need to be fully known and loved. Rather, it is the lack of presence, where someone else is with you in your loneliest of experiences. God has promised He is always with us, and that remains true, but He’s also given us friends to demonstrate His presence with us.

Jesus calls us, His disciples, to lay down our lives for each other (John 15:13) — to give of ourselves and our time and any other acts of love. So, should you or I feel less than perfectly loved on tough days, we’ll see — through the community He’s sent to us — that we’re not as alone as we think.

JONK’S JOURNALS

A PRAYER
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for promising to never leave me nor forsake me. In my loneliest moments, please remind me of Your presence through Your Holy Spirit and the community of believers You have given me. Send me friends for the journey ahead. Amen.

JOURNAL THIS!
1. In what areas of your life do you feel most lonely? Ask God to show you who you can share this with, or for Him to bring someone alongside to support you.

2. Do you have godly friendships that reveal Christ’s love for you? Are you a friend in whom the lonely can find comfort in? Build your friendships and be a good friend!

KNOW THE WORD
Allow the Holy Spirit to illuminate His truths in these passages:
– Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 27:9
– Ecclesiastes 4:9–12
– 1 Thessalonians 5:11–15

Friendship in Unchartered Waters

Kallos Team — Wed, 31 Aug 2022 16:23:00 +0000

When storms come, what does it take to keep a ‘friend-ship’ afloat? BERNICE TIAN shares how she navigated her friendships through jealousy, swift judgements of friends, and mismatched expectations.

I have a habit of looking at my past photos and old diary entries once in a while. Entries where I talk about spending time at my grandparents’ house feel nostalgic, while rants about my annoying siblings are quite funny to remember! Recently, I found a single entry that stood out from the rest, recalling how lonely and sad I felt because I didn’t have any close friends. I thank God that I no longer feel that way, as He has provided good friends to me since then. What I had not anticipated though, was that with close friendships, conflicts would be inevitable. I have come across countless challenges in my friendships that threatened to break them as quickly as they were first formed. Thankfully, I have been able to pick up a few learning points along the way, and I continue to apply them to my current friendships.

WRANGLING JEALOUSY, THE SEA MONSTER

According to 1 Corinthians 13:4, love “does not envy.” But what happens when jealousy is found within friendships? I had never realised the significance of keeping jealousy at bay until I saw how much it could hurt other people.

I have two best friends (let’s call them Audrey and Sarah), and we are like the three musketeers in church. During youth services, you wouldn’t find one of us without the other two being close by. In fact, at the start of our friendship, I had to get used to the idea of a trio being best friends, as I had thought that you could have only one best friend. The adjective itself is exclusive! Since I had known Audrey longer than Sarah, I was more protective about keeping Audrey to myself. However, Audrey and Sarah were from the same school, so feelings of jealousy arose sometimes when they talked about things that happened that I couldn’t relate to.

Hence, there were times when I preferred to privately text Audrey and leave Sarah out of our chats as I was more comfortable with just Audrey. One day, Sarah found out that Audrey and I had met up a few times by ourselves and expressed her great disappointment about it.

IN MY ATTEMPT TO PROTECT ONE FRIENDSHIP, I HAD HURT THE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THE THREE OF US.

She texted us in our group chat, saying, “I feel really left out.” When I saw that she felt hurt and uncomfortable, I knew then that it was selfish of me to try to keep Audrey to myself, making Sarah feel lonely too. In my attempt to protect one friendship, I had hurt the friendship between the three of us.

Jealousy caused me to act selfishly, inflicting the same hurt and insecurities on Sarah that I had experienced myself. That event led us to all communicate with each other more honestly. Now, we know to nip jealousy in the bud instead of allowing it to fester, so that we can treasure and love one another better.

FACING THE STORMS OF JUDGEMENT

Have you heard of Job’s infamous story of loss? Job had devastatingly lost all his family members, his possessions, and his health in a swift span of time. When Job’s friends, Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar came to visit him to comfort him, they ended up bringing more hurt than comfort and were told they were “miserable comforters” (Job 2:11; 16:2). Have you ever done the same thing as Job’s friends by being too quick to judge and assume (e.g., Job 4; 8; 11)? There was a time when I was just like Job’s friends, and nearly caused one of my ‘friend-ships’ to sink.

In 2019, a friend came to me for support and guidance when she had a disagreement with a mutual friend. Caught in the middle of their conflict, I wasn’t sure what to do. Instead of offering a listening ear, I acted as a judge, deciding that my friend was in the wrong. I was quick to criticise rather than to listen. After that, that my friend distanced herself from me for a few months, giving me the cold shoulder. It was obvious that I had lost her trust.

I finally found the courage to apologise some time later. I sent her a voice message, telling her that I was sorry for not only being judgemental, but also for being absent when she needed my support. It comforted me when she responded, expressing her desire to mend our friendship as well.

INSTEAD OF OFFERING A LISTENING EAR, I ACTED AS A JUDGE.

This incident made me realise the fragile nature of friendship. There was a price to pay in the carelessness of the words I uttered and the actions I displayed. Going forward, I’ve taken to heart the exhortation in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to “encourage one another and build each other up”!

BALANCING EXPECTATIONS

I used to think that some friendships would last forever, but I’ve quickly grown to realise that this isn’t the case. When friends I used to be close to made new friends, that changed the dynamic of our friendship! Though I understood that it was normal for my friends to have other friends, there was a time when I often felt rather disappointed as I scrolled through their Insta Stories. Despite hearing from them that they were too busy to meet with me, they had time to socialise with other people. Despite the closeness we had enjoyed in the past, these friends now looked happier bonding with other people. I was disappointed indeed.

Once, something significant happened to one of my friends, but I only found out after she had posted about it on Instagram. Alas, when I asked if she was feeling okay, she said she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I had expectations of certain friends that we would be close friends till the end, and that we would tell each other our joys and woes. Yet in this case I felt like I was pushed down my friend’s priority list, making me feel hurt and alone.

even in my most difficult times, the only constant friend I could depend on the most was God.

A counsellor once shared with me about the ‘Circles of Friendship,’ an exercise which involves drawing a series of concentric circles, putting your closest friends in the innermost circle, and placing the people you are least close to in the outermost circle. We need to recognise that friends may shift between circles in different seasons, and that’s OK! Identifying the people in my current inner circle as the ones that I can trust and go to in times of need has helped me to manage expectations with my friends and prevent disappointment.

Importantly, when I tried that exercise, I realised that even in my most difficult times, the only constant friend I could depend on the most was God. Sure, there are still times when I feel disappointed when friends I feel close to do not regard me in the same light. Yet as I depend on God who is my good Father, I need not feel like I am less valuable or loved because of it. As I can love others from this place of security, I get to maintain healthy friendships with my friends and let go of the jealousy and discouragement that may come with mismatched expectations.

At the end of the day, God’s consistent love for me encourages me to overcome challenges in my friendships and respond well to them. I also believe that as we continue to put God at the centre of our relationships, we are slowly being moulded to become more Christ-like. We can be inspired to cultivate and treasure healthy friendships because of our relationship with God.

Dear Kallos: One of my friend’s parents recently got divorced. I’m very worried for her, what should I do?

Alina Teo — Fri, 01 Apr 2022 04:38:00 +0000

One of my friend’s parents recently got divorced, and now she has to do a lot more things at home and be a ‘mother’ to her sister. Her father is very busy, so she has to do most of the housework. I’m very worried for her, what should I do? - Concerned

dear Concerned,

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s difficulties. Yet, she is blessed to have a friend in you who wants to tangibly extend help to her.

Divorce is a big blow to families and the pain of it often follows each family member for a long time. Someone outside of the family would find it hard to really understand how that family works and what kind of culture they have. Personally, I think it is important to watch our words and reactions, so that we don’t make the other person feel worse or judged by us. A good guide is to be quick to listen and slow to speak (Jas 1:19). Although you may not fully understand what your friend is going through, your heartfelt presence and care can make a world of difference for her.

One way to help her may be to suggest talking to a counsellor in school. Although divorce in families can be a very private matter, talking about it with someone whom she can trust to keep things confidential can help to clear doubts or manage fear and hurt. Your friend will eventually have to walk through her possible emotions of hurt, anger, and guilt, and having someone like a counsellor who is trained to journey with her can be very helpful.

On your part, you can write about Bible verses that have been helpful to you as a source of encouragement to her. Share about our good God who is faithful and will never ever leave her (Heb 13:5). Share your own stories of how God has been close to you and encourage her to call out to God on her own.

Finally, pray. Pray that she will know that she is valuable, and the divorce is not her fault. Pray for opportunities to share the gospel with her, so that she can have an eternal hope in Christ. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer. God hears and He is working even if we don’t see it. Even if it may seem that you may not be able to directly help your friend in her current difficulties, your friendship can offer a soothing balm for her soul. Keep being a good friend and trust God to take care of her too!

How Do I Engage With Friends Of Different Religious Views?

Jackie Hwang — Tue, 01 Mar 2022 14:58:00 +0000

It’s never easy to start a conversation that may end up in disagreement, especially when it comes to matters of faith. How can we do it in a respectful way? JACKIE HWANG relates her experience of sharing the gospel with those with different religious views.

You might have heard of the Great Commission which tells us to “make disciples of all nations” (Matt 28:18–20). This is Jesus’ command to share the gospel with those who do not know Him. For some of us, this command may be difficult because we don’t know how to engage with friends who already have different religious views from ours.

I vividly remember the time in secondary school when, in response to my history teacher’s critique of Christianity,

THE EVERYDAY ENCOUNTERS OF GOD’S GOODNESS ARE USUALLY THE MOST RELATABLE AND CONVINCING.

I defended my faith, something that led to my classmates making fun of me. At the time, I felt embarrassed and confused. Later, in my university days, there was another awkward encounter when my Jewish friend, with a smirk, turned down my invitation to a Christian event. You may have had similar experiences of feeling at a loss for words with friends who have different religious views from yours. So how are we supposed to share the gospel when it seems so difficult to talk to them about the Christian faith?

START WITH A CONVERSATION

Looking back at these two episodes, I would probably say to my younger self, “Be patient about sharing the gospel. Start first with a conversation about other things.” We see that Jesus did this in His encounter with a Samaritan woman (John 4:1–42). He started the conversation with a request for a drink of water, which led to a deeper discussion, and only then did Jesus talk to her about spiritual topics. In the same way, we can slowly work toward a level of understanding and trust with others that makes it possible to talk about deeper things such as our belief in God.

You can start simply by talking with your friend about things you have in common. In one of your conversations, you may find a natural point to share about God. It could be an experience where God has answered a prayer or something tangible that they can relate to. It doesn’t have to be a miraculous event or a well-rehearsed gospel presentation. The everyday encounters of God’s goodness are usually the most relatable and convincing.

BE WILLING TO LISTEN

Another thing that I would tell my younger self would be to listen to the different religious views out there and think about how to connect them to God’s truth. The Bible story that offers us a good example of this approach is found in Acts 17:16–34. In this passage, Paul engaged the Greek philosophers at Athens using their own religion. What he did was, in taking notice of their worship of an “unknown God”, he used this void in their religious belief to proclaim to them the true God of heaven and earth.

What Paul did may seem too difficult for us, since after all, Paul was well trained in religious ideas and a great missionary. However, the lesson we can take from Paul is to start by listening to our friends talk about what they believe. If we are willing to listen, we can understand their belief systems better.

A simple way to start could be to ask and listen to why and how they celebrate certain religious holidays or engage in certain practices. This may not lead to any gospel sharing, but it would build a “gospel bridge” — a connection to talk to friends about religious matters even though you have different views.

As you learn about the religious views of others, think about which aspects are similar to or different from our faith. It could be that you realise there are things about Christianity that confuse you, and it might be necessary to consult a pastor or Christian leader who knows more. But you will slowly build up the knowledge needed to have meaningful conversations with friends about different religious views. Eventually, you will develop a comfort level in knowing how to find an entry point for the gospel. And it all starts with the act of listening to them.

BE CONFIDENT BUT NOT JUDGMENTAL

Returning to my experience when my classmates mocked my Christian faith, I would also tell my younger self to remain confident in my Christian faith but not be judgmental or too defensive toward others who disagree. Having a wrong attitude will erect barriers for conversations with people who have different views. At the same time, my faith does not need to crumble under their criticism.

In the two Bible stories mentioned above (John 4:1–42; Acts 17:16–34), both Jesus and Paul confidently shared the gospel with those who believed differently without being judgmental or defensive, even when some rejected their message. Jesus and Paul offer us good examples of how to stand firm in our faith without becoming hostile toward those who believe differently.

It is important to keep this principle in mind especially when you face the more controversial issues for which the Christian position is called into question. These could be questions on the validity of Bible,

HAVING A WRONG ATTITUDE WILL ERECT BARRIERS FOR CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS.

the Christian position on LGBTQ+, or the ethics of abortion. Remember that you can agree to disagree whilst remaining clear about what you stand for and being respectful of others’ different views.

LET YOUR LIFE SPEAK

Finally, the way we live often speaks louder than our words. Authenticity matters! It is important that we live out godly lives which are consistent with the gospel message that we want to share with others. Note that this is not a holier-than-thou or no-room-for-error life. Rather, the point is to live honestly with our shortcomings, to be humble about our need to depend on God, to be sincere in the words we speak, and to be compassionate to the weak as God is.

If we can live a life where God’s transformation in us is visible to our friends, our lives will speak about the authenticity of our faith better than any convincing arguments we use. So, living a God-centred life is our witness. Therefore, combining a credible witness with our willingness to listen, to enter into conversations, and to not be judgmental in presenting our positions will be a winsome approach to engage our friends who have different religious views from us.

Dear Kallos: Is it possible to take God for granted?

Alina Teo — Tue, 01 Mar 2022 14:39:00 +0000

I’m just wondering, is it possible to take God for granted? How can I prevent myself from doing so? - Curious

dear Curious,

Thank you for your honest question. To me, taking someone for granted often happens when we don’t remember what the person has done or is doing for us. We fail to appreciate and even take advantage of the other person’s goodness or kindness by acting carelessly.

Therefore, simply put, yes, we can take God for granted if we carry wrong attitudes toward Him, place other people or things above Him, and fail to give Him the honour and glory He deserves. In His grace, God gives us the privilege to enter into a relationship with Him. If we do not grab hold of this privilege, we end up missing the weight of His sacrifice and taking Him for granted.

In the Bible, God constantly instructed the Israelites to remember. The Israelites were told to tell of God’s wonders to their children (e.g. Deut 6; Joel 1:3, Ps 145:4), so that each generation would not forget what God had done. God keeps calling His people to remember, as He knows how forgetful humans are (e.g. Isa 17:10; Jer 2:32; Hos 8:14).

By choosing to keep recalling His goodness and love for us — such as through regular Bible-reading and prayer — we are actively fighting the tendency to take God for granted. God Almighty laid aside His majesty, humbled Himself to come to us as Jesus (Phil 2:6–8), and gave His life for us in order to redeem us to Himself (Mark 10:45; Gal 2:20). I personally would not want to take such a God for granted. Rather, my prayer is that I may surrender my life to Him, and empty myself of my privileges so that God may use me for His purposes. I pray that this would be your heart’s desire too.

Soul Sisters

Kallos Team — Tue, 01 Mar 2022 03:20:00 +0000

ALONE WITH GOD

“Hey Elang, how has your walk with Jesus been?” Throughout my life in the Youth Ministry at church, I’d hear this question — asked by my peers and seniors — a lot. I would always respond in the same polite and distant way, “It’s been alright, thank you!” even if I was actually struggling in my relationship with Christ. This was because I did not feel a sense of community at church, and I struggled to share my personal feelings with people that I merely saw once a week. Everyone else seemed to have a group of sisters or brothers in Christ that they were close to, but somehow I found myself all alone.

I had been a Christian ever since I was very young, and had gone to church regularly since kindergarten age. My personal walk with Christ was relatively smooth and there weren’t any major disruptions in my relationship with Jesus. However, I struggled most with finding a close group of friends in church. Somehow, I just felt like I wasn’t able to find my place and relate with the other youths. I felt disappointed at my lack of social skills as I watched others grow closer with one another without me. I remember myself wondering often, am I just not destined to have a group of like-minded friends to journey with me in my walk with Jesus?

I had participated in the annual December Youth camp since I was 12 years old, and I had always had a great time with my groupmates. Yet, I remember that during one of these camps, when I was 14, I was overwhelmed with disappointment as I realised how distant I was from the church community, and saw everyone in fellowship without me.

I FELT A VOID IN MY HEART AS I FELL INTO A DEEP, DARK HOLE OF HOPELESSNESS.

On the last worship night of the camp, it was hard for me to concentrate on God as I looked around and saw everyone with their friends, while I stood all alone at the side. I felt a void in my heart as I fell into a deep dark hole of hopelessness. It was like my feelings of expectancy were being blanketed by despondency.

Soon, I decided that it was probably best for me to keep my Christian journey private between God and me, attempting to forget about the community aspect. I tried my best to do my own quiet times and devotionals weekly, hoping that this would work out and I can just focus on my personal relationship with God. I convinced myself that as long as I am faithful in my private walk with God, that’s all that matters, and a Christian community would not be needed anymore. But I knew I was in denial, and that there was more to a Christian life than this.

A BEAUTIFUL INVITATION

Time went by and soon enough I was 16 years old — the last year in my secondary school before graduating! This was a very special year for me, as it was when I was invited to join a small group of girls from my level to meet weekly for Bible Study.

I vividly remember walking up the stairs in school with my close friend, Lois, when she asked me to join her and two other girls that Wednesday morning for a time of fellowship. She excitedly shared how she envisioned a close knit group of girls sitting on the roof of our school studying the Bible together — with God’s presence there with them. Even though that conversation only lasted a few minutes, I could feel that this was God’s doing and He was definitely in the process of making something beautiful.

Right before our very first Bible Study session, I felt a slight sense of fear in my heart, as I was worried about not being able to relate to the other girls, especially since, apart from Lois, I did not know them very well. However, my anxieties were quelled as I felt a strange familiarity and unexpected sense of connection with the girls during the session. We shared our personal testimonies and thoughts on the topic of the session, and excitedly discussed the Bible. I felt God speak to me through them as they gave advice on things I’d been struggling with, and a sense of warmth engulfed my heart. Not only did we grow closer to one another, we also grew closer to God together as a group.

I FELT GOD SPEAK TO ME THROUGH THEM AS THEY GAVE ADVICE ON THINGS I’D BEEN STRUGGLING WITH, AND A SENSE OF WARMTH ENGULFED MY HEART.

BEING PART OF A COMMUNITY

After a few weeks of being in this Bible Study group, it dawned on me that God gave me this lovely group of girls as a community where I can feel at home and walk together in our journey with Christ. Our personal walks with Jesus are crucial and should not be neglected, but having a good group of peers sharing the same mindset and love for God is also equally important! God placed this Bible verse, 1 Corinthians 12:25-27, in my heart: “So that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”

In the year ahead, we embarked on Bible Study plans together and cheered one another on when we were upset or stressed. Together, we experienced the importance of sisterhood and having a community in Christ. I was so touched to see how, even though we came from different backgrounds, God brought us together to worship God and learn more about Him. I remember at one particular Bible Study session, we were discussing the topic of free will and purpose in our lives. Although some of us had slightly differing views, we had an insightful and heartfelt discussion on what our purpose is as Christians in this world. It really felt as though they were my Soul Sisters!

Being a part of this new group, my relationship with Christ grew a lot stronger and I definitely matured greatly in my Christian walk. With the help of my Soul Sisters, I learnt to fully place my trust in Jesus and have faith in His ultimate plan when going through tough times. As the void in my heart was finally filled with love and peace, I became a lot more intentional with my devotionals and overall relationship with God!

I also started to actively look out for brothers and sisters in Christ who were feeling a little left out from the community to drop them a prayer and journey with them, and it made me realise how big God’s family is. It dawned on me that no one should ever be alone in our walk with Christ. With my Soul Sisters, I experienced that there was always someone out there willing to lend a helping hand, who would show no judgement when we opened up about our problems — and I wanted to share this experience with others like me.

If you are struggling with finding a Christian community, don’t give up yet! Don’t lose hope in God even if you feel like you can’t find your place in the community in church. God’s family extends across the physical church’s borders, and He will bless you with a loving and caring community that can come together to give Him the highest praise as long as we keep faith.

Dear Kallos: How can my boyfriend and I be “pure” before marriage?

Alina Teo — Wed, 01 Dec 2021 03:52:00 +0000

My boyfriend and I believe in having sex only after marriage but recently began touching each other’s bodies intimately. I am quite insecure and gave in to temptation often so I could feel “wanted.” I feel that our actions aren’t healthy nor holy, but I don’t really understand why, since we aren’t technically having sex. What does the Bible say about how to behave in a romantic relationship, and what is “pure” before marriage? - Strong-wannabe

dear Strong-wannabe,

Your desire to become a strong woman of God is so precious; don’t ever give that up! It’s clear that you want Christ to be at the centre of your relationship. This includes following what the Bible teaches about healthy and holy behaviour, even when it might not be what either of you prefer at the moment. I’m glad to hear you and your boyfriend share the same commitment to only having sex after marriage. But let’s take a step back and ask what makes this a good commitment and how exactly it is meant to be kept.

What is called “sexual immorality” or “fornication” in the Bible is basically sex with someone you not married to (Heb 13:4). By committing to only having sex after marriage, you are staying away from sexual sin (Song 2:7). Warnings against sin are always for our own good — when sex becomes the basis for a relationship, it can stifle its development and hide important issues. And if you have sinned — remember that it is not you but Jesus who makes you right before God when you ask for his forgiveness.

Does no sex before marriage really mean no sexual intercourse only? What about everything that comes just before crossing that line — touching private parts or other actions that intentionally arouse the other? Sexual activity takes many forms. Did you know that when the Bible teaches about holiness in sexual matters, it doesn’t just talk about guarding your own body (1 Cor 6:18–20), but also helping the other person to lead a holy life (1 Thess 4:1–8)?

Sexual holiness is not just about what you don’t do, but what you do to help each other keep right before God. So, it’s not enough to just keep clear of that line. Your instinct about whether a particular action is healthy or holy should be a good indication of whether you and your boyfriend should stop doing it. Talk about the help you need from each other. For example, if one person is aroused by the other’s hugs, then not hugging may be the way to go. It isn’t about being legalistic or forbidding all physical contact, but understanding and honouring each other, and ultimately God, with your intentions and actions.

I hear your fears of not being desirable to your boyfriend. But may I ask if you would want to be with someone who would put his own desires above you and God? Perhaps what your boyfriend needs is a firmer stand from you, but I urge you first of all to find security in how deeply precious you are to God! No one else can ever be you and you are worth more than you can ever imagine. Don’t believe lies about yourself, but rather soak yourself in God’s Word and let His love define you.

Dear Kallos: I am worried for a friend, what can I do?

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 06:49:00 +0000

I am worried for my friend. Her pocket money was reduced as a punishment, and she is already extremely skinny! Sometimes, she comes to school physically or mentally hurt, and also says that she and her sister are fighting for favour from her parents. I want to help her, but I don’t know what to do! - Worried

dear Worried,

It must be a very difficult time for your friend right now. We’re glad you want to help her in a tangible way, so here are some suggestions for how to do so.

Firstly, by being there to listen to her, you are already supporting her in a very meaningful way. Keep being that listening ear and even a shoulder for her to cry on. Find little ways to encourage her, like writing her cards or giving her small gifts if this is within your budget.

If she is a believer or open to hearing about God, further encourage her by sharing how God has been real in your life and how you trust in Him to help you. Let her know that there is a God who cares about her, who hears her cries, and who wants to be her refuge and hope (Ps 91:2).

Secondly, if it is within your means, share some of your food with her, such as a packed lunch or some biscuits. If her pocket money is not sufficient, encourage her to be honest with her parents and explain to them the school canteen prices and how much she really needs for a wholesome diet.

However, it sounds like your friend has a complicated relationship with her parents as she tries to earn their favour and compete with her sister. Remind her that her worth is not tied to her parent’s approval but that she has been created uniquely. Share this precious Scripture with her: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps 139:14). Tell her what specific qualities you appreciate about her, and why you value her as a friend. Build up her self-esteem by showering her with encouraging words. Healing from her wounds and learning to be secure will be a long process for your friend, but starting with the truth of who she is will make a difference.

Lastly, encourage your friend to share what she is going through with a teacher or school counsellor who has other resources to help her. It is important to speak up, especially if she is getting hurt physically. Your concern is valid, and we hope you can share it with a caring teacher who can help to protect your friend.

Keep being a friend to her and praying for her. We believe your friend is encountering God’s love through you and that is amazing! Keep going!

Accountability Challenge

Kallos Team — Sat, 01 May 2021 03:11:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

Find an accountability partner. Write down three goals that you would like to achieve respectively. Share them with each other and the practical ways that you plan to achieve them.
Focus on one goal per week and remain accountable to each other on your progress!

Challengers: Lucy Chung and Zaara Bharuah, 13

Fun Fact:
We’ve known each other since we were five and attend the same youth group in church.

ZAARA'S GOALS

1. Reading the Bible daily
2. Not giving in to peer pressure and gossip
3. Cultivating patience with friends and family

LUCY'S GOALS

1. Not being affected by peer pressure (swearing, gossiping, fitting in, etc.)
2. To desire reading the Bible daily
3. Fighting against jealousy of my friends’ freedom to use social media

FIRST THOUGHTS
Zaara: When I received this challenge I knew that it would take me out of my comfort zone to be held accountable to a friend for the things that I struggle with. Lucy and I decided to do a weekly check-in on Sunday to share updates about how the week has gone, and to pray through specific prayer requests that might arise. We also plan to drop each other a text each day to find out how the other person is doing.

Lucy: I have to admit I’m quite nervous about completing these goals. Usually when I’m tasked to do something, I stall till the very last minute. I’m going to try my best for this challenge and ask Zaara and my parents for encouragement!

WEEK ONE
Zaara (Reading the Bible daily): Honestly, it takes a lot of effort to pick up my Bible and read it. I’m slightly ashamed that I have a lot of catching up to do. A huge help was when Lucy shared verses with me that I wrote down and placed on the door of my closet to encourage and motivate me. A change was evident as I persisted to spend more time reading and meditating on God’s word! It was a tough and draining week, but I found myself talking to God whenever I was overwhelmed. During church, I was also able to be more attentive. Spending more alone time with God this week had an impact!

Lucy (Not being affected by peer pressure): Sometimes, I find that my choices are affected by my friends’ opinions, and it’s extremely tempting to ‘copy’ what others do in order to fit in. I challenged myself to ask God to give me strength to think twice before doing or saying something I might regret after, such as swearing or gossiping. This week was really challenging since I’m surrounded by all forms of peer pressure every day. When I shared with Zaraa about my temptation to gossip, she shared her past experiences when she had gossiped and regretted it later on. Knowing that she didn’t judge me and could relate to my struggle assured me, and it encouraged me to press on in my challenge to avoid gossiping.

WEEK TWO
Zaara (Not giving in to peer pressure and gossiping): This week, there were multiple instances when my friends talked about another person. In the past, I have caught myself joining in even though I know it is wrong. I believe that the reason why I find it difficult to rebuke my friends is because I care about my friends’ opinions, want to fit in, and I fear rejection. Though I was greatly tempted to join in on the conversations, I made it clear to them that what they were doing was wrong and if they continued on with it, I couldn’t be part of the conversation. On multiple occasions I was surprised to see my friends reflect on what they were doing and stop the conversation all together!

Lucy (To desire to read the Bible daily): Bible reading is set into my schedule every other day; it feels more like homework and not a relationship with God. My mum shared some encouraging Bible verses and quotes to spur me on. One quote said, “the more you read, the more you learn from it.” But even so, I am often tempted to just skip a day of Bible reading and read an engaging book instead. Zaara and I talked about the temptation we faced to avoid reading the Bible every day, but we encouraged each other with creative ideas to make Bible reading fun. She told me that doing little calligraphy drawings on the side of her Bible of a certain verse she wanted to remember helped her meditate on the verse through the day. That was something I had not thought of before!

WEEK THREE

Zaara (Cultivating patience with friends and family): Once I started making an effort to read the Bible daily, I found it easier to be more patient with my friends. Many times I found myself silently praying to God, “give me patience, give me patience,” when I was tempted to lose my cool. I was looking for a perfect friend who was always there for me, and when I looked at my own friends, I didn’t see that. That realisation made me snap at them as I got impatient. By cultivating patience, I’ve realised that only God can be that perfect friend of mine! I still struggle with this but that’s okay. I believe that if I continue to grow my relationship with God, He can work in me and mould me in this aspect.

Lucy (Fighting against jealousy of my friends’ freedom to use social media): Compared to many, I don’t use social media because my parents feel that I don’t need social media at this age. While I understand their concerns, I do get jealous of my friends’ freedom at times. At times, I feel left out from the latest trends on Instagram or TikTok. Zaara encouraged me by telling me that social media can promote gossip and peer pressure, which helped me to not feel as jealous of it. Also, since she has Instagram, she told me that there’s lots of stuff you don’t want to come across, so she sticks to certain topics to view such as her friends, art, etc. Having her personally tell me this helped me feel more confident about what I researched about social media on the Internet, and the decision I made with my parents not to have social media for now.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Zaara: The hardest goal for me was probably reading and meditating on the Bible daily. I generally struggle with having self-discipline for things I have no motivation for. However, this challenge helped me to kickstart a new habit. I am also thankful that Lucy shared encouraging verses and quotes with me to motivate me. With accountability, I was “forced” to hold myself accountable to Lucy about the things I struggle with and how I could change them. Without accountability, I honestly don’t think I would have found the courage to step out of my comfort zone to change my old habits!

Lucy: Reading the Bible daily was the hardest goal for me too as it required a lot of perseverance. Having Zaara helped more than I thought it would. Since we were going through these goals together, we could relate to and encourage each other. Now I think I understand why people do one-on-one Bible studies, attend cell groups, and church; we all need community to build us up in our lives! With accountability from Zaara, we were able to persevere through the three weeks to complete our goals!