Holiness – Kallos

Say What? Out Of The Heart The Mouth Speaks

Hannah Leung — Tue, 24 Mar 2020 04:00:00 +0000

If you know a little about World War II, you might be familiar with the Little Boy and the Fat Man. These were code names for the two atomic bombs used on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It was the first time in history that bombs of such destructive power were used. Interestingly, the source of their power came from something so tiny that our naked human eye cannot see it. The atomic bomb was created from the energy released from the splitting of an atom. Just an atom!

Small things can be powerful despite their size. Can you think of something else that is small but powerful? It lives right in the centre of your mouth — the tongue!

THE POWER OF THE TONGUE

In James 3, James likens the tongue to the bit that is placed in a horse’s mouth that allows a rider to control the animal, or to the rudder that is fixed on a ship that allows a pilot to manoeuvre it (Jas 3:3–5a). He goes on to compare the tongue to “a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body (Jas 3:5b–6a)” and asserts that “it corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell” (Jas 3:6b).

Harsh words. James certainly does not water down the truth. He says it for what it is — our tongue is a “world of evil.” As fallen human beings, sin continues to dwell in our hearts, and it shows in our speech.

I’m sure that none of us have to think too far back to remember a moment when we used our words to hurt someone, or when someone used them to hurt us. Either way, we all have our experiences with angry words, gossip, and slander, knowing all too well that the tongue can be used to destroy. The late Sulli, former member of the Korean girl group f(x), shared openly about the verbal and online abuse she had experienced. This abuse contributed to her deep distress and depression, and she died by suicide in 2019. Unfortunately, her story is not unique.

USING WORDS TO GIVE LIFE

While the tongue has the power to destroy, the same power can be used to build others up. Proverbs 15:4 tells us that “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” Imagine your words forming a tree that gives shade, nourishment, and beauty to many!

The fruit of the Spirit includes self-control (Gal 5:23), which means that the Holy Spirit can and will help us to control our tongues when we choose to follow Him. Words have great power to build others up, and this has been an enduring truth from ancient days.

WHAT ABOUT US?

From the moment we wake up till the moment we sleep, we need to use words. So, we are constantly using something of great power. Have you paused recently to think about how you have been using your words? And hey, if you think that online speech is excused, think again. Your online activity should be something you seriously think about too. From the birth of social media, words online, whether shared through a tweet, comment, or a post, have generated great distrust and anger among friends, communities, and nations.

IN ORDER FOR THE WAY WE SPEAK TO CHANGE, WHAT NEEDS TO CHANGE IS THE SOURCE OF OUR SPEECH — OUR HEART.

Consider the things you have said or posted online in the past few days. Did your words serve to build up, or tear others down? And don’t think that being anonymous online shields you from blame — God sees everything that exists (Job 28:24).

Sometime ago, a friend shared with me that he was actually quite hurt by a few sarcastic comments I made. I didn’t expect that my words had such a big impact on him! Sometimes, we don’t really mean what we say, but the words we speak can leave a lasting impression on others.

In order for the way we speak to change, what needs to change is the source of our speech — our heart.

OUT OF THE HEART THE MOUTH SPEAKS

The Bible addresses how our words are an expression of what’s in our hearts. Jesus said to the Pharisees that “the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Matt 12:34). Often, the words we say show us the condition of our hearts. As complex human beings, all of us have some form of brokenness in our hearts — insecurity, fear, bitterness … the list goes on. This brokenness is a key reason why our words may be careless and even hurtful.

So, for our words to change, our hearts need to change. As fallen creatures, we’re unable to change ourselves. The good news for us is that God never leaves us alone in our brokenness. Thankfully, God is an expert at transforming hearts. Paul encouraged the Roman church to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom 12:2). This tells us that transformation is possible! God heals and changes us, by filling our hearts and minds with love, hope, and faith. As the source of our speech — our hearts — is transformed, our words will change too, to form a “tree of life”.

While we are powerless to change on our own, God is more than able. And not only is he more than able, He is also more than willing to help us grow. When we surrender our lives to God, trust in His promises, and obey his words, God actively works His miracle of transformation in our hearts.

This week, ask God to fill your heart with love, and resolve to speak life-giving words. Practise doing one of the following:
– Affirm a parent, friend, or leader
– Thank a teacher (especially one that you may not be so fond of!)
– Apologise to someone you’ve hurt
– Say a kind word to a helper or cleaner

This list is not exhaustive. There are many ways to build someone up! If you catch yourself sharing words that can tear others down, run quickly to God and ask Him to change your heart. As you pay attention to your words, may your friends, family, and even teachers know you by the way your speech glows with a Christ-like love.

May we wield our words well, such that every time we speak, the love and tenderness of Christ will bring life to even the hardest of hearts.

“Have We Gone Too Far?” Talking Boundaries With Your Boyfriend

Quek Shi Yun — Wed, 13 Nov 2019 16:23:00 +0000

My phone screen lit up as a text came in.

“I need to talk to you. I have a confession to make.”

It was one of my best friends, and the urgency of her message surprised me. I quickly responded, and soon enough, a story poured out — one I didn’t expect. This friend, who loves Jesus and has dedicated much of her life to serving and loving Him, had crossed a line she hadn’t expected to with her boyfriend. Through a series of circumstances, they had fallen into an unhealthy habit of indulging in intimate acts, always stopping short of actually having sexual intercourse, but going much further than either of them had ever planned.

FLAMES OF DESIRE

It’s often tempting to look at this in a self-righteous manner, shaking your head as you wonder how a Christian couple could find themselves in such a situation. But this isn’t the first couple who’s fallen into sexual sin, and they certainly won’t be the last. Unless you’ve experienced the flames of desire yourself, it is difficult to fully understand what is needed to resist temptation and choose to honour God in these decisions.

I remember the early days of dating, when just staring into my then-boyfriend, now-husband Josh’s eyes made me feel like swooning, and even the slight brushing of hands could send my heart into overdrive. Yet after a few months, neither of those things were particularly stimulating or exciting. They were nice, but stopped being special. The same happened with holding hands, hugging, and me leaning on his shoulder. Every single time, the buzz would wear off, and soon, it felt like we needed something more to experience that level of intimacy again.

My mind started to drift as I wondered if it would be so bad if we started kissing, or if we were to lie down together on the sofa, or if we were to be alone at home. The intense desire I had for more physical intimacy was so overwhelming at times!

What helped us both immensely was the fact that we had had very open and honest conversations about our desire to honour God in our relationship, and how we wanted to go about it. A few months into our relationship, Josh and I sat down for a talk that lasted a few hours, outlining our convictions about boundaries in dating, how we formed them, and what we believed was necessary for us to do in order to keep them.

Was it awkward? Yes! But as our relationship progressed and the complexities of our desires changed, I was so glad we had already talked about it before. There came moments when either of us wanted to make a move but didn’t, because we wanted to honour each other and our commitments to God, and help each other to do so.

REMEMBER, IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT AVOIDING PARTICULAR ACTIONS LIKE KISSING OR NOT HAVING SEX BECAUSE YOU FEEL IT'S THE "CHRISTIAN" THING TO DO.

IT'S TIME FOR THE TALK

Perhaps you are in a relationship and are struggling in the area of physical intimacy. Maybe you don’t find it a problem at all at the moment. Either way, it will be beneficial to talk through some boundaries with your boyfriend if you are serious about your commitments to God. Here’s how you can get started:

1. Have a game plan

Before talking with your boyfriend, take some time to pray and ask God about the boundaries you should set in order to honour Him with your body (1 Cor 6:19–20). Remember, it’s not just about avoiding particular actions like kissing or having sex because you feel like it’s the “Christian thing to do”, but about ensuring that you have a clear conscience before the Lord (Heb 13:18). Be honest about the specific struggles you face in sexual purity, and think about the levels of intimacy you should avoid in order not to fall into temptation.

IF YOU'VE ALREADY GONE FURTHER THAN YOU WANT TO AND FEEL LIKE THERE'S NO GOING BACK, YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG.

2. Gather your courage, and just do it!

Intentionally set aside some time to talk through each of your convictions about sexual morality, and your desired boundaries. Don’t just talk about the actions you want to avoid though! Give each other time to share why you believe sexual purity matters, and your beliefs about what “purity” is to begin with. Talk through the specifics about how you are going to keep these boundaries, such as by not going to each other’s home when no one else is there, or only doing in private what you would be willing to do in public. Agree to respect the boundary that is “stricter” and to avoid pushing each other to do things that might cause discomfort.

3. Keep the conversation going

Don’t assume that just because you’ve had the conversation once, you’re done. As you proceed in the relationship, you may find that there are things that come to your attention that you didn’t know would be an issue for you. Revisit the boundaries you have decided on together; you may have to come up with new ones as different scenarios come up.

4. Get external input

Share the boundaries you have agreed on with a person of authority, such as a leader, pastor or even your parents, and get them to hold you accountable. It would be best if they are married, as they would be able to provide perspective on what it is like to go through the range of emotions, temptations and struggles from the time of dating, to engagement, and finally marriage. Be humble and listen to advice you may not agree with. Constantly ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you and your boyfriend personally and convict your hearts in a similar fashion.

TOO FAR GONE?

If you’ve already gone further than you want to and feel like there’s no going back, you couldn’t be more wrong. Our God readily forgives as long as our hearts are repentant and ready to change (1 John 1:9). It may not be easy, but many couples have been able to stop indulging in sexual intimacy before marriage with the help of the Holy Spirit.

After my friend confessed what she and her boyfriend had done, they took practical and meaningful steps toward righting their wrongs and making sure what happened didn’t happen again. They established new boundaries that they have since kept, though not without some difficulty. They involved their pastors and leaders, and have even taken the brave step of going through counselling as a couple in order to forgive themselves, and each other, for leading each other into sin.

To me, that is a beautiful picture of a Christian couple acknowledging the grace of God and working together to live in a way that pleases Him in spite of their initial failings. None of us are ever too far gone for God’s grace!

To those of you who have not done so, I urge you to consider the value of forming your own boundaries and talking it through with your boyfriend. After all, it is never an accident when a couple “suddenly” finds themselves in a position that they never intended — it is almost always a series of conscious decisions to keep going even when their consciences are pricked. The devil is constantly working to tempt and ensnare us; he won’t succeed if we resist and stand firm in the faith together (1 Pet 5:8–9).

5 Things No One Told You About Sex!

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 07:29:00 +0000

IT’S NOT JUST A ‘GUY THING’

Hands up if you thought that sexual purity was just a thing guys struggle with. As a youth leader, girls have told me that they struggle with pornography, masturbation, or fantasy. They are sweet, talented and, by any standard, good Christian girls. Some are leaders in church too. You see, sexual purity is not just a ‘guy thing’ — it is a human thing. And if you are a human, well, then you will struggle with sexual purity in one way or another, because we are created as sexual beings with real desires, but those desires have been polluted by sin. So here’s the good news: if you are struggling with sexual purity, you are not a ‘weird girl with guy problems’. You are a normal girl with struggles, desiring to please God!

Small things can be powerful despite their size. Can you think of something else that is small but powerful? It lives right in the centre of your mouth — the tongue!

YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE STRUGGLING

A lovely girl who had just started dating looked me in the eye and said, “I thought I was the only one!” She genuinely struggled with purity as she started feeling the electrifying feelings of even a simple touch from someone she liked. I laughed, as she was not the first to tell me she thought she was the only one struggling with sexual purity.

On one occasion, the speaker at our church camp encouraged our youth group to confess our sins to one another (James 5:16). As each girl shared, each one realised … I am not the only one! Our struggles may differ, but guess what? You are not the only one, and you do not have to hide in shame. Sin grows in darkness. Pluck up your courage, take a deep breath and confess your struggles to trusted friends and leaders. You may be pleasantly surprised that, instead of condemnation, you hear a voice saying, “You are not the only one — I struggle too.” It can take months or years before overcoming a sexual sin, but the journey will be a lot less lonely with someone by your side.

IT’S NOT JUST ABSTAINING FROM SEX

Perhaps you’ve heard that purity means “no sex before marriage”. But here’s the deal. Sexual purity is not just abstaining from sex. It’s totally possible to be a virgin before marriage and still be sexually impure. There’s a lot that can happen between holding hands and having sex. What about sleeping together on the same bed at a chalet? Sexting? Petting? French kissing? Undressing before each other? Travelling overseas alone together?

Here are some questions to consider: Who am I becoming? Does this action cause me or the other to lust after each other? Will doing this keep me “above reproach” (1 Tim 3:2, Titus 1:6–7)? Am I doing this for my own pleasure or out of self-giving love? Does it honour God, the guy, his parents, future wife and kids? Sexual purity is not technical virginity, but what goes on in your heart, mind, and soul. Ultimately, it’s not about rules, but living holy lives that honour the King and his people (1 Thess 4:3–5).

SEXUAL PURITY IS NOT TECHNICAL VIRGINITY, BUT WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR HEART, MIND, AND SOUL

IT’S NOT ‘OVER’ IF YOU GET MARRIED

Some people think of sexual purity as a 100-metre race to resist all temptation, and once you cross the finish line (getting married), hooray! You are safe. However, choosing sexual purity is more like a marathon — one you run for life. You have to choose purity both before and after getting married, though it may look differently in each case.

A young woman returning from her honeymoon told my friend, “Guess what? I’m still pure!” (i.e. she didn’t have sex), For some reason, she had bought into the lie that having sex, even with her husband, made her dirty! Nothing could be further from the truth. Sex was created to be an exclusive, beautiful, and intimate act of love between husband and wife. Yes, it can be awkward and uncomfortable at the start, yet still innocent and loving. If you do get married, the marathon is still on and you still need to choose purity in the face of other temptations.

Fantasise about that hot Korean star? Nope. Start flirting with another man? Uh-uh. Watch porn? A definite no. Sexual purity is for life, and the pursuit of purity is not over when you get married! Sex ≠ dirty.

SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, WE'VE STARTED TO DEFINE SEXUAL PURITY AS VIRGINITY

IT’S NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT YOU

You read that correctly. Somewhere along the line, we started to define sexual purity as virginity. And this led to defining our worth by our virginity. The thing is, God values your virginity as he designed sex to be enjoyed only in a marriage. But that’s not the most important thing He values about you. It’s easy to think that if you’ve lost your virginity, you are then dirty and worthless. But the most important thing about you is that you have been bought by the blood of Christ, redeemed, and thus pure before God (1 Pet. 1:19). So if you’ve messed up and genuinely repent, then God looks at you through Christ. He sees His blameless Son, who has given you a new identity. So if you feel lousy because you have somehow compromised on sexual purity, don’t give up on yourself. Remember that your sexual past does not define you.

As Christians, we are called to shine like stars in a crooked and depraved generation, as blameless and pure children of God (Phil 2:15). It’s not easy. But the good news is, you are not alone. Young women across time and around the world have struggled and found victory. As sisters in Christ, let us cheer each other on as we run this marathon together!

TOP 5 TIPS:

1. Don’t journey alone! Seek out accountability partners, trusted friends or leaders you can share with.
2. Unsubscribe or unfollow any Instagram accounts or Youtube channels that cause you to fantasise.
3. Pay attention to the music you listen to. Think about what they are saying and what they mean.
4. Watch anime? Some of them and their related fan fiction contain strong romance and sexual themes. Be discerning about the content and if it stumbles you, watch something else.
5. Don’t be afraid to seek counselling if you need to. Sexual sins often stem from our hurts and require help from pastors or counsellors. It takes a brave girl to ask for help!

Check out these Bible verses:
– 1 Cor. 6:18-20
– 1 Cor 6:11
– Phi 1:9-11
– Phil. 2:14-15
– Col 3:5-10
– 1 Thess. 4:3-7
– 1 Pet. 1: 17-19
– 1 John 1:9
– James 5:16
– Rev. 19:7-8, 21:2

What’s Wrong With Watching Porn?

Kallos Team — Wed, 24 Jul 2019 04:00:00 +0000

Did you know that 51 percent of Christian youths in Singapore have viewed porn at least once in the past year? According to the Whole Life Inventory by Focus on the Family, 35 percent of Singaporean teen females have been exposed to porn and 22 percent of single young women watch porn one to five times a year.

This March, renowned Christian author and evangelist Josh McDowell spoke at Cru Singapore’s Set Free conference, the first nationwide conference on pornography. This spunky 79-year-old was decked out in a Superman belt and Spider-Man socks, and reminded one of a fun grandfather.

He recalled buying a children’s book about Spider-Man for his grandson, and realising there were explicit images that he actually needed to tear out to protect him. That was one of the many instances that made him realise that pornography has grown into a huge problem that we need to stop ignoring. He then decided to commission a ground breaking study on the issue of pornography in the USA that cost him a quarter of a million dollars.

His research showed the following statistics:

– The average age of exposure to porn is eight to nine years old.

– 82 million porn videos are viewed by kids and teens all around the world every day.

– The largest group of Internet porn consumers are 12 to 17 years old.

– 79 percent of porn users begin their habit at home.

– It takes at least 3-5 years to break free from a pornography addiction.

In our own survey with over 60 teen girls who watch pornography regularly, we found that 80 percent of them wanted help to stop being addicted to pornography, with many of them expressing shame and guilt. Kallos spoke to Josh in an exclusive interview to find out more about how porn affects us as young women and our relationships, and how to be truly set free.

INTIMACY IS NOT SEX; IT IS THE CAPACITY TO BE REAL WITH THE OTHER PERSON, NO FACADE, NO BARRIER.

1. IS WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY REALLY A BAD THING?

The easiest answer to this question is that I can’t find anything good in watching pornography. It is a counterfeit of God’s original design for sexuality and it dehumanises individuals. In particular, it makes women be looked at as items, as objects, and sends the message that what’s important is their body, not the person.

Put it this way: you marry a man who watches porn [regularly and refuses to get help], or vice versa, and you will [find it difficult to] experience what I have experienced for 48 years of my life with my wife — incredible love, intimacy, sexual relationship, everything. Intimacy is not sex; it is the capacity to be real with the other person, no façade, no barrier.

2. CAN PORNOGRAPHY BE A NORMAL EXPRESSION OF A WOMAN’S SEXUAL DESIRES?

It amazes me that somebody would really think porn is normal, [with 90% of all popular porn scenes depicting violence toward women, and 50% depicting verbal use] … getting hit, beaten, all that is normal? That doesn’t fit into my concept of what is normal and healthy. If it indeed is normal, then why do an overwhelming majority of the women that are in porn end up being damaged for life? To agree with this statement, you’d have to say that damaging someone is a normal process of life in sexuality, and I can’t go for that.

3. WHAT ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS FOR A YOUNG WOMAN TO DO IF SHE IS STRUGGLING WITH PORN?

Firstly, get a support group. The more vulnerable you are about your struggles, the less grip it has on you. Secondly, cut the problem at its source. Even if you join the support group but don’t cut the source, it won’t help. If you cut the source but don’t join a support group, it also will not help.

4. KNOWING THAT SO MANY MEN WATCH PORN, HOW CAN A YOUNG WOMAN BE SECURE IN HER BODY IMAGE OR EVEN TRUST MEN?

It will be very difficult unless you have a good family setting, especially in your relationship with your father, and your parents have brought you up teaching you about your sexuality, your body, feeling comfortable in your body, knowing what is right and what is wrong and so on. If you have the kind of relationship with your father where you really, really trust your dad, it’s going to be so much easier for you to trust other men.

The way I raised my three daughters and my son from the time they were born was to teach them that their bodies are beautiful, that God created them, and their private parts are not private because they are dirty, but because they are [sacred]. I teach them about their significance and meaning as individuals. Porn on the other hand pretty much says the significance of a woman is sex. In reality, sex is such a little tiny part of life, and to think that women are defined by this little tiny part of life, as purely sexual, is sad to see.

5. WHAT CAN A TEENAGE GIRL DO TO BUILD HER FUTURE FAMILY IF SHE DOES NOT COME FROM A “GOOD FAMILY SETTING”?

I mean, my dad was an alcoholic, my parents didn’t have a marriage, and when my father wasn’t trying to kill my mother, I was literally trying to kill him! I was also homosexually raped for seven years, from 6 to 13 years of age.

But I now have an incredible stable marriage, and I’ve got four kids who would die for me! I never dreamt that that was possible in life, but one thing I did was to learn from others. I watched couples and how they relate to each other and to children. I learnt the things I could do from watching others, and I really believe I’m a better father and a better husband because of other men that I watch who have good relations with women.

NO WOMAN [NO MATTER HOW BEAUTIFUL] CAN COMPETE WITH PORN, BECAUSE PORN DEMANDS NOVELTY.

It’s not so much finding the right person, but rather being the right person. Before you think, “Who am I going to marry?”, you need to ask yourself, “Who am I? Am I a kind of person who is worth being married to?” I didn’t get married till I was 31. I think one reason I didn’t get married until I was 31 was that I wasn’t a person being worth married to until then. I had so much dysfunction in my life, and I had to work through a lot of those things before I could’ve thought about getting married. Most people think marriage will solve all your dysfunction, but almost everybody who has been married would say it enhances it.

6. WITH SO MANY MEN WATCHING PORN, WOULD YOU SAY THAT ALL THE GOOD GUYS ARE TAKEN?

One of the most sobering, serious questions I have ever asked myself is, “Who are my grandchildren going to marry?” Porn narrows the field. I say to any young lady, when you get serious about a fellow, if you think he might be the one you want to marry, in a very casual time, just casually say something like, “Oh! Do you watch porn on the Internet?” and [watch his response].

It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t marry someone like that, but if you marry someone and they stay addicted to porn, you’re throwing your life away. [It doesn’t matter] how much you think you love him, because there is no woman that can compete with porn, because porn demands novelty. No matter how beautiful you are, you [can’t compete].

So I say to young ladies, is the person willing to be free? To change? And if they are, it takes years to change. It takes three to five years to really become free from porn, and for the rest of your life that propensity is still there; it is always in your brain. I don’t have the answer to this question, but I believe God understands all these. God is not limited by people’s behaviour.

The Two-Timing Game – Why Do People Cheat?

Quek Shiwei — Sun, 23 Sep 2018 16:00:00 +0000

“What? What do you mean that he cheated on her? Wasn’t he a youth leader in church?”

“Wait, this girl has been serving in church and is looked up to by many people. How can she do such a thing to her boyfriend?”

That night, I went home in shock. It was the third time in two weeks that I’d heard about Christian couples whom I had deemed strong and respectable breaking up. The reason behind the break-ups was sadly the same — cheating.

A SMALL COMPROMISE

Ever since I was a child, my parents established a rule that no food or drinks were allowed to be brought into the room; they certainly didn’t want any insects to be found on our beds! However, once, I really wanted to snack on some bread whilst watching videos in bed. I went to the kitchen and sneakily tip-toed back to my room with my loot. And it worked! No one knew.

Then I did it again and got bolder each time — I wasn’t just sneaking bread into my room, but even chocolates and chips! The stakes had increased and somehow I managed to succeed each time, until that fateful day when my mum found some crumbs that had gotten stuck to the threads of my bedsheet. I was heavily reprimanded. Stealth mode could not save me from being found out.

Looking back at my own life, I realised that, more often than not, we don’t wake up one morning and suddenly decide to go all out to break the rules. I started off with trying to get away with something small, and each time I didn’t get caught, I convinced myself that it wasn’t so bad, and that I could probably get away with it all.

Similarly, in the context of cheating, I believe that it is a result of a series of small compromises. I believe that few people wake up one day and think to themselves, “I want to cheat on my boyfriend/girlfriend today”. Instead, through a series of small compromises (e.g. a flirty text message here, a lingering look there) and getting off scot- free each time, they finally find themselves going further than they had initially intended, culminating in taking the plunge and cheating on their partner.

A PRIDEFUL HEART

In the weeks that followed hearing the news on the break-ups, I struggled with looking at the individuals who cheated in the same light. In fact, the thought that constantly plagued me was, “How could a Christian cheat? What’s wrong with them?”

IT SEEMS THAT I AM A "CHEATER" TOO... I HAVE BROKEN MY COVENANT WITH MY BELOVED

As I continued to judge their actions, what was slowly festering in my heart was deceitful pride, telling me that as a good Christian girl, I was infallible and would never do what they did. But the exact opposite is true — it is precisely because I am a Christian that I should know I am capable of the worst sins, and I need a Saviour.

Truth be told, the label “Christian” is never a guarantee for a fool-proof, sin-free life. The essence of Christianity is that Jesus came to seek and save the lost, not the righteous (Mark 2:17, Luke 5:31–32). When I dwelled on their actions and believed myself to be better than them because I did not personally cheat on my boyfriend, I was really being no different from the Pharisees who were self- righteous but without grace.

AM I A CHEATER TOO?

Interestingly, “cheating” is not unique to the 21st century. In fact, it is recorded frequently in the Bible. God’s people in the Old Testament always had a problem with unfaithfulness. In spite of all of the reminders of God’s goodness toward them, they chased after idols and turned their backs on God, time and again breaking their covenant with Him. Each time they were unfaithful, they seemed to forget that breaking their covenant with God had consequences. Just like us, they might have believed that all it would take to move on was to ask for forgiveness in the right way. But the reality is that we do have to deal with the fallout and that real repentance is called for by God, not our easy words.

How prone a human’s heart is to wander! Similar to the people of the Old Testament, I do have idols that I hold in my heart as well. Despite my best intentions to love God with all my heart, soul, strength and mind, my own series of small compromises have drawn my gaze away from Christ and toward idols such as the endless pursuit of grades, wanting to be fashionable, wanting to get a good-paying job for the prestige and the pay cheque … all these are things that I cling to so tightly and struggle to let go of! It seems that I am a “cheater” too, and more than once, I have broken my covenant with my Beloved.

LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART

But let’s not get carried away. Does it mean that every time something takes my attention away from God for a moment, I’ve immediately “cheated on God”? Does it mean that when we have an intense time at school or work or get into a relationship, we are somehow turning our backs on God? Does it mean that my every thought must be occupied with Him only, and any deviation is a sin?

I would think not. The Bible doesn’t command us to do nothing apart from “godly” things, but it does instruct us to centre all our desires, our thoughts and our efforts around God, making intentional and conscious decisions to make Him the Lover of our hearts, such that everything that we say, think and do flows from this love. When we think about what would please Him, before we worry about what would please our friends, lovers, teachers or even our family, we are loving Him wholeheartedly, choosing Him first in everything.

BUT THERE IS A LOVE THAT IS CONSTANT AND TRUE, AND IT PERSISTS BEYOND THE FRAILTIES OF OUR HEARTS

A LOVE THAT BINDS

One of my all-time favourite hymns has these beautiful lyrics: “Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it / Prone to leave the God I love / Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it / Seal it for Thy courts above.”

All of us are prone to wander; all of us could be cheaters. The reality is that our hearts are fickle and our affections are fleeting. But there is a Love that is constant and true, and it persists beyond the frailties of our hearts.

When cheating feels like it’s getting more common amongst romantic partners, the lesson I’ve learnt is not to give in to small compromises and to intentionally bind my heart to God’s, making Him my singular focus in all aspects of my life.

Dear Kallos: My Boyfriend And I Had Sex, Now What?

Alina Teo — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

My boyfriend and I struggle with pre-marital sex and self-pleasure. Will breaking up with him solve this? – Struggle

dear Struggle,

Reading your question already shows me that your desire is to do what is right even though it is not the easiest choice. I honour your heart and effort in taking a tangible step towards being free from these habits and addictions!

God made us people who yearn for intimacy, but true intimacy is meant to be fulfilled in Christ before anything else. When it comes to physical closeness, many misconstrue God as a rulebook keeper who just wants to deprive us of pleasure. That isn’t true. God is the one who created sex and made it a beautiful thing, but at the right time and person — that is, within the context of marriage.

Yet, in saying all these, we need to acknowledge that when a habit has formed, it is hard to break, and this is especially so for a sexual sin.

If your boyfriend also desires to break out of this addiction, it may help for both of you to seek a mature couple in church to process what has been happening and to figure out the best way forward. However, if he constantly pressures you to have sex and does not have a desire to be free of this addiction, it is wise (yet tough, I know!) to decide to break up. Being single will give you the space and time to understand why you are struggling with these issues and how to overcome them. While breaking up is a big decision that may help in the short term by stopping pre-marital sex, keep in mind that it is not a simple, clear-cut solution in the long term. There are often underlying root issues that you have to deal with even after breaking up.

When we engage in self-pleasure (like masturbation, binge eating, or even casual sex), often we are seeking to soothe and comfort parts of ourselves. These are legitimate needs, and could come from insecurities about who we are, fears of rejection, wounds from the past, or simply wanting to be loved. No matter how we try to soothe ourselves, however, it really won’t ever be enough. Would you consider bringing these needs, fears, and anxieties before God instead? Whatever it might be, God who created you knows and has the answers. In this way, you are choosing to open yourself to being comforted by God, instead of trying to soothe yourself.

With all this in mind, could you think of one wise person in your life with whom you feel safe and with whom you can openly share these struggles? This should be someone who will listen and pray with you, walk with you and point you to God’s truths. I truly believe there are many female leaders who would want to journey with you, not from a place of judgement but a place of deep love and desire to see you being restored in Christ.

Habits do not develop overnight, so, similarly, it takes time and perseverance to rid yourself of habits and addictions. I know this is a tough call and one that is painful, but I pray and believe that God is more than enough for you. He will give you the strength and joy to overcome and come forth victorious should you decide to walk in obedience and faithfulness to Him. You are not alone, dear sister. May Jesus be your ultimate treasure and the One your heart desires above all else.

Dig Deeper: What Is Freedom?

Hannah Leung — Sat, 29 Jul 2017 16:00:00 +0000

Have you ever tried to play a team sport without first learning the rules? The fun of the game is lost because of the chaos that ensues. Fun and joy is only restored when everyone learns the rules of the game and abides by them. Similarly, joy in this life is experienced most when we abide by the boundaries that God has set for us. So, what is the difference between freedom as God promises and the freedom the world preaches?

What true freedom is not

Freedom of speech, freedom of gender, freedom of everything! Contemporary social movements attract many followers by professing to stand for ‘freedom’. However, today’s cultural ‘freedom’ is better understood as autonomy — the freedom to do whatever you want. But don’t get confused; the freedom to do something does not mean we are free from the consequences of that choice. Every decision we make binds us to a certain consequence. Unfortunately, this autonomy that the world desires does not give true freedom, but merely traps us in a pit of bad choices and consequences.

What true freedom is

Imagine a sheep and a shepherd. The shepherd, knowing that the sheep tends to wander, builds a fence around the sheep, only letting it out to graze. Sure, the sheep is no longer free to go wherever it wants, whenever it wants, but it sure is free from the consequences of poor choices, such as facing a wolf alone or running off a cliff.

We are like the sheep and God is like the loving shepherd. Without the fence, we naturally and easily wander into the traps and dangers of sin. While the rules He gives us to live by in the Bible may seem to restrict a person’s ‘freedom’, they in fact free us from the consequences of sinful behaviour. If we don’t live within the boundaries of those rules, then we have to accept the consequences of exercising our ‘freedom’ — and often end up hurting ourselves (and others!) through our sinfulness.

Living freely

Jesus never said that we could do whatever we wanted if we chose to follow Him. Instead, He commanded us to deny ourselves and obey His commands (Matt 16:24; 28:20). Paradoxically, true freedom is only experienced when we bind ourselves to Christ in obedience. If we humble ourselves and live by His words, we immediately position ourselves to live a life of true freedom, just as the Bible promises (John 8:31–32).

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life (Rom 6:22).

Turning Worries Into Worship

Jiamin Choo — Mon, 29 May 2017 16:00:00 +0000

August 2007. It was just a routine medical checkup and I had just collected my results. The nurse explained, “Everything’s normal, but your pancreatic tumour marker results are on the high side, above the acceptable range.” I blanked out. The doctor couldn’t give conclusive results but advised, “Repeat the test next month.” When he said backache was a symptom of pancreatic cancer, I began to worry as my lower back had been hurting for the past month.

On the bus ride home, tears fell quietly as I thought, “I’m only 25. What if I have cancer? How much longer do I have? Is there really life after death? Am I saved? Do I believe in the power of Jesus’ resurrection that, like the risen Christ, I’ll receive a new glorious body?” As the anxieties escalated, I felt God’s prompting: “Jiamin, do you trust that I am good?” I searched my faith and found it weak. So weak. I felt sad that I didn’t trust God as much as I wanted to. I asked Him to forgive me for my lack of faith. Although the situation seemed scary, I could choose to be swept away by fears or choose to think about what is excellent, pure and true — to fix my mind on God’s character instead of the situation. Yes, God is good. Cancer or not, He remains good.

The apostle Paul went through many worrying situations that could have torn him apart. Since becoming a Jesus follower, Paul suffered much through shipwrecks, floggings and sleepless nights. Yet while writing to the believers in Philippi (Phil 4:4–9), while bound in chains, he encouraged them to rejoice in the Lord always, not to worry about anything, but in everything, by prayer and with thanksgiving, to present their requests to God. Even though Paul was imprisoned, he talked about the Lord who is near, and whose peace will guard hearts and minds in Jesus. Instead of worrying, Paul urged the believers to think about whatever that’s true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. This is a paradigm shift. We can turn worries into worship because our assurance is in the God of peace, and not the situation we are in.

September came and I retook the tumour marker test. The results remained high, and so a CT-scan was scheduled for October. At the hospital, as the long needles and CT-scan contrast liquid invaded my bloodstream, whenever thoughts of cancer and death crept in, I shut them out by turning worries into worship. I sang “The Lord’s My Shepherd” in my heart, and was comforted by His presence. The scan showed a suspicious ‘cloud’ near my pancreas, so a retest was needed to focus on my upper abdomen. I was scared stiff. But I reminded myself that God is in control and I shouldn’t be afraid. I shouldn’t worry as the results were not certain yet. Even if the results didn’t turn out well, God would help me fight my battle.

The results turned out fine in the end! The rescan revealed the suspicious ‘cloud’ wasn’t a tumour, but my intestines bunched up in a cluster! Changing out of the hospital gown, I fell on my knees and wept. It felt like a new lease of life. Although the two months of waiting for the truth about my health condition was awfully difficult, it broke me and drew me closer to God. It was during that trial that I experienced the sweetest intimacy with God, as I learned to turn my worries into worship of Him.

PRAYER
God, thank You for being excellent, pure, and true. When worries sweep over me, turn my thoughts towards You in worship, for You are bigger than all my troubles, and I place my trust in You. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME
1. In what ways have you seen God take care of you and your concerns?
2. What are some worries you have? Why do you think you struggle with them? Take time to pray and surrender them to God in worship.

DELVE DEEPER
Read and reflect on these passages for more about God’s character in the midst of challenging situations:
o Psalm 46
o Habakkuk 3:17-19
o Luke 12:22-34

HANDLES
Memorise one of your favourite Bible verses about God’s character. Write it out, Instagram it, or save it as a voice memo. When challenges come, pray those words aloud and take courage in the power of His Word.

Dear Kallos: Will God Forgive Me If I Keep Sinning?

Alina Teo — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0000

“Whenever I hear a pastor preach in church about repentance of sin, I am convicted to stop sinning, but once I leave church I can’t seem to help it! Will God still forgive me if I continue sinning?” – Trying

dear Trying,

Being stuck in the cycle of sin and not being able to get out is not a pleasant experience, but you are not alone! As fallen beings, the temptation to sin will always be present, and we are very much in need of God to help us resist temptation. It’s good to hear that you have been convicted time and again to repent and stop sinning, but that’s not enough — choose to act on it as well! The good news is that you don’t struggle alone. God has given us the Holy Spirit to not only convict us — just as He has already convicted you! — but also help us overcome sin.

1 John 1:9 tells us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” We believe that God in His goodness will forgive you when you truly repent, but that grace cannot be taken for granted. You can take the active step of obedience in walking away from sin and walking towards God. We encourage you to find a Christian leader you trust and share this struggle you face. This leader can keep you accountable, pray for you, and cheer you on when you feel tempted.

Don’t give up or be discouraged — the process of purification does not happen overnight. It takes time and requires the daily choice of turning away from desires that do not honour God and obeying His word instead. You are an overcomer!

“Every year on Valentine’s Day my friends get gifts or confessions from boys, but no boy has ever liked me before. I feel ugly and unwanted. Will someone ever like me?” – Insecure

dear Insecure,

We understand how awful it must be to feel left out on a day many people connect with romantic love. It can seem like a big deal now, but we want to assure you that not receiving gifts and expressions of love on Valentine’s Day does not mean that you are less worthwhile than those who do. You are desired and cherished by the Lord, and that’s where the best kind of confidence comes from (1 John 3:1)!

We also believe that you can trust God to bring the right guy into your life in His perfect timing — someone whose affections do not just last as long as Valentine’s Day, but who will love you and lead you closer to Christ.

Dear Kallos: I Have Been Struggling With An Eating Disorder And With Self-harm

Alina Teo — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 16:00:00 +0000

I have been struggling with an eating disorder and with self-harm for a few years now. Though I have made progress, I still find it difficult to resist the urge to restrict my diet and harm myself. I don’t want to disobey God by harming my body, but sometimes the thoughts get very loud. Why do I still have these thoughts and how can I make them go away? – Struggling

dear Struggling,

We are so proud of you for pressing on toward full recovery! It is a difficult road, yet you are so brave to choose to conquer these giants in your life.

The fact that you don’t want to act on those thoughts already shows that you are making progress. The temptation to harm yourself or restrict your diet can be overwhelming, but we applaud you for desiring to keep yourself pure before God! We love what Dr Tam Wai Jia says about relapses in her own struggle with eating disorders: “It is a key part of recovery. It is God’s gracious way of revealing areas in our lives that require a deeper dependence on Him. Relapse is what I’ve learnt to call ‘Falling Forward’. Every time you pick yourself up, you’re in a different place” [Read her interview in the previous issue of Kallos].

Don’t let those voices tell you that you’ve failed just because you’re tempted. As humans, temptation is a reality because our sinful nature still persists! The mark of recovery is not about never having those thoughts again, but having the ability to resist them when the thoughts come. And the good news is that you don’t have to walk this journey alone – God has given you the Holy Spirit to guide and empower you, as well as the community around you to support you through this recovery process!

Instead of allowing the thoughts to overwhelm you, we encourage you to heed the advice in Philippians 4:8-9 – “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Fill your mind with the word of God, and soon enough, you may find that there is no longer space for unwanted thoughts. In addition, it will help to gather some friends you trust to keep you in check. When harmful thoughts come to mind, quickly send out an SOS for them to cover you in prayer! Allow them to come alongside you and share your burden.

One day, we believe that you’re going to look back on these days and stand up with confidence to shout about how great and faithful God has been in your life to see you through these tough times. Stay strong and rooted in Christ!