Issue 19 – Kallos

When Things Change, God Remains

Jiamin Choo — Wed, 22 Feb 2017 16:00:00 +0000

It was my first week in my dream school. I was no longer a Secondary Four student in a girls’ school, but one of the new J1s at junior college (JC). I felt nervous and lost, wondering, “Will I be happy here? Who will I make new friends with? Ooh … that guy looks cute! Is he looking at me? The school workload seems stressful … am I good enough to do well in my studies?”

After an orientation where we rolled in the mud during war games, learned mass dances, and bonded over a campfire, I started to like being in this school. The initial fears I had about transitioning to JC life disappeared. I began to feel like I belonged, and I was happy with the way things were. I wished nothing would ever change.

But the dreaded day came when we received our ‘O’ level results. Back then, there were two intakes for students, one in January that was based on our preliminary exam results, and another in March based on our ‘O’ level results. Even though I got a number of ‘A’s, it wasn’t enough to stay in the Science stream. I was crushed. Where would I go? To a new school and start all over again? I battled with anxiety and disappointment, wondering why things had to change again. The move from secondary school to JC was already difficult, and now I may have to change school again. The tears couldn’t stop coming.

If there’s anyone who understands the challenges of transition, it’s Joseph. He went through many rough transitions as a young person. His whole world changed when his brothers ganged up on him and sold him into slavery. He was trafficked to Egypt, sold to one of Pharaoh’s officials, and later thrown into prison for a crime he didn’t commit. Even though these unexpected and painful transitions happened, Joseph didn’t lose faith but had the confidence to face them because God was with him through it all. Genesis 39:23 tells us that “the LORD was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did.”

This phrasing is also found in an earlier verse — Genesis 39:3. This repeated emphasis on God’s presence highlights the fact that Joseph was never alone to deal with the difficult transitions. In fact, wherever Joseph went, people recognised that God was with him and that God’s favour was on him. That was why Joseph was in charge of overseeing his master’s household and the prisoners even though he was a foreigner. Although things changed, God remained, taking care of Joseph and blessing him with His presence.

If I could turn back time, I’d tell my 17-year-old self not to be afraid of a new season because God’s presence is always with me. No matter which school I go to, whoever my friends are, and whichever course I study, I can be confident that God remains and He is with me through unexpected changes.

I eventually stayed in my dream school, got posted to a new class in the Arts stream, and grew to love studying Literature. It was God’s faithful presence that helped me through those times of change.

No matter what transitions we go through, let’s find the courage to journey through them, not because of our own wisdom and abilities, but because God is with us.

PRAYER
Lord, thank You for being here with me, even through difficult transitions. Cast out the fears within me, and grant me courage to face the changes, knowing that You will work all things out according to Your perfect ways. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME
1. What’s one thing you can do to draw closer to God’s presence in the midst of life’s changes?
2. Do you know of someone who is struggling through change? Reach out to that person to show that you care!

DELVE DEEPER
Read and reflect on these passages for more about God’s faithfulness amidst life’s changes:
o Genesis 37, 39
o Deuteronomy 31:7-8
o Psalm 102:25-28

HANDLES
Keep a journal for your Bible reading and create your own prompts to note down what you’ve learnt!
o Some new insights I had were …
o My favourite verse this week is …
o God is guiding me to change …
o I’m excited for God to …

Is Kissing Okay? What To Do When You’re Tempted To Touch

Quek Shi Yun — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0000

For the most part of my Christian life, all I heard about physical boundaries was this: no sex before marriage. However, once I got into a relationship, I quickly realised that there are a lot of things that can happen between ‘nothing’ and ‘sex’! Is holding hands okay? Is kissing okay? Is french-kissing okay? Is it okay to lie down on the same bed and cuddle as long as we don’t have sex?

You see my point.

The first guy I dated had one simple rule — no physical contact other than handshakes! I still laugh when I think about how innocent we were back then, but in any case, when the relationship ended (not due to this rule, of course!), I set about thinking more carefully about the boundaries I wanted to establish and why I needed them.

WHY BOUNDARIES?

Once during sexuality education class years ago, my teacher pulled out a chart showing the various stages of physical intimacy a couple could go through, from hugging, to kissing, and finally, sexual intercourse.

“So as you can see, holding hands will lead to hugging, hugging will lead to kissing, kissing will lead to petting, and petting will lead to sex! So what is the moral of the story? If you don’t want to have sex before marriage … Don’t hold hands!”

A roar of laughter erupted from the class and I don’t think she regained control of the class after that.

As I look back on that lesson, I can’t help but see some truth in what she was saying. It’s not that holding hands will inevitably lead to sex, but the hidden gem in her lesson is the importance of establishing physical boundaries in a relationship — if you know where you don’t want to end up, establish from the beginning which lines, if crossed, will lead you there.

BUT FIRST, A DISCLAIMER

I must make clear that there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach to physical boundaries.

For one couple, kissing and hugging is not a problem, but for another couple, even holding hands may lead to too much. Each person and each couple has to work out where that line is for them.

That said, for Christians, there are some things that are clearly out of bounds and indisputably wrong outside of marriage. For example, touching each other’s private parts, seeing each other naked, or watching pornography together — all of these simulate the sex act and do not have a place in our relationships before marriage. Remember, avoiding intercourse itself is not our aim (1 Thess 4:3-8)! Instead, our aim is to respect each another and live holy lives that glorify God. Yes, each relationship is different, but our goal remains the same — to be above reproach and be blameless before God (2 Tim 1:9; Heb 12:14).

AVOIDING INTERCOURSE ITSELF IS NOT OUR AIM!

SO HOW DO WE DO IT?

Pursuing purity and creating boundaries as a couple do not happen by chance. It takes time, courage, and serious intentionality to make it work. Here’s how you can get started!

Know yourself

Individually, take the time to figure out what’s the ‘furthest’ you can go before it becomes too much. In other words, what leads you into temptation? Avoid going there! Decide for yourself before sharing it; you don’t want to influence each other yet! For me, holding hands and hugs are perfectly fine, but I know that once my fiancé and I start kissing, I’ll probably be tempted to take it even further, so that’s where my boundary lies.

Talk about it

Take time to talk through each of your boundaries. Take my word for it: it will be awkward, but it’s also so worth it to get it in the open and find out whether you’re on the same page.

Take the lowest common denominator

If you’re comfortable with hugs and kisses, but he’s only comfortable with holding hands, then that’s the standard for both of you.

Keep the conversation going

The conversation isn’t closed after the first ‘boundary talk’. Chances are, more things will come up along the way, and you’ll have to keep refining your boundaries as you go along. Be honest if something you thought you were comfortable with ends up being more tempting than you expected it to be.

A WAY BACK

Perhaps as you have been reading this article, you feel convicted that the current level of intimacy you share with your significant other has crossed a line. Here’s the good news — it’s possible to go back. It’ll definitely be more difficult than never having crossed the line to begin with, but rest assured that God honours your desire to live a pure and holy life.

Share your conviction with your boyfriend and pray that God will convict his heart too. Repent together and ask God for forgiveness; you can be sure that He forgives (1 John 1:9). When that is done, don’t struggle alone! Seek godly counsel and find people you can be accountable to. It may not be an easy journey, but it’s one that you won’t regret.

WHEN IT COMES TO PHYSICAL AFFECTION BEFORE MARRIAGE, LESS IS MORE

IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE

I’ll let you in on a little secret — when it comes to physical affection before marriage, often times, less is more. Each time you choose to refrain from doing something that might hurt your conscience, you are showing love to your significant other in a much nobler way than the instant but possibly empty gratification of the flesh. Take courage and do what is right even if it is difficult, because someday, you’ll enjoy the rewards of your patience and obedience to Christ.

What's my boundary?

Unsure about how to begin working out your boundaries? Deciding if something is okay to do with your boyfriend? Use these simple questions as a guide.

1. Will this stir up a desire in me that should not be fulfilled before marriage?
2. Is this appropriate at this stage of our relationship?
3. Will I regret having done this with my boyfriend if I don’t end up marrying him?
4. Is this something I would want my husband to have done with his ex-girlfriend?

Staying Joyful In Transition

Quek Shiwei — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0000

One of my favourite movies is The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. The movie begins with four siblings amidst the chaos of the Second World War. In order to keep them safe, their parents send them away to a large, old country house. From the perspective of Lucy, the youngest of the four siblings, moving to a new house in a new place without her parents is extremely confusing, frightening, and overwhelming. It is a big transition for her. The feelings Lucy experiences are not foreign to us, and I am sure we can all relate to those emotions. From a change in school to a new class, we’ve all had our share of transitions.

THE GREAT CHANGE

We’ve all heard the saying that change is the only constant in life, and while we may not like to hear that, it’s true! It’s perfectly normal to feel uncertain during these times of great change. We don’t know how things will turn out, and that can be paralysing! More often than not, we are anxious and uncomfortable with change, but the reality is that as we get older, adjustments become part and parcel of life.

Is there a way for us to get through them without getting lost in transition?

REMEMBER GOD’S PROMISES

When I was 15 and taking on a new class, new subjects, and new friends, it was extremely daunting. Truth be told, it was a huge struggle. After two months, I still found myself getting used to the class dynamics and the rigour of the subjects, and trying to build friendships with people I did not really know. I felt so lost.

Instead of allowing myself to remain in this state of confusion, I decided to write down a list of verses that brought me comfort and hope. Verses like “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Pet 5:7), and “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deut 31:8) were an encouragement to me during that time. The overwhelming emotions we face during times of uncertainty can drive us into a place of doubt and insecurity, but holding on tightly to God’s promises can ease the difficulty of transition.

HOLDING ON TIGHTLY TO GOD'S PROMISES CAN EASE THE DIFFICULTY OF TRANSITION

STAY ROOTED

I have a close group of female friends that I consider my confidants, and throughout the various seasons in my life, they’ve been a community that I can fall back on to encourage me with the Bible, pray together with me, and send me messages during the week to show that I was in their prayers. I don’t know what I would have done if these girls were absent from my life.

Together, we have journeyed together through puberty, friendship issues, adjustments in school, family drama, heartbreak from boys, and more. Each transition varied in its length and difficulty, but having a godly community made it much easier and reminded me that I was not walking through them alone.

CELEBRATE AT ALL TIMES!

It may sound counter-intuitive, but when you have to go through painful or uncomfortable changes, rejoice! One thing I have witnessed over the years is that many people around me, Christians included, struggle with rejoicing and finding joy in their daily life. Hence, when transitions hit, they are vulnerable to feeling defeated.

Paul is one of my favourite characters in the Bible. In the book of Philippians, he was locked up in prison and in chains! Imagine being in his shoes — suddenly thrown into prison, and trapped in a cell with many other inmates. I am sure that I would have been constantly grumbling and filled with extreme negativity at my circumstances. However, Paul responded in a completely different manner. In Philippians 4:4, he writes, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

Each time I put myself in Paul’s shoes and read this verse, I am humbled and blown away. I am unable to comprehend his response to his circumstance.

Learn to be thankful for the little things daily. These can be as simple as the food you eat, clean water you drink, the roof over your head, safety in Singapore, access to education, good health, and so on. When you start cultivating a lifestyle of thanksgiving, your eyes will be open to see God’s touch all over your life! Then, when transitions come, difficult as they may be, you can have the confidence that God, who has always been present, will continue to be present and see you through.

WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH PAINFUL OR UNCOMFORTABLE CHANGES, REJOICE!

EMBRACING TRANSITION

Going back to Lucy — she decides to make the most out of her situation by embracing the changes in her life. Eventually, she and her siblings discover the land of Narnia and have an unforgettable experience with Aslan (the King)! Transitions are not all doom and gloom; there can be beauty in them as well. For those who are feeling lost in the midst of transition, stay rooted in godly community, rejoice daily, and hold on tightly to His promises. As you adapt to a new season in life, know that God embraces you and will see you through each milestone ahead.

Spotlight: Aarksara – Singing Through Suffering

Quek Shiwei — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0000

When I first heard about Aarksara I was intrigued by her unusual name. It was even more surprising to hear her speak in an Aussie accent! Born in Singapore to Singaporean and Thai parents, Aarksara was raised in Australia, where she pursued her passion for music. Now an up-and-coming music artiste, Aarksara has led worship together with renowned singers such as Darlene Zschech (formerly of Hillsong Church), and led in conferences together with Randy Clark (founder of Global Awakening), as well as Heidi Baker (CEO of Iris Global). She’s just turning 26, but Aarksara has already released her debut album “Made it Through”, a testament to God’s faithfulness during the darkest season of her life.

Hi Aarksara! Congrats on your debut album “Made it Through”! How did you get started with singing?

Ever since I was 8 years old, I’ve had an interest in music. My parents, brother and sister were all musically inclined, so I grew up around music and I thought that there was just something so special about singing that I really want to learn about. So, that’s how I started singing — singing in church, in the choir, in school. Any opportunity I had, I just wanted to do it because I felt that it was so fun — there was something in music and singing that made me come alive.

What is the story behind the album?

Music was just a hobby so it was never a focus for me and I expected to get a corporate job. But one day, I found a lump on my tail bone, and it was so excruciating. It caught me off-guard, like literally overnight. I was driving back from Bible Study one night and I couldn’t turn my back. I didn’t know what was happening and I still had another 10 more minutes until I was going to reach home. I was crying and I literally felt locked — I couldn’t move at all!

When I went to the emergency room the next morning, the doctors said that they needed to operate immediately to release the pressure on the lump. The doctor put in local anaesthesia but it didn’t work. So I felt every single cut he did on my body and I was screaming the clinic down. I think the nurses were freaking out and the doctor also felt bad for me. I had a total of three surgeries in the span of one month and the final surgery was a big one where they said that it would just take me two weeks thereafter to recover.

Little did we all know that things were going to go downhill.

I ended up having to see the doctor every morning for 9 months and it got really exhausting. I fell into severe depression and was suicidal too. I had nights crying out to Jesus for Him to reveal Himself because I didn’t see, hear, or feel Him. Every night, I opened my Bible, read the Word over my life and just cried. I had a piano then and I did worship nights — just me and Jesus. Through those nights of worship, I would sing unto Him and worship Him. That was when I really started to write music.

Finally, at the end of 9 months, I got the all clear from the doctor! During that time, I got offered a contract with Integrity Music Asia Pacific. Before I knew it, I was in Nashville, Tennessee recording and producing the album with Rusty Verankamp, a Grammy-nominated and Dove Award winning producer. I remember pinching myself and saying, “Lord, who am I to be here?” The album was released and launched officially at a women’s conference in Perth, Western Australia with guest speaker Darlene Zschech. I was incredibly honoured to be the guest worship leader.

So yeah, this was how the album came about, and the title track is called “Made it Through” because I really felt like, “Wow, God, we really made it through!” I didn’t think that I would make it.

MY ONE AUDIENCE IS JESUS. I REALLY DON'T CARE IF PEOPLE FORGET MY NAME OR FACE.

Wow! Sounds like this album was really an unexpected venture. Where else has singing and worship leading brought you?

It’s been an amazing journey and honour to lead with people like Don Moen and Lenny LeBlanc, and I recently led at a conference with Pastor Bill Johnson, Heidi Baker, and Randy Clark. I have been blessed with the opportunity and honour to lead at big conferences with crowds of 8,000 to 10,000 people, but I have also sung for just two people. Ultimately, it is not about the numbers, because my one audience is Jesus. I tell people all the time that I really don’t care if people forget my name or my face but if they remember the encounter they had during worship, then I have done my job.

How do you find time to worship God privately and not just publicly when you’re leading worship?

I believe that we can have a relationship with Jesus — He is my very best friend. Even when I run errands, I will have a chat with Him. At other times, I will walk, talk, and pray. But I do also have times when I just sit down and read the word of God, especially before I lead worship or go on trips. I bring a little keyboard with me that I plug into my MacBook and just worship Jesus. Ultimately, you cannot lead people where you have not been — the secret place is so precious to me.

I BELIEVE THAT WE CAN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS — HE IS MY VERY BEST FRIEND

You have led worship at many women’s conferences. What is one message burning in your heart for young women like us?

My heart for young women is to love Jesus completely and to pursue a life of purity, not perfection. As girls, we love having attention and affection from the opposite sex, but God has been telling me that He holds my heart and is the only one who will and can love me completely from the inside out. My heart really burns for young women to be completely in love with Jesus and to pursue after Him. Living a life of purity is possible, but you have to stand your ground and know who you are in Christ. You are a daughter of the Most High God; live like that!

Dear Kallos: Will God Forgive Me If I Keep Sinning?

Alina Teo — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0000

“Whenever I hear a pastor preach in church about repentance of sin, I am convicted to stop sinning, but once I leave church I can’t seem to help it! Will God still forgive me if I continue sinning?” – Trying

dear Trying,

Being stuck in the cycle of sin and not being able to get out is not a pleasant experience, but you are not alone! As fallen beings, the temptation to sin will always be present, and we are very much in need of God to help us resist temptation. It’s good to hear that you have been convicted time and again to repent and stop sinning, but that’s not enough — choose to act on it as well! The good news is that you don’t struggle alone. God has given us the Holy Spirit to not only convict us — just as He has already convicted you! — but also help us overcome sin.

1 John 1:9 tells us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” We believe that God in His goodness will forgive you when you truly repent, but that grace cannot be taken for granted. You can take the active step of obedience in walking away from sin and walking towards God. We encourage you to find a Christian leader you trust and share this struggle you face. This leader can keep you accountable, pray for you, and cheer you on when you feel tempted.

Don’t give up or be discouraged — the process of purification does not happen overnight. It takes time and requires the daily choice of turning away from desires that do not honour God and obeying His word instead. You are an overcomer!

“Every year on Valentine’s Day my friends get gifts or confessions from boys, but no boy has ever liked me before. I feel ugly and unwanted. Will someone ever like me?” – Insecure

dear Insecure,

We understand how awful it must be to feel left out on a day many people connect with romantic love. It can seem like a big deal now, but we want to assure you that not receiving gifts and expressions of love on Valentine’s Day does not mean that you are less worthwhile than those who do. You are desired and cherished by the Lord, and that’s where the best kind of confidence comes from (1 John 3:1)!

We also believe that you can trust God to bring the right guy into your life in His perfect timing — someone whose affections do not just last as long as Valentine’s Day, but who will love you and lead you closer to Christ.

Dig Deeper: What Is Tolerance?

Hannah Leung — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0000

What tolerance is not

In 1 Peter 3:15, we are exhorted to “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” Speaking with gentleness and respect is especially important when controversial or sensitive topics are brought up in a discussion. When someone expresses a view that goes directly against what we believe to be right, should we remain silent or should we speak up? How should we respond to others who do not share the same beliefs as us?

“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.”

This statement might sound familiar. When sensitive or taboo topics arise, people usually claim the right to have their own opinions, beliefs, or values. If anyone tries to speak out against another’s opinion, the person risks being labelled closed-minded or bigoted. Tolerance used to mean that people have a right to their opinions — so everyone should be allowed to say what they think. Today, tolerance is embraced as recognising that all opinions are right — so no one is allowed to say someone is wrong.

While this may be the current trend in society, it is not truly biblical. Tolerance as defined today is a worldly virtue, not a godly one.

What tolerance is

God’s display of love towards us is this: He loves us without approving our sinful nature. However, how do we demonstrate this in our human relationships? We can look at how Jesus exercised tolerance.

When Jesus was faced with opposition, he always responded in love, yet was always uncompromising on the truth. Following God’s example of love, we can understand tolerance to mean respecting and loving others even when you do not share their values, beliefs and practices. Be kind, helpful and gracious to whomever you meet, even if they may not have the same values or views as you on various issues.

Our response

When engaging in a discussion with friends who do not share the same values as us, we do not immediately seek to correct their values or beliefs, nor do we seek to win an intellectual argument with them. Our goal as Christ-followers is to extend a hand of Christlike love to everyone we meet, whether or not they share our beliefs. We should first seek to act upon the truth that we know, instead of using the truth as a weapon in a debate (1 John 3:18).

There will be times when it is necessary for you to speak the truth. Remember, it is not ‘your’ truth, but the eternal truth of God. Speak with confidence, knowing that the Word of God will not falter or fail.

As we ask God to reveal His truth to us, may we be more equipped to speak the truth in humility, love, gentleness and respect. Make the following verse your prayer today!

“Teach me Your way, O Lord, that I may walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your name” (Psa 86:11, ESV).

Dear Friend, I Miss You

Natalie Hanna Tan — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0000

DEAR FRIEND,

How have you been? I’ve missed you in every way possible. It has been six years since we first met in school, and oh, how time has flown by! It feels surreal that so much has changed since we’ve parted ways — we have different friends, we study different subjects, and we are now in very different seasons. I know that many friendships change as the years go on … but I guess I didn’t expect ours to be one of them. We used to talk every day, but now, I barely know what’s going on in your life, and you don’t know what’s going on in mine… But despite this sadness that we’re no longer close, I’m writing to say that I am so thankful for our friendship. It’s one of the best I’ve had, and you’ve played a big part in making me who I am today. Remembering all the things we used to do and the memories we shared in the past always brings me joy. We may not ever be as close as we used to be, but I thank God that we once were! Wherever life’s journey may take us and whomever we meet along the way, know that I’m always here for you if you ever need a friend. Friends drift apart, but nothing can take away the closeness we once shared. Praise God that we can celebrate this new season we are in!

LOVE, ME

Growing up, I’ve lost many friends. It’s not that the friendships didn’t work. There was no big fight and falling out. We just grew apart. I’ve had many sleepless nights crying out my hurt and disappointment to God, wondering why someone so close to my heart was now gone. I knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault. I often tried hard to keep the friendship going, but soon grew tired of trying so much. After going through this time and again, I’ve finally learned to accept that friends do come and go — even the ones who seem the closest. While it is painful to acknowledge that things have changed, it doesn’t mean that the friendships are lost forever!

WHY FRIENDS DRIFT

No one can deny that our teenage years are times of greatest change. We change schools at least twice, go through puberty, establish our identities, discover our interests and so on. It is no surprise that as we change, the dynamics of our friendships would change as well! Personally, my friendships have been on a wild, emotional ride.

In the past year while I have been studying abroad and creating a new life at university, some of my friends have drifted away and moved on with their own lives in Singapore. Initially, it was difficult to let go. I thought that things had to remain the same even though we were apart, but that only caused more pain and hurt in the beginning months I was away. As I learned to let go and get used to this new stage of friendship we are in, I’ve come to treasure these friendships — and friendship in general — so much more.

Someone once made this analogy: friendship is like the journey of two paths, yours and mine. At some points, our courses run parallel — perhaps we are in the same school or life stage. At other points, we hit a fork in the road and go our separate ways. Sometimes the paths intersect again, and sometimes they don’t, but the least we can do is be thankful that, at one point at least, we once travelled side by side.

So how do we cope? When friends drift apart, how do we continue to be thankful for those friendships that have shaped us?

I'VE FINALLY LEARNT TO ACCEPT THAT FRIENDS DO COME AND GO

Here are some tips that I’ve held on to:

Finding You

When we spend a lot of time with our friends, it is natural that our interests and habits are influenced by and dependent on each other. A change in this friendship can be hard to accept because it almost feels like we are losing a part of ourselves as well! Explore your own identity and discover your own likes and dislikes — you can be your own person even without your BFF around.

It’s Normal!

It’s only natural that as we go through different stages of life, we find different friends we have things in common with. When a friend seems to have new interests that don’t match yours (or vice versa), remember that this is all part of life and growing up. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends anymore — it just takes some adjustment to get used to how the friendship now works.

It’s All About Expectations

We all have expectations of our friends, but let’s face it — while daily chats and monthly sleepovers may have been possible at one point, it may not be realistic when you’re in a different school or life stage. Give yourself and your friend the space to grow — we’ll only get frustrated or bitter if we expect things to stay exactly the same.

Celebrate Together

Even if you may not be as close to your friend and understand fully what is going on in her life, you can rejoice with her when milestones and joyful moments come. Whether it’s a text or a coffee date every once in a while, be intentional about finding out what’s going on in their lives and celebrate with her!

According to 1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV), “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” When we bear with the hurts and disappointments in a friendship, believe in the friendship despite the distance, hope the best for each other, and endure the challenges and struggles, we love with our very best.

So, whether your friendship is drifting apart, already distant, or remaining close, learn to love with a full heart and thank God for the gift of friendship He blesses us with in every stage of life.

The Parent Trap

Quek Shiwei — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

1. For two weeks, intentionally set aside time to have a conversation with your parents.
2. Take the initiative to approach your parents, start a conversation, and find out something new about them every day!
3. If you get stuck, refer to our quick tips on the next page for some help. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED?

Challenger: JIA HUI, 16
We usually have dinner together and talk casually over our meal. However, sometimes when we are busy or when we come home late, we don’t really have time to talk much. Sometimes Jia Yi, my mum, and I will have heart-to-heart talks without my dad.

Challenger: JIA YI, 19
I usually come back late on weekdays around 10 or 11pm, so it’s quite difficult to find time to talk to my parents. On Sundays, we will have dinner together. We feel that we do know our parents relatively well, as they try to make an effort to better understand what is happening in our lives. However, Jia Hui and I do not always have a complete understanding of their struggles, thoughts and emotions.

INITIAL THOUGHTS

When we first received this challenge, we were honestly a little afraid and also felt that it could be quite awkward. While asking “how was your day?” or “what was interesting today?” is okay because we usually do that already, asking our parents about their struggles, thanksgiving, and prayer requests is definitely out of our comfort zone! However, we are excited to do this because we feel that this challenge will be very meaningful as it will allow our conversations to go beyond the superficial level.

THE CHALLENGE

Day 1-2: These first two days have been challenging as it took us some courage to approach our parents and ask them questions that we usually wouldn’t think about asking. We still did it anyway, after much prompting from each other and side-glancing at each other — neither of us wanted to go first!

Day 3-4: Things were still a little awkward, and our parents seemed surprised to hear our questions. But at the same time, they were more than willing to share their life with us. We were actually quite happy at their willingness to share with us!

Day 5-6: Jia Yi was not home these two days because she was busy studying for exams. I (Jia Hui) felt a little scared to talk to our parents alone, but did it anyway.

Day 7-8: After a whole week of intentional conversations, things have gotten a lot less awkward and their responses have opened our eyes to see things through their perspective. We now understand that even though they are our parents, they still have their own personal struggles.

Day 9-10: Jia Hui was not home but I (Jia Yi) could easily and naturally ask our parents questions; In fact, our parents turned the tables on me to ask about my day and about how I am coping in university! We had a really meaningful conversation over dinner that I enjoyed!

Day 11-12: We went out with our mum to celebrate the end of Jia Yi’s exams! We had a good meal, a good time of laughter, and a great time of mother-daughter bonding. We also heard from our mum that our dad was stressed at work. We were reminded that as he is still an unbeliever, we should keep him in prayer for his salvation as well as for his daily life in general.

Day 13-14: I (Jia Yi) had a fun time with mum when Jia Hui and dad did not come home for dinner. Mum spontaneously made instant noodle hotpot and we had a really good time chatting over dinner alone. The next day, I (Jia Hui) went out with dad to Gardens by the Bay for his company family event, and I got a glimpse of how much dad is respected at work and how seriously he treats his work and cares for his co-workers. During our time alone, we also managed to engage in casual conversations and reminisce about the good old days when we were younger. Through this challenge, we’ve gotten to know our parents a lot more and we are extremely proud to be able to call them our parents!

FINAL THOUGHTS

Over the past two weeks, we realised that our parents have their struggles and challenges and they are still learning. As children, we should honour them and show them grace when they seem edgy or frustrated.

It is really possible to include these conversations into our daily lives! Besides, these conversations are common with our friends and so it shouldn’t be difficult with our parents.

Just as we intentionally meet friends, we should do the same for family.

We realised that we often overlook and take for granted the people closest to our hearts; our family. We have learnt the importance of investing in family and treasuring each other. Even though we live under the same roof, each of us can go through very different experiences each day. Personally, as children, we might just be the biggest source of support and joy to our parents; the smallest actions we do can have the greatest impact on their day.

Stuck? Use these questions!

You don’t need a fixed time to talk to your parents. Take advantage of car rides, meal times, or even just while you’re relaxing at home!

1. How was your day?
2. Did anything interesting happen today?
3. What was the biggest struggle you faced today?
4. Is there anything I can keep you in prayer for?

Sex Initiation In Mozambique

Isabel Phua — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 16:00:00 +0000

STATISTICS

800,000 LIVES CLAIMED IN BEIRA BY HIV/AIDS IN THE LAST 10 YEARS

1 IN 10 ADULTS ARE INFECTED BY HIV/AIDS (HIGHEST RATE IN THE WORLD)

THESE GIRLS ARE 10 TIMES MORE LIKELY THAN THE GENERAL POPULATION TO BE INFECTED WITH HIV

WHERE?

Poor families in Beira, Mozambique, find themselves in dire situations due to natural disasters like droughts and floods in the region, driving more women to prostitution in order to survive. Beira is a major trading port for distributing goods across South Africa, and thus, foreign traders and rich tourists frequent the area and are regular customers to these sex workers.

WHY?

Girls who lose their parents to HIV/AIDS become the ‘property’ of their new guardians, and many are then forced into the sex industry through ‘sex initiations’ where girls are raped, making them more attractive because they are perceived to be more experienced in pleasuring men. They are now termed ‘worked girls’, and their payment can come in the form of food, clothes, cash, or even a goat. If they refuse, they will be seen as ungrateful to their guardians, resulting in violent beatings. These girls are 10 times more likely than the general population to be infected with HIV.

WHAT?

In August 2016, the Government of Mozambique launched a programme called ‘Action for Girls’ to promote the rights of teenage girls and educate them on sexual and reproductive health. However, it was only launched in selected provinces. Beira is not one of them. The government has also been working with agencies such as UNICEF to run courses for police officers, immigration officials, and teachers to raise awareness about sex trafficking. Despite this, some police officers themselves coerce sexual favours from these underage girls. If the girls do not give in to their requests, the police officers often threaten to withhold help and ignore the girls’ situation.

PRAY FOR:
– Girls to be protected by their guardians instead of being exploited by them
– Local churches to rise up and take a stand against sex trafficking
– Righteous police officers and government officials who have the empathy and power to fight on behalf of these girls
– Providence of resources for poor families stricken by natural disasters