Issue 20 – Kallos

“Can You Cover Up?” What My Boyfriend Said On Our Date

Kallos Team — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

LANG:

It was one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had. What I remember most was her expression of disbelief. “No way! Really?” was what her eyes seemed to be saying to me. I didn’t expect the conversation to end up this way. It all started with a simple request: Could you please dress more conservatively?

We had been dating for a couple of months and were madly in love. We were actively serving in our own church ministries, and our parents approved of our relationship. Things were great. But I was struggling with something: lust. She wasn’t dressing scandalously by modern standards, but the tank tops and loose-fitting t-shirts with low necklines were starting to cause my eyes to linger a little longer than they should. I was starting to cross the fine line between love and lust.

And so, I mustered up the courage to speak to her about it. I admitted that I was struggling to keep my thoughts pure at times. Then I made my request: “Could you please dress more conservatively?”

EVELYN:

When Lang requested that I ‘cover up,’ I was insulted. How tempting can a tank top under a cardigan be?! I felt dirty. Embarrassed. Oppressed. I remember the date ending with a layer of tension so dense, it could fill the seasonal section of Uniqlo.

LANG:

You might think that I was making her take responsibility for my inability to control myself, and I don’t blame you! But I have good reasons for bringing this conversation up, then and now. Hear me out.

MEN ARE VISUAL

These days, we are bombarded with the message that men and women are equal in every way. However, this is often confused with being identical in every way, as if differences between men and women no longer exist. While we are equal in worth and value, we are still different. We’re physically different, and not just in appearance. For example, men and women build muscle differently because of the differing testosterone and oestrogen levels in our bodies. But the most obvious example of our difference is how much more visual men are compared to women.

Let me get to the point: men are captivated by the female body. Once we’ve gotten over the ‘yuck, girls!’ phase, it doesn’t matter if a guy is single, attached, or married for over 30 years. An image of a naked woman WILL get a reaction out of us. Studies have shown that male brain activity is way, way higher than that of a female when they see a member of the opposite sex without clothes on. All sorts of chemicals and hormones are released when this happens. Rational thought becomes harder to hold on to. It takes great effort for us to ignore or look away from the bare female form.

It was partially because of this, I told my then-girlfriend, that I was finding it hard to keep my eyes from wandering whenever I was with her. But that wasn’t the whole story. Just because guys are wired this way doesn’t excuse them from not exercising self-control around girls! The other half of the story had to do with the fact that I was addicted to pornography as a teenager. This meant that I was weak to temptation, probably weaker than someone who had never been addicted to pornography. It was easier for me to be triggered, for my mind to wander off and recall those lewd images that had been so hard to get rid of. Therefore, it would be a great help if she could go above and beyond society’s standards of modesty and help me out a bit — to dress more conservatively.

EVELYN:

I could not fathom how what in my opinion was a modest outfit could send a guy’s mind to space. But I started to recall how in polytechnic, my male friends would unabashedly take second — even third — glances at girls wearing mini-shorts and skimpy tops. It was uncomfortable to imagine myself as one of those girls, as the object of their fantasy. And here was my God-fearing, respectful boyfriend, being honest about his struggle with sin. Why should I fault him for acknowledging that he was stumbled?

But does this mean I have to start wearing a spacesuit every time we meet? And even if I wanted to ‘cover up,’ whose standards should I follow?

As I reflected and prayed, I remembered that the Jewish Christians in the early church knew a thing or two about being stumbled. All their lives, they had abstained from certain kinds of meat because they were told those were unclean. But when they followed Christ, all this changed. They were now free to eat whatever they wanted. However, they still preferred to avoid some meats — just out of habit. Their fellow Greek Christians, meanwhile, probably enjoyed a good roasted pork platter. Can you imagine how awkward it would have been for them to share a dinner table?

Paul stepped in to mediate: “For if your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love” (Rom 14:15). It certainly wasn’t wrong to eat pork at the table; the non-Jewish Christians had all the right to. But if they were causing their Jewish brothers and sisters to have a guilty conscience by having certain meats at the table, they were not pursuing “what leads to peace and to mutual edification” (Rom 14:19). In the same way, while it certainly wasn’t a sin for me to wear certain clothes, I could make choices that would edify my boyfriend. I could choose to reject Lang’s request, but instead of taking the issue of my dressing personally, I chose to honour his desire to stay pure and help him in it. If that meant wearing a(n equally comfortable) t-shirt instead of a tank top, why not?

IT TAKES GREAT EFFORT FOR US TO IGNORE OR LOOK AWAY FROM THE BARE FEMALE FORM

LANG:

I am happy to say that while Evelyn’s dressing isn’t an issue between us anymore, she still seeks to dress conservatively when we go out. She does this because she wants to help other men in their pursuit of purity, just as she helped me. I also know that the chances of other guys looking at her the wrong way in church or elsewhere is lower, and that makes me feel more comfortable as a husband.

I believe the decisions my wife made while we were dating have really blessed me as a husband today, and for that I am very grateful to her. I know that many guys in church struggle to keep their thoughts pure when half-naked (or even fully naked!) women frequently appear in the media. Pornography has never been so readily available, and the sad truth is that many of us are wrestling with or recovering from addiction to it. Would you dare to be gracious to your brothers by dressing more conservatively today? That might just be the best gift you could ever give to them. Your brothers-in-Christ might just thank you for it — I know I do!

Spotlight: Tracy Trinita From Supermodel To Pastor

Quek Shiwei — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

It’s not every day that you get to meet a supermodel! I admit it. I did a double take when I met Tracy Trinita in person. She’s tall, stunningly beautiful, and charming — everything I expected a supermodel to be.

She has appeared regularly in the New York and Paris Fashion Weeks for prestigious labels such as Yves Saint Laurent, Jean Paul Gautier, and Kenzo, and was also a part of a global campaign for Italian brand United Colors of Benetton!

Despite all these modelling accolades, it wasn’t her outer beauty that captivated me most — her godly confidence and desire to be a light for Christ shone even brighter! I left personally inspired by this supermodel turned apologist who loves Jesus and has a great heart for the lost.

Hi Tracy! You became the first Indonesian supermodel and eventually became an international model. How did you get into the modelling world?

I grew up as a girl who had very low self-esteem. I’m quite tall for an Indonesian and I was nicknamed ‘giraffe’, ‘coconut tree’, and ‘giant’ by the people in my village. My mum thought that if I joined modelling, it would increase my self-confidence. The thing is though, I come from a village in Bali in the middle of a rice field and went to a village school. All of a sudden, I won a modelling competition in Jakarta and became ‘Cover Girl Of The Year’ for Mode magazine, Indonesia! That same year, I became the first Indonesian model to win the prestigious Elite Model Look International competition in 1995. My world changed drastically. At 14 years old, I moved to New York to become an international model. That was the beginning of my modelling career.

Many girls dream about appearing on the cover of magazines. What was that like?

The first time I appeared on a magazine cover back in 1995, I remember exclaiming, “Oh my gosh, there’s so many of me!” I was so shy, yet happy at the same time. But now that I am a Christian, I look back and think, “That was great but what did that mean?” I would rather be recognised for my faith in Christ than just a model on a magazine cover.

Besides, models really don’t look the way they look on magazines! Even models wish that they look like models. Funny story: once I saw a model on Elle Magazine with super nice hair and I desired to buy all the hair products she was endorsing. It took me three good looks at the model before realising that … it was actually me! I couldn’t even recognise myself — my hair was thicker and longer, and my face was slimmer. and I was like, “No! I don’t look like this, this is not my hair.” I was fooled by my own photo.

So every time someone tells me “Oh I want to be a model, I want to look like a model” I just tell them, “That’s not real!” And through Instagram, all of us can experience what modelling is like. How many of us use filters? How many of us use all sorts of different apps to edit our photos? How many of us take 30 photos just to upload one perfect photo? It is us, but it’s a perfect photo with the right angles and lighting, but in real life, it’s still just us. We get a glimpse of what the modelling world is like because now we actually become the models on our own page on social media.

You went from being a supermodel to an apologist. How did that happen?

Before I was a model, I was a nobody — my school friends made fun of me, and my teacher was hard on me because I had learning difficulties. However, when I became a model, I went from a ‘nobody’ to a ‘somebody’ overnight. The attention made me think: in order to be somebody, I have to be a model. So I pushed on in modelling, trying to gain more fame and more wealth in order to be happier. I thought that my family would care more about me, that my teachers would be like, super nice to me.

But when I started to work as an international model in New York and Paris, I started to think, “There should be more than this in life.” I just felt emptiness in my heart. It seemed like there was no purpose and no meaning to what I was doing.

I started to discover the Christian faith, and the more I learnt, the more I felt like, “This makes so much sense.” The gospel was shared to me in the simplest language, and it made sense. It was logical, and it patched my heart at the same time. I am in debt to the kindness of all the people who took time to answer my silly, silliest, and stupid questions. And I thought, “You know what, I may not be smart and I may not know much, but with whatever I know, I would like to share that with people too.” And that’s how I got into apologetics!

Was it difficult to leave your career to become an apologist?

It was a tough choice between earning so much money as a model and businesswoman and pursuing apologetics, but when I received a scholarship to study apologetics at the University of Oxford, I knew that it wasn’t by my own strength! I was reminded of Matthew 4 where Jesus gave a call to the fishermen to follow Him and become fishers of men. Immediately, they left their nets to follow Jesus. This scene replayed in my head and I told myself that I wanted to follow Jesus. My decision was reaffirmed when my Visa application got approved in two days when it usually takes three! I knew that I had to let go of what was comfortable to follow the will of God for my life.

Finally, what is your heart for the girls of this generation?

Girls struggle with a great deal of insecurities — I used to have constant thoughts that I was ugly, fat, and not good enough. However, always remember that gratitude brings beauty. Girls, do not waste time dwelling on all your self-conceived curses and insecurities. Instead, open up your mouths to praise God for what you have! Ask the Lord to cleanse your vision of the way you perceive yourself and teach you how to filter the things you see or hear.

Girls have so much power to make an impact in this world with the light we carry within us. My desire is for girls to reveal Christ by loving their neighbours as themselves. Also, instead of spending time dwelling on our insecurities, learn much and share much! Our social media platforms are tools that we can use to post healthy and encouraging words and be a powerful influence to girls who might be struggling in their daily lives. Always remember that everything we do ought to be in the light of Christ and eternity. This life is not our own, but His.

Review: “Fifty Shades Darker”; Should I Watch The Movie?

Benita Lim — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

What is it about?

The controversial Fifty Shades trilogy by British author E. L. James traces the romance of a fresh college graduate, Anastasia “Ana” Steele and a dashing self-made billionaire, Christian Grey. In an interview, E. L. James herself stated that the books contain sexual fantasies arising from her own mid-life crisis. In other words, we are warned that some dangerous ideas run throughout the story that we should be discerning about. Here are some in Black and White:

BLACK

– Ana and Christian kiss the third (brief) time they meet; by their fourth meeting, she dangerously decides to give her virginity to someone she barely knows other than that he has control issues, and a penchant for BDSM (do read our Dear Kallos column that addresses this in further detail!)

– The novel makes BDSM seem acceptable, even normal, by making us feel sorry for Christian, who is unable to emotionally connect as he was sexually abused by an older woman as a youth. He has developed an intense need for power and authority that he expresses during sex, and Ana decides to persevere in the relationship in spite of warnings from others that he is dangerous for her.

WHITE?

– Fifty Shades does hint at the need to look beyond the surface of someone. Instead of dismissing Christian completely, Ana tries to understand the hidden reasons behind his actions.

– The trailer of the second movie, Fifty Shades Darker, asks, “Can love survive?” Ana does successfully break down Christian’s emotional walls, marry him, and even have kids — a seemingly happy ending to a complex relationship.

Verdict:

While Ana’s insistence on saving Christian (the irony of his name is difficult to miss) seems admirable, her ‘pure intentions’ come as an afterthought to satisfying her lust. The ‘girl-next-door melting the heart of the rich-aloof-guy’ narrative and Ana’s desire to lead Christian “out of darkness and into the light” makes us go “aww”. It’s a winning formula that many K-dramas use as well, but we have to be mindful that in reality, people in abusive relationships cannot expect to change their abusers, even if they call themselves Christians.

Now that you know the ending to the Fifty Shades trilogy, do you have to pick up the books or watch the movies? If you’re really itching to do so, ask yourself these questions first: Must I really read this book? Do I harbour deceptive feelings of lust and am I looking for a place to feed them? Will this temporary satisfaction edify myself or others, or glorify God? Speak to a mature friend or sister if you struggle with this issue; you don’t walk this journey alone. Choose wisdom, dear sister!

Dear Kallos: When God Created Sex, Did He Include BDSM?

Alina Teo — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

Recently, I decided to buy some books recommended by my friends. Only upon reading did I realise there were many explicit sexual references in the books. That made me wonder: when God created sex, did He include BDSM? It sounds so weird! Also, is it all right to read such literature or does it count as pornography due to images conjured up in the mind? – Curious

dear Curious,

Thank you for being so open and honest with difficult issues like these! God speaks of sex as a beautiful act within the sacredness of marriage, which in turn reflects the committed and loving relationship between Christ and the Church. Therefore, sex is good. But humans, in our fallen nature, have corrupted what is meant for good to serve our selfish pleasures instead. For those unsure about what BDSM is, it is a sexual act that involves bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. It is essentially a corrupted version of sex that includes elements that have no place within a loving relationship. Incest and sex with children or animals are even worse corruptions of sexual desire and relationships that God intended for good. Thus, our stand is that God did not intend for BDSM when He created sex, but it is a result of our fallen world.

When reading any sort of literature, we need to guard our minds and our hearts. Philippians 4:8 (ESV) exhorts us, “whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

What we choose to fill our minds with shapes us. Literature with explicit sexual content inevitably conjures up mental images and fantasies that often set up false expectations of sex and distorts God’s original purpose for sex within marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:18–20 reminds us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, so we should glorify God with our bodies — this includes keeping our thought lives pure. Reading literature that prematurely awakens or twists sexual desires is not wise; it causes us to be tempted to sin and leads us to disappointment. We encourage you to be discerning with your choice of literature. Steer yourself in the right direction toward godliness and holiness!

My good friend and I are in different secondary schools. After we started Secondary 1 last year, she was very clingy and needy. It was quite annoying, so I ended up ignoring her for a while. Now she is not speaking to me anymore. I don’t know what to do because I still consider her a good friend. What should I do? – Unfriended

dear Unfriended,

We’re sorry to hear how things have turned out! Entering a new phase of life is challenging. Perhaps your friend was lonely in her new environment and you were the only friend she felt she could turn to. She probably felt hurt when you ignored her, as it might have seemed like you don’t care.

Consider writing her a letter or giving her a call, assuring her that you do care. Give her time to come round, too. True friendships aren’t always easily formed, so don’t give up on them! We pray that God will restore the friendship in His good time.

Dialogue In The Dark

Quek Shiwei — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

INITIAL THOUGHTS

All of us feel that if we were to lose our sight, we would lose a lot. We wouldn’t be able to see our families or God’s beautiful creation, we wouldn’t be able to move around confidently, and we wouldn’t be able to capture precious moments visually in our minds. Simple things like using social media, going to the toilet, or even choosing clothes and packing our bags might be a challenge!

Q: How did it feel when you were first blindfolded?

Alicia, 17
I felt so scared and lost. It took me quite some time to adjust to the loss of sight as I had to rely a lot on my sense of hearing and touch. The most challenging thing was following the guide’s voice and instructions, because it required complete trust in him! All that was on my mind was, “What’s in front of me? Where am I going? Will I trip and fall?”

Phoebe, 14
When we entered Dialogue in the Dark Singapore, I felt really overwhelmed that the place was pitch dark and I could not see anything at all! It’s not like waking up in the middle of the night in my room — I can still make slight sense of what’s around me. But this was darkness on a whole new level!

Britney, 16
It was difficult to reconcile with the fact that I could no longer see; it was a very surreal feeling. I was so afraid of being alone, tripping, or even banging into the walls! However, I was trying to put myself in the shoes of those who can’t use their sense of sight and trying to take in the experience of what life is like when everything is pitch black.

Si Ying, 16
I kept asking myself, “What would I do and how would I react if my vision stays like this forever?” It was a daunting thought.

Q: What was it like when you finally saw light after the challenge?

Alicia: I felt so relieved to see things again. I was also amazed because I managed to successfully experience ‘life’ in complete darkness for an hour! I also felt very privileged to be able to have all five senses working well together.

Si Ying: The first thought that came to mind was, “I am thankful that it was just a temporary loss of sight.” It gave me a mini glimpse of how the visually impaired would feel if they were somehow able to see light; they will be filled with so much wonder and amazement.

Q: How do you feel now that the challenge is over?

Britney: It was really challenging to adapt to using other senses more when my sight was temporarily gone. That being said, I do respect the visually impaired more now. It saddened me to think that every single moment, all they see is darkness — no colours, no beautiful scenery, no faces.

Si Ying: I have realised that it is indeed very scary to lose your sight, gradually or suddenly. I especially admire the mental strength of those who lose their sight suddenly, who are able to accept their circumstances and continue with life. It could have been a struggle to wake up feeling optimistic, and it must have been an emotional roller coaster at the start!

Alicia: To be honest, I used to think that the visually impaired are weaker than normal human beings. But after the challenge, I think that we are actually one and the same. We all have weaknesses; they just differ from person to person. Also, when we choose to embrace weaknesses, we can live our lives to the fullest, just like our guide who lost his sight due to a sports accident. He went through a phase of denial and depression. However, what inspired me was his strong will to accept it, walk out of it, pick himself up, and move on with life. He even picked up a new sport specially for the blind and is currently on Singapore’s national team!

Phoebe: I resolved to not look down on people who are disabled or are in the minority. Before this experience, I honestly did not understand what it’s like to live life in complete darkness. There are so many things that they need to do independently (that require a great deal of determination), and after having a mini experience in their world, I want to try my best to aid them in whatever ways I can!

Emotionally Engaged

Quek Shi Yun — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

For the most part of my Christian life, all I heard about emotional boundaries was … well … I didn’t hear much about it.

We have so much to say on the topic of physical boundaries in Christian circles, but when it comes to emotional boundaries, it is as foreign to us as ice-fishing in Alaska!

I have always found it odd that we can get so obsessed with whether a couple should be allowed to hold hands, or kiss, or hug, but we don’t really talk about the need for emotional boundaries in a relationship. If we agree that physical boundaries are important in a relationship, why don’t we give the same priority to emotional boundaries?

WHY EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES?

I suspect that it’s because we think that emotions aren’t as “dangerous” as crossing physical boundaries. Yes, there are consequences if we take things too far physically in a relationship, but emotions? What harm can they do? Debra Fileta, author of True Love Dates, explains this in her book: “More powerful than a kiss, more seductive than an embrace, there is something that happens when two people connect emotionally. Something that has the capacity to outweigh even the physical … when it moves too deep, too fast.”

Too deep, too fast. I think those are the key words. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but when I was in secondary school, I had a crush on a boy in my class and was so happy to find out that he liked me too. It was a strange relationship because we talked every other night but never ever went on a date or acknowledged each other in school! Despite not having much physical contact with him, I was so emotionally attached to him that when we finally stopped talking, I cried for hours!

Before you laugh at me, I have to say that I’m sure I’m not the only one! I know so many other people who have rushed ahead with their emotions when there is not enough commitment to follow. I call it being emotionally engaged — there’s no ring on their finger, but in their hearts they are running quickly forward as if a life with this person is guaranteed.

If I had set up some emotional boundaries as a teen, I might have saved myself some heartache, but since I can’t turn back time, I’ll share what I’ve learnt so you can avoid my mistakes.

THERE IS WISDOM IN TAKING THINGS SLOW

BUT FIRST, A DISCLAIMER

If I’m honest, emotional boundaries are extremely difficult to talk about. Physical boundaries can be measured, but emotional ones aren’t possible to measure at all! It’s extremely difficult to articulate emotional boundaries that everyone can agree on. For example, is talking every day okay? Is it okay to text that cute guy in class late into the night? I hesitate to even try, because I know that something as complex as emotions cannot be simplified into three simple rules.

That said, while it may not be the most helpful to discuss hard and fast rules on this topic, there are definitely principles that we can base our convictions on. As I said in Part I of this series, merely following what people say is right or wrong is not our aim; rather, we aim to respect each another and live holy lives that glorify God (2 Tim 1:9; Heb 12:14). I would also like to say that emotional boundaries don’t just apply to boyfriend and girlfriend — you can apply these principles to your friendships as well!

SO HOW DO WE DO IT?

If this is your first time thinking about emotional boundaries, don’t worry. Here are some suggestions I have to help you start forming your own convictions:

Don’t act like you are if you’re not there yet

It’s a simple piece of advice but it’s not always easy to put into practice. When we’re dreaming about Prince Charming and someone turns up, it can be easy to plunge head first into the relationship and act like the lovey doviest (is that even a word?) couple in the whole wide world. There’s nothing wrong with displaying affection but announcing to the whole world that this is the love of your life via Instagram when you’ve only been together for a few weeks may not be the best idea!

Resolve to put God First

When my fiancé and I first started dating, I noticed an obvious dip in my prayer life. Instead of hitting my knees when troubles came, I picked up my phone to whine and complain and received immediate replies. It’s easy to sideline God when we have a tangible person that we can run to, but part of setting up emotional boundaries is guarding your time with God so that your significant other doesn’t become an idol!

IT'S EASY TO SIDELINE GOD WHEN WE HAVE A TANGIBLE PERSON TO RUN TO

Don’t create an ‘Us’ when there isn’t one

The reality in Singapore is that most of our marriages will take place way past our teen years and into our mid or late twenties (thanks, NS). With that in mind, you might want to postpone talking and dreaming about your future when you’re not there yet. The more we dream about our future life together, the more we start to wish it would Just. Come. Now! That’s fine when you can quickly act on it, but when marriage is years away, it will only cause an unhealthy strain on your relationship, both physically and emotionally.

Keep Your Spiritual Life Yours

It’s great to hear of couples who do Bible studies and quiet times together. That might be you! It’s good that you want to put Christ in the centre of your relationship, but if ALL the time you spend with God is shared with your boyfriend, that’s one awkward triple date. Your personal walk with God should be exactly that — personal.

NOW WHAT?

Now that you’ve heard about emotional boundaries, I hope that you’ll be motivated to start thinking about them and coming up with your own. Write down the principles that you want to base your relationship on and discuss them with your friends or leaders to really help them stick. If you’re not yet in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that all of this doesn’t apply to you! It’s never too early to think about how you want to honour God in your future relationship. Boundaries may sound like a scary thing, but at the end of the day, it’s there to protect us from getting too deep, too fast, and hurting all parties involved. Don’t be afraid to form your own boundaries — I’m sure you won’t regret it.

Dig Deeper: What Is Marriage?

Hannah Leung — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

What marriage is not

Is romantic love the only basis for a marriage to take place? Currently, this seems to be the main criterion. This is why more and more people think that marriage between a man and a woman is simply ‘another form of marriage’ instead of the only form of marriage. If romantic love is the basis of whether someone can marry or not, marriages between people of the same gender, marriages with the dead, marriages between multiple people, marriages between adults and children, and even marriages to yourself (yes, this is a real thing!) have to be acceptable as long as they are in love. While marriage has been redefined again and again throughout history by state laws, God’s purpose and created intent for marriage does not change.

What marriage is

Marriage as a lifelong union between one man and one woman was initiated by God. God first created a man (“Adam” refers to mankind) before taking a rib out of the man’s side to create another complete being as his equal — a woman (Gen 2:21–22). Thus, the union of a man and a woman can be thought of as a natural coming together (Gen 2:23–24). Marriage is also a deep and awesome reflection of the coming return of Jesus! Throughout the New Testament, Jesus is described as a bridegroom who will come for the Church who is his bride (Rev 21:2). Marriage was initiated by God not simply for the enjoyment of the parties involved. When a man and woman come together in marriage, it beautifully reflects God when they serve Him and others together. Unless we understand and live out what God intends marriage to be, our marriages cannot reflect the glory of God.

What our response should be

Amidst changing mindsets, we must value and uphold the institution of marriage as designed by God. What did God have in mind when He designed the first man and woman? Ultimately, the joining of a man and a woman should glorify God. If you are still uncertain about this, there are many books that talk about godly marriages. For example, This Momentary Marriage by John Piper speaks clearly of marriage as something that should exalt and reflect Christ, while Same-Sex Marriage by Sean McDowell and John Stonestreet discusses the transformation of marriage in society even as they keep a biblical perspective. Don’t be afraid to find out more!

But Kallos, Solomon had many wives!

How can we say with confidence that marriage as God intended it is between just one man and just one woman? After all, there are many men in the Bible who had more than one wife. King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines! It is important for us to know the difference between a record of what happened, and God’s perspective on what should have happened. Not everything reported by the biblical writers is meant to be an example for us to follow. For example, the Bible records that Abraham, fearing for his life, made Sarah pretend she was his sister. So, a foreign king took her and made Abraham rich for her sake (Gen 12:11–16). I’m sure none of us would assume this is how God wants men to treat their wives!

Everyone Is A Masterpiece

Jiamin Choo — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

I love collecting seashells. It’s intriguing how they come in different colours, textures, and shapes. While looking for seashells off a beach in Bintan, I found a sand dollar. It was very pretty, with a star design on each side. Then I realised there were many more scattered along the beach! So I dug through the sand to pick them up and washed them in the waves. If the delicate sand dollars were chipped, I would leave them on the shore. If they were beautiful and whole, I would keep them.

While coming across another broken sand dollar and about to discard it, I felt God impress on my heart, “Jiamin, why are you only looking for complete sand dollars to add to your collection? Don’t you realise that whether these sand dollars are broken or not, I’m the Maker of them all? And you are like this broken sand dollar, with your imperfections and flaws, yet I love you and choose to call you My own.”

There on the beach, I was overwhelmed by the depth of God’s love. And yes, God is the creative Maker of us all! He made the magnificent galaxies, those intricate sand dollars, and, what’s more, He created people in His own image to bear His likeness, yet at the same time made everyone differently with unique fingerprints, personalities, and passions in life.

Even before we were born, God had begun knitting us in our mothers’ wombs. In Psalm 139:14, the psalmist proclaims to God, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” The word “wonderful” here means to be different, striking, and extraordinary. Although the psalmist faced tough trials, he drew comfort from the fact that God knew him completely, and his very being was but a reflection of a wonder-working God.

Sometimes we tend to admire people with great looks, gifts or talents, but how do we see ourselves? And how do we view those who are blind or mute, who have a bent spine or walk with a limp, or babies that are born prematurely or suffer diseases? Does this mean God loves them less? No, it’s the same wonderful God who created them all: different, striking, and extraordinary.

Thirty-four years ago, Nick Vujicic was born without arms and legs. His mother was so shaken that she didn’t hold him until he was four months old. Nick grew up strong and healthy, but as he got teased and bullied at school, he began to blame God for his deformity and misery. He became depressed and at the age of ten, tried to drown himself in his bathtub. But Nick had a breakthrough when reading the Gospel of John, realizing that if God had a purpose for a man born blind, then God would have a purpose for him too. Since then, Nick began living his life to the full, and now he’s an inspiring international speaker, sharing about the Creator’s wonderful work in him and through him.

All of us have our own share of imperfections and flaws, yet God loves us just as we are and calls us His own. When we are tempted to compare ourselves with others or think that we aren’t as talented, pretty or popular, remember this: we may be different, but no less valued. In God’s eyes, every person is a masterpiece, a wonder to behold.

PRAYER
Thank You, God, for creating me wonderfully and knowing me completely. When I struggle to accept myself or others, remind me of the beauty and worth You’ve placed in each of us. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME
1. How do I see myself? Are there judgements made about myself that are not true? What are some wonderful things about me that I’ve yet to recognise?
2. Do you have a friend who sees herself like a broken sand dollar who is not valued enough to be picked up? Remind her of how much you appreciate her and the wonderful ways God has made her!

DELVE DEEPER
Read and reflect on these passages for more about God’s faithfulness amidst life’s changes:
o Genesis 2:4-25
o Psalm 139
o John 9

HANDLES
*Practise reading your Bible in sections, rather than one verse at a time — Scripture is best understood as a grand story of God at work. Try going from a paragraph to a chapter and finally to a whole biblical book. You’ll discover the Bible is one book you won’t put down in a hurry!

Never Lose Your Wonder

Kallos Team — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

When American Pastor Andy Cook was in China, he found that many had come to believe in the existence of God without ever hearing of Christianity or of Jesus. They had even come to a vague understanding that God is a loving God simply because of the provision of food and water, as well as through recognising just how beautiful this world is. Upon hearing the Christian message, an old woman told him: “I’ve known him for years. I just didn’t know his name.”

Have we stopped to consider the beauty of the world around us? All of creation, you and I included, points to one person — the Creator.

ARE YOU LOOKING?

One Sunday at church, the guest speaker opened his sermon with a prayer. It was a prayer unlike any I (Isabel) had heard before. His prayer went something like this:

Dear God, there is none like You. Thank You for creating me. Thank You for giving me the ability to clasp my hands together as I speak to You. To do that, You created within my hands the key gripping muscles — the flexor digitorum profundus, the flexor digiti minimi, the flexor pollicis longus, and the lexor digitorum superficialis — just to name a few. Thank You also for the three necessary intrinsic muscles — the adductor pollicis, the interossei and the lumbricals.

As he prayed and thanked God for creating all the little muscles hidden beneath my skin, I was, to say the least, completely MINDBLOWN! I had never really known the complexity of the various parts and functions of the human anatomy. Having all these muscles named and described made me realise how intricate the body is. My only response to his prayer was, “WOW, God!” We live in a world that is beautifully and intricately designed, yet we manage to live ignorant of the grand Artist. When we study the sciences, languages, and the arts, God is rarely mentioned. Not only does our education not mention God, most of our schooling also rejects the idea that God created the earth. In fact, my (Hannah) professor (and many others) refers to the belief that God created the world as a ‘creation myth’! With God pushed out of the picture, it becomes so normal for us to walk past all of God’s creation and be unaware of the glory of God that nature testifies to.

CONSIDERING CREATION

While our formal education teaches us one way to perceive nature (without God in the picture), we can look to the Bible to teach us another way as well! Psalm 8 was beautifully penned by King David as he thought about nature. He says, “When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?” (Ps 8:3–4). As he contemplated creation, he gained a deep revelation of who God is — a big God who cares even for the smallest of creation.

All we need to do is what King David did: he considered the work of God’s hands. Before you continue reading, take a look around you! Consider the ecosystems set in place, the pattern of your fingerprints, or the vastness of the sky. God’s beauty is all around us. How on earth (pun intended) did we manage to miss the Creator?

A potential answer could be this: We have been too busy. The truth is, busyness and hurry are great distractions that the enemy uses so that our attention will be focused on something other than God. What if we chose to simply dwell amidst the creation of God and ask Him to reveal Himself to us through what He has made? What would we discover about God?

I (Dorothea) was at a weekend retreat, where we were challenged to wake up early and spend some time alone with God. I accepted the challenge and woke up before dawn, finally settling at a quiet spot on the Changi Beach boardwalk.

It was 6 a.m.; I lay on my back and looked up — the skies were a swirl of dusty blues and reds — an invitation to the impending dawn. Every couple of minutes, the sky I beheld was different from before; the mix of blue, crimson, and pink danced across the sky. My ears picked up the melodious cooing of birds in the distance. Every once in a while, a gust of wind would carry with it the gentle rustling of leaves.

HOW ON EARTH DID WE MANAGE TO MISS THE CREATOR?

I sat up and faced the sea that was before me. Amidst the vastness of the sea, a small white dot of a boat was bobbing up and down in sync with the waves. The waves crashed against the rocks that littered the contours of the shore — the still morning air was not so silent anymore.

It was 7 a.m.; the earth was slowly rousing from her sleep and coming alive. I was left breathless in wonder at the intricacies of nature coming together so beautifully in the early hours of the morning.

I could relate to how King David felt when he considered the heavens and the work of God’s hands. In that one hour at Changi Beach, everything around me pointed me to our Creator God — I was left astounded at His greatness and humbled at my existence.

GOD IS REVEALED!

Throughout history, man has turned to various means — astrology, philosophy, and the natural sciences — in search of the great mysteries of the earth. I (Hannah) do not claim to be a great scientist or the most sophisticated thinker, but I do believe that we don’t need to look very far to discover God. He is not a God that hides, but a God that desires to be revealed to the ones He created. Just like the people in China that Andy Cook met, perhaps it is a humble awe of creation that will lead many to realise that God is the great and glorious Creator. May we be people that live aware of the beauty around us, ready to testify of the One who is beauty personified to the highest degree.

Bride Kidnapping In Kyrgyzstan

Isabel Phua — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:00:00 +0000

STATISTICS

EVERY 40 MIN A GIRL IS KIDNAPPED TO BE A BRIDE

1 IN 10 GIRLS GET MARRIED BEFORE THE AGE OF 18

40% OF WOMEN ARE KIDNAPPED BY THEIR HUSBANDS

WHAT IS IT?

Bride kidnapping is illegal in Kyrgyzstan, yet the practice continues and perpetrators are rarely prosecuted because it is accepted as part of tradition. Bride kidnapping was originally a form of ‘planned elopement’ in the face of family opposition, but now, Kyrgyz men say they snatch women because of the fear of rejection, love at first sight, or to show they are truly men. To them, kidnapping a girl is easier than courtship and cheaper than having to pay a bride price.

WHY SHOULD WE CARE?

While there are some who consent to being kidnapped, the majority of kidnapped brides do not enter the marriage willingly. 97% of women end up marrying their abductors, and sadly, 60% of them end in divorce. Furthermore, kidnapped brides are sometimes raped so that they have no choice but to agree to marriage. Even if sexual intercourse does not take place, once a woman has been kept overnight, her virginity is doubted and her honour disgraced. This leaves her with no choice but to marry the man because no one else would want to marry her after that. It is no surprise that girls in this situation, even those who successfully escape their abductors, commit suicide after the kidnapping due to the shame they experience.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

“Ala kachuu”, which translates to “grab and run” is a form of bride kidnapping in which a man abducts the woman he wishes to marry. A young man who decides that he wishes to marry a particular girl may devise a plan with his friends to abduct the girl and take her home. His family is usually in on the plan, and once the girl arrives, the whole home is decorated, food is prepared, and relatives are dressed for a wedding. His family will try to place a white wedding scarf on her head, a symbol of her agreement to the marriage. This struggle can last a few hours, or even days, depending on how much the girl resists. If she attempts to leave, the family will threaten to curse her, which is an effective threat since Kyrgyzstan is a superstitious country.

HOW CAN WE PRAY:
– Greater enforcement of the laws by the government to prevent more girls from being put through the trauma of being kidnapped.
– Kidnapped brides to have supportive and courageous family members who dare to oppose the kidnapping despite it being part of tradition.
– Kidnapped brides to experience God’s peace and comfort through the trauma, and that they will not resort to taking their own life.