Issue 23 – Kallos

Words Matter

Jiamin Choo — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 16:00:00 +0000

It was my first week back in Singapore after being away for four years serving on board the OM ship, Doulos. I was excited to see my loved ones again, and looked forward to sharing my missions journey and catching up with everyone. At church, friends greeted me with hugs and smiles. One of them even drew a picture of the Doulos for me with the message, “Welcome home!” I was touched by these gestures and my heart was beaming. Then someone called out to me. It was an older lady who was surprised that I was back. She took a good look at me and said, “What happened to you? You look prosperous! The ship must have fed you well.”

I totally didn’t expect that, and my face burned with embarrassment. Wasn’t she supposed to ask, “How are you?” instead of “What happened to you?” Why wasn’t she interested to find out how I was doing, but eager to comment about the way I looked? Her words troubled me. They made me conscious of the fact that I had gained five kilograms because my body had trouble adjusting to the ship’s food — ham, cheese, bread and potatoes were served daily — and the calories just piled on. All of a sudden, my heart sank and I felt ugly. Really ugly.

How we see ourselves can be strongly affected by what others say about us. When words are used intentionally to affirm and encourage someone, that person is being built up. However, when insensitive or unkind words roll off our tongues loosely, they can significantly hurt and tear down someone’s self-esteem.

God’s Word reminds us of this very power of words. In Proverbs 18:21, it says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Even though the tongue is a small part of the body, we shouldn’t underestimate its power. The tongue is strong enough to bring life and destruction, depending on our choice of words, and the manner in which we speak. Another wise saying is in Proverbs 25:11 — a word spoken appropriately is “like apples of gold in settings of silver” (ESV). How precious and beautiful it is when a timely word is given! Our ability to speak is a gift from God, and when we choose to use this gift of speech wisely and lovingly, we not only edify people made in God’s image, we also please the Creator Himself.

When I was studying in Bible college, due to the stress of many assignments and late nights, I lost quite a bit of weight. The funny thing was that another older lady at church then made the same comment: “What happened to you?” She went on to say that I was too thin and needed to eat more. This time, I could laugh it off and not let her words bother me because I had learnt to anchor my self-image in God’s words of truth — that I’ve been wonderfully made by Him (Ps 139:14).

True beauty and worth are not found in how we look, but in who we are becoming. The most beautiful women I’ve met are those whose hearts pursue God, who speak words of life and reach out to others. Let us be a different voice in an #instaperfect generation. May we look away from self, look to God, and seek out opportunities to speak powerful words of kindness and love that affirm others of their true beauty and worth.

Small things can be powerful despite their size. Can you think of something else that is small but powerful? It lives right in the centre of your mouth — the tongue!

PRAYER
God, thank You for the gift of speech which we can use to praise You and encourage people. Grant me wisdom in knowing when and how to speak words of life and love to build others up. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME
1. Was there a time when someone’s words changed the way you saw yourself? What can you learn from that incident?
2. What are some ways that you can speak words of life and love to your friends or family this week?

DELVE DEEPER
Read and reflect on these passages on how words matter:
o Proverbs 15:1-7
o Ephesians 4:29
o James 3:3-12

HANDLES
To better understand passages in the Bible, try asking 5Ws & 1H:
1. WHO wrote this passage? / WHO was it written to? / WHO were the main characters in this story?
2. WHAT were some key events?
3. WHEN was it written?
4. WHERE did it take place?
5. WHY was it written?
6. HOW did it happen?

Dear Kallos: What’s Wrong With Plastic Surgery?

Alina Teo — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 16:00:00 +0000

“When I look at my friends, I can’t help but myself with them. I always feel insecure, thinking I’m never pretty enough or smart enough. Do you have any advice?” – Feeling Insecure

dear Insecure,

I feel your pain. I used to compare myself with others and each time I did, I felt uglier and uglier. You don’t have to let this continue. Stop for a moment and consider this: when you compare yourself to others, you are forgetting the good that God designed in you. God did not make a mistake with you. You are who you are for a good reason — God delights in you and He wants you to bask in that delight!

Beauty is something that we often see as merely external, but can I challenge you to see beauty that goes beyond skin deep? Such beauty is when you say something kind when you could have snapped back. Such beauty is when you stand up for your friend when everyone else goes against her. Such beauty is when we put others before self. Such beauty is when we live out Christ in our lives in all we do, think, and say.

The world tells us to do otherwise all the time. But you can choose to focus on how God sees you and not how the world defines you. Catch yourself whenever you compare and choose to stop. Turn your attention to the truth and choose to believe. We pray that with God’s help, you will see yourself as beautiful!

“Just wondering, is it wrong to want to get plastic surgery?” – Still Unplastic

dear Unplastic,

Thank you for asking such a good question that may be on many other girls’ minds but are not voiced! Plastic surgery is a great technological wonder that has been extremely crucial for burn and accident victims, giving them the opportunity to have a more ordinary way of life. However, in recent times, when plastic surgery is sought for the sole purpose of enhancing one’s looks to mimic what the world deems as beautiful, then perhaps we need to look a bit further into the matter.

You may have wondered, what is the difference between plastic surgery and putting on makeup or piercing one’s ears? Don’t they all have the same end goal of enhancing the way one looks? On the surface, that is true. However, a few factors differ: plastic surgery involves having to go under the knife, is usually a permanent procedure that cannot be fully reversed, and requires a lot of money.

To me, it appears to be playing God to some extent, because we simply desire a certain outcome that has been deemed valuable by the world. We could be, in fact, loudly proclaiming that God’s creation is flawed. We could be choosing to completely change a part of us so that we no longer have to face the reality we don’t like when we look in the mirror.

At the end of the day, I don’t think undergoing itself plastic surgery is a matter of right or wrong. Instead, I would like to suggest that you look at your motives behind wanting to do so. The Dig Deeper column on grey areas (Pg. 29) might be helpful as well.

Christ wants you to be secure in who you have been made to be — God made you, and what He creates is good. He calls us away from the external to look instead at what we are truly made of: our attitudes, our thoughts, and our actions towards Him and others. Don’t let your looks be the measuring stick for your life. Let Christ change your perspective on beauty and teach you how to live in His beauty according to His ways!

Take The Twenty-One Days Of Prayer Challenge

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 16:00:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

Shortlist 3 people whose salvation you would like to pray for.
For 21 days, pray intentionally for them daily.
If possible, meet with them individually at least once; go beyond a casual conversation and be intentional in sharing the love of Christ!
Record your thoughts and your experiences. Have fun!

Challenger: GLORIA, 18

3 Fun Facts:
1. I’m scared of birds because they chased after me once for my bread!
2. I love food sold at hawker centers
3. And believe it or not, I love Math!

INITIAL THOUGHTS

In all honesty, I don’t really pray for the salvation of those who are unsaved. When I do, I give up halfway… I think it requires a lot of patience to wait and believe that God will come through and I always find myself growing weary of praying when I don’t see anything changing. When I first got this challenge, I mentally scolded myself for saying yes. LOL! But at the same time, I felt like it would be a good time for me to learn how to pray and make prayer a way of living. The three (actually four!) people I shortlist are my parents, my good friend Bing, and my classmate Shirwin.

THE CHALLENGE

Day 1
Today I prayed for God to increase my heart and desire to pray for them, and for their hearts to be more open to Him. To be honest, I really did not know what to pray for. It was a very ‘generic’ prayer and it was so awkward! I didn’t exactly know what I was doing. I’m quite uncertain about how this 21-day challenge will shape me and change things … but here goes!!!

Day 2
I ALMOST did not pray today because I procrastinated until the very last minute … and this is only Day 2!!! Terrible. Today I felt like I simply lacked the desire to pray, because it felt like my prayers would not be ‘effective’. But since I’ve already started on this, I will stick with it for 21 days and see what happens.

Day 3
Because I do my quiet time and then pray at night, I’m always dozing off halfway and I really dislike it!!! I want to take this challenge seriously so I’ve decided: I’m going to wake up earlier than my usual timing to set aside and pray for them!

Day 4-6
I’ve managed to wake up earlier. Yay! Thank God. It’s only been 6 days, but my parents have been more willing/interested to find out more about my faith! During dinner, they casually asked me what I do in church on Saturdays and even asked me why I believe in God.

I have been waiting on God to reveal to me how much He loves His people, and also for Him to reveal to me things about the four of them in terms of what they think about Christianity. In the waiting, I realised how impatient I am as a person, but that highlighted to me how patient and how kind God is, always in the waiting.

Days 7-8
I haven’t been able to wake up early … sigh. Today I’m reaching home later than usual because CCA ended late and I am very drained and all I want to do is sleep … UPDATE: Okay, so all I did was sleep … I fell asleep before I could pray. Honestly, I feel bad that I did not pray, because I feel like a ‘bad Christian’. Aiyo, so legalistic. God, come and shift my perspective!!

Day 9
As I was preparing for school, God reminded me of Jesus praying at Gethsemane and the disciples were found sleeping when asked to pray. It hit me then that that’s exactly what I’m doing! Jesus is always praying and anticipating the reward for His suffering and yet … I am found sleeping instead of praying. I found myself intentionally trying to pray for them even if it was my small pockets of time here and there throughout the day, and I thank God for smacking me in the face with reality.

Day 10
Today God showed me exactly what Bing has been struggling with and it really gripped my heart. I prayed that her eyes would be open to see herself in a different light because God calls her beautiful and I see the beauty in her character. As I prayed this prayer, God told me that’s exactly how He feels about me. Then I cried.

Day 11-14
Recently, I responded to an altar call and as I prayed, God revealed to me how much He loves my parents and how deep His desire is for them to know Him personally and intimately. I was so gripped by how a God so perfect can love men so imperfect, and still call us ‘dearly beloved’. I was encouraged to continue pressing in and praying for the salvation of my friends and family.

Day 15-18
The past few days have been tough on me. I wasn’t praying very … fervently? I was very restless and I felt like my heart wasn’t aligned with God’s. So I prayed for Him to hit me with a fresh urgency and to help me see the eternal value of this.

Days 19-20
I’ve been praying for their hearts to be open and receptive and for Him to guide my words and give me the right thing to say. Praying for them is easier than when I think about sharing the gospel. Not that I am ashamed, but it is so awkward to suddenly “change” and talk about something more serious/heavy. What if they see me differently? But as I was praying, I got reminded of something God convicted me of a while back — sharing the gospel/love of God with someone is not trying to ‘make them a Christian’ but it is for the Lamb to receive the reward of His suffering.

Day 21
I met Bing for dinner and she shared with me some of her struggles, and they were exactly what God revealed to me! I was like, “Wow, God, You really know us through and through!” After dinner, I dropped her a text telling her how much God loves her. Although she might not believe in Him, I am very glad God used me to speak truth and love to her tonight!

I have also been asking my parents to join my eldest sister and I in church on Sundays and I’m always faced with a big fat no, haha. I asked Bing and Shirwin to try coming for service with me! They have given their yes to that, and although it is not confirmed, I am glad their hearts are willing and open! Thank God, indeed!

FINAL THOUGHTS

One main takeaway throughout these 21 days is that God loves us and He knows us all individually, through and through. I’ve always felt like God was good to me but better to others. However, while God revealed His love for my parents and friends, He also reminded me that He loves me that way too! I can only marvel and say how great is My God! Although I did not manage to pray every single day and there were some days where I was dozing off, I’ve learnt that prayer and waiting really, really, really changes and shift things in the spiritual atmosphere! As I continue praying, I hope not to lose heart, and to persevere in prayer, knowing that I pray from a position of victory!

Labour Exploitation In Laos

Isabel Phua — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 16:00:00 +0000

STATISTICS

40% WERE DENIED FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT

1 OUT OF 3 GLOBAL TRAFFICKING CASES INVOLVING WOMEN AND CHILDREN OCCURS IN EAST ASIA

13% OF LAO MIGRANTS HAD BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED

Read Phonevieng’s real life story:

Money is tight again. Any meagre income is spent on food and school. Phonevieng hopes to become a nurse, but that would incur a 7,850,000 kip (SGD 1,296) school fee — money that she does not have but desperately hopes for.

When a broker came to her village promising jobs in Thailand with good salaries, Phonevieng seized the opportunity. The broker promised to cover the transportation costs and the fees for 17-year-old Phonevieng’s passport.

When they arrived at the border, instead of driving across the bridge, they boarded a boat and bypassed immigration entirely. Something was amiss, but Phonevieng knew no better; she’d never left Laos before. Once in Thailand, Phonevieng was offered 2,500 Baht (SGD 101) per month to be a maid for a Thai woman. Wonderful! That meant earning enough in just over a year to pay for nursing school. Her employer also opened a hairdressing salon, and offered an extra 1500 Baht (SGD 61) for Phonevieng to work in the salon as well.

After working for four months, Phonevieng requested her salary, but the employer refused. She was told to work for three more months before being compensated. She also had to repay the transportations costs, and was threatened with a police report if she continued asking for her salary. Without an employee ID card, Phonevieng was considered an illegal worker.

Phonevieng despaired. She felt trapped. One day, Phonevieng met a Lao friend who referred her to another workplace.

Unfortunately, her previous employer found out and reported her to the police, accusing her of stealing money from the salon. Phonevieng was arrested, and then sent home with empty pockets. Unfortunately, Phonevieng’s story is not unique.

What Can Be Done?

Solving this issue requires tackling the root causes across various levels. At the individual and community level, World Vision runs Child-Youth Clubs to help young people learn about their basic human rights and how to protect themselves from trafficking. At the government level, World Vision advocates for better policies and regulations for cross-border migration.

For victims of human trafficking, rescue missions are carried out to remove them from exploitative situations, psychosocial therapy is provided to help them recover from emotional scars, and vocational training is given so that they can rebuild their lives and provide for their families in a sustainable and safe way.

Why Do They Do It?

In rural villages of Laos where majority of households are below the poverty line, jobs are hard to come by. Families live hand to mouth and each day is a fight for survival. In some cases, older siblings feel the burden of caring for their family. In other cases, parents are desperate enough to send their children away for work. Human traffickers exploit the vulnerable in such situations by offering jobs that sound promising, but in reality are set to trap them in forced labour.

PRAY FOR:
– Sustainable help to reach the poor so that the cycle of poverty can be broken
– Children to be protected from child labour and to have access to quality education for better opportunities in the long-term
– Children trapped in forced labour to be rescued and empowered to support themselves in a safe way
– Parents to value their children and protect them from exploitative situations

Spotlight: Hannah Lee – Warrior With A Princess Heart

Quek Shi Yun — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 16:00:00 +0000

She might be a SEA Games medallist for discus, but it’s not her achievements in sports that stand out most. With her warm smile and contagious enthusiasm, Hannah is the kind of person you’d immediately want for a friend. Looking at the easy way she has with people and her natural confidence, you would never guess that Hannah used to struggle immensely with self-esteem and body image issues. So how did she get where she is today? We sat down with her to find out.

Hi Hannah! If you had to define your teenage self in 3 words, what would they be?

What kind of question is that! Wow, that’s tough. I’d say I was genuine, focused, and seeking. The three are linked.

I think I was very genuine in the things that I did. So I genuinely sought God’s will for my life. I was seeking what I could do with myself, and that led to a focus: What does God want to do with my life? What is His purpose for wherever I am right now? I wanted to know what God’s plan was, what He wanted me to do, and what He would make out of it.

On a more personal note, as a younger girl, how did you feel about your body?

I hated it so much! I remember being in an all-girls cell group in church when I was 14, and we were talking about our bodies. They asked us to share one area of our bodies we didn’t like. I was the last person to share because I just didn’t want to admit that I hated everything about how I looked! I didn’t want to admit that I felt that I was fat, and I was like, I just don’t like myself.

In my teenage years that’s how I felt. I mean the truth was that when I was growing up, I really was a very fat kid. I didn’t even have many photos of myself because I was just so embarrassed.

But ironically, your size is what got you into your sport!

Yeah… Growing up I loved to eat. I had no self- control man, and I was really proud of it. Every year I’d put on 10kg and would think it was a natural thing. By Primary 6, I was 80kg, and at 13, I was 90kg. That’s how massive I was.

When boys made fun of me and called me names like ‘fatso’ and ‘fatty,’ it didn’t make me feel good. So my defense mechanism would be to use strength to overcome that. So if they said I was big, I’d say that makes me strong.

It kind of worked to my advantage because when I was 11, my teacher picked me out for the track and field tryouts.

At tryouts, I was introduced to throwing, and that was when I thought, oh okay, my size has got some use. Because I’m bigger, I can use it to my advantage and throw something heavy; and I was pretty good. That was one of the first few times that I used my strength to cover up how I really felt about myself and my size.

Ask me if I thought that I was beautiful or anything though, that was definitely like, a big no.

How has being an athlete changed your perception of your body?

The thing about throwing is that you won’t look like the typical athlete — slim, slender, lean kind of look. You are chunky, huge, and your muscles are huge. So even though I lost a fair bit of weight, I couldn’t lose all the fat because I didn’t run a lot. But I started to feel better about myself because I felt formidable. My muscles were my prized possession; I really liked how muscular I was. They were like my shell. I thought, so what if I’m not slim? At least I’m muscular.

So the strength was still a defense mechanism. Looking different didn’t really change that heart issue?

Yeah that’s right. I still felt that I was fat. I still felt that I was unfit based on people’s perceptions. Using my strength as a cover-up was still my only way to make myself feel proud and somewhat okay with how I looked.

Has that changed? When did it happened?

I think it came with a change in the heart.

I was a very proud person. Proud of my achievements, about what I can do in sports, what I can do in church.

When I was about 19 or 20, I was faced head on with the issue of my self-worth. I remember my pastor speaking to me because he felt that while I was a worship leader, doing what I can for God with all my heart, I was doing things with a prideful heart.

I was very torn after that incident because I felt that my strength (which was my confidence) became my weakness and I couldn’t deal with that. My confidence was the thing that caused the downfall.

I came to realise that it was not just a pride issue — the pride came from a lot of insecurities. I was so afraid of failure and rejection that I built the “confidence” wall so high around myself. It was one of my lowest and most broken moments in my life.

It was only when I chose to surrender my pride and all these hurts to God that I allowed God to deal with the pain. It was hard to forgive myself for that failure, but when I chose to do so, things started to change.

Strangely, it was only after this process that I was able to start accepting the way I looked, and accept that my size is bigger than the rest, and really be okay with that.

MY PRIDE CAME FROM A LOT OF INSECURITIES

That’s quite a journey! So how does it make you feel when “fitness” still looks only a certain way, i.e. slim and trim?

Honestly, you’d still want to conform to this mould because in all honestly, it really looks good! Whether I’ll actually be able to get there one day, I have no clue. And am I okay with that? Yeah, somewhat.

My biggest motivation to exercise is so that when I grow old I won’t be one of those old aunties in a wheelchair who can’t get out of their own bed. I still want to be fit and healthy enough to do things with my life when I’m older.

Final question: In 3 words, how would you define yourself now?

It sounds so cliché to be saying it, but the way I see myself right now is that I’m beautiful, loved, and strong.

Beautiful because I’ve come to accept that I’m not going to change anything about the way I am. Honestly it still gets to me once in awhile. I still compare myself with petite girls, but I think I’m learning to accept that that’s just not the way God has made me. I’m beautiful the way God has made me.

Loved because I have experienced God’s love for who I am despite the flaws and the ugly sides of myself that I find so hard to accept. Experiencing God’s love that covers all of that is worth living for, and is the one thing that I can never let go of.

And finally, strong because that strength no longer comes from pride, but a deep conviction that yes, God you are real in my life. Your love sustains me. You’ve given me a purpose and I continue to seek to do my best in that. And that, to me, has made me strong. My brokenness has given me His strength!

The Dark Side Of Beauty Pageants

Elizabeth Lee — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 16:00:00 +0000

I am walking down the runway in heels and makeup, modelling a size-eight jumpsuit that was sponsored for the event. As I pose at the end of the runway, my friends cheer my name and shriek in delight. I walk with my head held high to the sound of applause and good- natured laughter.

I win Miss Popular and a lot of Facebook likes.

Every freshman year at University, pageant season comes around. It usually comes in a package: Selection, photo shoots, and voting done via likes and shares on social media. It’s exciting when you see pictures of your friends (or yourself!) popping up all over your social media feed.

Being adored and affirmed by the people around you is always fun. It’s fun when friends and family (even that distant aunt) give you likes on Facebook and nice comments. It’s fun when a stranger comes up to you and says, “Hey, I voted for you!” It’s fun when all you hear is applause, and you are deemed funny, witty, and worthy by all the people you want to impress.

But it’s not so fun if you let other people define everything that you are and everything that you are not. At their roots, beauty pageants are popularity contests. And many of us may be participating in “beauty pageants” of our own without realising it! It’s tempting to behave or look a certain way in order to be affirmed by the people around us. But when we rely solely on validation from others, we are placing our security and self-worth in the hands of humans, not God.

WHERE’S YOUR SECURITY?

The problem with placing our security in people is that it is easily lost — people are fickle! On the other hand, God assures us that He loves us on our good days and bad days (Jer 31:3; Rom 5:6). We can’t always have the same confidence in people.

While God loves faithfully (Ps 136:2), people love conditionally. If we yearn for the love of people, we may find ourselves constantly striving to please them in the way we look, dress, or behave, and this can get extremely tiring and make us unnecessarily miserable! Not many know this, but the night before my pageant appearance, I barely slept a wink because I was so worried about what people would think of me. I was worried that I wouldn’t be funny enough and beautiful enough in their eyes. I was afraid of being judged. When we don’t place our security in God’s hands, we risk losing the confidence and self-esteem that comes from knowing our identity in Christ.

The best part about God’s love is that we don’t need to do anything to earn it. Remember: you are already somebody important to Him. God sent His one and only Son to die for you. If the King of all heaven and earth already loves you so passionately and freely, do you really need to strive for anyone else’s love?

DO YOU REALLY NEED TO STRIVE FOR ANYONE ELSE'S LOVE?

...BUT GOD LOOKS AT THE HEART

Unfortunately, society’s definition of beauty is flawed, as it tends to value external appearance over innate qualities and strength of character. There is a skewed emphasis on looks, body, and sexuality that leads us to mistakenly believe that how we look is the most important thing about us.

In Manila, there are “beauty factories” that train girls to become pageant queens. Aspiring candidates train for at least ten hours a day in high heels (at least seven inches high!), trying to perfect their walk and come up with the best poses.

Going further, there are child beauty pageants like the one featured in the reality TV show Toddlers and Tiaras. Young children put on full-face makeup and tasteless costumes to perform routines that seem highly inappropriate for their age. The fact that such pageants (and reality TV shows that make entertainment out of them) exist shows our preoccupation with a superficial, overly sexualised, and inherently unhealthy standard of beauty.

The tricky thing about beauty pageants is that they may affirm your talent for strutting down a runway or striking a pose, but fail to reflect your character and convictions —what lies in your heart.

Miss USA 2006 took to a life of sexual promiscuity, drugs, and alcoholism after she won the title. Miss Delaware Teen USA 2013 gave up her crown due to allegations over a sex video. These pageant queens prove the fallibility and superficiality of the judging criteria.

The truth is that rather than our outer appearance, God values what’s in our hearts (1 Sam 16:7), and no beauty pageant will be able to judge that.

THERE IS A SKEWED EMPHASIS ON LOOKS, BODY, AND SEXUALITY

BE WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE

It has been a year since the pageant. I realise that all my fears about not looking “good enough” were unfounded. I had shown up to the event with dark under eye circles (oops!), but my friends embraced me anyway because they cared more about who I was instead of how I looked.

Many a time, we put ourselves down by thinking that we are not good enough or beautiful enough in the world’s eyes. But these are lies that we have allowed the devil to feed us. We are no mistake! He intentionally created us, and all our days are written in His book (Ps 139:15–16). We only need to walk the ‘runway’ for an audience of One, and He is God.

Who are you walking the ‘runway’ of life for, and are there any ‘beauty pageants’ that are hindering you from being who God intends for you to be?

Dig Deeper: How Grey Are Grey Areas?

Hannah Leung — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 16:00:00 +0000

What is a grey area?

There are some things that the Bible does not discuss in depth and explicitly define as good or bad. Is gambling wrong? Does shopping for clothes mean that I’m not stewarding my money well? Can I pierce my tongue/eyebrow/belly-button? While the Bible does not give us specific instructions to follow on all and especially modern-day matters, it does give us a clear understanding of God, His Kingdom, and therefore our identity. As we look to the Word for the truth about how we are called to live, we are empowered by its wisdom to make decisions that are God-honouring and others-loving. The following two questions can serve as perspectives to consider if you find yourself stuck in a grey area.

The antithesis of faith is not doubt but indifference. Put differently, the danger is not in doubting, but in the movement toward apathy. Doubting enters the ‘danger zone’ when its effect diminishes your desire to engage with God. As such, you may allow doubt to visit your mind but be sure to ban it from becoming its ruler.

Who am I becoming?

The word “Christian” comes from a Greek word that means “little Christ”. Our time on earth is meant to be spent reflecting Jesus to those around us, most evidently through our conduct. As we learn more about Christ, we are to endeavour to imitate Him in every aspect of our lives. As Paul says in Ephesians 5:1–2, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (ESV).

If you are caught in a dilemma and you’re not sure what’s right or wrong, start by checking your heart and your understanding of Jesus’ character. Will this decision lead me to look more like Jesus, or will it make me look more like the world?

What am I enabling?

Many Christians hold different convictions toward issues in the grey area. While the Bible may not always be clear about whether a particular act is forbidden, it is clearly against causing a fellow believer to sin. We are obliged to keep our friends from sinning. Messages in the media encourage us to make decisions based on deceptively positive ideas, like the sanctity of personal rights or the pursuit of whatever makes us happy or fulfilled. However, a number of these ideas are inherently selfish. The Bible teaches us quite the opposite; it teaches us to “value others above yourselves” (Phil 2:3).

For example, is it wrong to watch a movie or listen to music that you downloaded for free? The Bible doesn’t say, but if you did so illegally, chances are you are enabling those who uploaded them to illegally profit from work that is not their own. This steals from the copyright owners of the movies or music, and belittles the efforts put into producing these artworks.

Romans 14:19 lays out a fundamental principle for us: “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” When we navigate through grey areas, let us make decisions that will honour God and respect others, so that in doing so, we enable those around us to do the same.