Issue 26 – Kallos

What Love Songs Taught Me About Sex

Kallos Team — Thu, 14 Nov 2019 04:23:00 +0000

Contrary to popular belief, the smash hit of 2017, Despacito, has nothing to do with burritos, mosquitoes or potatoes, but everything to do with … yes, SEX. Some of the lyrics even translate to “I want to undress you in kisses slowly” and “Let me trespass your danger zones / Until I make you scream.” Yikes!

But well, at least it’s in Spanish … if we didn’t know what we were singing along to, it probably doesn’t matter … right?

Like it or not, pop songs have become incredibly sexualised. If you were to throw a stone in a metaphorical room full of current hits, you’re almost guaranteed to strike one that talks about sex. So, how big a problem is it for us to sing along to these songs? To answer that question, here are three dangerous lies pop songs have told us about sex.

LIE 1: SEX IS "JUST PHYSICAL"

If you listen to love songs these days, you might come away thinking that sex is simply about physical pleasure to fulfil your sexual needs. Very few songs mention anything about trust, emotional intimacy and commitment. Let’s have some samples:

“Oooh I love that dress/ But you won’t need it anymore…/ Let’s just kiss til’ we’re naked baby.” – Versace on the Floor by Bruno Mars

“I can’t keep my hands to myself/ I mean, I could, but why would I want to?” – Hands To Myself by Selena Gomez

“Only bought this dress so you could take it off” — Dress by Taylor Swift

The way sex is portrayed in these songs is such a contrast to the Bible’s description of sex. In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word used to describe sexual intimacy between husband and wife is yada. The first time it is used is in Genesis 4:1a: “Now Adam knew Eve his wife” (ESV). However, yada refers to more than just sex. It can mean to “know deeply or intimately”. Interestingly, yada is often found not in reference to sex, but to describe closeness with God (e.g. Psalm 139, where it is used five times with this meaning!).

While pop songs may spread the message that sex is just about physical satisfaction, this can’t be further from the truth. In the right context of marriage, to know your partner through sex is a truly intimate act, connecting with that person emotionally, physically, spiritually, and more. Let me (Shi Yun) just say this from a newlywed woman’s point of view. It’s definitely not just about pleasure. It takes commitment and a lot of sacrificial giving! The sex portrayed in pop songs is often selfish and cheap, and sadly that sells us short of the beauty of sex God created for marriage.

TO KNOW YOUR PARTNER THROUGH SEX IS A TRULY INTIMATE ACT

LIE 2: SEX "SHOWS THAT YOU LOVE HIM"

A really popular song when I (Isabel) was a teen was More Than Words by Extreme. It was considered a sweet, romantic ballad that people often used at weddings. Yet a closer look at the lyrics revealed something scary!

“Saying I love you/ Is not the words I want to hear from you/…How easy would it be to show me how you feel/ More than words is all you have to do to make it real/ Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me/ Cause I’d already know.”

What the song implies is that words are not enough — sex is necessary to prove that love is real. That song was written in 1990, and things have only gotten more explicit.

In James Arthur’s Naked (yep, that’s actually the title), he sings,

“If you ever want me back, then your walls need breakin’ down
I’m trying’ to make it clear getting half of you just ain’t enough …
I’m standing here naked.”

What?!

Personally, I (Shi Yun) can’t help but get so angry listening to these lyrics, because they pressure girls into proving their love with their bodies. It also breaks my heart thinking about girls who could potentially believe that sex is the only way to prove their love. Let’s set the record straight: sexual intercourse on its own does not prove love. If it were, then no Disney love story can remain PG-rated.

Girls, we say this to you in all seriousness, with a heavy heart: If any guy tells you that sex is necessary to show that you love him, hard as it is, it’s time to ditch him. A guy who does not respect you and God is not worth investing more time into. You’re truly worth more than that.

LIE 3: SEX IS "PARADISE"

In our world today, sex is often painted to be this amazing thing. It’s apparently soooo good that almost every good thing is compared to sex as THE standard of how good it feels! When I (Isabel) was still in school, I remember the boys in my class using sex as a synonym for something that feels so good, it can only be compared to sex. They’d say things like, “Oh man, this is so good it’s better than sex,” or “Her voice is so smooth, I’m having an ‘eargasm’!”

If sex is all that good, surely we must be missing out by not having it, right? What are we Christians waiting for?!

But… believing that sex is the best thing that could ever happen to you and making it the standard of what’s “good” and most pleasurable is so short sighted! The most interesting imagery about this from a song is when Bruno Mars sings, “Cause your sex takes me to paradise / Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise.” Sex to him is so good that, in his eyes, it’s literally heaven, but really, how far has it fallen short of where we will truly experience full goodness and eternal satisfaction, the real Paradise that awaits us, where there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, where we live eternally with Jesus, and no curse is upon us anymore (Rev21:4–7;22:3–7)!

Sex may feel good, but surely it can’t be all we desire or crave. We have been offered salvation by a holy God! So you know what? He is literally the One who will take us to paradise.

IF SEX IS ALL THAT GOOD, SURELY WE MUST BE MISSING OUT BY NOT HAVING IT, RIGHT? WHAT ARE WE CHRISTIANS WAITING FOR?!

MOVING FORWARD

It’s easy to groove along to pop songs but never think about how they influence your thoughts. I (Shi Yun) used to be that way, but the moment that changed my mind was when I found myself singing along to Meghan Trainor’s Title: “Baby don’t call me your friend / If I hear that word again / You might never get a chance to see me naked in your bed.”

I caught myself in the moment and thought, “But I’d NEVER say that in any context, and NO man is going to see me naked in his bed unless he’s my husband. So why am I singing this??” It dawned on me that the words I listened to and inevitably spoke out loud really contradicted my beliefs. In singing along, I was subtly being influenced to have a casual view of sex — a view that I didn’t believe in!

We challenge you to take time to examine some of the song lyrics you listen to. Maybe you need to stop listening and singing along to them. Perhaps you’ve believed some of the lies we’ve mentioned above. Whatever it is, allow the Bible to shape your beliefs about sex and sexuality, and put aside these dangerously sexy songs.

Confessions Of A Church Pianist

Jiamin Choo — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

I began learning the piano at a young age. After struggling through years of music theory worksheets, classical music pieces and crazy chromatic scales, I eventually passed my ABRSM Grade 8 piano with merit when I was 15 and joined the church’s worship team and youth choir (to my mum’s delight!). Saturdays were soon filled with worship and youth choir practices.

One Sunday morning, when it was my worship team’s turn to serve, my fingers slipped, landing on a bunch of piano keys I wasn’t supposed to play. Later, I forgot to play the repeat chorus which the worship leader had planned. “Noooooo!!!!” I silently screamed, as the church congregation sang on.

I felt horrible for messing things up for my worship team, and wondered if anyone was put off by my mistakes that day. I wished I could disappear and escape any potential feedback from the church members. But when the service ended, no one came forward to point out my mistakes. Things seemed normal as usual. Maybe I was too harsh on myself. Maybe I was too self-conscious. Then I realised I had lost my focus. I had forgotten that my piano playing was neither about me, nor a perfect performance, but about offering my gift to serve the Audience of One and His people, to bring Him the greatest glory.

God is the masterful Creator who intricately designed us to reflect His image. He is also our Heavenly Father who gives each of His children various gifts and talents to glorify Him. We know through the Bible narratives that God anointed Moses with the gift of leadership to rescue the people of Israel out of slavery in Egypt. God then put skill and intelligence in Israel’s craftsmen to design gold artisan pieces and wood carvings for His tabernacle. God also showered Miriam and David with the gift of music, to compose songs of praise and worship. He gave Solomon the gift of wisdom, which equipped him to administer justice among God’s people. In the New Testament, God gave Aquila and Priscilla the gift of hospitality, which they practised by opening their home to travelling missionaries like Paul and Apollos.

God’s Word in 1 Peter 4:10 reminds us that we are stewards of God’s grace, and the purpose of our gifts and talents is to serve one another. These are not meant to be hoarded for our own desires, but to be shared with the body of Christ to build His kingdom. And how are we to use these gifts? It’s natural to push ourselves and give it all we’ve got. However, 1 Peter 4:11 tells us that “if anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides.” And the end goal of our gifts and talents is not for human praise or our list of #achievementunlocked. It is something much bigger than we can ever imagine. It is for the glory of God through Christ.

In times when I struggle to serve because of unwillingness or fearing I’m not good enough, I’m learning to choose obedience over feelings. That has translated to opportunities to minister through the gift of piano playing, and I’ve been blessed. Never did I imagine that one day, I would serve God and His people by playing the piano on board a missions ship that sailed around the world, at wake services where the music brought comfort to the grieving families, or in the dusty room of an elderly Japanese couple who hadn’t heard the sound of music in their home for years and broke into wide grins when I played their favourite songs.

God has given gifts to us all, and each of us has a part to play in the body of Christ. May we offer our gifts and talents generously and joyfully to the Giver, to serve others, and to make His world a better place.

PRAYER
Thank You, Lord, for being the Giver of gifts and talents. Grant me courage and obedience, that I will not withhold my gifts from serving You and Your people, but will offer them generously for the sake of Your glory. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME
1. What gifts and talents has God given you? To what extent have you been able to use these gifts to serve God and His people?
2. Is your church or community looking for volunteers? Pray and seek God if this is an area where you can offer your gifts and talents. If not, pray for God to raise up others who have the gifts, talents and willingness to answer the call.

DELVE DEEPER
Read and reflect on these passages about offering gifts for God’s service:
o Exodus 35:4 to 36:7
o Romans 12:3-13
o Corinthians 12:4-11

HANDLES
Romans 10:17 says that faith comes by hearing the Word of God. Besides silently reading the Bible during your devotional time, why not try listening to God’s Word through a dramatised audio Bible like https:// www.faithcomesbyhearing.com? With the help of sound effects and readers/actors, the audio version can make the Bible stories come alive!

Korea: The Capital For Plastic Surgery

Isabel Phua — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

STATISTICS

980,000 PROCEDURES DONE IN 2014 ALONE

19 YEARS OLD: AVERAGE AGE TO GET SURGERY

EYELIDS: MOST POPULAR SURGERY

20% OF WOMEN IN SOUTH KOREA HAVE HAD PLASTIC SURGERY COMPARED TO
5% OF WOMEN IN AMERICA WHO HAD DONE SO
Source: International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, ISAPS

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

A research in 2013 by ISAPS showed that South Koreans undergo the most plastic surgery per capita in the world. It is common for South Korean women to get their first procedure at age 19, and if they don’t do it, they are likely to stand out. Currently, surgery on their eyelids and nose are considered the “basics” of plastic surgery. A Korean woman shared that it is best to do the surgeries when they are young so that they can have their “new faces” for a longer time.

WHY IS IT A PROBLEM?

In different interviews, Korean girls shared that outward appearances are crucial in South Korean culture. They shared that plastic surgery is worth it as they will be able to live as a “perfect and beautiful woman” for the rest of their lives.

This overemphasis on beauty and physical perfection in South Korea is most demonstrated in one particular reality show called Let Me In. Each contestant on the show is given a nickname such as “Monkey,” “The Goliath,” and even “Overly Large Breasts Girl”. These contestants appeal to a panel of beauty gurus, sharing how their physical features have stopped them from living a normal life. At times, the contestants’ parents are brought onstage to apologise to their children not only for giving birth to them in this way, but also for not being able to afford plastic surgery. At the end of the show, the “new and improved” contestant usually appears to cheers from the crowd. On koreaboo.com, the writer even describes how plastic surgery is a necessity for these contestants, rather than a vanity.

The problem is not cosmetic surgery in itself — the real problem lies in the extreme emphasis the culture has put on outward appearances and perfection, and that makes this issue a crucial one that needs to be addressed.

WHY IS IT COMMON?

Yoo Ji, a university graduate, shared that the pressures of plastic surgery not only come from family but from their peers. She said, “Your friends have all done it, so you start to question whether you should try it out and if it will make you prettier.” Many Korean ladies also believe that being good-looking will get you more benefits like finding a good husband and a good job as the culture tends to focus on one’s physical attractiveness.

Also, cosmetic surgery is a crucial part of creating the K-pop image. As such, many Korean girls try to go for surgery to look as similar to their K-pop idols as possible.

WHAT NOW:
– Pray for the church of Korea to stand against cultural norms and be a light in an image-obsessed world
– Start a conversation with your friends about this topic to hear their views about cosmetic surgery. Pray with them if they share insecurities about themselves
– Write a card of encouragement to a friend whom you know is struggling with body image issues

How to Deal with Trauma After a Life-Threatening Event

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

In 2017, I was blessed with the opportunity to go to London alone for five months on a university exchange programme. It was truly a memorable period of time, being able to learn about a new culture, try new cuisines, and fall in love with the beautiful city sights — yet I also encountered my first ‘terror attack’ there.

THE LONDON TERROR

It was 24 November; London’s famous Oxford Street was bustling with people. With just a month to Christmas Day, the entire street was dotted with dazzling Christmas lights and busy shoppers. It was also the highly anticipated Black Friday sale! You can imagine how many people there were, shuffling in and out of stores. Sharing my excitement was my good friend, Natalie, who studies in the UK and had travelled down to London that weekend.

After two hours of intense shopping, we were planning to head to a nearby café to rest our tired legs and take a short breather. However, before we could even make a decision, we were interrupted by shrieks that erupted from a group of at least 20 people who were frantically running up the stairs from the first floor to the second floor, where we were standing. Amidst the frenzy, I heard them shouting, “Run! He’s coming!”

I had seen and heard enough to realise that something was clearly amiss. Natalie and I looked at each other in fear, followed the crowd and ran too. Honestly, we did not know to where we were heading or from what we were running. We just followed some sales assistants in the shop who were waving everyone over to the staircases that led to the back alley.

Then, hysterical screams broke out. Those standing near the streets immediately turned around, faced us, and screamed, “Just run now!!! Don’t stay on or near the streets!!! Hurry!!! Hide!!!”

It was chaos. Natalie and I grabbed each other’s hands and ran for our lives. We managed to squeeze into an open door. When I looked around, I realised that there were at least 80 of us squashed in a small holding space for janitors and cleaning equipment in an office building. But people outside were still trying to force themselves into the space; I could barely breathe!

Finally, an office worker led us to a huge room in the basement. We were instructed to wait there till the police could confirm the situation outside. It was rumoured that gunshots had been heard at Oxford Circus tube station — this was only two minutes away from us!

I WAS SO TRAUMATISED AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO EXCEPT TO WILL MYSELF NOT TO CRY

All around us, women were crying and people were trying to contact their families. I was so traumatised that I didn’t know what to do except to will myself not to cry and to remain calm. After two long hours, the police confirmed that there was no gunman and that it was safe to head out on the streets again.

As we walked back out, police sirens were wailing in the background and helicopters were still hovering around the vicinity. It was only when we were back in my apartment that we felt like we were truly safe.

FEARING DEATH

That night, I barely slept. Each time I closed my eyes, I could visualise the frantic scenes in my mind. The hysterical screams continued to ring loudly in my ears.

While I thanked God repeatedly for keeping both of us safe, I could not help but wonder about the what-ifs:

What if the terror attack had been real?

What if there really had been a gunman running down the streets shooting people?

What if I had … died?

The last thought gripped my heart. I lay in bed that night wide awake in fear.

That incident in London awakened a fear of death within me. Even after coming back to Singapore, I often had a nagging thought at the back of my mind that maybe something will happen to me today and I will end up dead. At times, I went into a mini panic mode when my family members, boyfriend, or friends did not respond to my text messages for long periods of time.

The fear of death felt like a dark cloud looming over me every day. It was mentally and emotionally tiring to live with such fear, but eventually I took steps to deal with it.

"WHAT IF... I DIED?" THE LAST THOUGHT GRIPPED MY HEART

DEALING WITH THE TRAUMA

The experience I had is one that will stay with me my entire life. How close I seemed to death still makes me shudder.

In the light of this experience, here are some things that helped me to deal with the trauma:

1. Remember that life and death are in God’s hands. This doesn’t negate the fact that such life-threatening events are scary and can cause fear but we can also trust that God holds our lives in His hands regardless of what we go through. As the psalmist said, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psa 139:16)”. Nothing can happen to us that is outside of His control, and if He allows us to go through a near-death experience, He will carry us through.

2. Keep talking about it to closed friends, families, or trusted adults. If you have gone through a traumatic event, you may have coped by shutting down or keeping busy. However, you may have many suppressed feelings and thoughts. For me, talking about my feelings honestly with trusted people helped me to gain clarity about them. Processing my feelings helped me to slowly but surely overcome the fear and trauma from the event.

3. Give yourself time to overcome the after-effects of the traumatic event. The fears will definitely not go away immediately but remember, our lives aren’t meant to be lived in fear forever. It helped me to listen to uplifting songs, sermons, and engage in activities I usually enjoyed. Filling my thought life with wholesome things helped me to move past the crippling shock and anxiety.

When faced with trauma, lean on the chest of our Father and let Him love you as His beloved child. He will give you the time and space to heal and grieve. He sees and hears your every thought and fear. Remember, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty (Psa 91:1).” May we say of the Lord together, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust (Psa 91.2).”

HELPLINES TO CALL

– National CARE Hotline: 1800 202 6868
– Fei Yue’s Live Chat Counselling Service: ec2.sg
– TOUCHline (Counselling): 1800 377 2252
– Samaritans of Singapore: 1800 221 4444
– IMH’s Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222

Spotlight: June Bai – On Abortion And The Buttons Project

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

June’s decision to have an abortion in her early twenties was one that filled her with guilt and shame for longer than she had anticipated. After attending Rachel’s Vineyard, a Catholic-based weekend retreat that addresses the emotional and spiritual pain of abortion, June experienced an inner healing that propelled her to find ways to help others affected by abortion. In June 2017, she founded the Buttons Project Singapore to give those who have been through abortions a tangible memorial of their unborn child. Here is her story.

What were you like as a teenage girl?

Studious. I didn’t really give my teachers any problems, and I’d like to think that I didn’t really give my parents any problems too. My brother would tell me, “Can you get a life?” [laughs]

You started the Buttons Project in Singapore out of your own experience with an abortion. How did you go from being so studious and ending up in this situation?

I think actually it was the fear of abandonment. I just wanted love. I also didn’t really know God, so I wasn’t assured in my identity as His daughter. I didn’t know how loved I was by my Father, so this guy was where I went to [get love]. We were dating for two years and there were no physical boundaries.

Was he a Christian as well?

Yeah, we said that we were Christians but we didn’t go to church, and we were quite new as Christians.

So in that sense, the two of you made the decision to get an abortion alone; nobody was there to support or guide you?

We didn’t seek help, but on hindsight I feel like I should have. Things would have been different. Deep down, we kept asking ourselves the ‘what-if’s’ — what if I had kept the child? What would life be like? A lot of questions, a lot of regrets.

What drove you to have an abortion?

When I had my abortion, I was just in my early twenties. There was a lot of fear that I saw in my partner’s eyes… I mean, I also had fears right, like what if I lose him and become a single mum? What if I choose to keep my baby and he decides to leave me? What will my parents or other people feel about this? So there was a lot of fear, and it was fear that drove us to make this decision.

I struggled a lot after the abortion. There was a lot of guilt, a lot of shame… so anyway, the relationship ended six months later. I think it was too much for us to bear — we didn’t have the maturity to deal with it, and it felt as if my whole world came crashing down. Before that, I always saw myself as a good person, but suddenly this abortion came and I felt like the worst sinner on earth. For the first time, I saw myself as a horrible person. I’ve always wanted to be a mum, but I actually became like the worst mother in that sense.

Wow, so how did the process of healing take place?

For a year and a half after the abortion, I ran away from God. I blamed Him, asking things like “God, why did you let this happen to me?” Actually it was my own fault, but I was angry at Him and refused to go back to church. Like, I was crying myself to sleep for one and a half years. But somehow He never let me go. And even though I didn’t read the Bible or go to church, the story in John 8 about the woman caught in adultery kept coming back to me every time I felt so condemned.

You know that part where Jesus asked, “Has anyone come to condemn you?” Then she said, “No, no one,” and He said, “Then neither do I. So, go now and leave your life of sin.” Something like that right? It just kept repeating in my head. And I think it was that passage that saved my life, because I really wanted to die. I felt so hopeless.

I BLAMED HIM, ASKING THINGS LIKE “GOD, WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME?” ACTUALLY IT WAS MY OWN FAULT

I also attended Rachel’s Vineyard’s weekend retreat, and a few very significant things happened. The first thing that struck me when I walked into the room of eight participants was “I’m not alone.” The second thing was that God showed me a vision of Jesus, carrying my child. In the background, I could hear children’s laughter. My child just walked toward me and Jesus placed him on my lap. And I froze, like what do I do now?! But it was life-changing. The split moment of this vision healed me of many years of pain. That was very healing because I’ve always asked, “Where’s my child?” but now I know my child is with Jesus — he’s in the best possible place that he can be.

So how did the Buttons Project Singapore come about?

Buttons actually started in New Zealand by a lady called Marina. When I found out about it, it was like something was burning inside me; it resonated so much with me.

Actually, when you have an abortion, it’s very quick. Like, you find out you’re pregnant, you fix the date, see the doctor, do a scan, okay, decide you want to go for an abortion. So from the time you find out you’re pregnant to the time you abort, it can be just 2-3 weeks. So then it was like, “Did it even happen? Did I even go through this?” And you’re left hanging there. If you lose a loved one, you can go to the columbarium. But for unborn babies, there’s nothing. There’s nothing for you to grieve, and there is no closure. Yeah, so when I first found out about this project, I knew that this was it. It was exactly what I was going through.

I stayed with Marina for a few days, and when she showed me her buttons I was just blown away, because there were like jars of buttons, twenty over thousand of those. When you know that each button represents a baby, it means so much. The abortion stats for 2016 in Singapore was 7217, and it’s “just a number”, but when you see the buttons, it’s not just a number. They are babies. Then you wonder, where are all the people affected by abortion? Grieving and hurting out there? That’s why I felt I needed to do something, and decided I was going to bring this back to Singapore.

How difficult was it for you to go public?

Very difficult! I was like, “God, no, I cannot do this! Lord please take this away from me, but not my will, but Your will be done.” I had to die to myself. On one hand, I was thinking, “What would people think? How are my parents going to take it?” but at the same time, I wanted to obey God. I had to walk into my destiny. It was a struggle, really a struggle.

How did people respond when you started sharing your story?

It was very painful. It was as though I was reliving everything. But I wanted to do it, because all I wanted was to get out of this — all I wanted was to have nothing to hide.

I think my friends were shocked. They were usually at a loss for words. But they were encouraging. I mean I remember someone sent me a text that said, “We still love you the same, we won’t judge you.” My family didn’t really know how to respond, but through this process I can tell that they love me a lot.

SENDING A BUTTON IS NOT GOING TO HEAL YOU OF UNRESOLVED ISSUES

On hindsight, I should have told my friends and family about the abortion earlier. When I shared it with them for the first time, I could see the hurt in their eyes. They were not just hurt because I had an abortion, but because I went through so much pain and doubt alone. They were hurt to see me so hurt, and I felt so bad about that.

What’s coming up next for Buttons?

We have no idea what God is going to do next. We want to create a memorial for these babies, but it’s not just about gathering buttons. Sending a button is not going to heal you of unresolved issues like unforgiveness or anger. Those things still need to be dealt with. I guess in sending in the button to acknowledge that it happened, or sharing the story for the first time, it is a first step. It is not healing in itself, but it’s a step.

We’ve crafted the buttons we receive into paintings that we hope to display in cafés. It’s like a memorial right, so if I send a button, I would want to know where it is, and I’ll want to be able to visit it. I hope that when they look at the picture, they find some healing or comfort. We also have a support group of women who have also gone through abortions to walk with them, journey with them, and just be their friends!

Do you have any last words for our readers?

If you’re in a relationship and thinking of crossing the physical boundary to get love from your boyfriend or have already done so, that’s not where love can be found. We should first be so assured in our Father’s love that we don’t need anyone else’s love to fill up your emotional tank.

And if you’re considering an abortion, I urge you to find out more about abortion first. You can even contact me or my team at our website www.buttonsproject.org.sg. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt from this is to seek help. Don’t suffer in silence! Seek help from the right people who are mature and able to give you advice. Though we aren’t professional counsellors, we have all been through abortions ourselves and may be able to help.

Dear Kallos: My Boyfriend And I Had Sex, Now What?

Alina Teo — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

My boyfriend and I struggle with pre-marital sex and self-pleasure. Will breaking up with him solve this? – Struggle

dear Struggle,

Reading your question already shows me that your desire is to do what is right even though it is not the easiest choice. I honour your heart and effort in taking a tangible step towards being free from these habits and addictions!

God made us people who yearn for intimacy, but true intimacy is meant to be fulfilled in Christ before anything else. When it comes to physical closeness, many misconstrue God as a rulebook keeper who just wants to deprive us of pleasure. That isn’t true. God is the one who created sex and made it a beautiful thing, but at the right time and person — that is, within the context of marriage.

Yet, in saying all these, we need to acknowledge that when a habit has formed, it is hard to break, and this is especially so for a sexual sin.

If your boyfriend also desires to break out of this addiction, it may help for both of you to seek a mature couple in church to process what has been happening and to figure out the best way forward. However, if he constantly pressures you to have sex and does not have a desire to be free of this addiction, it is wise (yet tough, I know!) to decide to break up. Being single will give you the space and time to understand why you are struggling with these issues and how to overcome them. While breaking up is a big decision that may help in the short term by stopping pre-marital sex, keep in mind that it is not a simple, clear-cut solution in the long term. There are often underlying root issues that you have to deal with even after breaking up.

When we engage in self-pleasure (like masturbation, binge eating, or even casual sex), often we are seeking to soothe and comfort parts of ourselves. These are legitimate needs, and could come from insecurities about who we are, fears of rejection, wounds from the past, or simply wanting to be loved. No matter how we try to soothe ourselves, however, it really won’t ever be enough. Would you consider bringing these needs, fears, and anxieties before God instead? Whatever it might be, God who created you knows and has the answers. In this way, you are choosing to open yourself to being comforted by God, instead of trying to soothe yourself.

With all this in mind, could you think of one wise person in your life with whom you feel safe and with whom you can openly share these struggles? This should be someone who will listen and pray with you, walk with you and point you to God’s truths. I truly believe there are many female leaders who would want to journey with you, not from a place of judgement but a place of deep love and desire to see you being restored in Christ.

Habits do not develop overnight, so, similarly, it takes time and perseverance to rid yourself of habits and addictions. I know this is a tough call and one that is painful, but I pray and believe that God is more than enough for you. He will give you the strength and joy to overcome and come forth victorious should you decide to walk in obedience and faithfulness to Him. You are not alone, dear sister. May Jesus be your ultimate treasure and the One your heart desires above all else.

What I Wish I Knew At 13

Kallos Team — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

Dear 13-year-old Hazel,

It’s been ten years, and I think it’s time we had a heart-to-heart talk. There are some things I want you to know that I wish I knew at your age. So here goes.

First of all, your grades truly aren’t everything. The reality is that the Lord is a lot more interested in your growth as a person and as His child than He is in what you can do! I know you know this, but you need to believe it! There’s one thing that you will hold on to throughout the years: do your best and never regret it. As long as you’ve given your 100 percent, then the results shouldn’t matter. Try to remember that when the stress mounts and you get discouraged!

Sometimes, when I get caught up with my studies now (yes, it still happens), I ask myself, “What would it mean to you if you graduated with straight As but accomplished nothing for God’s kingdom in the process?” It’s a scary thought. I never want to be in danger of getting so distracted from our main purpose in life!

Secondly, you desire a boyfriend. Guess what? One day, you will have one, but he will dump you (sobs). But it’s going to be OK. You will think that he is your everything, and losing him will make you feel empty and lost. What I want you to know is that you can’t put all your hopes on people, because they will always disappoint you. God is the only one who is there for you every step of the way.

It will take a while, but you’ll learn one of the most important lessons of your life — that God is waiting for you, ready to heal you, and fill you up again. He is so faithful, and the “love” you think you had with that guy is going to pale tremendously in comparison to the unconditional love God has for you. I can’t wait for you to reach that point!

Thirdly, let’s get real. You have to stop comparing yourself to your best friend. Yes, she’s pretty, and she’s popular. Sometimes, it’s tempting to try to be as outspoken or funny or sociable as her, but eventually it’s going to get really draining and demoralising to pretend to be someone else to get attention. Besides, look around you! Your friends already accept you for who you are.

One day, when you share your insecurities with them, you’re going to be pleasantly surprised that they will encourage you to be yourself, and they will embrace you, flaws and all!

LET'S GET REAL. YOU HAVE TO STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO YOUR BEST FRIEND.

These are the friends you will want to invest in, because these are the friends you will truly be able to connect with.

Oh, one last thing. You will be learning some other hard lessons along the way, but those lessons are your best teachers. Take pride in the challenges and tough situations, because they will mould you into the strong lady you’ll eventually become. Be strong, love God, and love others. We’re gonna be fine!

Love,

23-year-old Hazel

Take The No Youtube Challenge

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

1. For three days prior to the challenge, track how much time you spend on YouTube daily.

2. For three weeks, refrain from using YouTube.

3. Instead, intentionally engage in meaningful activities with friends, family, and God.

4. Reflect on the process and journal down your thoughts.

Challenger: CLARIS KANG, 19

3 Fun Facts:

1. I love artsy things, knitting, and all things colourful
2. I’ve shot in a life range
3. I love xiao long baos

INITIAL THOUGHTS

I mainly watch fashion videos and Kdrama cuts on YouTube. For the past three days prior to the challenge, I’ve recorded that I spend an average of 45 minutes on YouTube daily! When I watch one minute videos singularly, it does not seem like much time has been spent watching them. Yet when I intentionally and consciously took down how much time I spend on YouTube, I was shocked! All these one minute videos actually added up to close to an hour a day!

One hour each day does not seem like a whole lot of time, but at the same time I’ve always wished that I had more time to pursue a new hobby or spend more time with God! It has been my goal to pick up embroidery this year and I haven’t gotten started on the patterns that I was going to try. I also love reading news but sometimes I find myself cutting down news-reading time due to distractions from YouTube videos.

Receiving this challenge is scary because I have just finished the last episode of a Korean drama “Healer” and I know I am going to have serious withdrawals from the drama! There is also partial dread because the minute-long YouTube videos are my form of passing time. To abstain from them completely will not be an easy thing to do. I am really praying to God to let Him ingrain in me the discipline to steward my time well and not succumb to the temptation of drama cuts.

THE CHALLENGE

Over the 2 weeks, these are the four groups that I observed and the things God placed on my heart to pray for:

Week 1
The first week has been quite good with the toughest temptation being drama cuts. I have been at home most of this week so boredom was something that I fought with. However, a change that I have noticed is that I’ve been more intentional about spending a longer time with my family at the dining table! It’s hard to believe but I used to finish dinner in ten minutes or less and rush to to my room. Thankfully, with the extra time spent at the table, I have been able to better understand the stage of life my parents are in right now and understanding their work situations better. And this week, I finally started on embroidery! After procrastinating for a long time since my A-level examinations ended, I received the equipment as presents for my birthday, and this spurred me on to start my first hoop. I think the extra time freed from this challenge really gave me the extra time before my bed time to engage my mind more meaningfully.

Week 2
On one of the days, I happened to be watching something on the television and I got really curious about the plot so I accidentally went on YouTube, forgetting that I was on this challenge! There were also a few other instances where I wanted to go on YouTube to watch talk shows or tutorials to understand something faster but I had to go on Google to read the instructions instead. This made me realise how frequently I use YouTube as the quicker way out.

However, not using YouTube has definitely allowed me to spend more of my free time reading the Bible. That 15 minutes less spent on YouTube and on reading the Bible matters a lot! Whenever I felt that I needed to keep myself entertained from videos online, I read chapters and verses from Proverbs instead. I also found myself reading books more often! Apart from Proverbs, I read Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis as well, and it allowed me to better understand Christian virtues!

Week 3
As I settled into this “YouTube fast”, there have been many moments where I find myself having nothing to do or just wanting to use a YouTube break to catch a breather. However, being on the fast challenged me to take time to think about my friends whom I have not been able to talk to regularly due to them being in army or at work. I sought some of them out for prayer requests and spent time praying for them! Through this process, I was also able to quickly catch up with some of them and I am very thankful for that! As prayer is something I hoped to do more of in 2018, this break was opportune for me to go deeper in my prayers.

FINAL THOUGHTS

As this challenge comes close to an end, I have to admit that there were definitely instances when I really wanted to go on YouTube to draw some fashion inspiration or just be updated with the latest music videos. Fortunately, I was able to circumvent these temptations most of the time or quickly close the page even if I had accidentally logged into it. I know this would not have been possible without God! I thought this challenge was a meaningful one for me to be less caught up in mindless entertainment and slow down the pace of life to spend time with people.

I have seen myself choosing to take a walk home with my parents after dinner at a nearby mall, reading the book of Proverbs, spending time before bed reading the Bible and other books and praying more! Spending the extra 15 minutes with God has also shown me that in the most practical way of abstaining from worldly entertainment, we can make time to understand God better. I even picked up a new skill in the three weeks! They say it takes 21 days to inculcate a habit; I hope to continue spending time with my family and reading more to grow my knowledge instead of a whole hour on YouTube!

Dig Deeper: Did Jesus Die And Resurrect?

Hannah Leung — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

It is commonly said that Jesus is the cornerstone of our Christian faith. This is true! Through His life, death, resurrection, and ascension into heaven, much about God and His kingdom is revealed to us. But why do we trust what the Bible says about His death and resurrection? What if Jesus had died, but did not resurrect? This article explores the historical evidence for Jesus’ death and resurrection.

His Death: The Crucifixion

Crucifixion in Roman times was considered the worst form of punishment for crime. Jesus was condemned to the cross because He claimed to be the Son of God (Mark 14:61–64), which was heresy to the Jewish priests since He was equating himself to God. They then convinced the Roman governor, Pontius Pilate, that Jesus claimed to be a king (John 19:12), and so had to be executed for treason.

External (i.e. ‘extra-biblical’) evidence about Jesus’ death and resurrection come from three main sources: (1) the Roman historian Tacitus; (2) the Babylonian Talmud (Jewish law), which refers to the “hanging” (i.e. crucifixion) of Jesus; and (3) the Jewish historian Josephus, who describes Jesus in this way: “And he gained a following both among Jews and many of Greek origin. And when Pilate, because of an accusation made by leading men among us, condemned him to the cross, those who loved him previously did not cease to do so.“

These evidences allow us to reach two conclusions. Firstly, the biblical characters (namely, Jesus and Pilate) were not made up, but real people recorded in history. Secondly, even those who did not follow Jesus acknowledged Him — Tacitus is known to have hated Christians and deemed Christianity a “destructive superstition”. Therefore, their factual writings stating the crucifixion of Jesus prove that he did truly die on the cross!

His Resurrection: The Empty Tomb & Many Appearances

In the book of John, we read an account of how Mary Magdalene visited the tomb where Jesus’ body had been laid but found it to be empty before the other disciples did (John 20:1–8). A woman thus became the first person to report about the empty tomb. But did you know that in first-century Palestine, women were not allowed to testify in court? Thus, the testimonies of Mary and also other women (Matt 28:1; Mark 16:1; Luke 24:10) were unlikely to be false. Since their testimonies would have been dismissed right away, the Gospel writers would not have included them unless they had been widely accepted as fact.

Sceptics claim that the appearances of Jesus to His disciples post-resurrection were hallucinations. However, it is unlikely that all the disciples would have shared a series of hallucinations. Furthermore, Jesus appeared to over 500 people after He resurrected (1 Cor 15:6), as well as other disciples at di erent times and different places (1 Cor 15:5, 7–8). It is recorded in the Bible that they also conversed and even ate with Him (John 21:9–14). It is highly unlikely that all those who saw Jesus were under a prolonged and shared hallucination.

Lived, Died, Resurrected!

The final evidence for Jesus’ death and resurrection is the transformation of His disciples. Some have accused them of concocting the story of Jesus, but the disciples would neither have lived nor died so boldly, preaching the gospel of Jesus, unless they had absolute confidence in the events they witnessed and the Person they loved and followed. They were neither delusional from hallucinations, nor such pathological liars that they could hold up a consistent narrative for zero profit. Many of them died a martyr’s death, and till the day they died, all served the church and preached Jesus wherever they went.

Still not convinced? Josh McDowell’s Evidence That Demands a Verdict explores this issue (and others) thoroughly. Indeed, these evidences demand a verdict! Jesus is a person in history who lived, died, and resurrected. Search the evidence for yourself and be certain of your conclusion!