Issue 33 – Kallos

Sex Trafficking in Singapore

Isabel Phua — Sun, 24 May 2020 04:00:00 +0000

STATISTICS

MORE THAN 45 MILLION PEOPLE WORLDWIDE ARE VICTIMS OF TRAFFICKING

79% ARE WOMEN AND CHILDREN, FOR SEXUAL OR LABOUR EXPLOITATION

34 TRAFFICKING CASES INVESTIGATED IN 2017. 22 WERE CASES OF SUSPECTED SEX TRAFFICKING

How does sex trafficking work?

Sex trafficking is a form of human trafficking, specifically for the purpose of sexual exploitation. It occurs when someone is forced, coerced or cheated into a commercial sex act such as prostitution, pornography, and any sexual performance in exchange for items of value like money, food, shelter, or drugs.

Does it happen in Singapore?

In Singapore, prostitution in regulated red-light districts is legal. Sex workers and brothels are issued special licenses by the police’s Specialised Crime Branch, also known as the anti-vice department, to operate. However, certain prostitution-related activities are illegal, such as pimping, importing a woman for sex work (even if she is consensual), and public solicitation.

The problem is that the laws in Singapore both tolerate and criminalise sex work at the same time. The government has stated that they do this so that it is easier to regulate prostitution, but it also means that sex trafficking then becomes more difficult to track and abolish.

In fact, in 2010 and in 2017, Singapore was categorised as Tier 2 in the Trafficking in Persons (TIP) Report published by the U.S. Department of State. Tier 2 is a category for countries that have a significant number of trafficking victims and have failed to show efforts to combat the situation.

Why is it difficult to stop sex-trafficking in Singapore?

Many women who end up in Singapore as sex workers are lured with promises of highly paid professional work, or as waitresses or hostesses. Upon their arrival, they might have their passports taken from them and are forced into sex work to pay off their debts. With no way to get help, most victims have no choice but to agree.

In addition, most of these women enter Singapore on tourist visas. Therefore, when they are caught, they are treated as immigration offenders rather than victims of sex trafficking, making them more vulnerable to reentering the sex trade as they are not allowed to find legal work or even return home. As many come from Bangladesh, Myanmar, India, Thailand, Vietnam, and the Philippines, even when victims want help, language barriers stop them from getting it.

WHAT NOW:
– In 2018, Channel NewsAsia reported that a large number of Singaporean men have been looking for sex with girls in Batam, Indonesia. Not just that, but they specifically want girls who are virgins or teenagers. These girls are about the same age as you are. Does this knowledge make you feel differently about the situation?

– Pray for Hagar Singapore, a Christian NGO at the front line of combating sex trafficking in Singapore. They currently work with the Singapore government to strengthen public awareness and enforcement capacity, and provide victim care to trafficked women and girls in Singapore.

– If you come across a potential trafficking situation in Singapore, report it to:
Police hotline (+65) 6435 0000
Ministry of Manpower (+65) 6438 5122

GET INVOLVED BY FOLLOWING THESE NGOS (BOTH LOCAL AND OVERSEAS) AND SEE HOW YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE!

– FB.COM/HAGARINTERNATIONAL
– FB.COM/EMANCIPASIA
– @HAGARSINGAPORE
– @EXODUSCRY
– @WIPEEVERYTEAR

“Have We Gone Too Far?” Talking Boundaries With Your Boyfriend

Quek Shi Yun — Wed, 13 Nov 2019 16:23:00 +0000

My phone screen lit up as a text came in.

“I need to talk to you. I have a confession to make.”

It was one of my best friends, and the urgency of her message surprised me. I quickly responded, and soon enough, a story poured out — one I didn’t expect. This friend, who loves Jesus and has dedicated much of her life to serving and loving Him, had crossed a line she hadn’t expected to with her boyfriend. Through a series of circumstances, they had fallen into an unhealthy habit of indulging in intimate acts, always stopping short of actually having sexual intercourse, but going much further than either of them had ever planned.

FLAMES OF DESIRE

It’s often tempting to look at this in a self-righteous manner, shaking your head as you wonder how a Christian couple could find themselves in such a situation. But this isn’t the first couple who’s fallen into sexual sin, and they certainly won’t be the last. Unless you’ve experienced the flames of desire yourself, it is difficult to fully understand what is needed to resist temptation and choose to honour God in these decisions.

I remember the early days of dating, when just staring into my then-boyfriend, now-husband Josh’s eyes made me feel like swooning, and even the slight brushing of hands could send my heart into overdrive. Yet after a few months, neither of those things were particularly stimulating or exciting. They were nice, but stopped being special. The same happened with holding hands, hugging, and me leaning on his shoulder. Every single time, the buzz would wear off, and soon, it felt like we needed something more to experience that level of intimacy again.

My mind started to drift as I wondered if it would be so bad if we started kissing, or if we were to lie down together on the sofa, or if we were to be alone at home. The intense desire I had for more physical intimacy was so overwhelming at times!

What helped us both immensely was the fact that we had had very open and honest conversations about our desire to honour God in our relationship, and how we wanted to go about it. A few months into our relationship, Josh and I sat down for a talk that lasted a few hours, outlining our convictions about boundaries in dating, how we formed them, and what we believed was necessary for us to do in order to keep them.

Was it awkward? Yes! But as our relationship progressed and the complexities of our desires changed, I was so glad we had already talked about it before. There came moments when either of us wanted to make a move but didn’t, because we wanted to honour each other and our commitments to God, and help each other to do so.

REMEMBER, IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT AVOIDING PARTICULAR ACTIONS LIKE KISSING OR NOT HAVING SEX BECAUSE YOU FEEL IT'S THE "CHRISTIAN" THING TO DO.

IT'S TIME FOR THE TALK

Perhaps you are in a relationship and are struggling in the area of physical intimacy. Maybe you don’t find it a problem at all at the moment. Either way, it will be beneficial to talk through some boundaries with your boyfriend if you are serious about your commitments to God. Here’s how you can get started:

1. Have a game plan

Before talking with your boyfriend, take some time to pray and ask God about the boundaries you should set in order to honour Him with your body (1 Cor 6:19–20). Remember, it’s not just about avoiding particular actions like kissing or having sex because you feel like it’s the “Christian thing to do”, but about ensuring that you have a clear conscience before the Lord (Heb 13:18). Be honest about the specific struggles you face in sexual purity, and think about the levels of intimacy you should avoid in order not to fall into temptation.

IF YOU'VE ALREADY GONE FURTHER THAN YOU WANT TO AND FEEL LIKE THERE'S NO GOING BACK, YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG.

2. Gather your courage, and just do it!

Intentionally set aside some time to talk through each of your convictions about sexual morality, and your desired boundaries. Don’t just talk about the actions you want to avoid though! Give each other time to share why you believe sexual purity matters, and your beliefs about what “purity” is to begin with. Talk through the specifics about how you are going to keep these boundaries, such as by not going to each other’s home when no one else is there, or only doing in private what you would be willing to do in public. Agree to respect the boundary that is “stricter” and to avoid pushing each other to do things that might cause discomfort.

3. Keep the conversation going

Don’t assume that just because you’ve had the conversation once, you’re done. As you proceed in the relationship, you may find that there are things that come to your attention that you didn’t know would be an issue for you. Revisit the boundaries you have decided on together; you may have to come up with new ones as different scenarios come up.

4. Get external input

Share the boundaries you have agreed on with a person of authority, such as a leader, pastor or even your parents, and get them to hold you accountable. It would be best if they are married, as they would be able to provide perspective on what it is like to go through the range of emotions, temptations and struggles from the time of dating, to engagement, and finally marriage. Be humble and listen to advice you may not agree with. Constantly ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you and your boyfriend personally and convict your hearts in a similar fashion.

TOO FAR GONE?

If you’ve already gone further than you want to and feel like there’s no going back, you couldn’t be more wrong. Our God readily forgives as long as our hearts are repentant and ready to change (1 John 1:9). It may not be easy, but many couples have been able to stop indulging in sexual intimacy before marriage with the help of the Holy Spirit.

After my friend confessed what she and her boyfriend had done, they took practical and meaningful steps toward righting their wrongs and making sure what happened didn’t happen again. They established new boundaries that they have since kept, though not without some difficulty. They involved their pastors and leaders, and have even taken the brave step of going through counselling as a couple in order to forgive themselves, and each other, for leading each other into sin.

To me, that is a beautiful picture of a Christian couple acknowledging the grace of God and working together to live in a way that pleases Him in spite of their initial failings. None of us are ever too far gone for God’s grace!

To those of you who have not done so, I urge you to consider the value of forming your own boundaries and talking it through with your boyfriend. After all, it is never an accident when a couple “suddenly” finds themselves in a position that they never intended — it is almost always a series of conscious decisions to keep going even when their consciences are pricked. The devil is constantly working to tempt and ensnare us; he won’t succeed if we resist and stand firm in the faith together (1 Pet 5:8–9).

Dig Deeper: How Can A Loving God Send Anyone To Hell?

Kallos Team — Fri, 24 May 2019 04:00:00 +0000

This is a question that causes much anguish and confusion. When we think of our friends and family, most of whom are kind and good, it is horrifying to imagine that God might one day send them to hell. But let us first consider what hell is really like according to the Bible, and not the usual portrayals in myths or media.

It is important to understand that the Bible, especially Jesus’ parables and the Book of Revelation, contains metaphorical or figurative language. This means that things are described in terms of what they are like, rather than what they are. After all, hell cannot be described as a place of utter darkness (Matt 22:13) yet also have the light emitting from unquenchable fire (Mark 9:48). We cannot take these descriptions literally.

What these metaphorical descriptions give us is the most terrible and fundamental truth about hell — it has a complete absence of a relationship with the loving God. Hell, therefore, is without hope, joy, peace, kindness, or anything good and pleasing to God. There is only constant torture from all we hate about the world, about others, and about ourselves. Hell is unending separation from God (2 Thess 1:9). Nothing could be worse than this.

In light of this understanding, let us consider the question on a deeper level, as it actually reveals two assumptions we may have about God:

Firstly, the question assumes that when God allows people to end up in hell, He is being unloving.

When we think of a loving God, what do we think of? Do we conjure up an image of cuddly hugs and an indulgent grandfather? But could we have a limited understanding of what love means? While God is love, He is also just. He is a holy God and so His people are also expected to be holy. If there is anything unjust or unholy in us, it must be addressed so that we may be in a right relationship with God and with those around us. It is because God loves us that He disciplines us (Prov 3:11–12; Heb 12:5–11). It is because God loves the world that He hates sin and His “wrath” comes upon those who sin (Rom 1:18–19).

Whenever my two-year-old daughter throws a tantrum, I find myself wanting to tolerate her behaviour because of her big cute eyes. However, because I love her and want the best for her, I need to teach her that such behaviour is wrong and show her that there are consequences for her actions. The Chinese have a saying, “Smacking is love, scolding is fondness,” while similarly, Proverb 13:24 says, “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” Loving someone does not mean turning a blind eye to their wrong choices but involves a level of discipline from rebuke to punishment.

God is love and God is just (1 John 3:16; Ps. 9:7-8)— He cannot be unloving, but neither can He be unjust.

Secondly, the question assumes that people are simply victims of God.

Why would a loving God “send” people to hell? In the end, we are each responsible for our choices. The hard truth is that when someone actively chooses to reject God, the final consequence is eternal separation from Him. God gave us the freedom to choose and He has made the choices clear. Because He loves us, He has revealed who He is and what He has done for us through Jesus Christ (Eph 2:1–10). He sent Jesus to take the punishment for our sins so that we do not need to be eternally separated from God. He has given us creation to point to His existence so that all “men are without excuse” (Rom 1:20) for knowing God. He has also given us His Word to point to His truth. In His love, He has not hidden from us the consequences of sin (Rom 6:23) but given us time to respond, being patient and “not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Pet 3:9). So the important question is — how will we choose to respond to God’s love, justice, and holiness?

As C.S. Lewis wrote in The Great Divorce, “There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘Thy will be done.’ All that are in Hell, choose it.”

The question then is not, “How can a loving God send anyone to hell?” but rather, “How can anyone who understands God’s love choose to be apart from Him forever?” While we still have time on earth, may we persist in sharing of God’s love to those around us by telling them about Jesus, so that they may one day be with him forever.

Carry Each Other’s Burdens

Jiamin Choo — Fri, 24 May 2019 04:00:00 +0000

When I was catching up with a friend, I noticed she wasn’t her bubbly self and looked listless.

I asked, “Is everything ok?”

She replied, “I couldn’t sleep last night because I heard those voices again.”

I was surprised. “What kind of voices?”

“Voices that tell me I’m not good enough, that I’ll never achieve anything. And sometimes they tell me to harm myself because I’m not worthy to be loved.”

As my friend continued to share how this had gone on for some time and that she was on medication to help the voices go away, I was shocked. I had no idea she’d been struggling with this, and how it had affected her so much. Wanting to help, I offered, “The next time you hear those negative voices at night and cannot sleep, call me so that we can talk and pray together.”

Over the next few weeks, my friend called me frequently at night. Sometimes she sounded anxious, other times she was agitated. The voices were at it again, like a boomerang that went round and round in her mind, tearing down her worth, eating away at her. The phone calls could last over an hour, and I would try my best to calm her down, speak words of hope and truth to her, and pray with her, asking the Lord to protect her from the voices and to help her sleep soundly.

As the weeks progressed to months, the late-night calls began to weigh down on me, interrupting my studies and taking time away from rest. Realising I had to set some boundaries so that my friend would not over-rely on me and for me to manage my own well-being, I roped in some mutual friends to take turns in journeying with her through those difficult nights.

It was a long battle for our friend to fight those voices, and it made us frustrated at times, wondering when these voices would ever disappear. Was this a physical condition that could be treated with long-term medication? Was this a spiritual battle of the mind that could be won by prayer? There were no easy answers, but one thing we were sure of — we wanted to love our friend by sharing her burden.

As Jesus-followers, we are called to love our neighbours as ourselves, which Jesus referred to as the second greatest commandment (Matt 22:39–40). One way of fulfilling this commandment to love our neighbours is to “carry each other’s burdens”, which was Paul’s encouragement to the churches in Galatia (Gal 6:2). We are to share one another’s struggles, help those in trouble, and not stay away because of the fear of getting implicated in a messy situation. Even though we may feel helpless with regard to our friend’s situation, we can intercede for our friend by praying to God who is faithful to hear our cries and who is mighty to save. By actively looking out for friends and others who are going through difficulties, we can become God’s channel of love to one another.

Years have passed since those late-night phone calls, and I’ve had many other moments of learning what it means to carry one another’s burdens. Sometimes it meant comforting a friend whose mother was recently diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes it meant hugging a friend tight as she confessed her secret sin in tears. Sometimes it meant helping a friend in her studies when she missed classes because of a tough situation. Whatever it is, when you reach out to a friend in need, you are sharing one another’s burden and making a difference which matters much. Never underestimate what one small act of love can do. It can turn someone’s life around.

PRAYER
Heavenly Father, open my eyes to my friends who are in need, and grant me wisdom to know how to love them by sharing their burdens. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME
1. When you were in a time of need, who looked out for you and helped you through? How did that make you feel?
2. Is there a friend in school or church who has been struggling with certain issues? What is one thing you can do to help?

DELVE DEEPER
Read and reflect on these passages on “Carrying One Another’s Burdens”:
o Numbers 11:4-17
o Proverbs 17:17
o Mark 2:1-12

HANDLES
As you read God’s Word, try turning the words into prayer by reflecting on the attributes of God and giving thanks to Him. You could also think about your own relationship with God in view of what you’ve read, and ask God to strengthen your faith in Him.

Corrie Ten Boom

Hannah Leung — Fri, 24 May 2019 04:00:00 +0000

WAS 50 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE STARTED HIDING JEWS TO SAVE THEM FROM PERSECUTION

RESCUED OVER 800 JEWISH REFUGEES DURING THE HOLOCAUST

When I think about radical living, I think about Corrie ten Boom. Her life sparkled with events and moments of radical faith. However, it was not always so. Corrie was brought up in a family of believers who were fervent for God. As a teen, she went through a rebellious stage (just like some of us!) but was soon compelled by the love of Christ to live a life set apart for Him. She spent the next few decades of her life serving God in church and in her community, until Nazi Germany invaded her beloved country, the Netherlands.

The first Jew came to her home in 1942. Corrie was 50. The ten Booms had heard about the persecution of the Jews in the country and sought a way to help them. Without planning to, Corrie and her family soon became part of the Dutch Underground, working to hide and rescue Jews from certain death. A secret room was built in Corrie’s room that was just 30 inches deep, the size of a small wardrobe, and this became a hiding place for many Jews before they could be relocated to a safe place.

Unfortunately, Corrie and her family were eventually caught by the German secret police. As the hiding place was too well-hidden, the police were never able to prove that they were hiding Jews, but they did find the extra ration cards that the family used to supply the refugees with food and with that, charged them for treason. Corrie, her father, her sister Betsie, and a few others were arrested. Up till they were caught, they hosted and hid an estimated 800 refugees!

After their arrest, Corrie and Betsie travelled through several concentration camps before arriving at the Ravensbrück concentration camp, a women’s labour camp in Germany. Both of them suffered tremendous physical, verbal, and emotional abuse during their time there. They were made to stand in the daily roll calls for hours in rain and snow, and humiliated by being made to strip naked for health inspections by male guards. Despite their awful conditions, they held worship services after the hard days at work, using a Bible that they had managed to sneak in to encourage each other and the women in their bunk. Corrie faced the hardest moment of her life when Betsie passed away in the camp. In the face of great suffering and heartache, Corrie found great release and refuge in the Bible, often reading until “the ache in my heart went away”.

Miraculously, due to a clerical error, Corrie was released from prison a week before the women in her age group were put to death. She was free! But there is one more story to tell. After the war, Corrie travelled the world as a public speaker to share her story of faith and forgiveness. At a sharing in a church service one day, she recognised a guard from the Ravensbrück camp who was especially cruel towards Betsie. He approached her with joy that the gospel preaches that his sins are washed away. He tried to shake her hand. She hesitated. While she preached the message of forgiveness, she herself was faced with the challenge of forgiving her enemy! As she eventually took his hand, a love sprang forth from her heart that overwhelmed her with forgiveness. She famously said, “When [God] tells us to love our enemies, He gives along with the command, the love itself.”

IF YOU LOOK AT THE WORLD, YOU'LL BE DISTRESSED. IF YOU LOOK WITHIN, YOU'LL BE DEPRESSED. IF YOU LOOK AT GOD, YOU'LL BE AT REST. - CORRIE TEN BOOM

Where fear and death plagued her nation, Corrie’s heart was plagued with the love of Christ, and it was all she needed as she provided refuge for those on the run. Her surrendered life is a testimony of simple things. A prayerful posture, a mind hungry for the Bible, and feet ready to move for the Gospel. These things created in her what she truly needed in providing a “hiding place” for people she barely knew: a heart that is hidden in Christ.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

1. If there are people in your society who are being ill-treated, would you have the courage to help them, even if it could be at great cost to yourself?

2. Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive? Ask God to give you His love, just as He did for Corrie.

How I Overcame My Eating Disorder

Joy Shen — Fri, 24 May 2019 04:00:00 +0000

“You should watch your weight.”

I was 12 when a church jie jie (elder sister) said that to me. However well-meaning she might have been, I took her comment to heart. It became one of the things that sparked off my struggle with food that year.

DOWNWARD SPIRAL

I had always been the tall girl in my age group. Perhaps this was why I was also one of the heavier ones. However, by the Body Mass index (BMI) standard, I was in the healthy range. I enjoyed eating and knew I had flab on my thighs but it didn’t bother me much.

But that year, the idea of feeling fat got to me. I wanted to be thinner and feel better about myself. I started cutting down on carbs and exercising a lot in my room. Family dinners became more difficult as my mum, grandma and aunt would all ask me to eat more than the two mouthfuls of rice in my bowl. I would purse my lips and shake my head resolutely each time. However, a few times when we were eating out, I let my guard down. I ate foods I deemed “safe” for my weight-watching but ended up eating what I considered to be too much. I then felt very guilty and cried when I got home, making sure to exercise harder that day to make up for it.

Once, because I wanted to have control over what I ate, I withdrew from having lunch with my friends to eat a homemade lettuce-and-tomato sandwich alone. After this lunch, I slumped in a corner and broke down. My friends and teachers asked me what was wrong, but I was lost for words. How could I tell them what I was going through? How could I explain that I was constantly afraid of getting fat? That I was lonely, but I didn’t want to eat with others to avoid being tempted by “fatty” and “unsafe” foods? That the truth was … I had this eating problem?

THE ROAD TO RECOVERY

By this time, I had missed a few monthly periods and even had bruises on my neck and back from all the sit-ups and leg lifts on the wooden floor in my room. My mum decided to seek help and brought me to a nutritionist. She was warm and friendly, and talked about the different food groups, encouraging me to eat a balanced diet and take care of my health.

After this session and several conversations with my mum, I eventually came to the realisation that I could not carry on living this way. The external signs were indicating that I was not growing like girls of my age, and the internal misery pushed me to try to open up to my family and seek help.

Slowly, I tried to explain the dieting and exercising to my mum, and she helped me make manageable plans to get back to healthier habits. I started eating healthier portions and with the prayers and support of those around me, I eventually ate normally again and gradually regained my health.

THINSPO GENERATION

Today, many challenges that go viral involve comparing and competing on how thin one can get, and there are social media accounts that provide “thinspiration” for losing weight. These challenges and accounts tell girls that they should resist food or regret it, showcasing very unhealthy and unrealistic standards for anyone to see. If my 12-year-old self were to live in today’s world, she would be tempted to let these standards determine her self-esteem. But I would share this with her:

– Remember who you are: You are a child of God who is loved by Him (e.g. John 3:16).
– Recognise God’s grace: See what He has blessed you with (start by looking at your family or friends).
– Root your identity in your faith: Don’t let what you feel is the truth overshadow what God says is the truth (e.g. Zeph 3:17).
– Reach out for help: Seek professional help to talk about eating issues and disorders and get practical support (try asking close friends to pray for you and with you).

SPIRALLING BACK UP

A while after I started eating normally again, I had the opportunity to join a counselling session for a girl diagnosed with anorexia. The counsellor gave this analogy on how we manage our problems:

“It’s like a spiral. As you are working on the problem, you may feel like you are going round and round in circles, and getting nowhere. However, you can look at it from a different perspective. If you look at it from the side, you may be going round in circles but you could be actually progressing upwards and getting better at managing your problems.”

WITH THE STEADY SUPPORT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND PRACTICAL HELP OF PROFESSIONALS, YOU CAN SPIRAL UP AND EVENTUALLY GET OUT OF YOUR STRUGGLE.

If you are struggling with an eating issue and your body image, don’t lose heart. It may sometimes seem like your efforts to accept yourself for who you are are going nowhere, but with the steady support of family and friends and practical help of professionals, you can spiral up and eventually get out of your struggle.

If you or a friend has an eating disorder and need help, here are some places that you can seek help from:

– SEDS (Support for Eating Disorders Singapore). Hotline: 1800 283 7019
– Singapore Counselling Centre
– Focus on the Family Singapore
– Care Corner
– Grace Counselling
– Christian Counselling Singapore

HOW DO I IDENTIFY AN EATING DISORDER?

The signs of eating disorders are often hidden very well and conducted underground. Even a person who looks like she is of a healthy weight can be struggling with an eating disorder. In extreme cases, victims may meet with all kinds of medical complications, ranging from retardation in growth, risks of suicide, osteoporosis, gastrointestinal bleeding, cardiac arrest and even death.

ANOREXIA NERVOSA features severe restricted eating, a deep fear of weight gain and a disturbing view of one’s body weight and shape.

BULIMIA NERVOSA is characterised by a punishing cycle of uncontrollable intake of large amounts of food, followed by compensatory purging by vomiting, laxatives or medication. These are often linked to easing the underlying shame, depression, and guilt associated with weight gain.

BINGE EATING involves periods of impulsive, uncontrolled and continuous eating to the extent of being uncomfortably full, with no purging after, and is usually triggered by an emotional event that causes the individual to turn to food as a source of comfort. The aftermath is often guilt and self-loathing.

HOW CAN I GET HELP?

It can be very daunting to share your secret, which you may have kept for so long, but there is no better time than now to get help. There is hope and a way out. The first step is yours to take!

1. Remember that adults and friends are not bothering, judging or mocking you. Behind their questions about your eating habits is a message of real concern and love.

2. Although it might be difficult, talk to a trusted adult like your parents or teachers about what is bothering you; it’s not always about food!

3. Be open to talking about the various treatment options on eating disorders and to meet a counsellor who will listen and know how best to help.

Spotlight: Facing Depression, Death, And Despair – Faith Pang’s Story Of Hope

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 24 May 2019 04:00:00 +0000

You lost your dad at a young age. How did you deal with his death?

My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was 15. The cause was excessive smoking that eventually destroyed his organs. Back then, my family owned a local pastry shop but we had to close it down, and consequently, we lost our income. My mother had to work and I had to take up three part-time jobs. That year, I also had to take PMR (the Malaysian equivalent of N levels). It was very tough for me as I had to take care of her and study at the same time. My mum developed depression, and after awhile so did I, and I started self-harming.

I always felt that I didn’t have a choice in this situation; I was forced to grow up and take care of my mother and myself. It was a tough process, and I had to grow up and be mature. I missed out on a big part of having a proper student life — for example, I didn’t even get to go to university.

How difficult was it when your mum fell into depression?

I still remember a day when my friend came to visit me at home. After that, my mum questioned my behaviour and commented that I was being unfilial because I was able to laugh in conversations even though my father had passed away. That really hurt me because I was just trying to be strong in front of her so she wouldn’t worry.

An incident that scarred me happened one night when she strangled me and held me against the wall. I couldn’t breathe. I kept yelling for her to stop until she snapped out of it. It shocked me because she almost killed me without realising it! Living with my mum came with a lot of stress and fear as I was also going through depression and suicidal thoughts.

What were some things people did that weren't helpful to you?

Personally, a prayer and a hug would have meant the most to me at the time. It would be much more effective than merely saying “don’t be so sad” to someone who was already struggling so much.

How did you overcome self-harm and depression?

Two years ago, I went to see a counsellor I met in secondary school, who is a certified psychologist. At the school I attended in Malaysia, every Friday morning, the Malay students attended religious classes and the Chinese students went through talks with social workers. Because of that, I met a social worker who counsels me till this day! I wasn’t a Christian then, but he was, and he would pray for me and give me advice whenever I went to him for help.

So I only got treated ten years after I first experienced depression. The counsellor got me to choose one incident that I wanted to go back to. I chose the incident where my artiste contract fell through. When I first came to Singapore, I was working part-time and studying part-time in mass communication. I then took part in a radio station DJ competition. I got opportunities to host events and eventually signed a 5-year contract with an artiste management agency. It is a long story, but it was a difficult experience and when I terminated the contract, I ended up having to pay about $26,000 for the termination and legal fees. I was just 20 then. The worst part was that two songs that I wrote about my dad were stolen from me as they weren’t copyrighted to me anymore.

I ENDED UP HAVING TO PAY ABOUT $26,000 FOR THE TERMINATION AND LEGAL FEES. I WAS JUST 20 THEN.

I blamed myself a lot for this incident. I didn’t earn a single cent from the contract, and I made my family go through such a tough time. I even had to borrow money to pay money for the debt. I felt very useless as a daughter too. As I thought about this incident, I got a vision of the old me, sitting in a corner crying and I went to hug that version of myself. I told myself that everything is fine now and I do not need to be guilty anymore.

Following that, the real healing came at a church camp when a pastor prayed for me. When I rushed to the toilet to cry, I actually saw a vision of my father! He was cycling towards me and he hugged me. He also said to me, “I have to go now but Abba Father will take care of you”. That encounter made me feel like I could finally let him go and move on.

How has your view of music making changed after becoming a Christian?

I used to think that Christian and secular music are very different, but I realised that I can marry both to reach a greater audience.

When I lost the rights to the song I wrote about my father, I thought that was the end of it. But God is really amazing as He still managed to use that song to bless so many people! In this school in Malaysia, there was a class that struggled with their studies and behaviour. The school decided to organise a camp for them, and during that camp, they sang my song, and that inspired them to study! Some of them even went overseas to study eventually. I was shocked that a three-minute song could impact the next generation. I told myself that I wanted to continue writing songs that can connect with people and change their lives!

I BLAMED MYSELF A LOT [WHEN MY ARTISTE CONTRACT FELL THROUGH]... I FELT VERY USELESS AS A DAUGHTER.

What has been the most difficult moment in your journey as a musician?

I would say… 2018. Last year, I got married and shifted into a house with my husband. Yet, I couldn’t understand why there was an emptiness in my heart. In the same year, my church started planning for our album launch and I was busy with that too. I had actually stopped writing music for a year. My church leader came up to me one day and told me to continue pursuing my passion. I told him, “I don’t even know what my passion is anymore!” He replied that I had probably given up already, hence my lack of remembrance. I decided to pray one night and God gave me a song about how He is the light in the darkness. He made it so clear that He wants me to write songs to bring people out of darkness.

To you, God is ______? Why do you say so?

To me, God is Light. In fact, the name of the album my church launched this year is Light Has Won. God is light and He is making all of us to be His light to bring light to other people.

Dear Kallos: Are Mental Health Issues A Spiritual Thing?

Alina Teo — Fri, 24 May 2019 04:00:00 +0000

Are mental health issues a spiritual thing? For example, can a real Christian with a breathing, living relationship with Jesus have depression? Is depression a sign of spiritual immaturity? — Wondering

dear Wondering,

I’m glad you asked this question!

Depression is a mood disorder caused by nagging feelings of sadness. It is usually termed as “clinical depression” and affects one’s day-to-day living. There are a range of different reasons for depression, such as the make-up of the brain, physical changes in the brain, hormones, and genes. Symptoms of depression also vary from person to person.

Clinical depression requires medical intervention, usually through medication as well as psychiatric help and counselling. However, this term, “depression” has taken on a broader meaning today to describe feeling down for a long period of time. Sometimes, it is not easy to differentiate one from the other, but at the end of the day, it is more important to acknowledge the reality of clinical depression and that it requires special medical attention. Those who are sad for prolonged periods of time may need to focus on non-medical forms of help like counselling sessions to nurture a change in their thought patterns.

Unfortunately, some see depression as a set of clothes one can just change out of by making a choice. Others deem depression as a spiritual battle, where one is oppressed and simply needs deliverance. These assumptions often make people feel defeated, as if they are not trying hard enough or like a sinful being who can’t be “delivered”.

The truth is that individuals who have depression desire a way out of their misery as well. However, it may feel like a second skin that they cannot peel off, no matter how hard they try. I have a friend who battles with depression and no matter how hard she tries, the depressive thoughts and moods would not lift. The pressure to “think positive thoughts and reject negative ones” makes things worse. It is a constant battle and every step is a challenge. Yet, she has chosen to look to Jesus and with the support of family and friends, her condition has been improving.

Thankfully, with medical help and consistent support, this second skin can be slowly but steadily peeled away. It is a very painful process, often fraught with times of failure and a sense of impossibility. Some take decades to overcome depression, while others may never see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have Christian friends who battled with depression for years; some are still at it and their faith and trust in Christ remains.

I personally believe a true Christian can indeed suffer from depression and other mental health issues, and it is not a sign of spiritual immaturity. There are chemical processes that are out of our control. Yet, our hope is found in Jesus — our one true Redeemer. No matter what we fear, He remains faithful amidst our struggles.

Love & Sexuality: How Do You Know If A Guy Is “The One” God Has Given You?

Alicia Heng — Fri, 24 May 2019 04:00:00 +0000

“How do you know if a guy is “the one” God has given you?”

This is a question that I’m sure most girls have! I affirm your desire to discern God’s “right guy” for you, but the truth is that there isn’t just that “one” guy for you who, if missed, would make anyone else a wrong choice. That said, there are some things to consider when praying and thinking about whether a guy is a good choice for you:

1. Calling

... in terms of identity

As God’s children, we are drawn to love Him and walk in His ways (1 Pet 2:9; Matt 22:37–38). Does this guy encourage you to love God more and actively seek out people who will help him to love God more?

... in terms of vocation

Some of you may have received a specific calling from God, for example, to be a social worker or a doctor. You don’t need to have the same vocation, but would you be willing and able to affirm and support each other’s callings?

2. Compatibility

Sharing your faith and values is as important as having fitting personalities or “chemistry”. What you believe and what you think is important undergird all your decisions and responses. Are your beliefs, values and life goals compatible?

This is a question that I’m sure most girls have!

3. Communication

Are you both able to be genuine and honest with each other? Can you handle conflicts together in a way that pleases God?

Seeking God first will develop depth in your perspective. As I prayed through my own relationship, God surfaced important issues we had to work through, and it was through the passage of time, understanding each other better, and finding alignment in our faith, values and goals that I sensed God affirming me to say, “Yes” when my boyfriend proposed.

On top of that, the input we can get from our church leaders, pastors and parents are invaluable and should not be overlooked. They can often see things about ourselves and our relationships that we are not able to see. Don’t be afraid to seek their advice and be open to what they have to say.

So, keep asking God every step of the way. And remember that even if you take a “wrong” step. He will surely redirect you to the right path (Psa 139:23-24).

The Dinner With Dad Challenge

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 24 May 2019 04:00:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

1. Plan to spend unhurried time with your dad over an activity or a meal. Take time to consider what he would like to do and plan an afternoon just for him!

2. If possible, get your dad on board and get him to do the same for you.

3. Ask questions that you normally wouldn’t about his childhood, his greatest desire for you, etc, and share your greatest worries or fears at the moment that you would like his support in. Have fun!

3 Fun Facts about us:

1. We share the same love for nature
2. We are Hainanese and love Hainanese chicken rice
3. My dad loves talking to his plants and I love talking to my soft toys!

INITIAL THOUGHTS

Sarah – When I first received the challenge, I didn’t think much of it as I do spend time with my dad spontaneously. However, this time, I was supposed to intentionally set time aside to spend with him. I also had to think of something that my dad would like to do, and I realised that many times, my dad would just do what I like to do and go where I like to go. In the end, I decided that we would stay home and play Jenga because when my sister and I were younger, we would stay up late to play board games or card games. This was a nice option to go back in time to revisit my memories as a young kid.

Dad – When I first received the challenge, I felt really excited as this gave me an opportunity to spend quality time with my daughter. Throughout the years, we would occasionally have dinners together — just having fun and enjoying our time together. For my date with Sarah, I decided to keep it simple and go to one of our favourite places for dinner.

THE CHALLENGE

Sarah – We had our dinner the week before I went for my church’s poly camp. I ended up sharing with my dad about my struggles I faced as the IC for publicity for the camp. Everyone around me was super talented and I felt like others should have gotten this role instead of me. I was questioning if this role was really suited for me. After silently and patiently listening to me, my dad reminded me that in everything that I do, I need to remember who I am doing these things for — God. He also gently reassured me that he would always be there to support me in whatever way he can. That was really memorable for me; my dad did not try to solve the issue but he listened and assured me. After the first date, I was very excited for the next date that I would have with my dad because I really enjoyed the unhurried time together.

Dad – During the conversations we had over the two dates, I had a chance to hear from Sarah. I realised that her biggest struggle at this moment is finding herself and gaining confidence in all her tasks to carry them out to the best of her abilities. Despite her struggles, I was heartened to hear that she knows she serves a faithful God and does not need to fear. As her dad, my greatest desire is for Sarah to know her identity in Christ and to always give her best in everything she does. As much as possible, I hope to be her pillar of strength and support. With all the decisions that she makes, I would also like to respect and trust her through them.

Sarah – The second date took place after I came back from camp, and a few things that God had spoken to me about were still very fresh in my mind. I shared all of it with my dad, and I realised that for the first time, it was interesting telling my dad about all these details! Also, he was the rst person I was sharing all of these precious experiences with. Usually, I would share it with my close friends first over text and update my parents when I see them back at home but this time, it was different! I realised that my dad is a very good listener — he is never quick to jump in and give his input on whatever that I am talking about but always seeks to listen first.

From these two dates that we spent together, I realised how blessed I am to be in this family. I am grateful for a dad that fully supports the things that I am currently involved in now, and for showing me with his life what it means to serve God with everything that we have. I recalled all the times when he would wake up at 6am just to reach church at 7am to serve in different capacities in church. No matter the role, I always see the heart of excellence and joy that he has; that is admirable to me! He might not be the perfect dad, but because of the love he has shown me, I can have a glimpse of the Heavenly Father’s love for me too. If there is anything that I can do differently henceforth, it would probably be having more dates like these. Perhaps making it something more consistent would be helpful so that we can both intentionally set time set aside for us to have conversations over meals and activities.

Dad – I came to the realisation that parents can be very busy with work or activities too! Sometimes, our busyness causes us to reach home after our children or lack quality time spent with them. These two dates have taught me to learn how to slow down and to spend undivided time with my daughter especially because she grows up so fast! I would want to be constantly involved in her life and to know what season she is undergoing. All in all, I thoroughly treasure the time we got to spend together as father and daughter. In fact, for our next date, I would want to go on a hiking trip with her where we can head to a nature reserve and just busk in God’s creation.

Sarah – For other girls out there, I know the saying that being a “daddy’s girl” is very common. Perhaps some of you might even cringe at how cheesy this term might be. Or maybe you might not even have a very strong relationship with your dad. But I have come to realise that being a “daddy’s girl” can simply mean wanting to spend time with your dad to understand his heart and to hear him out too. Just like the 6th commandment in the Bible on honouring your parents, I believe honouring my parents includes the moments we choose to make intentional efforts to build stronger ties with them and love them in the best way we can, and I hope you can do the same too!