Issue 36 – Kallos

My (Last) First Kiss Was At The Altar

Kallos Team — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

JESSIE: Do I have regrets when I look back at my past relationships? I do, when I consider the decisions I made.

If you asked me about purity in my younger days, I would lift an eyebrow and shrug it off. I was a young, lukewarm Christian and I did not have any convictions about purity and relationships. In terms of romance, Hong Kong dramas and friends were my main teachers. Thus, I did not understand why I could not date a guy who, despite being non-Christian, treasures and loves me. Furthermore, physical boundaries were as good as non-existent for me.

SEAN: I, on the other hand, grew up in church. I definitely knew about biblical purity since I heard about it all in church. However, outside of church, I was listening to (and looking at!) very different messages. I had my first experience with pornographic material at the age of 12, when a primary school classmate brought lewd photographs to school. At 14, my secondary school friends would share about their sexual escapades. There was a certain sense of envy because they seemed to have checked off a milestone in their life.

I was 19 when I had my first romantic relationship. The church was clear that pre-marital sex is a sin. What they were not so clear on is everything else that can happen before the point of intercourse. Back then, I found myself venturing into the grey zone, stopping short of that line where it becomes clearly black. It allowed me to satisfy the desires of the flesh, without the technicality of falling into sin. I think that was, and is, a lie that many Christian guys fall prey to.

After the high of each encounter, there was always the grappling with guilt, shame, and falling short of God’s standard. Needless to say, that was a poor foundation for the relationship. Coupled with teenage immaturity, the relationship did not last.

JESSIE: Similar to Sean, I also experienced the guilt and shame that came with each fleeting romantic encounter. On the one hand, I was trying to be a good Christian girl in many ways — I was serving in church and my schoolmates knew my strong stance against vulgarities. On the other hand, I was crossing many physical boundaries in my relationship. I clearly remember how I would weep in church every Sunday, asking for God’s forgiveness for my sins. Then, Monday would come along and I would dive right back into my ‘normal’ lifestyle, one that I knew was not pleasing to God.

My past relationships marked the darkest four years of my walk with the Lord. Slowly, I began to skip Sunday services and I did not even desire to pray. On hindsight, I could see how I was acting just like Adam in the garden of Eden after he sinned against God.

Guilt and shame gnawed at my faith and I responded by hiding from God. As time went by, I found myself wading deeper and deeper into dangerous waters. It was to the point that I cheated on my then-boyfriend with another guy, and even ended up sleeping with him. That shook me and I knew I had to run back to God.

IT ALLOWED ME TO SATISFY THE DESIRES OF THE FLESH, WITHOUT THE TECHNICALITY OF FALLING INTO SIN.

SEAN: When Jessie and I started dating, having come from various relationship experiences, I think there was a desire for this one to be different — for this to be God-honouring.

JESSIE: To be honest, Sean is the first Christian guy I’ve ever dated! My mentor encouraged me to discuss physical boundaries with Sean. It was the first time in my life that someone taught me about this. Beyond the practical boundaries that we had set, she urged us to pray that the Lord would help us to love and protect each other.

SEAN: I know what God’s standards are, but I also know the strength of temptation. Also, as the guy and thus the leader in the relationship, I took it upon myself to maintain these boundaries.

JESSIE: At that time, I experienced what it means that “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” (Matt 26:41). Breaking out of my previous habits of showing love and affection was extremely difficult. I recall feeling rejected and unloved when Sean would assert boundaries out of protecting the both of us. The Lord prompted me to submit these lies to Him.

SEAN: On other occasions, revisiting our boundaries became clearly necessary when either of us felt that a boundary had been crossed. Jessie initiated these conversations, and that became an indicator to me that she was also serious about making this a God-honouring relationship.

Practically, we came up with a few rules. For example, we didn’t stay over at each other’s houses and we didn’t travel alone together. Those were golden rules I grew up with as a youth and as a leader.

JESSIE: As someone who had no qualms about someone staying over and going overseas with their partner, I think I have come a long way. The Lord’s redeeming work in my life grew my conviction to fight alongside Him for purity. One thing that we decided upon was to save our first kiss for the wedding! We both agreed that this would help us keep our physical boundaries in check, so we stuck with that decision.

SEAN: Our first kiss at the wedding altar was the last “first kiss” that we will ever have. It was good to be able to stand before many witnesses during the wedding and share that scene with them. Think of it as us being able to buck the trend in relationships in the purity department (the other trend or myth that I busted is that men put on weight after marriage. I have since lost 3 kg!).

JESSIE: Some may feel that they need to have “experience” to make sure that they are physically compatible with their husband or wife. However, my experience suggests otherwise. I feel safe when I am around Sean. Even though we never kissed prior to the wedding day, I had peace that all will go well eventually. And it did!

THE GREATER REWARD THOUGH IS BEING ABLE TO PRESENT YOURSELF TO YOUR MARRIAGE PARTNER, FREE FROM GUILT, SHAME, AND BAGGAGE.

JESSIE: To you girls who are reading this: if you are navigating physical boundaries or are walking through a journey similar to mine, you are not in this journey all by yourself. There is a second chance at choosing purity for all who are made new in Jesus Christ. After all, even a good man is only good by the grace of God!

Spotlight: Willa Jin’s Story On Redesigning The Bible For A Visual Generation

Quek Shiwei — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

Do you love the Bible but sometimes find it inaccessible due to the way it is presented? The co-founders of LA-based company Alabaster Co, Bryan and Brian, had the very same thought, and desired to create a Bible with beautiful imagery and thoughtful design. The success of their 2016 Kickstarter campaign has led to the expansion of their brainchild to the Bible Beautiful series and a growing group of staff. The company’s name, Alabaster Co, was inspired by the act of the woman who broke her alabaster jar of perfume on Jesus’ feet. Whilst everyone deemed that act as a waste, Jesus deemed it beautiful.

Speaking with Willa, the first full-time staff in the company and the only female on the team, it is easy to see her passion for her work. Even though we were separated by a 12-hour time difference and computer screens, her bubbly personality and thoughtfulness in speech was larger than life! My short online interview with her made one thing evident — her life is beautiful and surrendered, just like the woman who broke her alabaster jar at Jesus’ feet.

Hi Willa! Tell us, what about the company’s vision attracted you to become its first employee?

I actually knew Bryan and Brian when we were in the same campus ministry. Then, they were wondering, “What if we could redesign the Bible to merge art, faith, and creativity into one product?” When they won the Kickstarter campaign in 2016, as a friend, I was so excited to see how their dream became an actual product. In 2017, they needed help with all the orders. They gathered a group of friends who helped to pack and ship all the orders. I was one of those friends in the warehouse packing all the orders and getting excited over a product that made me want to read the Bible and deepen my understanding of God. In 2018, when they realised that people actually really liked the product, they started thinking about building Alabaster as a business! So in 2018, I worked part-time with Alabaster (alongside my full-time job). I was answering emails, calls, and doing random things on the side till the beginning of this year 2019. That was when Bryan and Brian decided to go full-time with Alabaster. They happened to reach out to me. I was really dissatisfied with my job at the time and I wanted to see if there was anything out there that suited me better. And here I am — working full-time with Alabaster Co.

“Operations Director” sounds like a big role. Help us to understand what that means for you on a daily basis.

One of our main focuses in Alabaster Co is creating an excellent product. My role encompasses the daily operations of business: from systems, to work flow and ensuring things are running efficiently. I also manage shipping of orders to customers. Actually, I also oversee accounting matters and talent management. It seems like a bunch of roles merged together! But because we are a small team, everyone takes on a range of roles.

I FEEL LIKE, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I AM WORKING IN A PLACE WHERE MY VOICE IS HEARD.

How does such a small team do so much?

Right now, we have five people on the team — three are full-time staff and two are part-time. The nature of a start-up company means more responsibilities. However, what keeps us going is knowing what our common vision is: for all of humanity to experience God as good and beautiful. It may be a lot of work but it will be worth it eventually when our vision becomes a tangible reality.

What unique challenges do you have to overcome as the only female in your team?

Honestly, there’s not much of a challenge. I genuinely feel empowered in my job every day when I go to work! I feel like, for the first time, I am working in a place where my voice is heard and where people push and challenge me into greater roles and responsibilities. It actually makes me feel sad that feeling empowered hasn’t always been a norm for me at other workplaces — it feels so normal in Alabaster Co! That encourages me take on different challenges, make decisions, and be confident in myself in my role.

How did you become a Christian?

I grew up in a non-religious household. Growing up, I had a couple of experiences with Christianity, but they put me off. I went into college vaguely agnostic actually. I just wanted to explore and have fun. That led to a lot of partying in my first year of college. Eventually, that lifestyle took a toll on me and left me wanting something more.

I started thinking about whether there was more meaning to my life and who I am. My roommate was a Christian and part of the campus ministry. She invited me to Bible studies and gatherings. Eventually, she invited me to a conference that was specially for non-Christians. I ended up going on a whim, but I experienced a level of love and community that I never experienced before. It was also the first time I learnt about who Jesus was and what it really meant to follow Him. I gave my life to Jesus at the end of the conference. It felt like a sudden decision but looking back, it was really the prompting of the Holy Spirit that led to this decision. Thereafter, I joined campus ministry in college and started growing my faith ever since.

Having not been a Christian for long, what reactions did you get from friends and family when they found out you were planning to work in a Christian company?

Being the first believer in my family, my family didn’t know what to make of it. They thought it was a phase and I would get out of it. But they soon realised I was serious about my decision and got a little worried about what I was doing with my life. Towards the end of my senior year of college, I was actually considering going full-time with campus ministry or a missions organisation. My parents realised that Christianity wasn’t something I did on the side, but it was now my identity. I went through a rough patch with my parents when they didn’t really agree with what I wanted to do and who I wanted to become. I ended up not going into ministry to work things out with my family first.

I studied biomedical engineering in college and did that after graduation to make my parents happy. When a position with Alabaster Co turned into a full-time opportunity early this year, I knew I wanted to do that. There was definitely a lot of fear. I was taught that having a stable job and money are very important. Leaving a stable job to join a start-up was daunting. Ultimately, my parents care for me and want me to be happy even though they didn’t understand how joining Alabaster Co will be “good for me”. It’s still an ongoing process with them — both with my job and with me as a Christian.

Overall, I’m really grateful for where I’ve ended up; I know God has called me here.

What's next for you and Alabaster Co?

There are a lot of exciting things ahead! We are working on new books, product ideas, and creative content, through which we hope to continue expanding our vision — to see all of humanity experience God as good and beautiful.

I personally am inspired to be a part of that process. I know that there’s still a lot of growth ahead for me, so I’m looking forward to the challenges and joys to come!

Dear Kallos: Do I Have To Marry My Ex If I’ve Slept With Him?

Quek Shiwei — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

“In my previous relationship, I initially didn’t want to be involved in any sexual activities. However, thinking that sex was the only way to keep the guy, we did it. Last year, God spoke to me to break up with my boyfriend, to allow Him to fill my broken heart instead. I obeyed and did what God asked. Thankfully, even after the breakup, I was filled with the joy of the Lord.

Even though I have repented, I am still confused. Does this mean I will have to marry my ex eventually? Is it possible for me to find a new partner? I don’t want to embark on anything that doesn’t follow the Word of God. But I am just feeling helpless.” — Confused

dear Confused,

Thank you for asking this question. I can hear your sincerity in wanting to please God and I am so proud of you. When I read your question, I thought of Psalm 51, when David cried out to God from his heart after he had committed a sexual sin with Bathsheba:

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17 ESV)

I believe God has forgiven you, as He is pleased with a repentant heart. He will not despise or forsake you! It must have been a very tough decision to break up with this guy that you cared for. However, I want to affirm you that you definitely made the right choice!

As our good, good Father, God’s desire for you is to be with a man who will not only love you, but also commit his life to you. He created sexual intimacy to be a precious gift between two people who love each other and are committed to one another for life in a God-centred marriage. If you felt that you needed to give him sex to earn his love, then it was a transactional relationship, and not a relationship which God desires for you.

To answer your question, no, you do not need to marry your ex for this reason, even though sex is meant to be enjoyed between husband and wife. It is entirely possible for you to find a new partner in the future who loves you with no strings attached. My hope is that you will choose someone who wants to honour God as much as you do, and who will respect your boundaries and desire to save sex for marriage. There are many wonderful Christian ladies who have had pre-marital sex but repented wholeheartedly. If their partners chose not to pursue purity together with them, they were able to move on and found new godly partners. We encourage you to read My (Last) First Kiss Was at the Altar on page 34 for a story about a couple who have both left behind their pasts to pursue purity together.

It is not an easy journey, but it is possible with the support of your community. It is important to pray that God will restore you and cut off any unhealthy ties between you and your ex that may prevent you from fully moving on. Ask trusted Christian leaders or mentors to pray with you to prepare your heart to be ready in the future for a new relationship, if that comes your way.

Dig Deeper: If There Is Evidence That Jesus Rose From The Dead, Why Are People Still Not Convinced?

Nathalie Zani — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

How do we know that Jesus rose from the dead?

While most scholars agree there was a man called Jesus who existed some 2,000 years ago and that He was put to death by crucifixion, the resurrection of Jesus continues to be debated. What basis do we have for believing it happened?

Women were the witnesses

In first-century Palestine, women were considered unreliable and their testimonies were questionable. Yet, all four Gospels record women as the first witnesses to the resurrection. If the Gospel writers were making up the resurrection, they would not have named women as witnesses.

Jesus' body could not be found

Jesus was publicly crucified in Jerusalem. When the disciples claimed He rose from the dead, the easiest way to disprove it would have been to show everyone Jesus’ dead body. Yet, this did not happen. There was no body!

Few would die for a lie

Could the disciples have been lying? Perhaps they hid the body? Many of the first disciples were actually willing to die for saying Jesus Christ had risen from the dead. We see this in the Bible (in Acts and Paul’s writings) and outside the Bible (first-century Bishop Clement of Rome spoke of Peter’s and Paul’s martyrdoms). We also have evidence of second-century Bishop Polycarp of Smyrna dying for refusing to renounce Christ as Lord. Would early believers have been willing to die for something they knew was a lie?

While the above evidence is not exhaustive, it helps us understand why we can trust Jesus really rose from the dead.

Believing in Jesus is not just intellectual

We all know that exercise is good for us. Research shows immense benefits of exercise, such as a longer lifespan, increased concentration, and better health.

Yet, we find it difficult to even put on our running shoes, favouring instead a comfortable day lounging at home. Why is there a disconnect between what we know, and what we do?

Some have not looked enough into the benefits of exercise to be convinced. Others have chosen to ignore the issue and blindly hope they won’t be struck by disease. Still others are fully aware of the research but won’t take it seriously — this would warrant a serious change in lifestyle, which they aren’t ready to make.

Likewise, even though there is evidence that Jesus existed, died, and rose again, some have never explored the claims of Christianity; they may rely on what they hear in the media or through others but never think through it for themselves.

Others don’t find it important to think about God and eternity because the present reality seems more pressing.

And while compelling or irrefutable evidence should logically lead to change, logic alone is not always enough to sway a person. Christianity is a reasonable faith, but believing in Jesus and His resurrection requires more than just intellectual agreement.

If Jesus really is who He says He is, a Saviour who redeems us from our sin, it means that we no longer get to do whatever we want if we want to follow Him. It requires a total lifestyle change — putting aside our sinful nature and acknowledging that His way is better than ours. That’s saying goodbye to living on our own terms, and hello to seeking holiness!

For some, this is too much. They like autonomy and independence. They don’t like being told what to do. Jesus’ claims and authority are too demanding and that is enough for them not to believe.

We should not give up hope that God can meet them where they are. God has made Himself known to all of humanity and to you and me. He knows how to reach us even when we are uninterested in Him. So, let’s be patient with those who are rejecting Him, and continually love them, talk with them, and pray for Jesus to encounter them.

The Great Joy of Christmas

Jiamin Choo — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

It was a December so different from what I had grown up knowing. I wasn’t singing Christmas carols with my church youth choir, nor strolling down Orchard Road to admire the pretty illuminations. Neither was I helping my mum decorate the artificial Christmas tree at home. I was away from all that was familiar in Singapore, serving on board the missions ship Doulos docked in Sri Lanka, and assigned to run a Christmas programme with some ship friends at a local women’s prison. As I heard there were two Chinese inmates in the prison, I brought my Chinese Bible along.

When our team entered the prison, a Chinese woman dashed across the courtyard to avoid the heavy rain. I hurried to meet her and invited her to join us for the Christmas programme. Her name was Xueling*. As we began the programme in a room where a hundred Sri Lankan women sat cross-legged on the dusty concrete floor, I was glad to see Xueling walk in with another Chinese girl. As I was the only Mandarin speaker on the team, I sat next to them and tried my best to translate the Christmas story and the good news of Jesus in my long-neglected Mandarin.

The verses in Luke 2:10–11 came alive in that moment. Just as how God had sent angels to announce the birth of His Son Jesus to shepherds keeping watch over their flocks, God had sent my team to share the same message to these women kept behind bars in Sri Lanka. The good news of the great joy of Jesus’ birth is truly for everyone. No one is left out.

When I asked, “Do you know who Jesus is?”, Xueling said, “Yes, He is the Saviour of the world. I worked in Israel for ten years. I even visited Jesus’ birthplace and resurrection site. If I can return to my country, I’ll definitely become a follower of Jesus.”

I asked, “Why wait till you return home? Why not now?”

Xueling replied, “Because I don’t know how.”

I was struck by how even though Xueling knew about Jesus, no one had explained to her how to receive Jesus into her life. And God had placed me on the team, so that I could share with Xueling the answer that she was searching for. God hadn’t forgotten her in prison, and now she had another chance to call on Jesus as her Lord and Saviour.

I turned to Xueling and asked, “Do you want to receive Jesus as your Saviour?” Xueling looked at me, and nodded. Just to be sure, I asked again. She said, “Yes.” With childlike faith, Xueling prayed line by line after me, admitting she was a sinner, acknowledging Jesus as God’s Son, believing He died on the cross and was resurrected, and gave her life to Jesus. Right there in prison, Xueling became my sister-in-Christ. I gave her my Chinese Bible and explained she could start reading from the Gospel of John to grow in her faith.

I went back to the ship, pondering over what took place within the prison walls that day. Even though it was a Christmas programme with no festive decorations, gift exchange or beautiful singing, it was the one which touched me the most — we witnessed a miracle, the salvation of one soul, and the angels must have been rejoicing too. And this is the greatest joy I could ever experience, to share the story of Jesus’ birth and to bring glory back to Him.

*Name has been changed for privacy.

PRAYER

Dear God, thank You for the gift of Your precious Son, Jesus. Grant me opportunities to share about His birth with friends who do not know the true meaning of Christmas, and may You receive all the glory. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME!

1. What does Christmas mean to you, and how do you celebrate it?
2. This Christmas, who is one person you’d like to share the joyous news of Jesus’ birth with?

DELVE DEEPER

Read and reflect on these passages on “The Great Joy of Christmas”:
o Isaiah 9:6–7
o Luke 2:1–40
o 1 Timothy 1:15-16

HANDLES

Is there a Bible story or passage that recently left an impression on you? Meditate on it throughout the week, and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal deeper insights so that His Word can transform your heart.

Love & Sexuality: How Do I Find Contentment In Singlehood?

Alicia Heng — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

“How do I find contentment in singlehood?”

In my secondary school days, I was the kind of girl who could never go for long without being in a relationship. Over time, after going through multiple breakups and purposeless relationships I thought: “What is the point of being in relationships if they do not end in marriage?” The emotional issues I had to deal with each time a relationship ended were draining and affected me in unhelpful ways. This made me more cautious toward entering a relationship flippantly, and I started thinking about the purpose of relationships and marriage.

Contentment in singlehood begins when you have a personal conviction that have a personal conviction that you not need to be in a relationship to be happy. I learnt that no human being, not even the “right guy” can make me contented all the time. We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and heartbreak if we think romantic relationships complete us.

When my purpose in life was not fixated on finding love and happiness from being in a relationship, I found happiness from many more things. Spending time with good friends, having great conversations over meals, having fun singing (or screaming) crazily at karaoke, attending youth camps and interesting church workshops, pursuing my interest in soccer, and serving in my church’s children and youth ministries – these were memorable and meaningful things that made me thankful to be alive, happy and contented. What are some meaningful interests and activities you desire to pursue? God does bless you with seasons and opportunities to cultivate these interests and grow in your personal development and fulfilment.

Yes, at the end of the day, I still yearned for a relationship. But I was aware that my inner restlessness and emptiness could only be deeply touched when I spent time with God, whether it was in prayer, journalling, listening to Him from His Word, or soaking in His presence in worship. Pursue God-give opportunities, but spend time with Him daily, and let Him enrich your life greatly! Whatever your age, singlehood can definitely be a rich and deeply satisfying experience when you let God show you how fruitful it can be.

To The Next Tony Stark

Hannah Leung — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

With Tony Stark’s death, the Avengers lost a vital member of the team. The self-proclaimed genius, billionaire, playboy and philanthropist left a gaping hole in the lives of the many who had grown to depend on him and his life-saving technology. Flawed as he was, the sacrifice he made to give up his life to save the rest of the world sealed his place in the Heroes’ Hall of Fame. But that final, infamous snap marked the end of an era, leaving many to ask, how will the show go on?

WITH HIS DEATH COMES A GIFT

Spider-Man: Far from Home provided a glimmer of hope that perhaps he wasn’t really gone. When Peter Parker received a seemingly ordinary-looking pair of sunglasses named E.D.I.T.H., or “Even Dead, I’m The Hero”, Stark ensured that his legacy lived on in “The Next Tony Stark”, and that all he had achieved in his lifetime would not end with him in the grave. Whoever owned the glasses would have full access to Stark Industries’ databases, satellites and even weapons. Talk about foresight — now, the show can (literally) go on!

It may not seem like it, but this story is an echo of something that has happened before. When Jesus was on earth, many recognised him as the Messiah — the one who would save them. Imagine how devastated they felt when they saw the tortured body of Jesus hanging on the cross! All hope seemed lost, but miraculously, Jesus’ death wasn’t the end of the story. Unlike Tony Stark’s spur-of-the-moment sacrifice, Jesus went to the cross fully knowing that He would suffer horribly and die. But He wasn’t without a plan (John 14:18). His resurrection three days later was hope renewed, and when He ascended to heaven, He too left a gift.

Jesus gifted His disciples (that means us!) with the Helper or Advocate, who is the Holy Spirit (John 16:7). This is why one of the names we ascribe to God is Immanuel, which means God with us! Tony Stark may have died and left behind a powerful tool for Peter Parker, but when Jesus died, He left us with more than a tool — He gifted us with the Holy Spirit who convicts us, edifies us, encourages us, and so much more!

THE GIVER IS THE GIFT

While Peter was grappling with his identity and worthiness to be the next Tony Stark, Stark’s gift could only sit idly by, ready to be used (or misused). It provided no guidance, and even made things take a dangerous turn. While all Peter wanted to do was erase an implicating image off a classmate’s phone, E.D.I.T.H. identified his classmate as a target and ordered an airstrike on him!

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit is not passive in any way, leaving us to helplessly fumble and figure out our mission on our own. And He is certainly not harmful. Jesus tells us that the Holy Spirit guides us in what is right and wrong, and that all He speaks comes directly from God (John 16:8–15). Paul teaches in Romans 8 that “the Spirit helps us in our weakness,” and that He “intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God” (8:26–27). Isn’t it amazing to know that the Holy Spirit guides us, intercedes for us, and speaks directly what He hears from God?

Tony Stark’s hope in equipping “The Next Tony Stark” with E.D.I.T.H. was that he would have no lack in defending the world from the forces of evil. This rings true to our mission here on earth. Jesus’ final resounding call to His disciples when He met them as a resurrected man included these four words: Go and make disciples (Matt 28:19).

As disciples of Christ, we are to devote ourselves to this call so there will be no lack in sharing with the world the good news of Jesus Christ. Don’t forget that we are not to live for ourselves, and the gift of the Spirit is not just for ourselves. God has given us an amazing gift — the gift of Himself — to help us answer the call to make disciples. We have nothing short of the best! He will enable us to serve and reach the world.

True Story: I Failed My “O” Levels

Sarah Han — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

I sat, nervous, in the tiny meeting room of my secondary school’s office. It was the day of my ‘O’ Level Examination results release and the room was uncomfortably silent. I opened the envelope containing my result slip as my form teacher eagerly looked on.

“How is it? How do you feel about your grades?”

A simple “I am okay,” was all I could muster.

Yet, when I left that office, my head was still whirling in shock.

32 points.

ITE SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY OPTION I HAD.
THIS WAS GOING TO BE MY LIFE FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS.

It took two days for the news to set in before I could even text a close friend with the news. What is perceived as a place for only the weakest students, the Institute of Technical Education (ITE), seemed like the only option I had. This was going to be my life for the next two years.

One week into school, my pastor dropped me a text checking to see if I was okay. I guess the people around me were just as shocked as I was at my ending up in ITE. The reality of being on campus made things even harder. The people in ITE were different from those in my secondary school. The new school environment and the difficulty I had with making new friends quickly made the experience even tougher. I was struggling.

After a month in ITE, the Lord impressed upon me to do a 40-day fast — one meal a day. The first few days weren’t easy. I had to be intentional in setting aside time every day to seek God and to read His word. To be honest, I was super self-conscious at the start. I was embarrassed and didn’t want others to know what I was doing. However, I grew more confident of my faith, bit by bit, and I started to be rooted in my identity in Christ.

I wasn’t afraid to read the bible or to pray in the open anymore.

It was during that 40-day fast that I grew closer to the Lord. It is this irreplaceable, intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father that got me through that torrential season of life. On hindsight, I could have chosen to go the private education route, or even retake my O levels, but I guess God had other, better, plans for me.

BEYOND THE MOUNTAIN I SEE

During those two years, I learnt what it meant to trust God. To remember that God holds my everything and that He knows what He is doing.

When I first received my results, I doubted God’s sovereignty in my life. Whenever someone shared how God saw them through major examinations, I would ask God, “What about me? If You saw them through, why didn’t You do the same for me?”

Yet, I realised that God has used the two years in ITE to mould my heart and shape my character.

It was only when I was stripped of all I wanted that I saw that God was all I actually needed.

I am thankful that I have God to journey with me through life’s challenges, and Whom I can call upon any time of the day. When things are going well, when I have friends supporting me and cheering me on— God is there. When I feel all alone— God is there too. While things may change, God remains the same yesterday, today and forever.

Sometimes I wonder why those numbers were so important to me. Today, people rarely ask me about my ‘O’ Level results. More importantly, I have grown so much closer to the Lord. I have blossomed from that girl filled with doubts to one with an authentic relationship with God.

I can now say that I truly enjoyed my two years in ITE. It has been a privilege and I look forward to the greater things that God has in store for me!

Child Cybersex Trafficking In The Philippines

Isabel Phua — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

STATISTICS

54% OF VICTIMS RESCUED BY IJM CASES ARE 1-12 YEARS OLD

16-17 YEARS OLD: AVERAGE AGE OF COMMERCIAL SEX TRAFFICKING VICTIMS

WHAT IS CYBERSEX TRAFFICKING?

Cybersex trafficking is the live-streaming of sexual exploitation viewed over the internet. In this digital age, children are now scarily exposed to a world of predators. Anyone can access sexual services online, and victims of cybersex trafficking may be sexually abused or forced to perform sex acts for a predator thousands of miles away.

WHY CAN'T THE PROBLEM BE SOLVED?

Unlike bars or brothels with a physical location, cybersex trafficking is hard to contain. The abuse can take place anywhere that has internet connection and a webcam or camera. Untraceable wireless payments make it difficult to prosecute predators, and tech-savvy “pimps” can easily evade detection. The high profit margins that one can gain from this online exploitation has caused cybersex trafficking to thrive in the Philippines.

WHY ARE CHILDREN TARGETED?

Sadly, the more perverse a sex act is, the more a customer pays, and children are a niche market that is particularly lucrative. According to IJM, some victims of cybersex trafficking in the Philippines are even under two years of age. These children are often tricked and coerced by trusted adults into performing lewd sexual acts before they even understand what is being done.

For those who are slightly older, they may not be aware of what is happening until it is done. One victim, Joy (not her real name), was invited to her neighbour’s home to hang out after school with some of her friends. Since this is a neighbour she trusts, she agreed. However, upon entering the home, her and her friends were suddenly instructed by the woman to take off their clothes. The woman took out her camera, started taking pictures of them, and subsequently posted it online for others’ enjoyment.

The powerlessness of children makes them easy targets — they are usually unable to resist the pressure when pushed to engage in these activities, and unable to seek restitution when they become a victim of cybersex trafficking.

For those fortunate enough to get rescued, the fear, trauma, and damage inflicted on them lasts a long time and requires an arduous journey of restoration.

WHAT NOW?

PRAY:

– For the children who have gone through much trauma, that in dark moments of despair, the peace of God will ll their hearts, and the comforting presence of the Holy Spirit will be a refuge to them.
– IJM is working with authorities in the Philippines and international law enforcement to protect abused children, but also to develop a scalable model that can stop cybersex trafficking from spreading globally. Pray for favour and unity within the teams!

Support: Give a thoughtful gift to a loved one through the IJM gift catalogue. Choose a gift in honour of your friend or loved one, and they will receive an e-card to see how their gift makes a difference. Available at https://gifts.ijm.org.

Lessons I Learnt From My Friends’ Suicides

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 07:05:00 +0000

Quek Shiwei
01/11/2019
Friendship, Issue 36, Mental Health

Lessons I Learnt From My Friends’ Suicides

A time is coming when such tragedies will no longer happen, and even though I cannot change the past, I can look forward to that promised future.

I was 17 that year.

One night, my mum came rushing into my room and said my art teacher needed to speak with me urgently on the phone. The next words I heard on the phone were not what I expected at all.

“Your classmate Darren* committed suicide. Did you know him well? Can you tell me more?”

I answered my teacher’s questions in a blur. After hanging up, I sat down on my bed and just cried. I couldn’t understand why I was crying. We weren’t even close. Perhaps it was the shock.

My heart broke even more when I found out that he was an only child. He was from China; his parents were working in America and he was studying alone in Singapore. At the funeral, his parents wept uncontrollably as they hugged the cold, hard coffin that their son’s lifeless body lay in.

That was the first time I was faced with a friend’s suicide. But it was not the last.

One morning earlier this year, I woke up and saw a post on Instagram by a friend that I used to intern with when I was 18. Still groggy from sleep, my heart started racing when I read the long caption that he had posted.

He briefly mentioned that there were some people who were wishing that he would die, and that he would finally grant them their wish. In addition, John* talked about jumping out of a window to find the peace he wanted. He signed off with his final goodbye: “Au revoir.”

Later in the day, my worst fears were confirmed — he had taken his life that morning.

It felt like déjà vu. The avalanche of shock, confusion, and sadness reignited a strangely familiar tight knot in the pit of my stomach.

That week, I struggled to sleep for four consecutive nights. Each time I laid in bed in the dark, a million thoughts filled my head.

John was always so positive and so cheerful. Was there a hidden sadness I hadn’t noticed? Could I have done something more? How did this happen?

What made him do it?

Even though I wasn’t that close to Darren and John, those thoughts were endless, and sometimes felt debilitating. I didn’t know it at the time, but what I was dealing with was a form of “survivor’s guilt” or the feeling that I could have done something to prevent them from taking their own life.

It took me a while to be able to face up to it, but when I was finally able to, here’s what I learned:

1. THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE BEYOND MY CONTROL.

Every day, I wrestled with thoughts that told me, “If you had done more, this would not have happened.” I felt paralysed with guilt for my inaction, but after the emotions passed, I was forced to accept that there was nothing I could have done to control their actions. The reasons for suicide are complex and vast, and many times, even those who have a wide support network who are aware of their struggles still feel pushed to take their life for reasons we may never fully understand. There is no knowing if anything I could have done would have changed their decision.

2. I CAN COMMIT TO BEING KIND.

Even though I cannot know if what I did or didn’t do would have made a difference in their lives, what I do know is that what I choose to do now can make a difference in the lives of others.

I was reminded of the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25–37) who saw an injured man lying on the road in dire need of help, and went out of his way to bring him to a place of safety and even covered all the expenses incurred. The Good Samaritan didn’t even know who the man was, but he saw a need and he met it.

If you notice someone who is down, choose to offer a listening ear. Listen actively, and acknowledge their distress. Take their troubles seriously, and be the support they need. You don’t have to be their best friend to be a good listener, and you never know the impact a small action can make.

3. IT IS OKAY TO GRIEVE, BUT DON’T DO IT ALONE.

Elsa from Frozen sings, “Conceal, don’t feel, put on a show,” but I would encourage you to reveal, not conceal! After grappling with my emotions for a time, I knew that I couldn’t process them alone. I needed to confide in people I felt safe with.

If you are going through something similar, talk to a mature friend, a trusted leader or teacher, or your parents. Find people who can listen to you and help you process your emotions objectively. Sometimes, even that might not be enough, and there is no shame in seeking professional help from a counsellor.

Secondly, bring your emotions and questions to God. In my prayers, I’m sure I punctuated my rambles with “Why, God?!” multiple times. There was no voice from heaven or any mind-blowing revelation, but there was a clear sense of peace and comfort that slowly filled the crevices of my heart. Psalm 34:18 assures us that “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” What a life-affirming reminder that even in bleak seasons, our hope lies in the promise that God is close to us!

OUR FUTURE HOPE

One of my all-time favourite movies is The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. In the movie, Lucy, one of the main characters, finds herself wrought with guilt when the Narnians are severely outnumbered by the enemy in a massive battle that leads to much bloodshed. She asks Aslan if she could have done more to prevent the tragedy from happening, and Aslan replies, “We can never know what would have happened, Lucy. But what will happen is another matter entirely!”

I can never know what would have happened if I had texted one of those friends that day, or if I had taken the time to ask how they were doing. But what I do know is what will happen eventually, which is that God “will wipe every tear from [our] eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Rev 21:4).

A time is coming when such tragedies will no longer happen, and even though I cannot change the past, I can look forward to that promised future.

*Names have been changed for privacy.

If you or a friend need help, contact the Samaritans of Singapore on their 24-hour hotline at 1800 221 4444.

HELP! I THINK MY FRIEND IS SUICIDAL. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Do you have a friend or family member who has mentioned suicide or seems to be contemplating taking their own life? Ms. Theresa Pong, Principal Counsellor with Focus on the Family, sheds some light on what you can do.

How Would You Know If Your Friend is Suicidal?

While people who are suicidal may display varied behaviours, general warning signs can be observed. You may observe changes in their physical, mental and emotional states that include having little or no interest in happenings around them. Often, they would have extreme emotional outbursts such as anger, sadness or irritability. They also express constant thoughts such as “My family or friends are better off without me.” Do look out for other comments like, “If you don’t love me, I will end my life,” or “There’s no point in living.” In terms of their actions, they could be giving away their personal belongings and saying goodbye to people around them. They would also be writing suicide notes or researching on ways to commit suicide.

How Should You Respond if You Think Your Friend is Suicidal?

The most important thing your friend wants at this moment is a listening ear. Allow them to have the space to talk and avoid minimising their struggles. While listening, do try to find out how they are coping and whether they have explored any other resources to help them. Encourage them to seek help and offer to help them get in touch with a trustworthy adult such as a teacher or counsellor. If need be, alert your school teacher or counsellor about your friend. You can also contact the nearest family service centre for help.