Issue 40 – Kallos

Victims of Revenge Porn

Amber Ginter — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:20:00 +0000

STATISTICS

207,405 VIEWS OF PORN ARE ACCESSED EVERY MINUTE
(Forbes, 2020)

27% of non-consensual media is retrieved through images, videos, and recording,
23% privacy violation,
20% voyeurism,
11% peeping,
9% a combination,
and 11% disorderly conduct
(Psychology Today, 2020)

Non-consensual and Revenge Porn is the release of intimate images and videos without proper consent. Through sex tapes, explicit photos, upskirting, or hidden cameras, voyeurs and ex-partners have one goal: to expose an individual in a sexual way either for personal pleasure or to harass, threaten, coerce, or intimidate the person depicted (revenge). AMBER GINTER explores how it can affect young women and how we can pray for them.

WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHEN DID IT START?

Dating to the 1800s, porn is said to have originated as “a powerful vehicle for social and political protest” (Encyclopaedia Britannica, 2020). Deriving from a desire for pleasure, however, the exact origin is impossible to pinpoint because of its subjective definition. While many scholars side with the 1800s, others argue that the artistry of sexual religous art or explicit Rome sculptures could be the guilty culprit as well.

Nevertheless, fighting porn can be increasingly difficult. According to the NCSL(2020), non-consensual porn is popular as human trafficking with often deadly results. In a recent study, 1 in 20 females, 53% of 3,044 surveyed, reported revenge porn. As a result, these victims received numerous hate claims because of the leaked selfies.

Although many releases come from consensual uses sent to a lover, the difficulty is stopping the widespread availability once publicly exposed, especially when victims are unaware of its exposure. This can lead to significant mental health stresses and affect a young woman’s very identity.

BECAUSE CONTENT REMOVAL IS NOT CHEAP, PERPETRATORS MAKE BETWEEN $300 AND $550 ON EVERY CLICKED LINK.

WHY IS NO ONE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT?

Porn is more accessible than ever before. With more social media platforms comes an increased risk of content spread. Because of accessibility and a low likelihood of being caught, non-consensual and revenge porn are in high demand with little repercussions for its viewers. Most victims never report the crime due to embarrassment, therefore, it goes unpunished. The Internet is always capturing our past, present, and future. It’s almost always irreversible and impossible to retrieve something once it’s released to the public, hence many victims feel a sense of helplessness and do not know what to do.

HOW CAN WE PRAY?

– Young women who are being harmed by non-consensual or revenge porn to not to be ashamed to get help, especially for mental-health issues.
– Perpetrators to be free of the greed of using non-consensual porn to make a profit.
– Victims and perpetrators alike to know that true love and fulfillment only comes from the Lord. Pornography kills love and reduces human beings to temporary pleasures which dissipate with its use.
– Young people to recognise that true sexual fulfillment can be found in the safety of covenantal marital relationships. “Love teaches us to serve others. Porn teaches us that others exist to serve us” (Covenant Eyes, 2020).

What’s The Point Of Studying?

Jillian Lee — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:19:00 +0000

Anyone who has asked the question, “why study?” is met with the standard answers:

– To get a degree
– To get a good job so you can enjoy life
– To not end up as a road-sweeper (or trash collector, cleaning aunty or insert your own perceived demeaning job here: _____________)

It’s a narrative that has been ingrained in many of us from young. And so we jump into the stormy seas of the national exams and try our best to keep afloat with the life buoys of enrichment classes and tuition. Some do really well. Some barely survive. But have we ever asked ourselves, “What’s the point of all of this?”

As a student growing up, I certainly didn’t. School was something we all had to do to survive in this world, no questions asked. Exams were endured; while my school days were spent juggling schoolwork, CCAs, ballet and piano lessons, and Chinese and Math tuition classes that I absolutely hated.

SCHOOL WAS SOMETHING WE ALL HAD TO DO TO SURVIVE IN THIS WORLD, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

I gave due diligence to my studies, and one could say my efforts paid off because I graduated from university without much ado and got a comfortable, stable job as a teacher. Not that I really wanted to become one — it was more a matter of limited choices (what can you do with an English major?) and securing a job upon graduation. It was only in my 5th year as a teacher that the questions began. I enjoyed my colleagues and the students, producing good results on the whole and had even been selected for the leadership track. Despite all this, something began to bother me. Batch after batch of students were herded through the system. My job was to ensure that they did well enough to get into a university of choice which would then ensure their pathway to a good job and consequently, a good life. If they got married and had kids, they’d send their kids through the same stressful system in order to achieve the same goal. Was this really the abundant life (John 10:10) that Jesus said he came to give us?

After months of praying and soul-searching, I decided to leave the service. It was not an easy decision, and many told me that I was crazy to give all this up, but I had to find out if there was anything more to life than this endless paper chase.

In the end, my journey of wondering and wandering led me to this life-giving truth: education is not solely a ticket to a good job; for Christians, education has everything to do with God and His kingdom.

EDUCATION LEADS US TO A DEEPER WORSHIP OF GOD

Firstly, education deepens our worship of God. Colossians 2:3 tells us that in Christ is hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Christ, the Word of God (John 1:1), who created the world and all that is in it (John 1:2), is the Author and Designer of all things (Gen 1:1). Our time in school is a wonderful opportunity to discover more about the world that God created and, in turn, to discover more about the One who created it.

For example, maths is not just about numbers and equations; it reveals the order and beauty of God who graciously gave us a language that would help us understand and explain His world. History is not about memorising boring facts, but a study of God’s involvement in our world and faithfulness to His covenant. The sciences reveal His precision, ingenious creativity, and tender care toward all creation, and the arts explore what it means to be created in the image of a Creator God.

When we begin to see through eyes of faith, we realise that every subject we learn in school presents us with the opportunity to marvel at the greatness of God and to worship Him anew.

EVERY SUBJECT WE LEARN IN SCHOOL PRESENTS US WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO MARVEL AT THE GREATNESS OF GOD AND TO WORSHIP HIM ANEW.

EDUCATION EQUIPS US FOR THE KINGDOM

Secondly, education equips us to partner God in His mission. The Fall of humankind (Gen 3) caused a disordering and distortion of God’s original design. But through Christ, all things have been reconciled to him (Col 1:15–20) — that is, brought back into wholeness. A complete restoration will only happen when Christ comes again (Rev 21:5). But in the meantime, as co-heirs with Christ (Rom 8:17), we are called to bring wholeness to our broken families, societies, policies, and structures in all spheres of life. Education becomes a key component of this process, as it prepares us to fulfil our roles in His kingdom mission well.

In school, we learn about teamwork, discipline, and how to overcome challenges — that’s an equipping in fortitude, character, and social-emotional skills. We learn about the building blocks of knowledge and how to apply them — that’s an equipping in knowledge and skills.

In school, we have many opportunities to discover more about our strengths and talents, and to work on our weaknesses. Are we better at maths or English? Do we prefer abstract concepts or to work with our hands? Are we team players or lone rangers?

Our schooling years are the best time to find out. Sadly, when the goal of education is only about getting good grades, we miss out on the many opportunities presented to us to be able to discover these gifts.

The fact is that each of us has been uniquely gifted for a part in God’s kingdom. We are his workmanship, created for good works in Christ Jesus (Eph 2:10). God has gifted some of us with the compassion that is suited for nursing or social work. God has gifted some of us with business acumen or an entrepreneurial spirit. God has gifted some of us with agility and strength, others with finger dexterity or sensitive taste buds. Some have the gift of the gab. Just like the parable of the talents (Matt 25:14–30), each of us has been given different talents — some have more, some have less, but each is called to wise stewardship of these resources.

God is asking each one of us — what will you do with what I’ve given you? Hide it away? Complain that you have less than everybody else? Or steward whatever gifts have been given you for the glory of God and the benefit of the world?

A BETTER VISION FOR EDUCATION

As Christians, we need a better vision for education — one that moves beyond the stress of exams and points us to love God and seek His kingdom. I wish I had known this when I was growing up. I don’t think it would have made maths any easier for me, but it definitely would have allowed me to have a better attitude toward it!

THE FACT IS THAT EACH OF US HAS BEEN UNIQUELY GIFTED FOR A PART IN GOD’S KINGDOM.

Whether you have two or ten years left to your educational journey, I encourage you to make the most of your time. No doubt, it can be really challenging at times, but don’t let the system rob you of your God-given curiosity and the joy of loving the Lord with your mind. As students, and even parents and teachers, may the words of this hymn by Tom Troeger be our prayer:

Blend, O God, our faith and learning
Till they carve a single course
While they join as one returning
Praise and thanks to you, their Source

Trigger Warning: Fighting Off Porn During Covid-19

Eunice Sng — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:19:00 +0000

Jessica Harris, author, blogger, international speaker, and creator of beggarsdaughter.com, is passionate about helping young women find hope and freedom in their sexual struggles. Her book Beggar’s Daughter: From the Rags of Pornography to the Riches of Grace chronicles the struggles of her years-long journey with pornography and her road to healing.

Kallos: During this pandemic, most students would find themselves stuck at home with a lot of time on their hands and may desire to watch porn. Do you have any advice on finding healthy distractions from emotional triggers such as boredom and loneliness?

Jessica: This pandemic has created some unique circumstances for so many of us. It is a “perfect storm” for women who struggle because it forces us to contend with so many triggers like anxiety, fear, uncertainty and even hopelessness while also upsetting our routines, cutting us off from community and limiting the activities we can do. However, it’s very important that we start with the truth of 1 Corinthians 10:13. It says that God is faithful and He will not only keep us from being tempted beyond our ability, but that He will also provide a way to escape.

I think, too often, we consider distractions the same thing as escaping temptation and they aren’t. So, lack of distraction and boredom are not excuses for giving in to temptation.

We don’t find freedom in distracting ourselves from sin; we find freedom in fleeing sin and finding healing. I would encourage women to press in to those hurting places and really do some hard work with God in this time. If loneliness is a trigger, for instance, press in to ‘Why?’ Are there lies there that you are believing in? Then, what is God’s truth? As you work on letting God heal those places, work on fighting the trigger as well. Reach out to friends. Find a way to stay connected. Give yourself something to look forward to every day. See this as a Sabbath, in a way. A chance to have your soul refreshed.

WE DON'T FIND FREEDOM IN DISTRACTING OURSELVES FROM SIN; WE FIND FREEDOM IN FLEEING SIN AND FINDING HEALING.

Kallos: With the prevalence of social media, one doesn’t necessarily need to go to porn sites to have lustful thoughts. What are some safe markers that one can put in place?

Jessica: Pornography is everywhere, but it’s important to understand that we can have lustful thoughts even without seeing any kind of content. Plenty of women struggle with making up their own fantasy in their minds. That being said, it’s important that we are always aware of the temptations that are out there. You always want to ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” Is it to stay connected? Is it because I’m bored? Is it a social media addiction? Is it to encourage other people? Is it to satisfy my own lust? Each woman knows what her unique triggers are. So while having your own boundaries on social media is important, the more important work is learning to take our thoughts captive and to guard our hearts and minds.

Kallos: What do you think about the mindset, “My body, my rights. I’ll wear what I want!” Could dressing in a revealing manner stumble another struggling with a porn addiction?

Jessica: When it comes to modesty, we need to operate from a position of freedom, not fear. Christian modesty messages can make us feel ashamed of our bodies or afraid of our sexuality. Both of those are God-given, good, and not something to be ashamed of. As women, we need to ask ourselves, “What message is this sending?” not “Will this cause someone else to stumble?” The reason is people can “stumble” over very different parts of the body — some people find ears, necks, and feet attractive.

That’s why our motive for modesty has to come from our own desire to honour God with the message we communicate through our dress. If you put on a piece of clothing that you intend to draw sexual attention toward your body, that reveals something about your heart. The first time I met my husband, I was dressed very modestly, but he still found me sexually attractive. The responsibility for controlling his mind was completely his. I didn’t dress in anything provocative or in any way to draw that sort of attention to myself. However, if he had told me, “Jessica, this particular shirt you wear really stirs up sexual feelings” even if the shirt was completely modest, I would have made sure not to wear it around him.

Kallos: How can someone heal from the guilt and shame of failing once again — feeling hopeless, especially in this time of lockdown where it seems to be a never-ending cycle?

Jessica: Healing can only come from an encounter with Jesus. The issue is when we are hopeless, struggling with guilt and shame, many of us turn away from God. We assume He’s mad at us, frustrated with us, and sick and tired of us “messing up”. But that’s not the message of the gospel. The devil would love us to believe that we’re hopeless and that God is disgusted with us, but that’s not truth. We have to stand on the fact that God’s mercies are new every morning and we have to take responsibility for our part in the fight against sin. I would certainly encourage women to start by studying Romans 6–8. I call these “the freedom chapters” and they are rich with truth about grace and freedom from shame and condemnation.

THE DEVIL WOULD LOVE US TO BELIEVE THAT WE’RE HOPELESS AND THAT GOD IS DISGUSTED WITH US, BUT THAT’S NOT TRUTH.

Kallos: For people who are struggling with both internal and external triggers, and have the mindset, “Just muscle through it, ignore it, and it will go away” — do you have any advice or words of encouragement for them?

Jessica: I think it’s important that we look at this struggle through the mindset of healing. We so often frame pornography and lust as “a bad thing we do that we just need to stop” and we neglect the damage it is causing in our lives and the damage in our lives that may be drawing us into this. Too often when we muscle through it and ignore it, what we’re really doing is numbing ourselves and adopting a calloused coping strategy. We close ourselves off and refuse to address the issue and may even start lashing out at people who want to help us, even God. That’s not the life He longs for us to have. He wants us to heal, and we can’t do that by ignoring pain.

It’s also important to realise a sex drive is different from a trigger. Desiring sex is not wrong and is not the same as lust. A desire for sex is healthy and needs to be acknowledged and entrusted to God. We need to recognise that sex itself is good and God’s idea. That mindset can also help us as we battle temptation because we can ask ourselves, “Is this the way God wanted it?” And if the answer is no, then we need to deal with that accordingly.

Want to know more?

Find more resources from Jessica Harris at beggarsdaughter.com, or read her book, Beggar’s Daughter.

Review: Is Sour Candy Worth the Hype?

Quek Shi Yun — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:19:00 +0000

There is no denying that Lady Gaga is a talented songwriter with an incredible voice. Her 6th album Chromatica is already the fastest selling album of 2020, and her collaboration with the hugely popular Korean band Blackpink has only added to its success. Chromatica is, in Gaga’s own words, her most authentic yet, touching on issues such as sexual assault, self-harm, and the journey of healing from past trauma. Through the album, she hopes to encourage those in similar throes of pain to forgive themselves, and move forward toward healing.

Enter “Sour Candy.” The song rests on heavy electronic beats and a fun pop rhythm. In classic K-pop fashion, the fan-made music video features Blackpink mostly in soft light, emphasising their dewy complexion and bright eyes. On the flip side, Gaga’s scenes are dark and disturbing in her revealing and over the top outfits. The visuals help articulate the song’s message, that even though someone with a hard, sour exterior may seem hard to love, it’s worth the effort when you reach the sweet centre inside.

The intent behind the song is admirable — Gaga stated in an interview that the song reflects her journey of realising that she is deserving of love despite being ‘damaged.’ But here’s where things get questionable. Through the song, she insists that even though she “might be messed up”, she should be accepted as she is. In fact, she goes so far as to say to her lover, “If you wanna fix me, then let’s break up here and now.” There’s also a double entendre in the song when Gaga encourages her lover to “unwrap” her and get a real taste. It’s a sexual advance, but also a reference to the fact that it will take time and patience for him to peel beneath her varied layers and get a real sense of who she really is.

While the premise of the song seems valid, her conclusion sadly isn’t, as there is no reason a person who knows she is flawed should reject help to be changed. It is a popular message these days — love me as I am, or not at all — but not one that we can accept as Christians. A healthy, godly, functioning relationship will always change us to be more like Christ!

Other songs on the album like “Rain on Me” with Ariana Grande justifies alcoholism, while “Stupid Love” speaks of being free from shame, finding peace, and receiving healing, but (like much of the album) gives little direction on where that might be found. At the end of the day, while the songs are reflective of Gaga’s authentic emotions and journey, it is still a journey that no doubt needs to continue to lead to a healthier conclusion. “Sour Candy” is definitely an earworm, but I hope its message doesn’t stick in your mind.

I Cried Through My Chemistry Papers

Kalista Wan — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:19:00 +0000

People often say, “Study hard and you’ll get somewhere.” I studied hard, but I wasn’t sure where I was going.

After my O levels, I prayed, “If you have a particular school you’d want me to go to, I’d go!” The night before the Joint Admissions Exercise (JAE) submissions, I felt God leading me to a Christian school through Matthew 5:13-15 (I later realised that it was the school’s chapel theme verse for the year). I had only known of the school 2 days before, and didn’t know anyone from there, but I decided to trust His leading.

On the first day of school, the devotion was on Matthew 5:13-15, the very verses that had led me there! I found myself holding back my tears in my Chemistry class as I felt the Lord’s reassurance that I had made the right choice. Deep down, I had struggled to honour my parents who wanted me to take Chemistry over History (my favourite subject then). It was not after many tearful prayers, that I felt that God was leading me to honour my parents in the decision.

The journey was far from easy — my results were lower than average, my laptop crashed three days before my final presentation, and I had to undergo surgery for a torn ligament just before the prelim exams. With each test, I grew even more discouraged. Often, I retreated to cry in the toilet or in the comforts of my quiet time at home.

Once, a Chemistry teacher wrote our names in four columns on the whiteboard. She pointed to the last column (where my name was) and remarked that we should pull up our socks. If not, we would get a grade of 5 (IB grades being ranked 1-7). I was crushed.

Still, the Lord tenderly sustained me. Before every paper I would get on my knees to pray — confessing my dependence and surrendering my results to Him.

The day the results were released, I prayed with my group of friends — “If any of us attains 45 points (the perfect score), we would count all this as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ as Lord.” Perhaps God had directed me to pray this because I soon received my results with a perfect score of 45, with the highest possible grade for Chemistry! I was stunned. My teachers and my friends who had known my struggle rejoiced with me. This time, it was tears of gratitude that welled up in my eyes, as I remembered the hymn we had been singing in Chapel — “In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, is Christ alone.”

After the examination, God led me through many encounters with James 1:27 at various camps and services to take a gap year to discover His heart for the widows and orphans through missions. Once again, I had to make the difficult decision to trust His leading.

Then, I hadn’t decided on what to major in University. At the start of my gap year, I felt the word ‘ship’ impressed on my heart. Soon, a conversation with a friend would unexpectedly open the door to a medical ship ministry. That experience as a volunteer intern significantly shaped my decision to study Medicine as I felt drawn to missions in the healthcare sector.

Looking back, from choosing Chemistry to a gap year and then Medicine, I see how God established my steps beautifully in His time, even in the area of studies. And while medical school isn’t the easiest, I know this is where I’m supposed to be!

Take The “In-Sane” Challenge

Quek Shiwei — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:19:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

This will be a 2 weeks challenge.
Week 1: Colour daily with the sheets from Kallos’ Colouring Contest.
Week 2: Complete a 7 day art-journaling experience.
Concurrent:
– List down 2 skills you will like to try and commit to it
– Do something for your church friends
– Exercise at least twice a week

Challenger: AIMEE TAN, 15

2 Fun Facts:
1. I am one-eighth Japanese
2. I tie some of my rubbish into knots for fun

INITIAL THOUGHTS

When I was asked to take up this challenge, I was doing something similar since circuit breaker started. However, I decided to take it up because a challenge will require more discipline and intentionality on top of school homework! Apart from the Kallos colouring pages and art journaling activities, I’ve chosen embroidery and learning Japanese with a few friends to be two skills to hone. I confess that I have not been exercising much other than dancing (if that’s considered). I am also looking forward to doing things for my church friends. Challenge accepted!

THE CHALLENGE

Day 1
I woke up at 6a.m.! Probably must have felt too excited to start the challenge. I decided to do some colouring. Sheet 2 by Alyletters was interesting. Rather than colouring the sky all blue as usual, I tried adding a milky way though I’m not sure if those exist among the mountains. Outside the snow globe, the words were coloured grey. Inside, they were full of colour. It symbolised that in God’s presence, there is light and joy.

Day 2
This morning, I did some conditioning exercises. I am a dancer but have not had proper classes for awhile and am less flexible! Also, my friends and I have been practicing how to say grace in Japanese. I do that now before every meal.

Day 3
I got to catch up with a childhood friend from church. It was really nice to talk to her again! In the evening, I got to colour a bit. Sheet 3 by Kristen reminded me of two of my school friends. Sometimes, I struggle with the friendship as they like to gossip about others. However, Proverbs 17:17 reminds me to love them, regardless of their actions.

Day 4
I finished colouring Sheet 3 and started planning for a piece of embroidery! I wanted to do a scenery of a beach. I don’t have an embroidery frame, so I tried it on a stretch canvas instead. I painted a simple background before I started to sew. I am starting to feel restless because I have not gone out for so long!

Day 5
I started on Sheet 4 by @nommynoiks. It was hard to choose the colours, because there were many different possibilities! For my Japanese lesson today, I learnt the sinner’s prayer and the song ‘Jesus loves me’! I also danced today (that’s exercise, right?).

Day 6
I didn’t do much for the challenge today. I helped my mom with lunch and spent the day re-reading the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis from my childhood days. It was a nice break.

Day 7
Sheet 5 talked about joy in His presence. I realised I have not been spending much time with God. That is probably why I’ve been feeling sad and tired. I should set aside time to talk to Him these next few days.

Day 8
Today, I started art journaling. The theme was on clouds. I was reminded of how God spoke to me using clouds last year saying “I’m in control” when things seemed messed up. Knowing He is always with me comforted me. For exercise today, I ran around the house.

Day 9
Today’s art journaling theme is ‘a nourished heart’. I drew a house to symbolize my heart. I should take better care of myself because God is living in me. I should also fill my heart with His love to spread it to others. <3 I started searching pictures of embroidered frog faces as I was inspired by a plain green hand towel. I can’t wait to start embroidering!

Day 10
I’ve been thinking of giving my friend something. Before the circuit breaker, we met a few times. She is very close to my heart. We have a lot in common, such as loving artsy things. I sent her something that I sewed to thank her for always encouraging and inspiring me.

Day 11
For art journaling today, I had to draw what I was thankful for. My doodle came out as a single picture altogether, because most of the time I list them out as individual items. I suppose each of them is just a piece of what He has given. Without God, we would not even be alive to be thankful!

Day 12
It was so nice seeing people and laughing together during Japanese lesson online today. It was hard to answer today’s reflections. The first thing I thought about was earthly treasures, but I remembered that those will fade away. My most important treasure is God’s word, and it made me wonder — would I be willing to give it away? Once, I panicked when I thought I lost my Bible. It would not be the same getting a new one, because it has all the notes I’ve made over the years. However, if someone else needs it more than me, would I be willing to give it to them?

Day 13
Today, I danced again and it was so fun. Today’s art journal theme made me reflect about community. The people in my spiritual community have been encouraging me to take small steps to know God more and giving me opportunities to learn about God more personally. I thank God for sending them in my walk with Him.

Day 14
The challenge passed so fast! In this crazy world, my heart wants to rest and be able to hear God even in the wildness. Today, I reflected on how peace is not the absence of torment, but it is experienced in the midst of it, because He is here with us. Also, I finally got to embroider today! It was meant to be a butterfly, but it did not turn out very clearly because of the lack of space.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This challenge gave me time to take a break from life. However, I felt like I could have managed my time better. Though the art journaling was not entirely faith-based, it was like a devotional for me. I should take more time to reflect daily. Even though I did not finish all the colouring sheets in time, it was fun experimenting with colours and playing with different possibilities! There is always something more to learn about art, and I should stay humble too!

Want to try your hand at art journaling?

Featuring 54 art therapy prompts, this is an art therapy journal that will encourage you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and take the time for self-care! Get your own copy below.

Covid-19 Crashed My Wedding! Isabel Phua Shares Her Story

Quek Shiwei — Tue, 30 Jun 2020 08:15:00 +0000

On 24th March 2020, Isabel found her head spinning as all her wedding plans had to be changed due to a new Covid-19-related government measure that restricted all social gatherings to ten people and below. This was the final of many obstacles on the long journey to her wedding ceremony — on the 4th of April, the wedding went off without a hitch. Through it all, her cheerful attitude and trust in God kept her going.

SAYING YES TO THE DRESS

Her wedding preparations started with the hunt of her wedding dress. “Having been a bridesmaid twice and accompanying friends to go on bridal dress shopping trips, I realised that it’s so difficult to find a modest dress. Quite a number of people told me to just let it be because it’s just that hard to find one, but it’s something that I didn’t want to compromise on.” She “found” her perfect dress when her sister-in-law decided to have some clothes tailored on a family trip to Vietnam, and she spontaneously decided to personally design her wedding gown, down to the neckline and details and had it tailored in two days for one-third the price of a gown in Singapore!

FROM 800 to TEN GUESTS

With dress in hand, and months of planning, she was all ready for her wedding, but her plans hung by a thread as the Covid-19 situation kept worsening. Her future parents-in-law were working in Kazakhstan and barely managed to take the last flight out when the government there abruptly announced a lockdown. Next, on 20th March, it was announced that all events in Singapore were to be restricted to 250 guests. She recalls, “We had to inform many guests that we had to retract their invitations. We felt sad because we had to cut many friends and family friends who had seen us grown up. But, we smiled at this challenge because we still had our loved ones to celebrate with us.”

However, things took another turn: “Just four days later, the government said that social gatherings must now be kept to ten people and below. When Chen Hao (her fiancé) and I received the news, our heads started spinning. He was thinking of the money involved while I was thinking, “What is our backup plan?” But as we prayed together, I felt God telling me to take time to grieve. And that was when I cried for the next two hours! Yet, while we were sad, there was so much peace and hope in the midst of it.” Eventually, they decided to go ahead with a small family solemnisation ceremony.

“IT”S ABOUT THE MARRIAGE, NOT THE WEDDING”

When the wedding was first restricted to 250 guests, they felt God was preparing them for their future together. “As we sense God is calling us out to the field for cross-cultural missions in the future, we felt God was teaching us to be adaptable to change. When I found out I had to further cut my guests to only ten people, I was crying in a car and we both kept quiet for some time. I then asked Chen Hao, ‘What do you think God is speaking to you about?’ and we realised God was speaking to us about the same thing — ‘It’s about the marriage, not the wedding.’”

“We were looking forward to the celebration, but God was stripping away all the unnecessary elements of a wedding, and reminding us to keep the main thing, the main thing. What matters is the solemnisation vows made before God and our family, and to commit to one another, ‘till death do us part.’”

“IT'S ABOUT THE MARRIAGE, NOT THE WEDDING.”

DYING TO SELF

When Isabel first told me her wedding date a year ago, she laughingly said she had wanted an unpopular date so it wouldn’t clash with their many friends’ weddings. “0404” (4th April) would be considered as unlucky by many as it sounds like ‘’Die Die’’ in Cantonese. Her “Save the Date” and wedding invitations had played up this date with jokes about “Error 404”, the message that appears when a webpage can’t be found online. Two days before she got married, she shared with me, again with a laugh. “Now this is a joke because our wedding literally can’t be found! But, on a serious note, we chose this date as the ‘4s’ mean ‘death to ourselves’. We hear that relationships are about sacrifice, and God is asking us to die to ourselves, to our desires of the wedding we wanted, and [look to] what God wants instead. The funniest thing is our new house’s unit number is 08-404. We will never forget this lesson our entire lives!”

THE BIG DAY

Just one day before their wedding, “circuit breaker” measures were announced to start on 7th April, which meant that Registry of Marriages would suspend solemnisation of marriages from that date. Needless to say, Isabel and Chen Hao were grateful they could still get married! Finally, the 4th of April arrived. Isabel presented Chen Hao with two letters that she had written to her future husband before they started dating, one of which was written on an exchange programme in Birmingham, UK.

“I was surrounded by friends who were playing games like ‘Never Have I Ever’ and who made a lot of sexual references. It was so easy overseas to have the urge to have a one-night stand with somebody you don’t really know. I felt God speaking to me about purity.” She ended up writing to her future husband that she was praying for not just for her purity, but also his, and that they would save sex for marriage.

Chen Hao shares with a note of wonder, “I felt touched because five years ago, she wrote about the temptations she faced to date a non-Christian guy, and to let other guys touch or kiss her, but she wanted to give them up for me. She had no baggage, and all her discipline paid off. It’s like when you train very hard for a race and end up on the podium. It was a feeling of victory. I felt I loved her ten times more.”

With a third letter containing her wedding vows, the couple was ready for the ceremony. They live-streamed their solemnisation ceremony on Instagram and from the looks of it, relished every moment. With the restriction of ten guests, they ended up having their ceremony in Isabel’s brother’s office. Her friends redecorated the hip-hop-styled creative studio and she was only allowed to take a look when she walked down the beautiful makeshift aisle. She was surprised to see the office transformed into a carnival-like venue, with pom-poms everywhere.

She later shared, “It was actually the wedding I wanted. I had always wanted a more cosy and DIY feel. I was less nervous than if we had 800 people and I was feeling very chill, enjoying everything with no rush.”

Little did they know that this was not the end. The wedding day ended in a surprise when they found a thumb drive from their friends in their hotel room. It contained a 50-minute recording of the wedding programme they had planned but had to cancel, including wedding speeches, songs, a skit, and even a flashmob. “We were totally floored, and felt so loved by God. It really felt like God was the producer of our entire wedding.”

"IT WAS SO EASY OVERSEAS TO HAVE THE URGE TO HAVE A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH SOMEBODY YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW. I FELT GOD SPEAKING TO ME ABOUT PURITY."

BACK TO REALITY

Having successfully married, Isabel was forced to hit the ground running the very next day. As news of Covid-19 clusters in foreign workers’ dormitories broke, she was busy at work reaching out to them. Instead of going on their cancelled honeymoon to Hainan, China (due to travel advisories), she was creating a new learning portal to keep the workers connected and engaged during their quarantine.

On the marriage front, due to the circuit breaker and social distancing measures, she says, “I have to get used to being with someone 24/7,” and has found herself spending a lot of time cooking and cleaning in this new transition. Two of her hits have been banana mango ice-cream and braised chicken wings, while she was upset with mushy fried rice and a dropped plate of vegetables.

In an Instagram post put up the night before her wedding, Isabel said, “May I long for the return of Christ as much as I’ve longed for this day to come. He is the true Bridegroom.” Indeed, their longed-for “0404” wedding, unconventional as it was, reminds us that in the midst of a pandemic, we are called to die to ourselves and serve others, because we have a Bridegroom who loved us and gave Himself for us (Gal 2:20).

Dig Deeper: What’s Wrong With Dating a Non-Christian?

Riley Sewell — Tue, 30 Jun 2020 08:11:00 +0000

You become what and who you love. The one you love will help set the direction of your life. Thus, picking the right person is important to every woman thinking about dating.

You’re probably familiar with 2 Corinthians 6:14, where Paul exhorts us to not become “unequally yoked with unbelievers”. What is Paul’s meaning in this Scripture?

A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two animals to each other and to the burden they pull. Imagine you see a farmer getting ready to plow their field. They hook up a powerful ox to one side and on the other side, they hook up a tiny little Shih Tzu. Which side is going to work the hardest? Can they plow together and carry the load on an equal basis? Of course not! One will likely be dragged along and hinder the progress of the other. The ox will strain because the Shih Tzu will want to run away or go the other direction. Instead of working together, they are at odds with one another.

While dating was not practised during of Paul’s time, the principle is applicable for us today. The person you marry is the second most important decision of your life, after your choice to follow God. What are four challenges of “unequally yoked” dating?

WHO FOLDS FIRST?

Playing the game of life, either your non-believing boyfriend or God will be forced to fold in each round to win your heart. Why? Because when you date a non-Christian, it leads to one of the following options: If you put God at the center, he will feel marginalized. If he can’t understand the point of Bible study and prayer, missions trips, or fasting then he won’t participate alongside you in these activities. The deep unity of dating cannot flourish when one partner cannot fully participate in the other’s most important commitments. The second option is that in order to be more in sync with him, you will have to push God to the margins of your life. This may not involve actually rejecting your faith, but your devotional life, tithing, and fellowship with other believers may be compromised in order to preserve peace with him.

Even if he can provide you with every luxury in the world, it is no match to the one thing you hold most valuable — your relationship with God. If your heart is truly, genuinely, passionately in pursuit of Christ on a daily basis, then a non-believer — no matter how kind, caring, and wonderful he is — can never truly know you. If your identity is in Christ alone, then your life will automatically come into conflict with your non-believing boyfriend. As it should.

MISALIGNED EXPECTATIONS

If Jesus is not your solid ground, you can get stuck in the sinking sand located in the desert of mismatched expectations. For example, he may think it is “good enough” that he attends church with you, but you may hope for him to one day lead a small group. It is often said in jest that a man marries a woman hoping she will stay the same, and a woman marries a man hoping to change him. However, the reality is that often this doesn’t come true for either!

The risk of misaligned expectations and heartbreak is high when you date his “potential.” The wise path is to date him for who he is today, not for who he may be in the future. If he never changes, would you be satisfied?

GOD IS NOT HIS FORTRESS

Hard times are inevitable. At the low points, what kind of man do you want there for you? Someone who can turn your head and heart to God? Someone who amidst your darkness and tears will soothe your soul with Scripture? Will a non-believer drop to his knees, cloak you in prayer, or fast for a breakthrough?

I am not saying that he will not hold an umbrella of love over you or support you during the rainy season. But when the thunderstorms hit, you don’t need a human umbrella — you need the spiritual shelter that only God can provide. You deserve a man who leads you to your fortress of faith in the storms of life.

CHESS VS. CHECKERS

Don’t under-estimate what a guy will do to win your heart. If church is important, he may come with you. Each week. But he could act out our spiritual practices without developing a relationship with God. You can guide a man toward Christ through your actions and prayer. But at the end of the day, his faith journey is between him and Jesus.

While there are success stories of “missionary dating” or people who “flirt to convert”, his right to “free will” gives him the option to say no to Jesus. You can offer a man the most incredible present, but he can still refuse to unwrap it. Remember God knows the desires of your heart. What God has in store for you is worth waiting and fighting for. His best is worth the loneliness, frustration, and pain you may feel right now.

God is the best love expert and master story-maker. So, will you trust Him with your story, whether love is fully formed in singleness and/or marriage?

Fill Your Heart With Joy

Jiamin Choo — Tue, 30 Jun 2020 08:09:00 +0000

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the stress of studying? I remember the many late nights in the library studying with friends when we were preparing for the ‘A’ levels. Even though we tried our best to revise our notes and help test each other, there was still the fear of not doing well.

With anxiety building up as the exam dates drew nearer, I stayed up later, slept less, and became more short-tempered at home. I had become so focused and worried about exam results that joy was taken away from me. I was drained and exhausted.

In that moment, it felt like studying was all that mattered, even if it took a toll on me mentally, emotionally, and physically. But on hindsight, I wished I could have reminded myself that there is much more to life than studying and about the importance of cultivating joy, because “a joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Prov 17:22).

The book of Proverbs was put together long ago for God’s people to learn about God’s wisdom, and I find this saying to be so true and relevant today. A joyful heart really lifts me up and makes me feel better like an effective cure, but a crushed spirit can take its toll and drain me completely. The key here is the presence of joy, which makes me wonder, “Where does my joy come from? How do I cultivate a heart that can rejoice in all situations? What tends to take joy away, leaving me feeling crushed, broken, and dry?”

For me, being thankful is one way of cultivating a joyful heart.

When I thank God for His goodness, how He has lavished His love on me, and adopted me into His family through Christ, there is the joy of being loved by my Heavenly Father. When I have my favourite dishes, learn something new in school, or have a happy reunion with loved ones (post-Circuit Breaker), I can thank God for blessing me with these tangible gifts to enjoy in this season of life (Ecc 3:12–13).

When I thank my family members or friends for their kind words, surprise gifts, or acts of faithfulness, they know what they have done have not gone unnoticed, and joy can fill their hearts too. When I choose to give thanks, my heart becomes joyful because I realise I have been blessed with much.

Another way of cultivating a joyful heart is by turning worries into worship.

With the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic and social unrest around the world, the sheer amount of negative news can make me anxious about the uncertain future. Things can also get stressful for those preparing for major exams, or for those waiting to secure an internship or job during this economic downturn. But instead of letting these worries steal my joy, I can choose to worship.

Because God knows me by name, and all the days of my life have been ordained in His book before one of them comes to be (Ps 139:16), I can surrender my worries into God’s hands, trusting Him to take care of things. When I sing praises or meditate on Scripture, I’m reminded of our eternal hope in Christ that goes beyond this physical world. Through worship, my worries fade and there is fullness of joy.

I hope that no matter what challenges come in your studies or work, joy will not be taken away from you, but will always fill your heart and keep your spirit strong. Be thankful, turn your worries into worship, and may the joy of the Lord be your strength.

PRAYER

Thank You, Lord, for being my source of joy. Fill my heart with joy such that no matter what comes my way, I will sing of Your praises and be an encouraging presence to those around me.

REFLECTION TIME!

1. Who/what brings you true joy? What stops this joy from being taken from you?
2. How can you help to cheer up someone with a crushed spirit?

DELVE DEEPER

Read and reflect on these passages on “joy”:
o Psalm 16:7–11
o Ecclesiastes 3:12–13
o John 15:9–12

HANDLES

Listen for Scripture in songs. Many songs have been inspired by God’s Word and have Bible verses incorporated into the lyrics. As you sing or listen to these songs, find out which Bible verses they are based on, and see how you can apply these words of truth in your life.

Dear Kallos: What Can I Do When I Feel Distant From God?

Alina Teo — Wed, 17 Jun 2020 16:07:00 +0000

What can I do when I feel distant from God? I dropped my quiet time since circuit breaker started. – Discouraged

dear Discouraged,

With the implementation of circuit breaker and other social distancing measures, things haven’t been the same. You no longer have the same space to share with your church friends, emotional connections are just different, and you probably feel cooped up. It has been difficult and a new norm has taken its toll on everyone. Yet, remember — God loves you and He is with you, every day and in every way. He hasn’t forgotten you and He constantly beckons you back to Him.

There are points in life where our feelings don’t match what we know or believe. And that is okay. I know it doesn’t sound correct. It sounds like a contradiction. My feelings should match how I think. Unfortunately, feelings often carry us away like the wind blows the daffodils. So I suggest, don’t let your feelings determine your actions. A wise person once put it this way, “When in the dark, follow what you have already known when in the light.” This has always been a principle I hold to in my life. When we feel that things are spiraling out of control or that what we once felt keenly aware of seems like a distant memory we try to grasp at, don’t give in to the temptation to be idle or give up.

James 4:8 tells us, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” All the more when you feel distant from God, don’t let your emotions dictate your actions. Instead, take tangible steps to change. Firstly, set aside a particular time every day to seek God. Even if it’s only 5-10 minutes, read the Bible, pray, and quieten your heart to let God speak to you. Faithfully keep to it every day and let God be God. He will show up. You need to persevere in the tough times.

Secondly, find a prayer buddy you can be accountable to. Share your struggles and be real. Let her pray with you and support you when you feel you discouraged. This is why we have the body of Christ — to support one another and build one another up!

Thirdly, be open to God in the everyday things. When you take a walk and look at the beautiful nature around you, take your next breath, or enjoy a good laugh with your friends, remember that God is present in each of these instances, though we often fail to notice Him.

God is very much present even when you feel distant from Him. He has promised us clearly that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Heb 13:5). Hang on to this promise and fight the good fight! We are here cheering you on, sister!