Issue 42 – Kallos

My Husband Was Worth The Wait

Jiamin Choo — Fri, 23 Jul 2021 17:55:57 +0000

It was my 21st birthday. Wanting to catch the first rays of light, I woke up early and made my way to the beach. As I stood on the shore, I said a prayer, thanking God for His love and care all these years, faithfully providing for my family after Papa passed away when I was 13.

As the sun rose, I made two promises to God: Having experienced Him personally as my Heavenly Father, especially during my mission trip as an 18-year-old onboard Operation Mobilisation’s (OM) ship Doulos, I’ll follow Him all the days of my life; and because He is Lord of my life, I’ll wait on Him for my future husband.

I took out the ring that I’d bought – a simple band engraved with “WAITING 4 U” — and put it on my left middle finger. It represented my promise to wait for my future husband, to keep myself for him, and I hoped that one day the ring would be a gift to him on our wedding day.

I wore the ring daily, as a commitment to entrust my heart to God, and as a reminder to pray for my future husband – that even though I didn’t know who he was, where he was, or when we would meet, my desire was for him to be a man after God’s own heart. I hoped he was waiting for me, too.

The following year, I graduated from the National University of Singapore. While friends were sending in resumés for job applications, I was preparing to follow God’s call on my life – to serve Him in full-time missions back onboard Doulos, the place where God first opened my eyes to His love for the nations.

Will i lose my relationships?

Wanting to offer my first fruits after graduation to God, I signed the form to rejoin Doulos for two years with my family’s blessing. Ship life and ministry wasn’t going to be easy. Some were concerned I wouldn’t receive a salary. Some feared for my physical safety. I had counted the cost and was prepared for those things, but what I wrestled with was the area of relationships.

By being away, will I lose the closeness with my mum and younger siblings? What if I missed out on significant moments shared with family, friends and church?

And while friends are starting to find their special halves, am I prepared to put my love life on hold, to delay the possibility of starting a relationship as I would be sailing around the world and not be able to settle?

As those scenarios played on my mind, the tears kept coming. Relationships were most precious to me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing them.

Then I felt God impress on my heart: “Jiamin, if your fear of losing relationships were to come true, will you still be willing to go?”

My heart was aching, but I said: “Yes, I will go. I entrust my relationships to You, Lord. I believe You are more than able to protect my relationships with my family, friends and church. But even if I were to lose them because of my being away from home, and even though it would hurt deeply, I know I’ll be okay because You are with me.”

So off I went, joining Doulos in the port of Beirut, Lebanon, where we sailed around Middle East and Africa for the rest of the year.

"I was Reminded Not to Compromise"

Our crew of 350 international volunteers, we worked in various departments to keep the ship going – we ran a floating book fair that provided quality literature at low cost for locals, we went onshore to serve alongside churches, we shared God’s Word in cities and villages, spent time with children in orphanages, and shared testimonies in prisons.

I especially enjoyed befriending couples who shared openly about their joys and struggles in marriage. They modelled for me the sacredness of marriage, and I learned how important it was to guard marriage with faithfulness, forgiveness and love.

In choosing a life partner, a cross-cultural married couple advised, “Marry someone who is like-minded in the faith, someone who’s running alongside you towards the same finishing line.”

I was reminded not to compromise, not to give my heart away to someone who was really good to me but didn’t have a heart for God and missions. So I continued to wait on God for my future husband and surrendered my longings to Him.

“BUT GOD, WHAT ABOUT ME?”

I ended up spending four years onboard Doulos. I was glad to have set apart that time to serve God in the strength of my youth, and to witness God’s glory and wondrous works in the 31 countries that I had sailed to. As the season onboard the ship drew to a close, I knew it was time to return home, where a new chapter would unfold.

Readjusting back to life in Singapore meant catching up with friends who had gotten married while I was away. As I settled back home, I began writing a book about my Doulos journey, Out of the Harbour, and took up a new role with OM Singapore as missions coordinator.

Though things seemed to be going well, there remained a void that longed to be filled: A desire for someone special to appear in my life. Someone who shares my love for God and missions. Someone who will notice me, choose me, and take that risk to love me. But just when I found someone whom I was drawn to, I found out he was already “taken”.

“No, Jiamin, he’s not yours. He belongs to someone else,” I felt God impress on my heart. Feelings of sadness rose from within. “But God, what about me?” In the midst of the silence, tears began to fall.

“IS MY DESIRE FOR MARRIAGE WISHFUL THINKING?”

I had been waiting for God to fulfil the dream that had been seeded in my heart since I was 21. I wondered if God had forgotten about me. I wondered if my desire for marriage was only wishful thinking. I wondered why this unfulfilled desire could cut me so deeply and bring about nights of lonely tears.

Was this dream really worth waiting for?

However through it all, God’s presence remained near. His words in Psalm 30:5 brought such comfort: “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” I realised that even though marriage was a good gift from God, I was desiring marriage so much to the point of making it an idol in my life. I was seeking the gift and not the Giver. I also doubted my worth and identity, fearing I was incomplete as a woman unless I became someone’s wife.

But I was so wrong. As a child of God, I was already complete in Christ. His love had redeemed and restored me. That led me to confess: “God, I’m sorry for not being satisfied in You alone. I surrender my dream of marriage to You. Whether I get married or not, You remain good. Help me be content to delight in You alone.” My heavy heart was lifted, and I believed this season of singleness was God’s gift for me.

MY UNEXPECTED GIFT

Some months later, a young man named Minghui walked into the OM Singapore office. He was applying to join a short-term mission trip onboard another OM ship, Logos Hope, before entering Bible School. I was pleasantly surprised to meet a like-minded person who shared the same desire to serve in missions and full-time ministry. Even though it was our first time meeting, we hit it off and the conversation just kept going. His warm personality, adventurous spirit and gentle nature left an impression that day.

Little did I know that this new friendship would blossom into something more.

In God’s perfect timing, He joined our hearts and lives together, with me walking down the aisle towards Minghui, thankful and excited because my ring had found its owner – someone special who had been waiting for me all this while too.

Looking back, I realise that through those years of singleness, God had brought me through highs and lows, and even across the seas, so that I could fully know Him, delight in Him and come to a place of joyful surrender such that my heart was ready for whatever that was to come.

And that was worth the wait.

Jiamin contributes to the Devotional column of Kallos magazine and loves all things nautical! This article is taken and adapted with permission from http://saltandlight.sg. To read more stories on love and dating, check out Issue 29, Issue 24, Issue 21, and our devotionals Made For More which contains a series of heartfelt articles that explores various issues young women face and His Glory Our Wonder, about recapturing a sense of awe towards God.

Are Tattoos A Sin?

Quek Shiwei — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 15:10:00 +0000

When Christians talk about the issue of tattoos, a common verse used to argue against getting them is Leviticus 19:28, which says, “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.” At first glance, the answer seems clear — tattoos are an absolute no! However, it is important to understand a Bible verse in its cultural context before applying what it teaches to our time and place. In this case, the command is related to specific practices of other cultures that worshipped idols. For example, some cut their flesh as an appeal to their gods (1 Kgs 18:28), while others tattooed the names of Canaanite gods on their bodies. Also, this verse from Leviticus sits in a list of instructions about holy living and appropriate conduct in a specific time and place, some of which are no longer relevant in modern-day society, like the length of a man’s beard (Lev 19:27) or the permitted materials for one’s clothing (Lev 19:19). It would not occur to you that wearing T-shirts, which are often a blend of cotton and polyester, could be a sin! It is clear that the response to whether having tattoos is a sin cannot rely on Leviticus 19:28.

Does this then mean that tattoos are all right after all, and so we should have no qualms about getting one? While there are some instances where the answer would be an outright no (e.g. getting a tattoo with satanic imagery or the names of other gods), I can’t answer that question directly for you. However, here are a few questions that I have often found helpful when dealing with grey areas:

What is your motivation for doing so, and is this the only way to fulfil it?
For some, getting a tattoo is innocent fun and helps them to express their artistic side. For others, it can be a sign of rebellion, to assert their identity in a way that differs from what their parents or society may expect. Tattoos are often seen as a rite of passage for people who join a gang and a way to declare where their allegiance lies.

One young lady whose body was covered entirely in tattoos told me that she was addicted to getting them because she liked the numbing effect that helped her forget her emotional pain. She had one done right before a church camp, and she felt that the physical effects were causing her to not be able to focus on God. In this case, getting a tattoo was the equivalent of a drug for her to escape her pain, which is not a healthy motivation.

Some may say that tattoos are OK if they are “Christian” ones (e.g. Bible verses, a cross) to help them remember to honour God. Unfortunately, having such a tattoo did not stop some women I know from having pre-marital sex and straying from God. It is by His grace that they came back to Him. If your goal is to remember God’s Word or to mark a spiritual milestone, are there any other ways of doing so that could be more effective and include your community to hold you accountable?

SOME MAY SAY THAT “CHRISTIAN” TATTOOS ARE OK IF IT HELPS THEM REMEMBER TO HONOUR GOD.

As daughters of God, we must bring our motivations to God, surrender them to Him, and let Him speak to us if any of them are unhealthy and need to be thought through again.

Does this honour your parents?
If, after studying God’s Word, you find that certain tattoos are indeed not a sin, would you still go ahead with getting one if your parents or guardians disapproved, and you may disappoint or hurt them? How would this affect your long-term relationships with them or your grandparents, siblings, and extended family?

How will others view this?
Tattoos are viewed differently in every culture. I encourage you to have conversations with people from different generations, industries, and countries, and be proactive and rigorous in finding out how tattoos can be viewed in each context. While they are increasingly accepted in many nations, they can still be a stumbling block to many. As our world becomes more connected, one Christian’s tattoo can deeply trouble a Christian in another part of the world.

A missionary friend tattooed a Christian symbol on his shoulder so that it would not be visible when he worked in different countries. However, he once went swimming in Romania with a Christian family, and the grandmother was so shocked to see it that she actually asked her son if this missionary was truly a believer. While I know he is one, his innocent tattoo caused a misunderstanding that could have long-term implications for his credibility in the mission field.

While we do have freedom to make choices guided by our interpretation of God’s Word and our conscience, it is helpful to remember Paul’s exhortation to “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.” (1 Cor 8:9).

Could this cause any long-term health issues?
It is possible to have skin infections and complications, as well as allergic reactions to tattoo ink, even years later. Some people have experienced skin inflammations, formed keloids, or even contracted blood-borne diseases such as Hepatitis B, C and the super bug called methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA). Though many colourings have been approved for use in cosmetics, the US’s Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved them for use under the skin.

Will you regret this?
Unless you undergo painful removal treatments, tattoos are permanent, which is the whole reason why people want them. However, we do hear stories of people who get a tattoo of their lover’s name, only to regret it when they break up. Moreover, a certain tattoo may be fashionable in 2020, but look regrettably outdated in 2040. And while some industries are accepting of tattoos, many are not, which means a prominent tattoo may exclude you from some job opportunities or prejudice particular groups against you, however unfairly.

EVERY DECISION WE MAKE SHOULD BE EDIFYING TO OTHERS AND BRING GLORY TO GOD.

So, what’s the verdict?
As Paul noted, “not everything is beneficial” even though you might insist that you have the right to do anything you want (1 Cor 10:23). Every decision we make should be edifying to others and bring glory to God. Instead of asking, “What is right and wrong?”, I have often found it more helpful to ask, “Who do I belong to?” This has helped guide me in many decisions, so that I can make them from the position of being a beloved daughter of God, rather than out of fear of punishment from Him.

The Bible is not always explicit about every matter, but part of Christian maturity is taking the time to do the hard work of studying the Bible on topics that are not so clear, drawing out the principles that are relevant to us today, then applying them to our lives. Thankfully, God has given us the church community to help us discuss and interpret God’s Word together! When you can make decisions based on your personal convictions and conversations with others and with God through His Word and prayer, you are growing as a disciple of God.

Fashion With A Purpose

Eunice Sng — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 01:11:00 +0000

Interested in sustainable or slow fashion? Perhaps you are a budding creative yourself hoping to start a business in Singapore. EUNICE SNG speaks to some of Singapore’s fashion up-and-comers to find out just what it takes to lead a purpose-driven business.

PARADIGM SHIFT LABEL BY AUDRIS ADABELLA QUEK
In the first year of operating Paradigm Shift, we were blessed with a growing audience and brand momentum. Thus, I was eager to launch new products. I was about to send out an email to our manufacturer requesting to begin production on the next product when the Lord convicted me. He asked me, “Who designed that dress and who decided to go ahead with production?”. I was dumbstruck and could not answer Him because I knew it was all me and God was not even given a chance to have a say in it.

He later gave me instructions to only sell the long black dress for a whole year. I was in shock! How would that sustain us? Then He convicted me, “What paradigms would you be shifting if you ran your business like everybody else?” At that point, I really did not understand, but I obeyed. One year later, I see the fruits of obeying Him above all logic and business sense. Because we only sold one item for that whole year, the brand can now speak with credibility and authority when it comes to talking about slow fashion and production because we walked the talk! It was an almost unheard of “business model” but hey, if the King says, it goes.

A challenge of identifying ourselves as a sustainable brand is that it automatically limits the kind of materials we can use. But this is always exciting because it forces me to work with what we have and to make the impossible possible, with God, of course! Sometimes it looks like charting new territories where others have yet to, and exploring new methods and ways of running a sustainable fashion business.

I wish to see Singapore’s fashion industry change from domination to empowerment, a shift from brand’s self-obsession to customer-centricness. Instead of brands influencing the masses in the fashion decisions that they themselves dictate, my hope is for brands to make decisions based on the customer’s needs. What good does fashion have if it is only about self-elevation? I believe in fashion for good; empowerment throughout its supply chain from start to end.

WILL & WELL BY ELISA LIM
The name Will & Well came out of the Lord speaking to me about the idea I had to design inclusive and functional fashion for all. He said, “If you have the will to do it, then I will make it well for you.” With that comforting understanding, I found the meaning for the brand as well. In the same vein, for our clients (who can range from stroke patients, to people with disabilities, to the able-bodied), if they have the will to live a good life, regardless of their age or physical situation, then we will make it well for them too through inclusive clothing so that it is easier for them to get dressed.

Everyone wants to look good, so the clothing needs to be attractive as well, not just functional. An example of that is our Unisex Drawstring Front-Zip Pants! We designed it as a customised piece for a lady who had a hip surgery, but I wear it too, and an 80-year-old granny does too! I think it’s really fun like that, when a garment is being worn by different age groups. People wear it all for the same reason, for the ease of us, for the comfort, for its classic look. Our Front-Zip Midi Dress is another piece that was birthed out of a conversation that I had with an elderly lady who lives alone. She was telling me that she couldn’t wear dresses anymore because she didn’t have anyone to zip the dress up for her and she can’t stretch that way. It just goes to show that regardless of age and physical ailments, fashion can still accommodate and beautify each customer.

Every single morning, I spend some time reflecting on what I have — everything is a gift from Him and He can take it away at any time. It can be business opportunities, family, church or friends. It’s a good reminder that nothing belongs to me and it helps me not to cling on to anything in this world too tightly — it’s an approach for living that allows us to make decisions based on His will and His values and His principles. Then, He will make whatever He placed in our hands well for us to fulfil!

ELIZABETH LITTLE BY EILEEN TAY
My brand is called Elizabeth Little — named after my daughter because she was really tiny compared to her brother. She is definitely my inspiration! Children have endless ideas and they are not restricted by the same things adults are, so it’s really great fun to create with her! For example, she’s turning six and is currently into fairy princesses — thus, all the sleeves I do now have to have sleeves that puff up!

I started a slow fashion brand because I wanted to leave a legacy for my children that encourages them to value quality over quantity. Slowness has a negative connotation, but to me, ‘slowness’ also means taking time to just wonder, admire, and appreciate what other people make with their hands! I suppose it also ties in with biblical values because it’s really about being contented with what we have, and also about patience.

As a Christian in the creative industry, social media is extremely powerful. There are so many negative influences these days, thus, as a Christian, it is important to post positive messages. With every social media post, I take time to think and pray that it will be uplifting. We also try to incorporate Christian messaging on our packaging. With every dress order that we get, we send out a postcard with penned down Bible verses for every customer — Philippians 4:4 is my favourite. Sometimes, we get feedback that the recipients were encouraged — even if they weren’t Christian — because everybody loves being blessed!

When the COVID situation happened back in March, three of my stockists closed down and I had a whole office filled with extremely expensive Liberty fabric shipped in from Italy. Thus, I was stuck with a super high inventory cost and there was no way we could utilise the fabric because all the fairs I was supposed to participate in got cancelled. Thankfully my mentor prompted me to start making masks and when I posted pictures of the samples, the feedback was phenomenal. However, I didn’t want to profit from something like this during this period, especially because masks had become an essential item. God gave me the idea of donating one mask for every mask sold, and that was what I did! To date, I think we have donated about 15,000 masks!

Kenyan Women Affected By COVID-19

Amber Ginter — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 01:11:00 +0000

STATISTICS

WORKING MORE TIME FOR LESS WAGES,
WOMEN IN KENYA HAVE BEEN
DISPROPORTIONATELY IMPACTED
BY COVID-19
(BUSINESS AND HUMAN RIGHTS
RESOURCE CENTRE, 2020)

50% DECLINE
IN ACTIVE TRADES
BY EAST AFRICAN COMMUNITY
(EAC) WOMEN TRADERS
(THE AFRICA REPORT, 2020)

All across the globe, many are settling into what has become one of the most unprecedented times in history. Since the outbreak of COVID-19, lives have been turned upside down. In Kenya, Africa, specifically, the women impacted by this deadly disease are at a much greater threat. AMBER GINTER explores why.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?
With border closures and a reduction in regional help, countries like Kenya and its women are on the forefront of fatal repercussions. Due to a disruption in trade routes, imports and exports have ceased in an attempt to contain the spread of COVID-19, and trades have now declined by 50-60%. With an increase in caring for needs at home while attempting to still provide for those needs amid a pandemic, this tension is creating immediate financial inadequacy, leading to poverty and hunger (Foothold International, 2020). Women are among one of the most vulnerable groups exposed to the negative impacts of COVID-19, as they are direct caregivers and essential providers. They are therefore directly exposed to the virus by more than 60%. As traders, these women are the primary breadwinners, and with few avenues for success due to limited time, lacking resources, and accrued debts, existing inequalities are widened.

According to Cherie Catron from Foothold International, young women are particularly at risk during this outbreak due to schools being closed. Schools often provided one meal daily and menstrual pads, and with the closure of trade routes and schools, many girls are now at higher risk of facing early marriage, sexual abuse, or turning to prostitution in order to provide food and extra materials now needed for their families. As a result of these increased risks, teen pregnancies are now beyond what Kenya has ever seen, showing thousands in each region (Kenya Department of Health, 2020).

WILL THE SITUATION IMPROVE?
Like many East African countries, the rates of infection due to COVID-19 are not nearly as high due to younger populations, cultural distance, environment, and the government’s response; however, the effects of the virus have directly impacted a lack of supplies, transportation, and food scarcity beyond the disease (Foothold International, 2020; Advisory Board, 2020). Therefore, on their own, it is unlikely that Kenya’s women will recover successfully from this major impact.

HOW CAN WE PRAY?
– Women in Kenya to find support so that they do not have to resort to extreme decisions like prostitution in order to provide food for their families.
– Organisations in Kenya such as Foothold International or World Vision as they assist women with better avenues for these needs.

Bullied, Bully, or Bystander?

Quek Shi Yun — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 01:10:00 +0000

There’s this girl we heard about. Let’s call her Lucy. Lucy was at the prime of her school life —16, the head of her CCA, and in, by Singaporean standards, a good school. She was popular and confident. Then one day, a bad decision made her fall from the good graces of her peers. She became the victim of bullying — she was ostracised and antagonised in person, and, more damagingly, was hounded and harassed online. Lucy started barricading herself in her room and isolating herself from everyone who loved her. She refused to go to school, even deferring her ‘O’ Level examinations. She started cutting herself, and at the peak of the bullying, even a trip to the nearby supermarket terrified her.

THE INTERNET CHANGES EVERYTHING
Are you perplexed by this story? Why would a so-called “simple” case of bullying lead to such devastating effects?

According to Ms. Joanne Wong, Head of TOUCH Cyber Wellness, there are some key elements that make cyberbullying so much more destructive than physical bullying. For one, cyberbullying is often anonymous, with perpetrators able to hide their identities or create fake profiles. Fear and paranoia can easily set in when you are constantly wondering if your bully might be physically near you.

To make matters worse, cyberbullies tend to be acquainted with their victims. Ms. Wong cites examples of cases where victims are in the same chat groups, schools, classes, or CCA groups as their bullies. The victims’ social media accounts are also visible and accessible to the bullies. “In such cases, the victims had to ‘live with’ the presence of bullies, which can seriously affect their ability to learn, focus, cope and, regulate their emotions.”

Having experienced physical bullying myself (Shi Yun) as a teenager, it’s hard to imagine just how debilitating cyberbullying can be. While I was tormented by my bullies every day in school, I always knew that I would be safe once I was home. But with the Internet, this isn’t so anymore. Cyberbullying can now happen any time and anywhere. Taunts and mockery go on regardless of where you are. Knowing that there is no escape, such bullying can cause perpetual anxiety in victims even when they are in what should be the safety of their own homes. What’s more, the fact that the Internet facilitates more witnesses and malicious comments means that the shame and humiliation experienced by the victim can increase exponentially.

It is no wonder that victims like Lucy feel helpless in the face of cyberbullying and overwhelmed by its effects!

CYBERBULLYING CAN NOW HAPPEN ANY TIME AND ANYWHERE. TAUNTS AND MOCKERY GO ON REGARDLESS OF WHERE YOU ARE.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Lucy’s story isn’t a one-off case. Goh Wei-Shen, a counsellor with a social service agency, assures us that the effects of cyberbullying are very real. She’s counselled a 16-year-old girl who frequently complained of stomach cramps and feelings of nausea. These “excuses” for not going to school were really symptoms of the intense anxiety she was experiencing due to cyberbullying. In a different case, a 13-year-old girl became very withdrawn and would cry herself to sleep. She was self-harming and even attempted to end her life by overdosing on pills.

Hearing these stories just breaks our heart, and we hope it breaks yours too. But that isn’t enough to change things. So, what can you do when you encounter cyberbullying, whether you are the bullied, bully, or bystander?

TO THE BULLIED…
First of all, we grieve and stand with you. No one should be subject to the distress you have been through, and we pray that you know you are not alone. When we are bullied, it is easy to internalise all the lies spoken about us: “You’re ugly.” “You’re not worthy of love.” “You deserve to die.” These awful lies can take root in our hearts, no matter how hard we fight them. I (Shi Yun) was bullied at ten and even though the bullying eventually stopped, its effects stayed with me for years.

What saved me was a supportive family, kind bystanders who became friends, and going back to the foundation of my life — the Bible. I combatted each lie with God’s truth. God knows me personally (Luke 12:7; Ps 139:1–18). He sees my suffering and does not leave me alone (Ps 56:8; 9:9). He loves me to the extent that His Son, Jesus Christ, died for me (John 3:16; Gal 2:20)! It may surprise you that the verse that helped me break free from the pain of bullying was this command of Jesus recorded in Matthew 5:44 — “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

When the pain, anxiety and isolation overwhelmed me, I hid myself in His embrace. The emotions that come from being bullied are so very real, but so is His love. Rest in it.

TO THE BULLY…
Most of us wouldn’t want to think of ourselves as bullies. Yet, we may inadvertently be part of the problem when we choose to weigh in online with a mean remark here or a demeaning comment there, passing on gossip and baseless speculation.

Ask yourself: would you like to be at the receiving end of your unkind, intimidating words or actions? Proverb 18:21 warns us that the tongue has the power of life and death — in some bullying cases, this has turned out to be a terrible truth. Remember this: your words count, both online and offline, and the words you speak online have a real offline effect, even if you are able to remain anonymous. Pray this in earnest: “Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Ps 141:3).

ASK YOURSELF: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE AT THE RECEIVING END OF YOUR UNKIND, INTIMIDATING WORDS OR ACTIONS?

TO THE BYSTANDER…
Our message is simple: don’t just stand by. STAND UP! Rev. Chris Lee (of “British Priest Reacts” fame) told a story of the time a classmate stood up in class and viciously said to him, “No one likes you, Lee. Does anyone like Lee?” I can picture the scene — a small boy, seated with his head down, not daring to make eye contact with anyone. But another classmate spoke up: “I like him. He’s a good guy.” And just like that, the power of the bully was broken. What a beautiful image of the power you have to stand with victims of bullying! Don’t be afraid to do what is right. Take courage, and act.

BECOMING AN ADVOCATE
We know that cyberbullying is a problem. Some have even gone so far as to call it a “cyber pandemic”. God has always been on the side of victims and against bullies (Prov 3:34). His Word constantly charges us to fight for justice (Isa 1:17; Mic 6:8, Jer 22:3), and speak for the voiceless (Prov 31:8–9). As daughters of God, we pray that you see the value and dignity in each person (Gen 1:26), going beyond the behaviour of a bully or a bystander to become an advocate for those who can’t speak for themselves!

IF YOU ARE A VICTIM OF CYBERBULLYING
Here are Ms. Joanne Wong’s practical tips on what you can do if you are being bullied online:

1. Cut the bullies off. Block them online, disallow “follows” and direct messages from accounts you don’t follow, and remove them from your friends list.

2. Don’t delete the evidence — save it. Take screenshots of the online comments or private messages you receive as proof of the bullying, and monitor the frequency of bullying. See point 4.

3. Get help from a trusted adult. Keep them updated about how these incidences are affecting you personally so that they can give you the support you need.

4. Report it. With your parents, approach school teachers with evidence of the bullying. Schools in Singapore are well-positioned to jump in to protect and support you, as well as mediate between you and the bully.

5. In cases where all measures have been exhausted, you have the right to seek legal protection under the Protection Against Harassment Act. However, it is imperative to note that any legal proceedings can cause heavy mental and emotional burdens, and the family must be prepared to go through that.

Need more help? Call the TOUCHline at 1800 377 2252 (Mon–Fri, 9 am–6 pm). The helpline is manned by counsellors who will be able to assess the situation and provide the assistance and support you may need.

I Was An Accidental Bully

Hannah Leung — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 01:10:00 +0000

In my first year of secondary school, I received a “fair” conduct grade, the second lowest you can receive. What put me on the blacklist was an incident of cyberbullying. Not of a classmate; I cyberbullied a teacher.

Just before my final exams, when I was 13, our discipline master showed up at my classroom door one day and called my name. From the way she stood — her arms crossed, her eyebrows furrowed, and her lips pulled down unhappily — I knew I was in trouble … but for what? I was scared stiff, and fumbled my way out of the classroom.

She passed me three pieces of paper. When I saw what was printed on it, I froze. Have you ever been caught for something you never thought you’d get caught for? Yep, that’s how I felt.

Back in 2009, handphones were banned at my school. As a show of rebellion, I snapped a photo of my form teacher in class and uploaded it on Facebook. At that point, I had no idea the trouble it would cause. What ensued was a series of hurtful comments left by classmates about the picture. Because my teacher was so disliked by my classmates, they seized the opportunity to spout silly but nasty comments about her appearance and personality. Truth be told, I laughed at many of the things they said, and didn’t think that there would be any consequences. I left the picture up for the comments to continue, and shrugged off a nagging thought that a teacher from school would find out.

“Did you know that this is a serious case of cyberbullying?”

My mind was reeling — cyberbullying? As she listed out the consequences of this supposed crime, I grew giddy with questions and fright. Well, mostly fright. The school’s discipline committee held me fully responsible for this event because I uploaded the photo. I spent the next three days in detention alone, then everyone who left a comment joined me in a Corrective Work Order for the next two days.

On the last day, we wrote a letter to apologise to my form teacher. When I passed her the letter, she snatched it without looking at me, and disappeared into the staff room. When she reappeared, the hurt in her eyes was apparent.

She said, “Once you lower someone into the grave, you can’t bring them back anymore.”

We didn’t know this beforehand, but she had planned to retire that year. When I found out, guilt twisted knots in my stomach. It was only then that I realised how deep our words had cut. Imagine ending your teaching career reading hateful comments from your students. Words said online are still words that can’t be taken back.

To be honest, I cannot remember if she ever spoke to us again after that day. We had our study break, then our exams, before we all moved on to the next school year. I never saw her again.

It has been 11 years, and sometimes I wonder where my teacher is now, and whether she has recovered from the incident. I used to think that we were “unlucky” to get caught. It would not have been that bad if no one found out about the picture and comments, right?

Yet, I remember how my classmates were emboldened and encouraged to pile on insult after insult as they read each other’s comments. Even if my teacher had never read them and never got hurt, my classmates and I were becoming increasingly hateful, and that was an ugly sight to behold.

GO DEEPER!
Proverbs has a lot to teach us about the power of words. Use an online Bible to search for “tongue,” “mouth,” “lips,” “word,” and “speech” in the book of Proverbs and reflect on the verses that are especially relevant to how you have been using (or abusing) your words. James 3 also has a lot of wisdom about this issue. Pray for God to help you become someone who chooses to bless rather than curse others, as we are all made in His image (Jas 3:9).

Loving the Foreigner

Jiamin Choo — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 01:10:00 +0000

One day when I was on my way home on the MRT, I heard someone shout, “Go back to your country!” I looked up from my phone screen, wondering what the commotion was about. It was a middle-aged woman sitting opposite me. She continued saying lots of nasty comments while pointing at the elderly woman sitting next to me. I felt frightened by her hostile looks. What made her say such things? I turned to look at the elderly woman beside me, and noticed she was a foreigner from East Asia. She dressed like a villager from a rural place. Her clothes looked a little old and torn too. She had a big woven sack bag in front of her, and her head was bowed low. She did not say anything in response to the middle-aged woman’s hurtful remarks. People in the train carriage were staring. Deep inside me, I was praying, “God, what should I do?”

In Leviticus 19:33-34, after the LORD showed His lovingkindness and delivered the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, He gave these words to His people through Moses: “When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.” This is echoed in Deuteronomy 10:18-19, where it is written that God “loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing” and that is why as His people, the Israelites who were once treated as foreigners in Egypt, were to love the foreigners in their own land.

Commanding the Israelites to “love the foreigner” was countercultural. However, God was making for Himself a new “kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (Exod 19:6) who would follow His ways and reflect His holiness, love, and compassion. Knowing that the foreigners were often deemed as outsiders and subject to bullying and mistreatment by locals, God was teaching the Israelites the importance of loving the foreigners in their midst, because they themselves were once foreigners in Egypt and knew how hard life was like as unwelcomed outsiders. In obeying God’s commandments, including loving the foreigner, the Israelites would reflect the holiness, love, and compassion of God whom they were in covenant with and be a testimony to the nations.

I decided to befriend the elderly lady and speak kindly to her. As I chatted with her, asking about her day, the middle-aged lady became more agitated and hurled more insults. I reassured the elderly lady, “Don’t be afraid. You’re going to be OK.” I continued to engage with her, and after a while, the middle-aged woman stopped shouting, and things went back to normal, with people getting on and off the MRT.

That incident made me wonder: How are we as Singaporeans making our country a welcoming space for those who have left their home countries, loved ones and possessions to study, work, and live here? I have lots more to learn about loving the foreigners, and I’m encouraged by friends who have inspired me to do that through their own examples. I know of a young couple who invited some migrant workers to their home for biryani on a national holiday, and the workers appreciated the warm hospitality. I know of a Christian community who came together to raise funds for a domestic helper who had to undergo surgery at an unsubsidised cost because she was a non-Singaporean. Such acts of love toward foreigners are not a mere command to follow; they bring such joy as we draw nearer to the heart of our LORD who loves.

PRAYER
Dear God, teach me what it means to love the foreigner as You have loved me. Use me to be a channel of blessing, to show hospitality, and kindness to those who have travelled from overseas and made their new home here. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME!
1. How have you experienced hospitality and kindness when you were overseas?
2. What is one act of kindness you can do for a foreigner in your midst?

DELVE DEEPER
Read and reflect on these passages on “Loving the Foreigner”:
o Deuteronomy 24:14–15, 24:17–22
o Matthew 25:31–46
o Hebrews 13:1–2

HANDLES
With so much screen time due to extra online meetings during this Covid-19 pandemic, consider reading a hard-copy Bible, so that you can take a break from the screen, slow down, and let God’s Word speak to you in a quiet space.

10 Books To Inspire You

Hannah Leung — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 01:10:00 +0000

There are some books that give you new insight every time you read it, and here are 10 books that do just that for us! Whether you’re looking for inspiration, life lessons, or a relaxing holiday read, we’ve got you covered!

1. The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis
When God thinks of us, He thinks of us with love. When the devil thinks of us, he thinks of… what? Through the imagination of C.S. Lewis, we get a glimpse of how the devil works. Through imagined letters that a senior demon writes to a junior demon on how to corrupt and tempt a man, The Screwtape Letters encourages us to recognise how hard the devil has been working to do what he does best: kill, steal, and destroy.

2. Chasing the Dragon by Andrew Quickie and Jackie Pullinger
In 1966, Jackie Pullinger boarded a boat from England with no money and no plan, but was filled with faith that God would tell her where to get off and start sharing the gospel. This classic about her work in the Kowloon Walled City — a lawless labyrinth of haphazardly built buildings in Hong Kong where crime was rife — is sure to inspire you to take courage in unabashed obedience to Jesus. Fun fact, she still lives and serves in Hong Kong!

3. What Is A Girl Worth? My Story of Breaking the Silence and Exposing the Truth about Larry Nassar and USA Gymnastics by Rachael Denhollander
Immediately after finishing the book, Kallos writer Hannah dropped a friend a text and said, “I’m shaking.” In spite of her personal trauma and the frustrations of bringing Larry Nassar to justice, Denhollander’s grit and grace is unmistakable. While the fight against injustice is often fueled by bitter revenge, she is motivated by love — for the victims and all the young gymnasts that could suffer in the same way — and this makes her story both refreshing and empowering.

4. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
The most sobering reflections seem to come in the face of the threat of death. When Dr. Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, he began thinking deeply about what a meaningful life looks like. You may not be facing death currently, but in thinking about death, it may inspire you on how to live life to the fullest.

5. The Scars That Have Shaped Me: How God Meets Us In Our Suffering by Vaneetha Rendall Risner
We always hear people talk about overcoming suffering, but very rarely do we hear someone talk about enduring it. Risner’s story is heartbreaking — she contracted polio at a young age, went through multiple miscarriages, lost her infant son, and her first husband left the family. Yet, in the face of great adversity, she learnt an invaluable lesson — how to taste the goodness of God even in suffering. Read her story to find out how her suffering not only boosted her faith in God, but cemented her hope in Him.

6. You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan
One of the best pieces of relationship advice that we can give is this: Don’t wait till you’re attached to figure out what a godly relationship should look like. Dive into Scripture with the Chans and let this book guide and shape your ideas about romance. Be prepared; it is going to look quite different from what we’re used to seeing on the big screen!

7. Unseen: The Gift of Being Hidden in a World that Loves To Be Noticed by Sara Hagerty
The title says it all. In a world that loves to be noticed, have we forgotten the preciousness of desiring the praise of God above the praises of man? When the things we do seem unnoticed, are we still willing to do them in service to Jesus? Laugh and learn with Hagerty through her stories of learning to see the beauty of a life hidden in God.

8. Mentoring Paradigms by Edmund Chan
If you’re in a position of leadership, this book is for you! In chapters no longer than four pages, Pastor Edmund Chan provides helpful ways to think about how to mentor, lead, and disciple those under your care. With such short and punchy lessons, no one can say that they are too busy to pick this up!

9. Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers
This bestselling series of novellas is Rivers’ way of putting herself in the shoes of the unlikely women in Jesus’ family tree. Immerse yourself in the worlds of Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. We assure you that you will see their stories in a light you never have before!

10. Katie Weldon series by Robin Jones Gunn
Gunn’s unique writing style guarantees that even though you will never be able to meet the fictional Katie Weldon, she will feel like a friend you’ve gone through life with. Join Katie as she navigates college life, finds love and loses it, and has an unexpected African adventure… You will laugh at the mishaps she gets into, cry with her in her heartache, and savour the lessons of faith she picks up amidst the challenges of school, friendship, and romance. Available on www.kallos.com.sg!

NOT GONNA LIE – SYFC X KALLOS Conference

Quek Shiwei — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 01:10:00 +0000

This September, the #NGL Conference set out to unravel truths behind obsessive behaviours. We bring you the highlights from each session on how these women broke free from their obsessions.

FREEDOM FROM #FOMO ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Kallos: I (Doro) used to check my phone frequently whenever I posted a photo on Instagram. There was a need to know who liked and commented on my posts; it felt like a “stamp of approval” of my worth. Spending time consuming content online also left me jaded and envious. To actively change my habits, I swapped the position of my social media apps with something wholesome (news app, Bible app, etc.), set aside a fixed and limited time for social media, and set an in-app timer on my Instagram account to remind me that time spent on the app was up. We encourage you to go on a digital detox. The act of physically leaving your phone at home periodically in the day can be refreshing for your mind! We also challenge you to cultivate mind spaces to reflect in solitude or pursue healthy hobbies.

GRADES AND SUCCESS DO NOT DEFINE YOU
Liane Lim: I was once a delinquent student. I eventually started putting in effort in my studies and eventually, I did well enough for my poly exams to get shortlisted for law school. I was so excited when I started work. The feeling of not being academically-inclined previously but realising that I was good at my job slowly made me addicted to work and the pursuit of success.

When I became a Christian in the midst of my career, knowing that grades and success do not define me freed me from the constant pursuit of success. I had to continually seek God’s help to check my heart and refine me. Being accountable to trusted community to point out my blind spots helped too. Remember this — humility and lowliness is better than great results with much pride.

GOD’S LOVE > LOVE FROM MEN
Jennifer Heng: In the past, I have been with many boyfriends and I was sexually active with them. While I was a serial dater, I was not obsessed with romance per se. I was obsessed with wanting to feel loved! So, I dated anyone who said he loved me or showed affection towards me. I believed that romance could fill that hole in my heart. Yet, at the end of the day, that need was still not met.

It was only when I came to know God that I made my greatest discovery — only God can meet my need! Breaking free came easy. It was only after knowing God, that the deep need in my heart to be loved was met.

SEXUAL TEMPTATION HAS NO POWER OVER YOU
Noelle Wee: I struggled with masturbation as a teen and could not understand how I could be pure until I learnt that it is a battlefield of the mind; I must fight! Temptation actually has no power over us; it only has the power we give it. So I started to “de-power” it.

Whenever I came across sexual material that triggered sexual thoughts, I said this OUT LOUD: “… we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor 10:5). Then, I started practicing what Philippians 4:8 said (“… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things”) and learnt to replace my thoughts with the word of God. Repeat these positive practices until it takes root in your life, and dare to ask for help!

WHEN PRETTY HURTS
Josephine Lam: Since I was a little girl, I was very concerned about how I looked. I always felt that I needed to look beautiful in order for people to like me. When I got to high school, I became so obsessed that instead of a pencil case, I would have a mirror in front of me in class!

The number one “makeover” of my life was the journey God took me on to find my true identity. True beauty comes from knowing who you are in Christ and I can’t tell you how valuable this is — knowing that I don’t need to compete with others when there’s a beauty that outlasts age, diets, and our clothes. It’s a beauty that comes from within and from having a relationship with the true living God. I realised that when we get obsessed with our physical beauty, we end up not growing our godly beauty. At the end of the day, there’s a hole in our hearts that only God can truly and completely fill — not these counterfeits!

Dear Kallos: Is It Okay To Go Overseas With My Boyfriend?

Alina Teo — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 01:09:00 +0000

Dear Kallos, is it okay to go overseas with my boyfriend? – Curious

dear Curious,

Thank you for bringing up such a hot topic! This is a question many have asked and often wonder about. Some common points raised include: “Everyone is doing it, so why can’t I?”; “We have clear physical boundaries set, so we’ll be fine”; and “It’s no big deal — why make such a fuss about it?”

I’ll start by sharing my own experience. When my husband and I were dating, we made a very clear commitment that we would not travel alone together because of a few reasons. The chief reason was that, even though we had already set clear physical boundaries, we didn’t want this to be a potential area for temptation (1 Cor 6:18). Second, my parents were not keen on the idea, and we wanted to honour them (Exod 20:12). Third, we wanted to set a good example for the younger teens in our church to follow, as well as avoid speculation about what we might do if we travelled alone together (Rom 14:13). We agreed that travelling with friends would be fine, but we would not be sharing a room.

To be completely honest, I had often wished I could travel alone with my then-boyfriend (now husband). I thought about the fun memories we would get to carve out together, the many places we could visit, the convenience of planning our own trips rather than needing to organise with others. Yet, we stuck to our commitment and kept our first sweet overseas trip alone together for our honeymoon. We had to give up certain so-called “ordinary” things that couples do, but it was worth it, as it made sure that we did our best to remain right before God, honour our parents, and set a good example for the younger ones in church.

In a foreign land, filled with excitement, everything is new and fun … it is all too easy to be swept up in the moment and leave beliefs and values at the door. It may sound cheesy, but the truth is that this is what many who have had pre-marital sex or went “too far” confess to. It is so easy to keep whatever happened between you and your boyfriend hush-hush, especially when no one is around. True, you can be accountable and put measures to prevent such occurrences, but the real question is, why put yourself in such a position in the first place? Sure, nothing could happen — but what if it did?

I was convicted that it was “not OK” to travel with my boyfriend. Others might have differing yardsticks and that’s their journey, but I want to challenge you with this question: Would you be willing to give up your desires to do your best to be right before God?