Issue 43 – Kallos

Can I Go To Heaven If I Keep On Sinning?

Jackie Hwang — Mon, 01 Feb 2021 08:12:00 +0000

Imagine being a homeless orphan living on the streets. One day, you hear about a wealthy family who wishes to adopt all homeless orphans. The family comes to your city, and you and your friends eagerly take up the generous offer. You now live in a beautiful home and have everything you need — shelter, an education, and a wonderful sense of being loved. You don’t know what you have done to deserve this. They remind you daily that you have really been adopted, and you are now a member of the family.

Yet, a niggling doubt tears at you. Even though the family did not leave you alone but provided counsellors to help you assimilate into this new life, old habits die hard, and the ones you picked up on the streets are difficult to shake. You still hide food away in case you don’t have enough later. You still feel that you need to step on others to get what you need. You are still violent and easily angered. When you look at the other adopted children, they all seem to be doing much better than you are in their new lifestyle. You fear that sooner or later, the family will realise that you don’t deserve to be there. And every day, the fear grows … If you can’t change and adjust, will the family send you away?

This story mirrors the question, “Can I go to heaven if I keep on sinning?” It hides deeper questions about how far God’s grace would go to save us, and our responsibility after He has saved us. To answer it, we need to rethink our understanding of salvation.

Saved By God’s Grace Alone?
Like the orphans in the story, Christians are adopted into God’s family because of His lavish grace alone (Eph 2:5–6), and not because we deserve it (Eph 2:8–9). Only God’s grace can save because everyone is trapped by sin (Rom 8:7–8). Therefore, salvation from sin is only possible when God reaches into humanity through Jesus (Col 1:13–14). The fact that we don’t need to earn salvation is good news — it is the gospel!

THE FACT THAT WE DON’T NEED TO EARN SALVATION IS GOOD NEWS — IT IS THE GOSPEL!

“But what if after being saved, I feel like I can’t stop sinning? Does that mean I am not truly saved?”

After being saved by God’s grace, we can sometimes be confused about what it means to be saved by grace alone. I also had this doubt during my university days. After praying for God to forgive my sin, I promised that I would live my life for Him. God’s forgiveness brought a sense of relief from guilt, so I wanted to do my best with this new life in Jesus (John 3:16). To me, this meant turning my life around and following God’s commands. However, this desire to obey God soon met with disappointment because it was a difficult task. I was plagued by doubts about whether I was doing enough to remain in God’s saving grace. All in all, I was confused by what it meant to be saved by God’s grace alone. Many of us are like the orphan in the story, doubting whether we deserve to stay in God’s family because we continue to sin, and wondering what would happen to our salvation if we don’t change!

On this issue, the famous sociologist Max Weber (1864–1920) observed that Protestant Christians, having been saved by God’s grace alone, ironically try to “remain saved” by obsessing about not doing anything wrong. It is as if any misstep would prove they are not actually saved! But is this the right understanding of salvation?

Saved Into A New Life
In Romans 6, Paul passionately describes salvation in terms of life and death — being dead to sin and alive in Christ. When we become Christians, our previous status as sinners dies on the cross with Jesus, and we are given new life in Him. Therefore, we have a new identity which is more than just a second chance. We are not starting from scratch such that we need to accumulate good works all over again. The old way of keeping an imaginary ledger of right and wrong has been replaced by a constant source of positive credit through Christ’s new life and righteousness. Once we are saved in Christ, we shouldn’t seek to keep our salvation by our own effort (Rom 4:7-8).

This certainty of salvation by God’s grace alone may lead some to ask if Christians are given a blank cheque to sin. The answer is no (Rom 6:1–2)! Rather, we should understand our new life in Christ as empowerment by the Holy Spirit that helps us overcome temptation (Rom 8:1–17). Like the orphan, we have not been left alone to change ourselves. For Christians, Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to be our counsellor and teacher (John 14:15–18), and the Holy Spirit can speak directly to us through the Word of God and other Christians. We cannot live a righteous life by our own effort, but are growing with God’s help.

HEAVEN IS NOT A FARAWAY PLACE BUT A NEAR AND PRESENT REALITY IN THIS LIFE.

Saved For A New Hope
So, our salvation is assured by Christ and our growth is sure in the Spirit. Now, what about getting to heaven? Many people think of it as a faraway place that Christians go when they die. However, the Bible’s idea of heaven is closer than we may think. Jesus repeatedly says, “The kingdom of heaven has come near” (Matt 4:17; 10:7). He also uses “kingdom of heaven” when He describes what it looks like to follow Him (Matt 5:1–12; 13:1–52). To Jesus and His disciples, heaven is not a faraway place but a near and present reality in this life. It is getting to see God’s grace intersect our daily lives, not only in the distant future, so that evil and sin no longer have ultimate power over us. As Christians, this is witnessing heaven in this life!

I Failed ‘O’ Level English!

Joey Tay — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 13:02:00 +0000

I still remember the day, sitting anxiously in the school hall as we waited for our ‘O’ level results. When my turn came, the look on my teachers’ faces was one I can never forget. They handed me my results slip and different polytechnic course brochures, as well as a private diploma brochure. Something wasn’t right.

26 points.

Out of the seven subjects I took, I scored D7 in English, B3 in Literature, and C5s and C6s for the rest. I was flooded with anger, disappointment, and frustration with myself and with God. How could this be happening? How could I fail my English paper and get the highest grade out of all my subjects in Literature? The irony stared me in the face.

The worst thing was knowing that failing the English paper meant that I could not enter most courses in a polytechnic. Entering my dream school and course suddenly became impossible.

I eventually enrolled in a private university in a course I liked, but I kept all the course brochures I had collected from the different polytechnics in a drawer. For four years, I lived in shame and guilt. Whenever someone mentioned their grades, I found myself moving away or feeling depressed. I was ashamed of my results and didn’t want to tell anyone about it. There were times when I was home alone at night and was reminded about my bad results. I would open the drawer, sit on the floor and cry.

When I was 20, God healed me from the pain that I endured silently for four years. I remember coming home one day after listening to a sermon that spoke to my heart. I emptied the drawer, and threw all the course brochures away. That day, I felt so relieved and free, and I knew it was God who had given me the courage to let all my shame, disappointment, and pain go.

As I look back now, I see that just because my path was different, it doesn’t mean that I was lost or abandoned. God was and is in full control of my life, and my journey was no mistake. While I did not have the chance to experience life in a polytechnic or junior college, I was surrounded with classmates much older than me, and from different countries, which forced me to think and act more maturely. I was part of a Christian community in school and joined a discipleship group. I wasn’t exposed to friends who enjoyed clubbing, drinking, or speaking vulgarities. It was as if God was protecting me and sheltering me in a safe environment.

Someone once told me, “Age does not define your maturity, grades do not define your intelligence, and rumours do not define who you are.” God made us in His image and we are who He has called us to be. Nothing should make us feel unworthy or lousy about ourselves, especially not our grades. Understand, dear friend, that you are the Heavenly Father’s precious daughter, and you are loved even when you feel you have failed!

We Did A Bible Study Together!

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 12:53:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

Download the LifeGuide Bible Study on Ruth by Dale and Sandy Larsen.
Find a friend to do the study with you at least once a week (Deborah and Elicia did it twice a week!).
After completing each Bible study session, share your thoughts about what you’ve gleaned from Scripture.
Pray for each other at the end of each study. Have fun!

Challengers: Deborah Tan and Elicia Ling, both 16

Fun Facts: “We have been friends since 2017. We’re always seen together in school because we’re from the same class, CCA, leadership board, and are register-number partners too!”

FIRST THOUGHTS
Deborah: I am quite excited to do this Bible study because I love studying the Word and also because I’ve never done this with a friend. There is also a sense of fear too as the study guide appears quite daunting. Nonetheless, I’m sure this challenge will be fulfilling, and I can’t wait to hear what God has to say to the both of us!

Elicia: The thought of a Bible study is quite scary to me, as it is something I have never done before, and I am afraid that I won’t be able to understand the passages. However, I’m thankful for this opportunity to study the Bible with Deborah to hear her views and learn from her! I’m extremely excited to find out more about God’s Word and hear from Him!

BIBLE STUDY TIME!
Week 1: Judges 2:6–3:6 & Ruth 1
Deborah: I personally like how the study guide gets us to put ourselves in the characters’ shoes, and to reflect about our society today and our personal lives. The questions also allow us to share openly about some of our struggles in our Christian walk, think of ways to overcome them, and pray for each other. It was a very fruitful session which allowed us to be accountable to each other, and I’m looking
forward to the next one.

Elicia: When Deborah and I sat down and read the scripture carefully instead of skimming through it, we were able to analyse the passage and have a better understanding of the text. Also, Deborah and I usually do not pray for each other, but we did at the end of the session. It seemed like a small thing, but I was very grateful for that. Doing a Bible study together has definitely brought us closer as friends and as children of God!

Week 2: Ruth 2 & 3
Deborah: This week, we were able to learn more about the culture in Bethlehem in the past, such as what a guardian-redeemer was and why Ruth asked Boaz to spread a corner of his garment over her (Ruth 3:9). Furthermore, we took a deeper look into the values displayed by Ruth, Naomi and Boaz, and it made me see how much I can learn from these characters, such as Boaz’s generosity and Ruth’s selflessness.

Elicia: I really appreciate how the Bible study guide has very personal questions that invites personal response. This really allowed Debs and me to be vulnerable and share with each other. The questions made us think deeper about how we can apply what we learned from the Bible study in our daily lives. For example, we shared about what we are willing to risk to allow the Lord’s will to be accomplished in our lives. This was a tough but needed conversation, and we were able to pray for each other afterwards too!

Week 3: Ruth 4 & Matthew 1:1–6
Deborah: In this session, we studied the genealogy of Jesus from Boaz and Ruth onwards, which revealed how, throughout history, God has always been working and intervening to fulfil His ultimate redemptive purposes for the world, which we are all a part of. We also learned that God delights in faith and obedience to Him, such as Boaz’s, and good character, like Ruth’s, will be rewarded in due time.

Elicia: Today, we read the last two chapters of the study. We learned that God has a purpose for His children, and we can be used even in the most unexpected circumstances despite our current situation or background. All in all, we learned a lot from the book of Ruth, and there are many things we can apply in our daily lives!

FINAL THOUGHTS
Deborah: I realised there is a need for me to do Bible study regularly, so I can refresh my memory on some of the Bible stories and the lessons I can glean from them. It’s also important to dig deep into the Word, because it reminds me again of simple truths which are easily overlooked. Additionally, studying the Bible also makes me more aware of how I’m living and should be living as a Christian, probing me to make changes to let His will be done in my life.

Elicia: Since this was the first time I’ve done a guided Bible study, I really learned that there is a deeper meaning to each verse in the Bible than I thought. Merely scanning through the Bible is not enough. Bible study also helps us learn more about God and allows us to strengthen our personal relationship with Him. We are able to make clearer connections between Scripture and our lives. I really thank God for this opportunity to take on this Bible study challenge with Deborah! To know that we are able to support each other in our journey as Christians is very comforting, and I really hope to do another Bible study with Deborah in the future!

Deborah and Elicia’s tips for effective Bible study

1. Study the Bible in a quiet place. Put your phone away — remove distractions!

2. Don’t rush through the passage. Take the time to read it carefully.

3. Note the word choice in the verses (though do realise that the Bible you’re reading is a translation from the languages it was originally written in — Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek). Are any of the words particularly striking? What image do they evoke? This helps you to picture the situation at hand and empathise with the characters.

4. Think about what the verses tell you about God. Where is He throughout the events they depict? Every event in the Bible will reveal something about Him, whether His influence is obvious or not.

5. Think about what each character’s thoughts, speech, or actions reveal about their character, values, or beliefs. What can you learn from them? What should you not learn from them?

6. Journal your thoughts, reflections, and learning points!

Cherlyn Oh: Just An Ordinary Girl

Quek Shiwei — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 08:54:00 +0000

What do you think of when you hear the word “missionary”? Brave? More spiritual than others? A “superior Christian”? Cherlyn Oh, a missionary in Bangkok, doesn’t see it that way. Initially located in Chiang Rai for two years, a visa issue eventually led Cherlyn to an opening in Bangkok to do student ministry, where she has now been for five years. As Christian students are the minority in Thailand, she saw the pressing need to help university students grow in their faith and fulfil their call to be a salt and light, such that they can be a big positive influence in the society. Read on to find out how this “ordinary girl” left the shores of Singapore to be a missionary in Thailand!

Hi Cherlyn! How did your interest in missions begin?
It was actually from my dad. He used to serve on the Operation Mobilisation Logos ship before he got married. When I was a child, he would bring the family on the ship when it docked in Singapore. I also read books on Hudson Taylor, a British missionary to China, and my curiosity was piqued. After taking my ‘O’ levels, I went on my first short-term mission trip with my church to Chiang Rai. That grew the desire to find out more about Thai culture and missions in general.

How can a regular individual get involved in helping to abolish human trafficking? What did you do to prepare yourself for mission work?
I was actually trained as a social worker! When I worked as a social worker, I managed my cases using counselling theories and social work tools, and while they were useful, I was not able to openly share about Jesus in a secular environment. At one point I thought, “Actually, Jesus is the only one who can bring true healing to these families I am working with.” I wondered how I could integrate my faith and skill sets to meet people’s needs in deeper ways. Missions seemed like a platform for me to do that.

I became more involved in my home church, read more about missions, and talked to missionaries I knew. After I resigned, I went to Bible school. In the process, I had opportunities to get more contacts about possible places to go to or agencies to join. I continued to go on short-term mission trips and prayed about my next steps. I talked to family, pastors, and missionaries about what they thought. I also asked them, “What are my strengths?”, and “What should my direction be?”

I WONDERED HOW I COULD INTEGRATE MY FAITH AND SKILL SETS TO MEET PEOPLE’S NEEDS IN DEEPER WAYS.

What convicted you to “take the plunge” and commit to it entirely?
Eventually, several people (spiritual leaders and mentors) affirmed my decision. Since I studied Thai in university, I decided to go to Thailand.

My parents are Christians, but they weren’t super keen about me becoming a full-time missionary even though my dad was the one who “triggered” the missions desire. They suggested for me to go for short-term trips instead but not physically relocate there.

There were two things I was praying for as confirmation that I was making the right decision. The first was for my parents to give me their blessings. I was also praying that someone would take over my role in my home church. When I was finishing Bible school, I talked to my parents and they reluctantly gave their blessings with the condition that I was with a trusted organisation and was contactable. I went for a short trip to India thereafter and some hiccups occurred. I missed my connecting flight from Mumbai to Singapore and had to stay overnight at the airport with five Indian men in the same plight. My mum was worried because the New Delhi gang rape that happened in 2012 was a big news then. But God used those five men to take care of me well. They looked out for me, and one of them talked his way into getting us on board a Singapore Airlines flight at 10.30 the next morning instead of having to wait 24 hours for the next flight.

When I came back, I overheard some church aunties saying to my mum, “Aiya, why did you allow your daughter to go to India?” My mum responded, “God will take care of her.” I was touched that God was giving my parents peace. He also sent someone who willingly volunteered to take over my ministry role! With God answering both my prayers, it was a sign for me to go ahead.

HONESTLY, I WASN’T 100% SURE BUT IT LOOKED LIKE GOD WAS ALLOWING ME TO TAKE THIS NEXT STEP INTO MISSIONS.

How did people respond when you told them your decision?
There were mixed responses. Christian friends felt a little sad that I would be absent in church. Pre-believing friends were confused because it was the age to build a career instead.

Spiritual mentors and those in the mission field concurred that it was a great idea. But some in church commented, “We would rather you serve in church.” Some challenged me with, “Are you sure God really called you to go? Which Bible verse did you receive? Why are you so sure?” Honestly, I wasn’t 100% sure but it looked like God was allowing me to take this next step into missions. Enough people were supportive for me to not waver and to proceed.

What are some misconceptions about missionaries that you’ve realised are untrue?
I thought that I would be going to the market daily and giving out tracts to people. But such methods are not appropriate in Thailand. People are more open to relationship building before listening to what you say.

People often think missions is about going to a rural place, staying there alone and doing everything yourself. My dad also thought that I had to preach every Sunday. I don’t. We believe in partnering and discipling the local church or even teaching English or music to pre-believers and forming bonds with them.

The 21st century mission field is different from the past. Missions can also be helping to home school missionaries’ kids, manage financial accounts, or helping the missionaries with publicity to mobilise greater traction.

What is it like being a single woman in the mission field?
When I was in Chiang Rai, I underestimated the value of community. In Singapore, it was naturally available to me. It took me a while to realise I was lonely. I missed having my family around, friends who asked me out spontaneously, and even speaking Singlish with people in the same culture. I didn’t realise that all these nuances mattered!

I was also the only single in the team. In team meetings, the men would plan strategies and the ladies would talk about kitchen adventures or their children. I didn’t know if I should sit with the men or the ladies, or where I would fit in better. I felt out of place.

I was relatively young then so people in the village thought, “She’s just a girl and isn’t married yet.” I don’t get taken as seriously as an older man or a married woman.

During my loneliness, it made me wonder if I should settle down and find a husband. Whilst I was open to that, I was more aware that I am ultimately complete in Christ, regardless of my marital status.

GOD USES ORDINARY PEOPLE LIKE ME TO FULFIL HIS PURPOSES IN EXTRAORDINARY WAYS.

What final encouragement do you have for our readers?
I once went to share about missions at a local church and the pastor commented that I looked like an ordinary girl. Some people thought that wasn’t a nice thing to say.

But I knew what he meant and he was right. I am really am an ordinary girl, and God uses ordinary people like me to fulfil His purposes in extraordinary ways. As long as you are willing and available to follow His leading, He can and will use you for His glory and to be a blessing too!

WHAT SHOULD A TEEN GIRL DO TO PREPARE HERSELF FOR LONG-TERM OVERSEAS MISSIONS?

1. Pray and take steps to find out about the specific burdens you have for a country, people group or certain social issue.

2. Talk to people who know you and spiritual leaders who can give you honest feedback on the journey leading towards a possible future as a missionary.

3. Go on short-term mission trips.

4. Be involved locally in the meantime if that people group is already present in Singapore.

Il-Lust-Trations: Is Anime The Enemy?

Nicole Soh — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 08:40:00 +0000

Are there any anime fans out there? I used to be a huge fan! Like most people, I was first drawn to anime because my friends were watching it too. Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, Free!, Maid Sama, and other anime series got me hooked. I enjoyed the friendships that the various anime portrayed, the action scenes, and the occasional romance. Anime was and still is a conversation starter for me among new friends — I like that we get to bond over our favourite characters or iconic anime scenes! However, you may have noticed the key phrase “I used to” — because I don’t watch anime as much as I did anymore.

Anime sometimes gets a bad reputation because it is seen as a highly sexualised genre. People associate anime with big-chested women, short skirts, and lustful men. But just like K-dramas or Hollywood films, anime can be classified into numerous genres, such as romance, comedy and so on. Just as you can’t say that all movies are bad, you can’t say that all anime is bad either. There are anime that contain great life lessons, tug at your heartstrings or get you laughing! Exciting action-filled anime and heart-warming series about friendship have brought me and many others a lot of joy, and as the anime-watching community expands, it also has the potential to be a place where some feel they truly belong.

THE DARK SIDE OF ANIME
For me though, while anime was a great source of simple enjoyment at first, it eventually showed its dark sides. While I started out watching anime innocently, I soon sunk into the ocean of anime fanservice, which refers to the practice of giving fans what they want. And more often than not, what the fans want is more sexually explicit content. When an anime could have shown a character with an eye-level shot, the popularity of fanservice would lead the anime makers to dress the character in a short skirt and present her with a low-level shot, effectively giving viewers a “panty-shot.” In other instances, steamy shower scenes, detailed scenes of a man or woman disrobing, or beach scenes with bikini-clad women galore would be included though they have little relevance to the plot. Sadly, my growing interest in fanservice of this nature led me into a pornography addiction that lasted nearly seven years.

WALKING IN THE LIGHT
Anime in and of itself is not pornography. But for me, the two became so closely linked. I knew I had to completely step away from anime because it was my gateway into sexual sin. I was always in the cycle of watching fanservice and pornography, peeling myself away, and running back to it over and over again. Being in church and hearing sermons about repentance and sin felt like God was convicting me to confess what was happening and to stop. Yet while my mind wanted to heed His call, my sinful heart refused, and I kept watching pornography and ignoring the Holy Spirit. The guilt in me kept growing. This season of actively sinning took a toll on my walk with God. As a church-going youth in a Christian family, I felt horrible about having two versions of myself. Here I was knowing what to do and say in church, but in secret, I was not living like Christ, and I knew it.

To make matters worse, I realised that anime and other sexual content were warping my view on relationships and friendships with guys. The anime I watched depicted women being sexually exploited and harassed. In action anime, women in authority were disrespected by men, and those who were superior in strength still ended up being undermined by men. In romance anime, girls who were not in a relationship were teased and put down, and a recurring theme was that the most attractive woman was always the most popular one, reinforcing the belief that I had to be physically attractive to be liked at all.

As the anime I watched affected my understanding of my value as a woman and how relationships should work, I started to misread situations with my male friends and overthink my connections with them. These were friendships that I treasured with guys in school and in church, and I knew that if I continued the way I was going, these relationships would only be strained further by my overthinking. All of this, coupled with the growing conviction of the Holy Spirit, led me to eventually leave pornography and anime behind me after seven long years.

When I decided to stop watching anime and pornography, I confessed my viewing habits to my mum for accountability. When it comes to sexual sins, it may feel like your hands are dirty, and it is difficult to tell anyone. But bringing sexual sin into the light takes the power of its secrecy away from the devil.

ANIME IN AND OF ITSELF IS NOT PORNOGRAPHY. BUT FOR ME, THE TWO BECAME SO CLOSELY LINKED.

STOP AND CHECK YOUR HEART
If you are feeling the nudge of the Holy Spirit right now, then the next step after this is a simple one. As Christian women, we should be discerning with anime, just as we try to be wise about the other types of media that we consume.

The next time you watch anime, ask yourself these questions honestly: Are the values shown in anime in line with what the Bible says? Do the way the female characters dress make you want to dress like them too? Has romantic anime affected your understanding of how relationships between guys and girls work? These questions don’t just apply to anime but other types of shows as well. The answers to them may not come immediately, but answer honestly! We are called to guard what enters and stays in our mind, as “we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor 10:5). If you decide that you need to put some distance between you and harmful anime (or any other type of show), seek out people you can be accountable to. There is no one watching over your shoulder to stop you from going back to it, and simple self-control isn’t always enough. Ask God for strength — this isn’t a battle you need to fight on your own.

BRINGING SEXUAL SIN INTO THE LIGHT TAKES THE POWER OF ITS SECRECY AWAY FROM THE DEVIL.

For the avid anime viewer who doesn’t feel they have a problem, take a step back to assess the time you spend on anime, and think about whether they have started to warp your own sense of what reality should look like. Anime, like all forms of media, rakes in profits for successful creators, and anime makers will definitely continue to give the fans what they want, whether it is truly beneficial or not. Yes, it can be morally neutral, but it can be really harmful as well! Just as you would with anything else, put it before the Lord and be frank about whether it can lead you to sin or to stumble in your walk with Him.

Finally, remember the words of Paul in Philippians 4:8 — “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.”

The Truth About Dating Apps

Kallos Team — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 08:31:00 +0000

Is it wrong to use dating apps? For me, the short answer would be “No.” After all, that’s how I met my husband!

Dating apps and I go a long way back — but not in a good sense. You might call me a reluctant dating app user. Unlike most people, I never really seemed to care much about dating. As I got older, my mother, who used to say, “Study hard, don’t date,” would instead say, “Stop working, go meet people”! It wasn’t just her. My sisters were doing it too. You can imagine my horror when they discovered dating apps. They created profiles for me and started looking for “suitable” guys, even striking up conservations with them on my behalf. That marked my entry into the online dating world.

HOW YOU MEET IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS WHO YOU MARRY.

In days of old, the only way that you could meet a potential marriage partner was through personal connections, such as friends and family. Technology has opened things up, allowing you to meet people you previously would not have been able to. There’s nothing wrong with dating apps in themselves. But at the end of the day, how you meet is not as important as who you marry. Just as with anything in life, wisdom and discernment is required.

During my stint with dating apps, I learned that while they can be effective, there are things we should be mindful of. If you’re thinking about using them, check your readiness below:

Know why you are on the app.
If you are not ready to get into a relationship with marriage as the end goal, maybe it is not the right time to use dating apps (or to date at all!). In the Song of Solomon, this phrase is repeated three times: “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (2:7, 3:5, 8:4). If you are not ready to date seriously or mature enough to discern a worthy spouse, then be patient! Whether online or offline, dating in a godly manner requires us to carefully consider Who, Why, and When we date.

I’ll be honest. I never really used the apps properly until it struck me that if I continued as I was, I would probably remain single, and I wasn’t yet sure if that was what I really wanted. It became clear that I had to make an active decision about singlehood, and so my Why was to meet single Christian guys to assess if I wanted to stay single or pursue marriage. Once my Why was clear, it was easy to talk to the guys and I even got a chance to encourage some of them as brothers in the faith.

Use the app safely.
There are all types of online dating apps, and some are safer than others.

While I started out using both OKCupid and Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB), I quickly abandoned OKCupid. There were far too many weird messages coming from older men. I felt preyed on. CMB was far better as it allowed me to message and get to know someone on the platform first before I gave them my phone number. Some apps even allow you to set filters such that only you (the female) can initiate a conversation, preventing you from receiving unwanted advances from men. Do your research, and choose apps that keep you safe.

THE MORE LIKES ON MY PROFILE, THE MORE ATTRACTIVE I MUST BE? THAT WAS FAR FROM THE TRUTH.

The other way to stay on safe ground is through your profile. I decided to be very upfront about my faith, because I believed that someone who would ‘swipe right’ on such a girl was unlikely to be weird or bad. I also decided to only swipe right on guys who were not shy about declaring their love for God.

Finally, assuming that you are a teenager, never meet someone you met on a dating app without your parents’ knowledge. Avoid disclosing personal information like your home address or school until you are certain that this is a person who is worthy of your trust. Keep yourself accountable to a trusted church leader and wise friends. Think about how you can keep yourself safe!

To go back to the question on whether it is okay to use dating apps, you now have my long answer. There is nothing inherently wrong with them, but I would encourage you to first examine your motivation for using them, determine your readiness to date before jumping in, and always prioritise your safety. Whether you meet your future spouse on an app or bump into him on the street is really not the important thing — what matters most is that you have sought the Lord, and found the right person in His right time. Trust in His timing, and let Him lead you!

Four Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

Riley Sewell — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 08:14:00 +0000

“I feel like I am walking on eggshells with my boyfriend,” my best friend said.

Looking her straight in the eye, I took a deep breath. Then I asked, “Do you think you are in an emotionally abusive relationship?”

“Absolutely not. Sure, we have problems. I know I cry a lot and seem miserable at times. But honestly, it’s probably my fault for making him angry anyway. Abusive? No way.”

She was wrong, and all the signs told me so.

She knows now but didn’t know then that some of the most painful and damaging forms of abuse are subtle. Sure, it can be loud and amplified and completely obvious. However, abuse can also be a quiet and slow undermining of your confidence and psychological health.

ABUSE IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS OFTEN GOES UNDETECTED.

Any abuse (physical, emotional, and spiritual) gnaws at the edges of your psyche, then slowly eats its way into your mental health, confidence, and even your identity. Abuse in intimate relationships often goes undetected. Secrecy, fed by shame, allows abuse to continue, so its very existence relies on that.

If you don’t know what abuse looks like, we’re here to shed some light.

What are some signs that you’re in an abusive relationship?

1. YOU’RE MADE TO FEEL LIKE YOU’RE GOING CRAZY.
One of the most insidious and powerful tools in an abusive partner’s arsenal is ‘gaslighting’. If you aren’t familiar with the term, it’s a technique to make a person doubt reality. The word ‘crazy’ is often used to describe how gaslit people are made to feel. For example, your partner may keep denying something you had known to be true to the point where you begin to believe them. Or, if you get upset when they speak harshly toward you, they may insist that you’re overreacting, so you begin to doubt your justification for anger. The whole point of gaslighting is to control you by tipping you off balance and making you mistrust your instincts and beliefs. Gaslighting makes you think eventually, “Am I the one who is the problem?”

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS TO NEVER MINIMISE OR MAKE EXCUSES FOR ANY OF THEIR ABUSIVE BEHAVIOURS.

2. YOU FIND YOURSELF ISOLATED FROM YOUR COMMUNITY.
An abuser may try to come between you and your people to make you more dependent on him. Isolation can start subtly. For example, the abuser could insist you “check in” at all times or tell you to quit activities because the only thing that should matter is your relationship with him. Or, he may slowly poison your other relationships by telling you negative things about the people you love, sowing doubt and discord.

Isolation gives abusers more control. If they know that you have no one to turn to, then the power is in their hands. Ultimately, this leaves you without a support system during your most significant time of need — which may be just what the abuser wants.

3. YOU’RE TREATED WITH CONTEMPT.
For my best friend, the emotional abuse didn’t come in the form of shouting matches — instead, it was the slow drip, drip, drip of gaslighting and also subtle forms of contempt. Contempt is expressed in many ways, including hostile humour, sarcasm, mockery, and name-calling. If your partner is exhibiting these kinds of behaviour, the relationship is emotionally abusive.

It is essential to ask yourself, does your partner criticise you in public? Or get sarcastic and tell others negative and embarrassing things about you? If so, you should consider these actions as red flags, because it shows you that your partner ignores or doesn’t even detect social decency rules. Abusive relationships rarely start with physical abuse. These are warning signs that your partner might act out even worse abusive behaviours behind closed doors.

ISOLATION GIVES ABUSERS MORE CONTROL. IF YOU HAVE NO ONE TO TURN TO, THEN THE POWER IS IN THEIR HANDS.

4. YOU’RE AFRAID OF THEIR ANGER.
It’s normal for someone to get angry and lose their temper once in a while. But for it to happen continually and explosively is a classic sign of abuse. Unlike the other signs, this one is easier to spot but no less damaging. Abusers may get aggressive or angry if you fail to do what they want, but because they can be warm and loving, before turning cold and angry in an instant, you may find yourself feeling like you need to be super careful to avoid making them upset.

GET OUT, AND GET HELP
If any of these signs sound painfully familiar, the first thing you need to realise is that the behaviour is totally unacceptable, and you are worthy of better. It’s time for things to change — immediately.

I know that advice is easier to give than to take, especially if you love your partner or are afraid to leave them. The most important thing to remember is to never minimise or make excuses for any of their abusive behaviours. Everyone goes through stress and frustration, experiences anger, and gets upset, but this is no excuse for acting in ways that harm others, emotionally or physically.

Please know that you are not alone. Like a tree, I encourage you to reach up to God in the knowledge that Jesus through His deep suffering understands the pain you’re going through and desires for your healing; reach out to your friends and loved ones for support; and dig down into the identity you have as a beloved daughter of God. If you need specialised help or know someone who does, it is readily available. In Singapore, the Ministry of Social and Family Development’s Break the Silence webpage <https://www.msf.gov.sg/breakthesilence/> provides hotlines and further information on abusive behaviour. If your school has counsellors, speak to them. There is a way out! Freedom and healing are on the other side of your courage.

Dear Kallos: Should girls who desire to date take active steps to pursue a relationship with a guy?

Alina Teo — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 08:10:00 +0000

Dear Kallos, should girls who desire to date take active steps to pursue a relationship with a guy? How do you show your interest in a guy without being too flirtatious? - Desiring-to-date

dear Desiring-to-date,

In a world that tells us to date until we find the right one, it isn’t easy to choose to trust God for a right guy at the right time. Before delving deeper into your question, I need to state that desiring to date and being ready to date (given your age or season in life) are two different things altogether! If you are ready to date, this advice is for you. If you are not, this advice is also for you, but to be kept away until the time is right.

Some say that girls should never ask a guy out, while others think it is acceptable. Without trying to take sides, I think the heart of the matter is really this: where does your trust lie? Thoughts like, “What if I’m left on the shelf?” or “What if I don’t find Mr. Right?” can float round our minds, and more often than not, we just want to take things into our own hands. Let’s say there is a guy you are interested in and can see yourself dating, but he doesn’t seem to be making a move. The first question that you can ask yourself is, “Do I trust God with this potential new relationship without having to ‘make something happen’ myself?” Trust in God’s good timing. Give yourself the chance to get to know the guy better, and to let him get to know you better too!

There are ways of showing interest in a godly and appropriate way without coming across as flirtatious. Being flirtatious means behaving with the intention to attract another sexually through words, actions, or body language. This is something that we want to stay away from, as it doesn’t guard our purity of heart and can harm the faith of others.

Spending time with the guy you are interested in within group settings is a great way to get to know him better. How a person is like when they’re with friends is often a good indicator of how they truly are. You can also build a connection with him by initiating conversations with the guy or attending gatherings where he might be (but do let COVID-19 settle down first!). A simple gesture like organising group activities that involve him can also be a way of indicating your interest wisely.

At the end of the day, remember your worth in Christ. No guy can make you worth more than you already are by getting together with him!

The Plight of Foreign Domestic Workers

Eunice Sng — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 03:39:00 +0000

STATISTICS

APPROXIMATELY
400,000
FDWS IN HONG KONG,
ROUGHLY 5% OF THE
POPULATION

PAID MINIMUM
HK$4630 PER
MONTH (SGD800)

Imagine living and working within the confines of the same four walls, far from the comforts of home. To make matters worse, your ‘bosses’ are the housemates from hell. How does one navigate that — and is there help? EUNICE SNG shines a light on the plight of foreign domestic workers in Hong Kong.

Like many before her, Wanda* (name changed for her protection) left home in hopes of greener pastures abroad, hoping to provide enough for her family back home. However, it was not to be. Like many foreign domestic workers (FDWs), Wanda faced abuse at the hands of her employers. She was physically and verbally abused by her employers and their children. Not only did she have to endure an unsafe work environment, she had no rest days and had her mobile phone confiscated from her. When she was running a fever after being bitten by the family dog, she was even told to pay for her own medical expenses.

WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?
Unfortunately, Wanda’s case is far from unique. A 2014 survey of 3000 FDWs revealed that 58% experienced verbal abuse, 18% experienced physical abuse, and 6% experienced sexual abuse (Mission for Migrant Workers). Due to a law that prohibits FDWs from working while allegations of abuse are being investigated (which can take months or years), many of these cases often go unreported. The global pandemic has only made things worse, as it is even tougher for FDWs to get out of the house and get help due to the ever watchful eye of employers and the lack of work-life balance. Social-distancing also prevents FDWs from taking a breather with their friends on their off-days, and in Hong Kong’s infamously small flats, many do not even have their own rooms in their employer’s homes.

Even if they do try seeking help with local migrant worker agencies, they are often rejected because of how complex the case might be. This is when non-profit organisations like Justice Without Borders step in, because they are able to deal with complicated, cross-border, legal process, such as mediating between employers and the domestic workers when disputes arise that cannot be resolved. Most FDWs find it difficult to remain in Hong Kong to seek justice, and unfortunately, the legal aid systems cannot extend to these workers when they return to their home countries, since they lack the networks and knowledge to access justice there. As such, many workers end up giving up their rights altogether. At the same time, bad actors in the host countries understand that they can act with impunity, escaping responsibility once they send a worker home.

WHY IS THE SITUATION SO BAD?
Many acknowledge that one of the reasons abuse of FDWs is so rife is the “live-in requirement” that FDWs must reside in their employer’s home, resulting in long working hours and very little privacy if they do not have their own rooms. Global Voices reports that this makes FDWs more vulnerable to physical and sexual abuse, with few avenues to seek help when it happens.

In the event that an FDW decides that she has had enough and wants to find a new employer, she faces further complications. Immigration laws stipulate that FDWs need to leave Hong Kong if they do not find a new employer within two weeks, which they know is difficult and unlikely. As these domestic helpers are often made to pay exorbitant agent fees in order to get a job in Hong Kong, leaving and re-entering the country (and paying the fees again) is typically not an option. As a result, many FDWs simply have to endure the abuse they face in hopes of making it through their contract so that they can pay off their agent fees and earn enough money to send home.

WHAT NOW?

THINK:
– Is Hong Kong the only place where this happens? How can we fight for the rights of FDWs in our own country?

PRAY:
– That Hong Kong’s lawmakers will value the dignity of FDWs and pass laws that give them the rights they deserve.
– That those equipped with relevant skillsets (e.g. lawyers, doctors) will be moved to volunteer to help FDWs who have been abused.

ACT:
– Donate to organisations like Justice Without Borders or PathFinders, who serve the migrant community in Hong Kong by offering them legal and social support.

Renew

Jiamin Choo — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 03:34:00 +0000

“With one word, how was 2020 for you?” a friend asked me. I replied, “Unprecedented.” My friend nodded. That was the buzzword from global news to conversations in our own circles throughout 2020 because of the Covid-19 pandemic. That word reminded me of how 2020 had been a shocking, sad, and difficult year with many Covid-19-related losses — the loss of many lives, jobs, overseas travel, and social gatherings, and the loss of safety and freedom to go to places without a mask. Yet with the painful losses also came gains — gaining of clarity to realise what really matters and to be thankful for people and things that we used to take for granted, such as our family and friends, having a stable job, good health, and a caring government to go through the hard times together.

With the pandemic raging on, entering this new year may not be as light-hearted and celebratory as in past years, but there is one word that God is putting on my heart for 2021, and that is “Renew.” Even though the future may seem uncertain and we may feel tired from keeping up with the volatile changes (and countless Zoom meetings) in a COVID-19 world, as God’s children, we can enter 2021 with hope and strength because of the renewing work God does in us.

In the Bible passage of Isaiah 40, God gave these comforting words through the prophet Isaiah to God’s people long ago who would be in years of captivity for their sins: “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” What a beautiful picture of renewal, from falling to flying.

Although the people of Israel at the time had sinned against God and would receive judgement through captivity, God remained faithful and loving to give them this encouraging promise — He would renew, restore, and redeem His people from the captors. The reason why this promise could be trusted then and can be trusted now is because of who God is and what He says He does.

In the chapter’s earlier verses 10 to 29, God reveals Himself as a caring shepherd who marks off the heavens with His hands, brings rulers of this world to nothing, and knows each star by name. And because He is the everlasting God who will not grow tired or weary, He will give strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak. This inner renewal does not come from our own efforts, power or wisdom, but from God, the Source of life and strength, the loving Creator who never forgets His people.

As we cross over into 2021, no matter what ups or downs await us, we can find comfort and assurance in knowing that “those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.” We don’t need to be afraid of an uncertain future, because we have an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving God who is with us. May we be encouraged to commit our lives, plans, and dreams for this new year to God, trusting Him to do a renewing work in us, and to lead us ahead with His strength, wisdom, and grace.

PRAYER
Dear God, thank You for being my strength when I am weak. Renew my heart, mind and spirit, as I commit all of my hopes and plans for this year into Your loving hands, trusting You to lead in Your perfect ways. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME!
1. When you feel tired, how do you usually renew your strength?

2. Crossing over into 2021, what is one area of your life that you desire to be “renewed” by God?

DELVE DEEPER
Read and reflect on these passages on “renewal”:
o Psalm 23
o John 7:37-39
o 2 Corinthians 4:7–18

HANDLES
The Bible is God’s living Word through which He reveals Himself, His thoughts and His ways to us, His children. So as you read the Bible, read it with a desire to know God better and strengthen your relationship with Him!