Issue 44 – Kallos

The Friendship Test

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 14:33:00 +0000

How did you overcome jealousy of each other?

WONG YUN XUAN, 25 (RIVERLIFE CHURCH): Growing up, I struggled a lot with identity. I looked around and saw girls who were emotional, warm, bubbly, and sociable, and I felt like I was serious and robotic in comparison. Charmaine was one such person — she was able to befriend people easily and talk about anything under the sun for hours!

She had close relationships with her friends and family and I would think to myself, “Wow, I really want that. Why do I not have that?” Those thoughts would spiral into self-pity, frustration and insecurity.

At 16, we embarked on a mission trip to Batam. Charmaine was supposed to share her testimony, but was suddenly hit with a high fever. I had not read her testimony before, but I was asked to share it on her behalf. After reading it, I was overwhelmed. I began to see how her family’s struggles shaped the way she loved others. The positivity Charmaine viewed life with were things I could learn, if I simply allowed myself to learn from her. It was a perspective shift that enabled me to get over the jealousy.

CHARMAINE BOO, 25 (RIVERLIFE CHURCH): When Yun Xuan became a cell group leader, feelings of inferiority started to sink in. I wondered why I was “not good enough” to be a cell leader and whether I had anything to offer. Eventually, I found myself becoming quite uninterested to meet Yun Xuan because she was having “cell leader problems” that I knew nothing about. It sounds so lame now but at that time I was really quite affected by it!

In addition, Yun Xuan had a mentor who was meeting her regularly on a one-
to-one basis. That was when I acknowledged that I was jealous of her, because

community and mentorship were things I had wanted for the longest time —
and she got it all because of cell ministry.

When I did an internship with Singapore Youth For Christ (SYFC), I had my first mentorship experience and grew in my understanding of God and His Word. I was taught how to read and study the Bible, share the gospel and use my giftings for God! God spoke to me from a passage in 1 Corinthians 12 about how the body has many parts and how we each have our own function. Verse 19 says, “If all were a single member, where would the body be?”

That was when the jealousy I had been experiencing went away, and I even asked Yun Xuan to join the internship with me so she could benefit in the same way I had!

How do you spur each other on in your walk with God?

JOANNE KWOK, 32 (BETHESDA BEDOK-TAMPINES CHURCH): I think the word for what we’ve found in each other since we grew closer from Seets’ cancer diagnosis is ‘refuge’. A safe place to be fully oneself — awful, wonderful, in despair or in hope — but always loved.

Seets has taught me so much about extravagant love, a love people often reserve for romantic relationships. It’s the kind of love that reaches out when you cross their mind, whether it’s to send you a meme to make you laugh or to check up on you because you’ve not quite been yourself. The kind of love that makes you brave.

I was going through a lot in my own life when Seets was undergoing chemotherapy. But it’s probably because she was suffering as well that pushed us even closer together. We call ourselves “sisters in the fire.” Who else could have really understood truth and hope forged in great, prolonged pain?

On bad days, it was her faithful friendship on brighter days that gave me the courage to ask her for help. In those moments, a true friend is the one who lends her voice and faith to pray aloud, to sing, to read Scripture until you find peace again. She has shown me what being loved by Jesus looks like.

CHAN SEE TING, 28 (3:16 CHURCH): Jonk and I often call each other ‘heart friend.’ I think it’s because we both carry each other’s heart so well. She’s become such a big part of my life that I really can’t imagine doing life — and faith — without her.

Honestly speaking, there are many painfully dark moments that I can’t share with most people because they haven’t experienced them personally, but with Jonk I know I can because she has gone through those valleys too and come out surer of who she is and most importantly who her God is. Someone like that can hold your heart, your pain, your fears and struggles well and bring you hope from the places she’s walked in with Jesus.

Having seen each other at some of our lowest and most difficult points of our walk with the Lord has created a safe space between us that can hold both our silly banter and serious conversations. That means I can be honest about how much I disapprove of her Crocs — and also how stretched my faith can get with the cancer.

On 23 February 2021, See Ting went home to be with the Lord following a battle with leptomeningeal disease. We grieve for the loss of her presence on earth, but rejoice that she is safe in the arms of Jesus in heaven.

How do you deal with peer pressure?

CELINE WONG, 22 (RIVERLIFE CHURCH): I stayed on campus in my first year at university, and being away from parents and Christian communities felt quite liberating because I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted. Drinking and clubbing is common at this stage of life, and I have to admit that it is tough not to get tempted to join in.

Occasionally, friends would ask me out for a couple of drinks to engage in ‘heart to-heart talks’ or to socialise. I knew I needed to learn how and when to say “no,” so I decided to set certain boundaries around drinking and clubbing. When my peers tried to pressure me into joining these activities, my response would be to turn them down or to order a soft drink while still enjoying the company of friends. My priority is to live a lifestyle that honours God, and these boundaries help to guard my heart in the pursuit of right standing with God. If I do not decide what I will or will not do beforehand, I will probably fall easily into temptation. University friends who know that I am a Christian usually respect my stand, but there are also times when I have to tolerate playful taunts for not drinking or clubbing. Despite this, I have learned how to stand firm on my decision while being respectful of others’ lifestyle choices.

If you are facing peer pressure, my advice would be to know who you are in the light of eternity, and to ensure your current lifestyle reflects Christ. As I am someone who likes to experience all that life can offer, I think it is important to be accountable to kingdom friends or a Christian mentor who will keep you grounded and remind you when to plug out from the world.

Is It Weird To Not Have a BFF?

Quek Shi Yun — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 14:25:00 +0000

I have a confession. When I was growing up, all I wanted was to have a best friend, and I felt like a weirdo because I didn’t have one.

It was a trend in primary school to fill up ‘autograph books’ amongst your friends. The most important element for me was the ‘friendship ranking’ page, where you indicated who was your ‘100% friend’, ’75% friend’, and so on. This was my chance to secure a best friend! I asked a classmate if we could put each other down as 100% friends in everyone’s books and was thrilled when she agreed. But I was devastated when I realised she’d listed me as her 100% friend in my book, but at a lower percentage in another friend’s book! Well, so much for being ‘best friends forever’ (BFF)!

In secondary school, I tried to push a friend to choose between me and someone else, and give me the ‘best friend’ label I so desperately craved. Frustrated from all my needling, she finally said, “I know that you want me to say that you are my best friend, but I can’t. Both of you are important to me in different ways. Isn’t it enough to know that I value your friendship and want to keep investing in it?”

At the time, my answer was a flat-out “NO!” It wasn’t enough. If I wasn’t going to be assured that I was her best friend, I wanted to take my friendship elsewhere and invest in someone who would invest the same time, love, and energy in me.

I’ve long wondered why having a best friend used to mean so much to me. I had many good, godly friendships. I knew I could turn to them in times of need, and I knew that they had my back. But I didn’t want more friends. I wanted a best friend. More accurately, I wanted to be chosen as someone else’s best friend! I used to lie awake for hours thinking about what I had to do to convince someone that I was worthy of being ‘the chosen one’. I felt so insecure that no one had deemed me special enough to choose me.

I WANTED A BEST FRIEND. MORE ACCURATELY, I WANTED TO BE CHOSEN AS SOMEONE ELSE’S BEST FRIEND!

It soon dawned on me that that insecurity was what was fuelling my continued search for a BFF. Good friends had never been enough — I needed to be given that place of utmost importance. Little did I know that everything I craved, God had already given me. Even though He knew my every evil thought and bad side, He still loved and chose me (Rom 5:8). Jesus left heaven to give up His life for me; can there be a better friend than Him (John 15:13)? If I had any doubt that I was special, God reminded me through His Word that before I had even been born, He knew me (Ps 139:16), and He continues to delight in me (Zeph 3:17)!

It wasn’t a magical moment of realisation that changed things, but rather a journey that lasted years. At the end of that journey, for the first time, I was okay with not having a best friend. With that secondary school friend, instead of chasing after the BFF status with her, I focused on being a friend that could spur her on in Christ just as iron sharpens iron (Prov 27:17). No longer afraid of losing her friendship, I was able to heed the wisdom in Proverbs 27:5-6 and challenge her in love when I felt she wasn’t walking in God’s ways. Instead of indulging in my insecurities and pushing her to say I was her best friend, I concentrated on being the faithful friend to her that I hoped she would be to me.

One random day in university, she did refer to me as her best friend. Surprised and honoured as I was, it wasn’t the life-changing status I thought it would be. Our friendship didn’t change when she started calling me her best friend, because the foundation we had built was already solid, and the insecurities that motivated my search for a BFF were long gone.

Even if I didn’t have a best friend now, I don’t think I would be the desperate BFF-seeker I once was. Because I now know that even if no one calls me their best friend, I am no less valued, important, or loved — in Jesus, I am more valued, important, and loved than I could ever imagine.

3 Misconceptions Girls Have About Male Friendships

Quek Shiwei — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 14:19:00 +0000

“Girls talk about their feelings and share life updates. Guys only talk about girls, money, girls, gym, girls again, football, and games!”

I chuckled at my friend, Si Ying’s, reply. It was a quirky response to my question as to whether there were any differences between male and female friendships.

Guys can seem like a completely different species at time, with their endless jokes and banter, seeming inability to be serious, and repeated calls of “Bro!” everywhere they go.

But are male friendships really so different from ours? Based on a very informal and unscientific survey, here are three misconceptions girls seem to have about male friendships that we are here to bust!

1. Guys don’t talk about their feelings
When I asked Marcus what quality time looks like for him and his guy friends, he responded quickly, “Playing soccer together and eating good food.”

I posed the same question to David, who said, “Chilling together, having casual conversations with lots of banter and joking mixed in.”

Out of curiosity, I asked, “What about heart-to-heart talks? Don’t you talk about your emotions?” With my girl friends, no quality meet-up is complete without a conversation about life, our struggles, and our joys. Connecting on a heart level is the priority when we meet. Don’t boys do that?

“I don’t think guys differ from girls in this aspect,” Ron responded. “Guys are a lot more emotional than girls think. Some need to talk and vent and cry, some prefer practical advice, some just need their friends to be there. Similarly, some guys can be more emotive and introspective when dealing with feelings and personal issues, while others joke around or are more ‘bro’ about it — they are all equally valid ways of connecting with each other.”

Perhaps as girls, we just don’t get to see the more emotional side of guys that often, but that doesn’t mean guys don’t talk about their emotions with their friends!

2. Guys don’t have best friends
During my growing-up years, having a best friend (or BFF) was all the rage. I remember feeling a sense of loss when I didn’t have one and felt as though I was lacking something.

Maria shared the same sentiment: “Having a best friend is important to me! It’s just the idea of knowing that there is someone as your immediate go-to person when something good or bad happens. You know that there is someone who has your back no matter what.”

On the other hand, when I asked Marcus who his best friend was, he looked at me quizzically and said, “Best friend? I don’t need one. Friends are just friends. Does the title really matter?”

Brian pointed out, “Guys don’t define who their best friends are as much as girls do. As long as everyone in a group can gel and relate to one another, it’s enough for me. I don’t necessarily need to put a lot of significance just on one person.”

Similarly, Chris said, “I might not have a definite ‘best friend,’ but I do have at least ONE close friend whom I turn to for advice and walk through life together with. My friendships with guys are pretty low-maintenance; we don’t need to meet and talk about our feelings all the time, but when I do have something to share, I know who to turn to.”

GUYS ARE A LOT MORE EMOTIONAL THAN GIRLS THINK.

While guys don’t seem to fancy the ‘best friend’ label, the close friends that they trust a lot and hold close to definitely perform the same function as BFFs!

3. Guys just joke around — they don’t know how to encourage each other
Janelle observed that while girls show their support to their female friends through gifts, words of affection, hugs, compliments, and quality time, guys seem to show their affection very differently — through their acts of service.

Using her boyfriend as an example, she says, “Mark doesn’t ever say ‘thanks for being here for me, Kevin ’ like a girl might do, but their appreciation for each other shows through the way they do things for each other without hesitation.”

Si Ying agreed: “Girls are more openly affectionate — we hug, write letters to one another, and so on!” With a laugh, she continued, “I feel like guys send very unemotional messages to their bros, like, ‘Jiayou, bro. Can one la.’ And then give each other a pat on the shoulder.”

When I asked Ron about whether the perception is true, he shared that for guys, encouragement is shown by “constantly checking up on my friends, tracking their progress, and just being a good listener. It doesn’t have to be much, but I just need to be there.”

Guys may not gush about how much they appreciate their friends, but it doesn’t mean that their friendships are devoid of affection and support. In the words of Jacob, “A fist-bump, a shoulder pat, or just a ‘Bro, I’m here for you’ speaks volumes for guys.”

DIFFERENT BUT THE SAME
Male and female friendships certainly are different, but they are each special and valuable in their own way. If we look beyond the surface, perhaps we will find that even though male friendships seem so dissimilar to female ones, they are actually just the same — providing the much-needed encouragement, support, and love that we all crave in this world. In the words of CS Lewis, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself … It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

How to Avoid Toxic Friends (And Be a Good One!)

Quek Shiwei — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 14:10:00 +0000

As the saying goes, three’s a crowd. I watched in anxiety as two of my closest friends paired off, leaving me out. For months, the three of us had been caught in a friendship triangle. No longer happy to be the ‘three musketeers’, two of us were now competing to see who would be the chosen ‘best friend’ of our favoured friend. Even as a primary school girl, I had learnt one thing — female friendships can be toxic. I spent hours feeling insecure about my worth and agonising over these friendships.

WHAT ARE FRIENDSHIPS FOR?
Any girl who has had toxic friendships must have wondered, “What is the point of this friendship if it only brings me pain?” I once came across this line by the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge: “Friendship is a sheltering tree.” The image of a tree providing shade in the heat of life stuck with me. Perhaps friendship, at its best, can be a gift from God.

I then wondered where the idea of friendship came from. We can’t choose our family, classmates, or neighbours, but we can choose our friends. Why would someone willingly enter a relationship that may cause hurt and calls for the giving of time, affection, and effort, but with no guarantee of return? Who came up with this concept? It hit me that God Himself is Friendship. He is the Holy Trinity, three-in-one, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit (John 16–17). In this friendship circle, there is no gossiping, bullying, or manipulation. Rather, the three are mutually self-giving, kind, and respectful. The Holy Spirit is humble and works quietly without jealousy. Jesus is sacrificial, giving His life for others, and submits to the Father out of loyalty. The Father leads with love and authority, never abusing His power. How many of us have friends like that?

THE REALITY OF FRIENDSHIPS
The truth is, many of us may be hard-pressed to think of many true friends. In a survey that Kallos did with 64 young women, we found that more than 80 percent of them have felt lonely at school. Also, many of them identified with statements like these:

“I have done something I didn’t want to because I felt pressured by my friends.”

“I have heard or seen hurtful things being said about me by my friends.”

“I have been (cyber)bullied by a friend.”

If you can identify with these statements too, perhaps you are currently in a toxic friendship. If that is the case, you may need to get out of this unhealthy friendship, hard as it may be. But how do you confirm if you are in a toxic friendship?

These questions may help:
• Do they cheer you on in private and public, or do they backstab you with gossip?
• Do they put their needs before yours, and do they use you for their own gain?
• Do they bully or manipulate you with some kind of weapon (such as a secret, leadership position, or hurtful words)?

If you think you are in a toxic friendship, remember that you deserve to be treated better and to have true friends. You may need to distance yourself from them, unfollow their social media pages, or even block them online. While it is noble to be loyal to your friends and not give up on them, there are times you may have to break off unhealthy friendships so that both of you have time and space to grow as individuals.

WE STAY IN TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS BECAUSE WE DON’T KNOW WHAT GENUINE FRIENDSHIP IS.

Often, we stay in toxic friendships because we don’t know what genuine friendship is. So how do we identify true friends?

WHAT A TRUE FRIEND IS
Long before Taylor Swift and Martin Johnson wrote the song “Two Is Better Than One,” the writer (often called Qoheleth) of Ecclesiastes penned the words that inspired the song as he painted a beautiful picture of what true friendship could be. According to Qoheleth, “two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour” (Ecc 4:9). With two or more true friends, you can achieve far more than going alone. This is because true friends don’t put down each another or vie for glory as they work as a team. Did you know that Kallos was started by three teenage friends who wanted to do something for the young women in Singapore? Do you have spiritual friends with whom to achieve something for God and His kingdom too? If not, pray and seek out such friends!

On top of that, a true friend picks you up if you fall down (Ecc 4:10). While I was in university, a friend shared a tale of her past relationship, in which she was being pressured to have sex with her boyfriend. Thankfully, before that could happen, her grandfather suddenly entered the house, which caused her to realise the gravity of what she had been about to do. As she confessed her guilt to me, her burden was lifted. Through the years, I have rejoiced with her as she picked up the pieces of her past and found healing through prayer. True friends can pull one up from the pit and help one find hope again.

Qoheleth added that two are better than one because they can keep warm together (Ecc 4:11). When I was in New Zealand with my family, my one-year-old baby girl couldn’t sleep at night unless she cuddled next to me to keep warm. In terms of relationships, many are left out in the cold when they are betrayed or bullied. A true friend keeps you warm by staying close when no one else does.

Finally, true friends defend one another against attacks (Ecc 4:12). We are not always aware that we have an enemy, the devil, who is prowling around like a lion, seeking a chance to attack us in our weakest moments (1 Pet 5:8). For Amanda Teo, who wrote abouther struggles with masturbation in the Kallos book Real Talk: Exposing 10 Myths About Love and Sexuality, it helped to text her friends whenever she needed strength to resist spiritual attacks. Would you be a true friend for someone and be a ‘’sheltering tree’’ for them too?

FINDING THE TRUEST FRIEND
I recall the time I had to adjust to a new class in secondary school. I missed my old friends, who seemed to have found cooler friends. I spent recess time hiding in the toilet, sobbing as I avoided being alone in the canteen.

WHILE I WAS ALONE, I DID NOT NEED TO BE LONELY. JESUS WANTED TO BE MY TRUE FRIEND.

Those painful times became precious when I realised that while I was alone, I did not need to be lonely. Jesus wanted to be my true friend (John 15:15), and until I made Him my best friend, I would always be insecure. As I spent time reading the Bible, listening to worship songs, and getting to know Him, I realised that He would never leave me in the cold. Whether you are currently entangled in toxic friendships or struggling to find a true friend, remember that you always have a best friend in Jesus!

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER
When I was ten, one of the girls in our trio moved to Canada, and I lost touch with the other girl when we went to secondary school. A decade later, I met the first friend while on a trip to Canada, and another decade later, I reconnected with the second at a friend’s wedding. All our friendship toxicity melted away as we realised that we were now God-lovers trying to honour Him with our relationship and career choices. Our friendships had once centred on ourselves, but our renewed friendships centred on God and how we could encourage one another on this journey. Our toxic friendships have been replaced by true spiritual friendships, and I am all the more better for it.

Dear Kallos: How do we set up emotional boundaries with someone we like but want to stay as friends?

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 14:04:00 +0000

How do we set up emotional boundaries with someone we like but want to stay as friends? - Waiting

dear Waiting,

Thank you for your question that is so relevant. Emotions are God-given, but they can honestly be very messy too. One important thing to remember is that emotions are real, but they aren’t eternal truth. I applaud you for bearing in mind that even though you have feelings for someone, you don’t have to act on them right now!

My first thought is, what is the motivation to stay friends given that you like the person, rather than seeing if the relationship can go further? Are you feeling that it isn’t the right season to get attached? Or perhaps you want to remain friends for now because you’re still unsure about the possibilities ahead? Whatever your motivation, knowing your reason for remaining friends will help clarify your actions and bring you back to what is important. Underlying your every motivation should be to honour God in the season you are in. In any situation, seeking God for clarity is key.

As for setting up emotional boundaries, firstly, you can communicate with the person less often than you might like to, as constant communication often leads to feelings developing even more! I know it may sound rather rigid, but honestly, setting a limit to the times you communicate helps.

Secondly, watch what you talk about. If the conversation is veering toward being flirtatious, pull the handbrake. If you’re sharing with this person more than you should with a regular male friend, you may want to re-evaluate what you are doing.

Thirdly, if feelings are mutual, have a chat with this person and set up certain boundaries you both want to adhere to, so that you can remain friends for now instead of awakening love before the time is right (Song 2:7). Do what is appropriate for your level of commitment. For example, if you’re remaining friends because you’re not ready to be in a relationship, don’t go out one-on-one, act like the relationship is already exclusive, or share deeply about your lives. That should be reserved for when you’re ready to date, and able to keep yourselves accountable to the authorities in your life, such as your parents or church leaders. Set up such boundaries together — being on the same page on where you stand is often a lot easier than muddling through without clear expectations!

Lastly, keep talking to God about this, committing everything to Him and being accountable with a trusted Christian mentor to help shepherd you in the right direction. The right timing leads to amazing relationships — if we have the patience to wait and faith to trust in God.

Rising Porn Exposure In USA

Amber Ginter — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 08:01:00 +0000

STATISTICS

9.1 MILLION SEARCHES
FOR PORNOGRAPHY
USING
COVID-19-RELATED ITEMS
(E.G. MASKS, GLOVES, MEDICAL SUPPLIES)

11% INCREASE
IN GLOBAL TRAFFIC ON PORNHUB
FROM FEBRUARY TO MARCH 2020
(JOURNAL OF BEHAVIORAL ADDICTIONS, 2020)

Since the initial onslaught of Covid-19 one year ago, it is startling to see just how much porn usage has advanced alongside this deadly disease. As the pandemic rages on, porn exposure in the US has risen as well. AMBER GINTER explores why.

WHAT’S HAPPENING?
With worldwide lockdowns and the pandemic raging on, the demand to be comforted is at an all-time high. People are lonely, so victims are more easily seduced, and sexual means are seen as coping mechanisms to stressful life circumstances. Covid-19 lockdowns have caused a surge not only in the use of websites like Pornhub but also an increase in those seeking help when their intimate pictures are posted online without their permission.

According to Pornhub, 42 billion visits to the site were made in the last year, an average of 115 million visits per day. At the same time, the BBC reported that traffic to Revenge Porn Helpline, a UK-based service for adults experiencing intimate image abuse, nearly doubled in the first four weeks of the pandemic, more than any other reported time. None of this is new — but the pandemic has certainly made things worse.

WHY IS THIS A PROBLEM?
While some media posted to pornography sites like Pornhub is consensual, much is not. In a now-famous investigation by New York Times journalist Nicholas Kristof, it was revealed that Pornhub’s defense from rebuke is that they provide solicited adult images, for adults, and fight to remove videos of rape or abuse. Victims like Serena K. Fleites, 19, however, would say otherwise. Fleites attempted suicide twice after her naked videos were posted on Pornhub by a boy she had a crush on. Her naked videos, since they were taken at 14, are tantamount to child pornography, yet remain online for the world to see.

And she’s not the only one. The Internet is rife with child pornography and videos of non-consensual violence. As porn exposure in the US (and around the world) rises, these precious souls are victimised again and again, for years and years, for as long as these media remain online.

WILL THE SITUATION IMPROVE?
Covid-19 has only amplified what was already in existence — the insatiable hunger for love, devouring lust as a substitute, with the huge increase in traffic to pornography sites as testament.

G.K. Chesterton, an English writer and lay theologian who died 100 years ago, is thought to have said, “Every time a man knocks on a brothel door, he is really searching for God.” Unless people recognise that the false comfort they find in pornography will never satisfy, pornography consumption will continue; there are no immediate, simple, or permanent fixes to end porn exposure for good.

Encouragingly, following Kristof’s journalistic expose on Pornhub, some concrete actions have been taken by the company to make access to non-consensual pornographic material more difficult, including disallowing downloads on videos and improving moderation to remove videos of rape and child pornography. In addition, Visa and Mastercard have blocked the use of their cards for payment on Pornhub. All of these give hope that the situation can improve as more people recognise the evils of being complicit in another’s suffering, or worse still, using their abuse for enjoyment.

WHAT NOW?

PRAY FOR:
– Those whose lives have been compromised by their intimate images being leaked online, or who have been sexually abused for someone else’s pleasure.
– Companies who can make a difference to take a moral stand against child pornography and rape videos, and to stop enabling companies like Pornhub that profit off the sexual exploitation of millions of victims worldwide.
– Those seeking comfort in pornography, to find healthier outlets and find their true fulfilment in Christ.

Review: Soul

Eunice Sng — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 07:55:00 +0000

WARNING: This article contains spoilers.

I’ve been a fan of Pixar for as long as I can remember. Yet, my years of experience (and packs of tissues) did nothing to prepare me for the sucker punch of emotions Soul served out in this beautifully animated feature film.

The movie spotlights Joe, a disillusioned middle-school band teacher who unexpectedly loses his life. Joe, now a newly departed soul, winds up on a travellator headed straight into a blazing ball of light known as the Great Beyond. Terrified and unwilling to leave life on earth just as things were looking up, he runs away and ends up stumbling into the Great Before, where souls are prepped for life on earth. There, he meets an equally disgruntled soul named 22, who seems to resist being born just as much as he dreads being dead.

Soul good: Small actions, big impact
Joe isn’t willing to die because he thinks he hasn’t accomplished anything worthwhile. In a moment of sad realisation, he states, “My life was meaningless,” echoing Ecclesiastes 2:17 — “All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

Stuck in what he sees as a dead-end job, he has bigger dreams of being a famous jazz musician, which he believes will give him the happiness he desires. Little does he realise that he was making a greater impact on people around him as a teacher than he ever could playing the piano on a big stage!

That’s one of the central messages of the movie — that even those who are doing seemingly mundane and underappreciated tasks can have an outsized impact. It took nearly losing his life to realise that chasing his dream career wouldn’t bring him lasting happiness; if anything, it just amplified the emptiness he had been trying to fill. Joe learns that what brings true meaning to life isn’t success or fame, but the deep relationships you build and the way you use your gifts to benefit others, not just yourself.

Soul questionable: The Great Before and the Great Beyond
While many religions embrace the concept of a holding area for souls before their physical body is created, the Bible emphasises that God creates humans as physical beings (Gen 2:7; Ps 139:13–16). The movie puts an emphasis on the autonomy of the soul separate from God or other higher powers, or even the connection to one’s physical body (22 could enter Joe’s body and Joe’s soul could enter a cat)! Soul also erases the traditional notion of heaven and hell, and takes away the gravity of how one’s actions on earth can affect where they go in the Great Beyond.

That said, the fictional explanations about life before and after death shouldn’t prevent you from taking in the fullness of Soul’s message — that each day is a gift and life is a blessing. True contentment comes only in living life to the fullest but with the understanding that God is the one who gave us life and all its possibilities. Ecclesiastes 3:12–13 summarises it perfectly — “I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil — this is the gift of God.”

Living Hope

Jiamin Choo — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 07:50:00 +0000

Come with me to the place where it all happened. Imagine the dark before the dawn, the heavy footsteps and tear-filled eyes. Two days before, the Jesus whom Mary Magdalene loved had died. Betrayed by a disciple and put on an illegal and unjust trial, Jesus was sentenced to die on a cross at Calvary outside the walls of Jerusalem. He was abandoned by His followers and scorned by the soldiers. Jesus was no more, buried in a tomb. All of Mary’s hope was gone.

Mary had been saved by Jesus. He had cast out seven demons from her and restored her life (Luke 8:2). But that’s not all. This was Jesus, the promised Saviour of the world. The Son of God, whose birth was sung over by angels and witnessed by shepherds. The Miracle Healer who touched the leper and made the blind see. The Teacher who preached God’s kingdom with such authority that many repented of their sins and believed. The Son of Man, who said He is the only way to come to the Heavenly Father. Many rejected Him. Yet many loved and followed Him, including Mary.

Walking toward the tomb where Jesus lay, Mary was in for a surprise. A violent earthquake hit as an angel came down from heaven. He rolled back the stone of the tomb and sat on it saying, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay. Then go quickly and tell His disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee’” (Matt 28:2, 5–7).

Entrusted with this good news, her grief turning into great joy, Mary started running off to tell the other disciples when suddenly, Jesus appeared before her and called her by name. Little did Mary know that she would be the first person to see Jesus alive. Little did she know that she would be the first witness to testify that Jesus had risen from the dead. “I have seen the Lord!” Mary told the disciples, but they did not believe her (Mark 16:11). They only believed after seeing Jesus themselves (e.g., John 20:24–29), and then they gave their lives to share this news because Jesus had become their Living Hope.

These historical accounts have been recorded in Scripture so that we too may believe that Jesus is the Saviour, the Son of God, and that by believing, we may have life in His name (John 20:31). Although I have not witnessed these events with my own eyes and they may seem like foolish made-up stories in the eyes of the world, I do believe that Jesus lived, died, and rose again. He is my Living Hope, having triumphed over sin and death. And because I believe, I desire to share this good news with others who have yet to know it, especially those who live in communities where there are few Jesus-followers.

This Good Friday and Easter, may you be encouraged to reflect on Jesus’ life and death, know the power of His resurrection, and like Mary, who was filled with joy, share this good news of our Saviour with those around you: “Jesus has risen, just as He said!”

PRAYER
God, how great is Your mercy and love, that through faith in the risen Christ, our sins are forgiven and we can enter Your kingdom and be called Your children. Empower us by Your Spirit to share this good news about Jesus with others. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME!
1. To what extent is Jesus your Living Hope?
2. Who is one person you can share with about the life, death and resurrection of Jesus?

DELVE DEEPER
Read and reflect on these passages on “The Risen Christ”:
o John 11:21–27
o Acts 13:26–48
o 1 Corinthians 15:1–22

HANDLES
To discover what the Bible says about life’s big questions, consider asking yourself, “What does this Bible passage say about God, Jesus, or His plan? What does this say about humans? What am I doing well, and what do I need to change?”

*Check out the Discovery Bible Study method at www.dbsguide.org to find out more.

Can a Christian Accept Evolution?

Quek Shiwei — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 07:35:00 +0000

It may surprise you that the answer to the question is “Yes!” There are many Bible-believing, God-loving Christians who think that evolution is an acceptable explanation for how life came about when they consider the available scientific data. However, it may also surprise you that there are a range of theories of evolution, and the popular idea that humans came from monkeys is not the only (or even primary) theory of evolution.

WHAT IS EVOLUTION?
The classic Darwinian evolutionary theory states that all species share a common ancestor, and variations amongst these species happen randomly based on an organism’s ability to adapt to different environments. Through the process of “natural selection,” the traits of the organism that best enables it to survive become more common in its descendants over time. This is the idea of the “survival of the fittest.” However, it does not explain how the first atoms came to be.

WHAT HAVE CHRISTIANS ACCEPTED?
Some Christians accept evolutionary creation or theistic evolution, whereby God is the creator of life and the first atoms, but used the evolutionary process to create all living things. The theory is that God created the first human by infusing a higher form of primate with a human soul.

Other Christians accept progressive creationism, according to which God created the first humans directly (not through evolution), but at several points in history, He also created new species by modifying existing creatures through “micro-evolution.” By this account, God would have directly created the first dog, from which new species of dogs then evolved.

One issue that Christians differ on is how literal the Genesis 1–2 account of creation is. On this basis, there are Christians who reject evolution completely and hold to young earth creationism, because they read Genesis 1 as saying that God created the world and its living things in six 24-hour days (“young earth” refers to how they do not believe that the earth is millions of years old).

DOES SCIENCE OPPOSE FAITH?
When considering views about evolution, there are some important questions for Christians to ask:
• Does this view go against core Christian beliefs (such as the death and resurrection of Jesus, God as the creator of life, and the reliability of Scripture)?
• Does it undermine the authority of Scripture given by God over our lives (2 Tim 3:16–17)?
• Does it deny that humans are made in God’s image, meaning that all human beings have inherent dignity, and the responsibility to look after God’s creation (Gen 1:27)?

Such questions help us to distinguish the ‘how’ questions that science answers (How did life come about? How did human beings become the dominant species on earth?) from the ‘why’ questions that faith answers (Why is God worthy of worship? Why love our neighbour as ourselves?).

DOES THIS VIEW GO AGAINST CORE CHRISTIAN BELIEFS?

When we do not confuse Scripture for a science textbook, we can arrive at a faith-based yet scientifically rigorous position. Scientific study involves careful observation, measurement, and experimentation to collect data that is used to develop, test, and modify hypotheses about how the world operates. A theory (such as evolution) is a hypothesis that has become widely accepted as the best way so far to make sense of the available scientific data (such as the age of fossils). But it is important to note that there are still many unknowns and that good scientists keep an open mind.

The key to approaching any scientific theory as a Christian is to be humble, neither being dogmatic about one’s position nor rejecting those that hold different positions. After all, what explanations one accepts from a theory of evolution does not determine what truths one believes and whether one is a genuine disciple of God. However, we should be wary when a scientific theory is used in a way that oversteps its limits (use the questions above to help you discern this).

THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT SCIENCE AND FAITH DO NOT HAVE TO BE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

The Darwinian view is not compatible with the Christian faith when it is used to reject God as the creator. On the other hand, other views of evolution can complement this belief. The bottom line is that science and faith do not have to be mutually exclusive. In fact, there are many respected scientists who are also prominent Christians, such as the biologist Francis Collins and the astronomer Jennifer Wiseman. When we acknowledge God as the creator who designed the natural world and its processes, we also admire Him as the ultimate scientist behind all scientific laws.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE HUMAN?
The questions that evolution theories seek to answer are really about the origins of life, what this says about being human, and how human beings are related to the rest of the natural world. No matter which theory you find most plausible, all Christians share certain basic beliefs about human existence.

Firstly, God made us in His image (Gen 1:26–27). This gives us dignity, worth, and purpose. We are not merely accidental products of random molecular processes, but intentional results of God’s workmanship (Eph 2:10).

Secondly, God willed us into existence (Ps 100:3). This means that we look to Him for the true meaning of our lives (Gal 2:20), and that our identity issues cannot be resolved apart from Him (Acts 17:28).

Thirdly, as humans created by the same God who created the natural world, we should not abuse our dominant position as humans to destroy nature through wasteful lifestyles (to “have dominion” in Gen 1:26 implies dutiful stewardship). Lastly, since God is the creator of all humankind, we ought to have compassion and empathy for all races, genders, and communities.

So, can a Christian accept evolution? Yes, but it depends on the definition of evolution, which must be tested against what the Bible says about human existence. While it may seem daunting to dig deeper into this scientific theory and how it relates to your faith, don’t be afraid to ask questions, do research, and bring your queries before God!

To dig deeper into this topic, check out these links!

Digital Detox Challenge

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 07:28:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

For three days, take note of your daily time spent on social media and other media platforms such as YouTube and Netflix.
For four days, activate the timer notification on Instagram to remind you when your time on the app is up (start with 30 minutes for two days, and then 15 minutes for the next two days).
For the next two weeks, go on a digital detox. Find ways to use that time on other activities instead!

Challengers: Chloe Ng, 17

Fun Facts:
1. I am a left-hander
2. I love editing videos
3. I’m currently studying at Victoria Junior College

FIRST THOUGHTS
When I first received the challenge, I was extremely surprised at how apt the timing was. For the last two months, my screen time has been rising at an alarming rate and I am getting increasingly conscious of how bad it has become. Yet, I have been unable to bring myself to control my social media usage. During school weeks, I clocked in eight hours of screen time daily. During the school holidays, it steadily hit 11 hours. I confess — I once hit 15 hours a day! This challenge will definitely help me to manage my phone usage and not rely too much on technology.

GETTING STARTED
For the past three days, I have savoured these last few moments of “freedom” and allowed myself to use social media freely. However, the impending challenge lingers at the back of my mind; I am subconsciously aware that a high screen time is not healthy. I realise that I spend a lot of time on YouTube and on TikTok. The moment I get bored, I move on to another app. Switching between different social media apps does make me feel empty inside sometimes. Also, the moment I watch a new TV series (I just started the new Korean drama “Start Up”), I can spend hours binge-watching it. I have decided that in order to slowly ease myself into the impending challenge, I will try to exercise daily and hang out with my friends more.

TIMER TIME!
The time came to activate the 30-minute timer on my Instagram app to limit the amount of time I spend online! However, knowing that I am easily tempted, I decided to delete the app to eliminate any form of temptation! I must be honest and confess — I still eventually downloaded Instagram again due to a lack of self-control and a desire to keep up with my friends’ lives online. Yet, when the 30-minute timer went off, I actually managed to get off the app! I also decided to set time limits on YouTube and Netflix to prevent myself from consuming other sorts of media to fill up the void of Instagram. It hasn’t been easy; I hope that I will be able to fully stick to this two-week digital detox!

THE REAL CHALLENGE

Week 1
When I started the week, I had a game plan: to bring a book with me wherever I go and to fill my time with other activities like hanging out with my friends! I even got a puzzle to help curb my boredom that week. When I got the puzzle, I spent some time solving it and asking my friends to help me out too. It has been a cool and fun way for me to learn how to find other ways to enjoy my time without having to use social media. I also spent more time worshipping God these few days by quieting down my heart, listening to Christian songs, and proclaiming His truth.

Week 2
This week was tough. I just started my junior college initiation so I made a lot of new friends and Instagram has been my main way to connect with them. By the end of the first week, I really could not keep away from Instagram, but I disciplined myself to keep to the 30-minute limit daily. In all honesty, I have succumbed several times to indulging in a few extra minutes to check out someone’s profile.

Without social media, it has definitely felt quite strange and awkward at times when I suddenly realise that I have a bulk of time on my hands. I tried to fill that gap by reading more books and trying to kickstart a regular quiet time schedule again. When I have small pockets of time while waiting for my bus or commuting on public transport, I have tried to read more books, one of which is a popular book on social inequality. There have been plenty of moments when I definitely find myself drawn back to the temptation of scrolling through Instagram. I have come to the harsh realisation that cutting social media out of my life is truly harder than I thought!

FINAL THOUGHTS
In all honesty, I have struggled with deleting TikTok for awhile. I felt like it had a toxic grasp on me. It had become a platform that fed my insecurities and unrealistic expectations. The endless stream of TikToks with cute couples, perfect friendship groups, and exciting lives overseas really influenced me to chase after a worldly life that seems perfect and cool. I am very happy that I have been able to do without TikTok for the last two weeks!

Even with Instagram, I realise that I have always felt the immense need to check the number of likes on my posts or the number of people viewing my Instagram stories. Beyond that, compliments on my outfit or replies to my Instagram stories used to really make my day. It’s funny how I found happiness in comments from people I barely knew! Though I wasn’t fully able to abstain from Instagram, I feel that this challenge has given me the opportunity to be less reliant on the likes and validation that comes from Instagram and compelled me to rediscover my identity in Christ again.

With this new-found time on my hands that I used to spend mindlessly scrolling through social media, I have started connecting intentionally with people and building deeper relationships. I have more time to talk to friends I care about, arranging calls almost every night so that we can delve deeper into our lives and spend time helping and spurring each other on. This challenge has really helped me to reflect on my time spent online and to discover ways to centre my life on Christ in this digital world!