Issue 45 – Kallos

Hear It From The Guys!

Kallos Team — Sat, 01 May 2021 13:49:00 +0000

IVIN VIKESH

CRU Singapore Staff & Founder of Athletes in Action Singapore

WHY DO GUYS DO SUPER-SWEET THINGS AND THEN COMPLETELY ‘GHOST’ ME?
It could be because they are afraid. They may show you that they like you and send you signals that they like you, but putting myself in their shoes, I would think that they are afraid of one thing — rejection. No guy wants to be rejected. Rejection is a very scary thing for a guy! If I liked this girl so much and there was a chance that I might be rejected by her, I would go into hiding.

One of the greatest issues about men, including myself, is being passive. If we look at the account of humankind’s fall (Gen 3), Adam’s first sin wasn’t that he ate of the forbidden fruit, but that he passively stood by when Eve believed the serpent’s lie about God and chose to disobey his instruction not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Passivity and the fear of rejection are two likely reasons for a guy to ghost a girl.

If a guy is acting this way, extend grace to him. If he is struggling with a fear of rejection, let him ease into not being afraid of it. If he is just being passive, it’s probably wise to consider if this guy is someone you want to pursue a relationship with. If it’s not, move on. Let other guys talk to him.

ISAAC ONG

Founder of Colours Global

WE ARE SOMETIMES TAUGHT TO PRAY FOR OUR FUTURE HUSBAND. IF WE END UP BEING SINGLE, ARE THESE PRAYERS WASTED? WHAT IS THE GODLY PRAYER TO PRAY?
Prayer for me is an ongoing conversation with God. I don’t think any prayer is wasted because sometimes we have conversations with people and they say stupid things. But we don’t see that conversation as wasted because it is part of building a relationship. There are many times I’ve prayed things that I thought were “wasted” because they were not godly prayers, but they were not wasted — I was a child and I spoke like a child (1 Cor 13:11). The Lord matured me through prayer.

A lot of times, I pray for things I think I need, but I don’t actually need. I assume I am praying really wise prayers that are Christ-centred when in actuality they are far from it. The beautiful thing about it is that we have a really loving Father who knows us and what is good for us.

If in this moment your genuine honest cry is, “God, give me somebody,” and you don’t know how to pray anything else, then pray and cry out honestly. There will be many sobering moments in your journey, and you may come to a realisation that this isn’t the thing you need, and you pray a new prayer. If you feel that your prayers are not aligned with God’s will, pray the Scriptures. Bring your desires to the Lord and ask Him for clarity in this area.

If we don’t grasp prayer for what it is, we will chock up ten years’ worth of unanswered prayers, because we never had an honest conversation with God. This is where the posture toward prayer should change, more than just the topic [of your prayer]. The topic will come in alignment [with the will and pleasure of God] when the posture is healthy and biblical.

JONATHAN CHO

Elder in Bethesda Frankel Estate Church & Songwriting Mentor from Awaken Generation Music

DO WE NEED EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES IN A DATING RELATIONSHIP? WHAT KIND OF BOUNDARIES SHOULD WE HAVE?
When we talk about boundaries, what we are looking at is whether we have emotional spaces or areas in our life that we choose not to let people into.

In a dating relationship, it’s important to recognise if there are emotional spaces in your life that you refuse to let your partner into and ask yourself why. For some of us, it could be that we are drawing boundaries because of distrust, and that needs to be dealt with.

On the other side of the spectrum, you could have no boundaries! It could be that your door is always open to others, always pouring out, sharing, and seeking advice because you are over-reliant and over-dependent. While reliance on others is a very normal part of life as we were built for relationships, we need to be aware when reliance becomes unhealthy.

Let me give you an example as a married man. You may think that in marriage, there are no emotional boundaries because my wife will know everything about me and vice versa. While that trust and open sharing should be present, it is important that we still draw certain emotional boundaries in other ways. I cannot be over-reliant on my wife to satisfy my emotional needs. I should not be dependent on her validation and affirmation. If I cannot sort that out on my own and bring it before God, I will always have to rely on someone.

In a dating relationship, you will begin to discover where these emotional dependencies lie. Most of the time it is with the person you are dating, but it can be found with certain friends or family members. It is also important to draw some boundary lines and ask yourself this question: Why am I so dependent on what this person says to be able to make a decision about my emotions and my relationships? It could negatively affect your future marriage if you do not deal with this early on.

PS ANG HERN SHUNG

Pastoral Staff at Trinity Methodist Church

HOW DO WE EMBRACE OUR SINGLENESS WITHOUT BEING BITTER ABOUT IT?
I have not always felt that singleness was enjoyable. Instead, I felt like I was missing out, especially when my friends were getting attached and married. It has taken a while for me to say to myself and to others that I see singleness as a gift from God.

What changed for me was when I opened the Bible and understood that the gifts of singleness and marriage are equally valid callings. Singleness is not God’s Plan B for my life; I’m living in God’s Plan A. The questions I now ask myself are: “What good can I make out of this? What good can God bring out of this?”

For me, singleness is a season to serve God with undivided attention and to do more radical, time-consuming things that may be more difficult to do in marriage. It has allowed me to pour out my life, time, and commitment in serving the church and going on more mission trips. On top of serving God, it has allowed me to deepen good spiritual friendships. This actually sets me up for the season that awaits. I am maximising my singleness by building these friendships and serving God and people.

I read that the best way to prepare for marriage is to prepare in the season of singleness. We will arrive at marriage in much better shape when we learn to embrace this gift of singleness. We learn to be content in who we are and we learn to rely on God primarily and become a whole person.

MISSED OUT ON THE LIVE SESSION OF THIS VIRTUAL PANEL? WANT TO HEAR MORE FROM THE GUYS?

Our full video recording is available for purchase below!

In this two-hour virtual panel, they answered questions like:
• How do I reject a guy without being insensitive?
• What does love look like to a guy?
• What do guys find attractive in a girl?
… and more!

Uighur Genocide In Xinjiang

Amber Ginter — Sat, 01 May 2021 13:38:00 +0000

STATISTICS

BIRTH RATES DROPPED 60%
FROM 2015 TO 2018
AS A RESULT OF FORCED STERILISATIONS
(ASSOCIATED PRESS, 2020)

OVER A MILLION
Uighurs have been detained in re-education camps
(BBC, 2021)

MORE THAN 570,000 Uighurs
involved in forced cottonpicking
(Centre for Global Policy, 2020)

In recent months, increasing attention has been brought to a series of human rights abuses against the Uighur population in what has been termed the Uighur genocide. AMBER GINTER explores what is happening in Xinjiang, China.

HOW DID IT START?
The Uighurs (also known as the Uyghurs) are a Turkic ethnic group originating from Central Asia. There are 12 million of them in Xinjiang, China, roughly half its population. A largely Muslim minority, the Uighurs and Han Chinese in Xinjiang have experienced rising tensions in recent years, as the Uighurs have had limits imposed on their religious freedoms, and believe the Han Chinese are given preferential treatment in jobs and education. The unrest and violence reached its peak in 2009, with large-scale rioting in the capital Urumqi, as well as the infamous knife and bomb attacks in 2014.

As a result, the Chinese government launched a “year-long campaign on terrorism,” with controversial methods used to manage the violent separatists and others sympathetic to the Uighur cause. These include forced “re-education camps” and “vocational education centres,” which the Chinese government claims aims to stop the spread of religious extremism. However, they are now widely believed to be aimed at erasing the Uighur culture completely.

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
Recent reports by the BBC revealed that these re-education camps and vocational centres are a guise for ideological indoctrination, systematic rape, forced sterilisations, and sexual and physical abuse — all with the aim of destroying Uighur identity. Tursunay Ziawudun, who was detained in one of these camps, recounted horrific accounts of women being removed from their holding cells nightly and being raped by 1-3 masked Chinese men in black rooms. She herself was tortured and gang-raped three times, but remained silent for fear of being sent back to said camps. She later fled Xinjiang after her release. And she’s not the only one. Numerous other women have spoken up about similar abuse.

In March 2021, the first independent, non-government report into China’s treatment of the Uighurs revealed that the Chinese government has breached every single article in the UN 1984 genocide convention with an “intent to destroy” the Uighur population, an accusation the Chinese government has vehemently denied.

WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW?
Since the report was released, a spotlight has been shone on the human rights abuses faced by the Uighurs. In particular, there is a growing awareness of Uighurs forced into cotton-picking in Xinjiang, which produces over 20 per cent of the world’s cotton supply. Many of these Uighurs are also forcibly relocated away from their families because their lifestyle and customs are seen as a barrier to modernisation (BBC, 2020). The Chinese government maintains that cotton-picking is a way out of poverty for the Uighurs.

Major brands like H&M, Nike, and Adidas, all members of the Better Cotton Initiative (BCI) have expressed their concerns over the forced labour used to produce cotton in Xinjiang, and have faced boycotts in China as a result.

WILL THE SITUATION IMPROVE?
The Chinese government has categorically denied all allegations of human rights abuses, and these camps continue to exist. While the international attention on the issue is certainly a cause for hope, it has proved mostly ineffective to change things in China. Many Chinese citizens have expressed their support for Xinjiang cotton and the boycott of Western brands who raised concern about the Uighurs. However, the growing awareness about the potential abuses in Xinjiang could also gain important momentum as more pressure is placed on the Chinese government.

WHAT NOW?

PRAY FOR:
• The Uighurs, who are loved by God. He grieves for the abuses they suffer.
• The Uighur women who are sexually and physically abused, and those that have undergone forced sterilisations. Pray that they can find healing from the trauma.
• International brands to value ethics over economics, and continue to place pressure on the Chinese government to ensure ethical cotton-picking.

Too Stressed To Feel Blessed?

Kalista Wan — Sat, 01 May 2021 04:36:00 +0000

In secondary school, my nickname was Jetpack Kal. My classmates gave me this nickname for my infamous 19 kg backpack (yes, I weighed it one day after school) that I diligently carried every day. It all started when one of my friends tried to help me move my bag and exclaimed — in what I understood was a mix of astonishment and mortification — “Wow, why is your bag so heavy? What do you put inside?!”

Inside that ‘jetpack’ was my textbooks, notes, and assessment books that I had bought on my own accord. I would bring all of them to school to revise in my free pockets of time, and then lug them back home so that I could have all the resources with me as I studied (#kiasu). It was thus of no surprise that my bag would be breaking at its seams and small holes had started appearing at the bottom as the fabric started to give in to the weight. Whenever my grandparents, parents, or friends told me that I should carry fewer books, as it would affect my spine and posture, I would just sheepishly nod and try to get out of the conversation. Unbeknownst to them, the literal and metaphorical weight of that jetpack was something I was willing to bear in the hopes that I could continue to score with flying colours.

ENTERING THE RAT RACE

It would have seemed to my classmates that I was a smart and confident student, but I was, in fact, a very insecure student who had been utterly crushed by the outcome of her PSLE results two years ago. I still remember the day my teacher handed me my results. She pursed her lips, nodded, and said, “OK, OK” unenthusiastically. I did not do as well as I had hoped and enrolled into a secondary school that was not one of my top few choices. I felt like a failure and entered secondary school determined to prove myself and gain the approval I craved from my teachers and parents.

That desire for approval manifested in the form of striving in everything that I did. I would force myself to wake up at 7 am on Sundays to study, bring notes to revise during family dinners, and ask my parents for money so I could buy the latest assessment books.

THERE WAS ALWAYS MORE PUSHING, MORE STRIVING, MORE TO PROVE.

I was always too stressed out to enjoy life, easily agitated when I had less studying time, and would beat myself up if I missed even half a mark.

There was always more pushing, more striving, more to prove … and this was apparent not just in my studies but also in other facets of life, including my CCAs, church, and family. I was bent on topping my class, being the first among my CCA mates to be awarded a prestigious award, and joining the student council. Plagued with the stress of my expectations stemming from desiring the approval of others, I was hardly rested, hardly appreciative, and hardly happy. Nothing was enough; I realised this the day of the release of my mid-term results. My exuberant form teacher broke the news that I had topped my cohort. I was elated, but with it also came surging feelings of anxiety, stress, and dread. I had to continue to keep this up — this achieving and over-achieving.

On the journey home, I trudged along with a weary heart and heavy footsteps, perplexed that I was not satisfied with my grades. Exasperated, I cried out to God, “How can it be?! What then is enough?!” Just like my jetpack, I was slowly breaking at my seams, crushed by the weight of my own expectations and the need for approval.

A GENTLE REBUKE

Psalm 139:23–24 became a personal plea, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” In the pit of anxiety and stress, I was blessed with a loving rebuke from my cell leader, who implored me to return to the Father’s love which is devoid of strife.

I HAD PLACED MY IDENTITY IN WHAT OTHERS THOUGHT OF ME, AND NOT IN THE ONE I BELONG TO.

She urged me to recognise that I had been carrying a crushing weight of expectations and achievements. Underlying this was pride in my heart, consumed by the pressure to ‘have my life together’ when I had placed my identity in what others thought of me, and not in the One I belong to. Often, our daily preoccupations and emotions suggest who we belong to — a little praise and success lifts us, while a little criticism and failure makes us dispirited. Henri Nouwen puts it this way in The Return of the Prodigal Son: “All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over … shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me.”

I sought time with the Lord and asked for grace that I would be open and tender to His voice as He revealed the offensive ways in me and led me in His ways. In the secret place, I was deeply met with the revelation that there is no striving or performance in His love. With this encountered truth, I desired to turn from my ways of self-sufficiency and pride and to be set free from the need to prove myself with this constant striving and achieving. By my own strength I had tried to carry the weight of my expectations and the pressures of succeeding; but God knows our frame, and He doesn’t ask us to be more than who He has created and called us to be.

There are some weights not for us to carry and some that we are to let go of. Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” (ESV). Run the race that is set before us — not the rat race with its concomitant pressures and expectations, but the race in light of what God has called and redeemed us for.

As the striving and stress began to be replaced with such freedom and light, I found starting the day or study time with prayer helped to anchor me in the Lord. With God’s leading, I began to experience anew the joy of studying, of working heartily unto God and not others, and could fully enjoy the times meant for rest. My Jetpack Kal days are now behind me, and before me is a lifetime’s journey of placing my identity in Him and grasping this timeless truth: it is God who defines me, and nothing and no one else.

Beautiful Feet

Jiamin Choo — Sat, 01 May 2021 03:35:00 +0000

“Is there really a God? What is love? And why would God love me?” Kazuma, a fourth-year engineering student, asked me, with a look of curiosity and a tinge of sadness in his voice. I wasn’t expecting these questions to come at one go, but something in my heart broke and I understood why God had brought me from Singapore to this university in Japan to meet Kazuma.

It was my first mission trip to Japan as a freshman, in partnership with a local Christian student ministry. I had gone there as part of a Singapore team during my university holidays, because of what Sophie, my discipleship group leader, had shared about her mission trip to Japan previously.

Many know Japan for its amazing nature, technology, culture, and cuisine. It’s also one of the world’s most populous nations with 127 million people, and is one of the world’s richest and safest countries. Yet many may not know that Japan’s suicide rate is alarmingly one of the world’s highest, with over 20,000 Japanese ending their lives every year, with all hope lost. Most Japanese wouldn’t know Jesus, as they haven’t even heard of His name. With less than one percent Jesus-followers in Japan, and with the majority of worshippers and pastors being in their old age and passing on, many churches are struggling to survive, especially in rural areas where many churches have less than ten worshippers.

Impacted by what Sophie had shared, I signed up for the next trip to Japan, desiring to support the Japanese Christian students in their campus ministry. And that was how I ended up meeting Kazuma at a university’s English club gathering.

That day, together with my Singapore teammates, we sat down with Kazuma. We opened the Bible and searched for the answers he was looking for together. It was the first time Kazuma heard the good news of God’s kingdom and Jesus, and I was thankful to be part of the team that brought it to him. I realised this all happened because of Sophie, who encouraged me to go to Japan, and I could only have gone because my home church gave their blessings and supported me prayerfully and financially. And I could only share the gospel with Kazuma because others had shared that same good news with me in the past, such that I too had become a Jesus-follower.

It was like Paul’s words in Romans 10:11–15 coming alive:

As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in Him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile — the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on Him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”

In writing this letter to the church in Rome almost 2,000 years ago, Paul was reminding them that the good news of Jesus is for all, not only for a privileged few. God has made a way for every tribe, tongue, and people group to be reconciled to Him when they respond in faith through Jesus. But for this message to be made known, someone needs to bring it. Someone with beautiful feet because they are willing to go. Today, according to the Joshua Project, an organisation that highlights the ethnic groups of the world with the fewest followers of Christ, the Japanese remain the second-largest unreached people group in the world. There are various ways we can be a part of bringing this good news to the nations. We can pray for these countries. We can give financially to support mission workers and send them out. We can also go, and be part of the next generation of workers with beautiful feet who will bring this good news to all people. What will be your response?

PRAYER

God, Your name is great and worthy to be praised. I long to see the good news of Your kingdom and Jesus made known in every place, so that all people will worship You. Give me a heart for the nations, that I may bring Your good news to others in this generation. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME!

1. Who first shared the good news of God’s kingdom and Jesus with you?
2. To what extent are you willing to pray, give, send, or go, for the purpose of bringing the good news to the nations?

DELVE DEEPER

Read and reflect on these passages on “Bringers of Good News”:
o Isaiah 6:1–13
o Luke 4:14–30
o Acts 8:26–40

HANDLES

To help process what you learn through your Bible reading, try journalling your thoughts, feelings and questions. It can also provide clarity when you re-read your journal entries and trace the growth in your faith journey.

Dear Kallos: How do I know if I’m over a break-up/my ex?

Alina Teo — Sat, 01 May 2021 03:29:00 +0000

How do I know if I’m over a break-up/my ex? There are times when I think I’m over it, but there are days when I think I’m still hung up on him. - Unsure

dear Unsure,

Our emotions after a break-up can be very tricky. At times, we feel all right, and at other times, we feel like our world is crashing down on us again. Sometimes, we may wonder why God even gave us all these messy feelings in the first place.

The ability to feel these emotions is a gift, reminding us that we are humans who are capable of experiencing deep joys but also great pains. I know it isn’t easy dealing with these feelings, but take heart! God is with you in your sadness and He will guide you through it. You just have to ask.

Moving on from a break-up can be very difficult. Perhaps, instead of asking how you know if you are over your break-up, a more important question to ask is this: Why did the relationship end? If the relationship was not a godly one, or if you both had certainty that God was leading the relationship to an end, then you have the certainty to proceed in your decision. Sometimes, we may be so clouded by good memories that we can’t see what is really happening before us.

A second question would be this: Do you want to get over and move on from this relationship? If the answer is yes, then stick to your decision no matter how you feel on different days. People deal with break-ups differently, so if you feel like you’re taking longer than others to get over yours, don’t compare yourself with how long others seem to take. Take the time you need to grieve the end of the relationship, and then take the necessary steps to move on, such as stopping communication lines with your ex and catching yourself when your thoughts begin to wander to the possibility of starting something again. Soon, your feelings will follow. Get the support of your friends to hold you accountable and check in with you on difficult days.

If you are unsure about the break-up, continue to pray and ask God where He is taking this relationship. Talk to a leader in church whom you trust and allow her to guide you through this difficult time. Godly advice is so important, because we often can’t see the blind spots in our relationships. Having someone to walk with you would be very helpful.

Feelings are real, but they aren’t always good indicators of what we should do. God understands how you feel, and He is your comforter. Second Corinthians 1:3 tells us that our God is a “God of all comfort”, so entrust yourself to Him and rest in Him. God holds you close and you are never alone in your heartbreak (Ps 34:18).

Don’t be disheartened, sister! Let God be your source of comfort and peace. Let this journey be one of maturing and growth as you choose to seek God above all else.

Liane Lim: Obsessed With Success

Quek Shiwei — Sat, 01 May 2021 03:21:00 +0000

I got to hear snippets of Liane’s story through a mutual friend a couple of months ago and was inspired by how she truly loved God and wanted to live her life for Him. Despite exceling in school and working as a successful lawyer, Liane put on no airs. She was down-to-earth and personal during our conversation together. While others may look at her accolades and label her a “success,” Liane is more interested in how she lives her life for God and uses her gifts to serve others!

Hi Liane! Did you always do well in school?
I did not. When I was younger, I failed a lot of my exams. I was never obsessed with grades or success. I scored really lousily and people used to say that I was the stupidest girl in my class.

What changed?
Initially when I was studying in a polytechnic, I regularly skipped school and as a result, nearly lost the last friend I had there. I decided to study harder in an attempt to preserve that friendship. Surprisingly, I started doing well and realised that I actually have a knack for studying! I thought that if I kept doing well, I could go quite far with my grades and land a good career. I felt that if I were a successful, powerful, and influential lawyer, I would be happy in life. I wasn’t a Christian then, and success became something I filled the gaping hole in my heart with that only Christ was supposed to fill.

I FELT THAT IF I WERE A SUCCESSFUL, POWERFUL, AND INFLUENTIAL LAWYER, I WOULD BE HAPPY IN LIFE.

What was the motivation behind your desire for academic success?
There were many motivations. One was money. I thought, if I have money, I can spend it on anything and life can be made better. I also desired power; I could command more people to listen and look up to me. I was also driven by pride. I felt shiok (very good) whenever people praised me for exceling in things I was good at.

Is money as a motivation necessarily a bad thing?
I believe that we should steward our gifts wisely. For example, if I’m a good pianist, then I should serve God with my skills. Similarly, if I have been academically blessed, then I should use my brains to serve God. Having more money can also allow one to serve the community more effectively. So I don’t think that one should be scared of being successful or earning more money. The problem is the temptation to use money and success to satisfy one’s desires instead of serving God.

When did you begin to realise your obsessive pursuit over success? Were there visible signs?
As a student, I clocked in around four hours of sleep a day. In my time as a lawyer, I used to have ‘badges of honour’ I was proud of. Clients recognised me as someone who replied an email within minutes, no matter the time of day. I was dubbed as being ‘crazy.’ I also had a sleeping bag in the office, and eventually even a sofa bed. There were days when I would just stay in the office to work endlessly. I realised how enslaved I was to work when my tiredness physically showed in the size of my eyes — they were half its usual size! I also had emotional breakdowns. It was clear that work was my master. I knew that continuing this lifestyle would be unhealthy for me.

THE THINGS THAT GAVE ME STATUS AS AN ADVANTAGE OVER PEOPLE WAS RENDERED USELESS IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

How did your perspective of success change after becoming a Christian?
I became a Christian in the midst of my working years. Over time, listening to sermons and reading the Bible caused me to ask myself, “Why am I doing all the things I am doing?” The things that gave me status as an advantage over people was rendered useless in the kingdom of God.

Interestingly, things started changing at my workplace; my boss had resources to hire more people so work became more balanced amongst the employees. I started to have more time to pursue my own interests, and I realised that life is more than just work.

What really set me free was my struggle with a spending problem and I prayed for God to help me overcome it. I read Crazy Love by Francis Chan and I was convicted to only spend a fixed amount and give the rest away. That season opened my eyes to realise that there is more to life than working tirelessly to earn more money. Of course, no matter how much or little you have, you should still have a heart of service to bless others. Being freed from excessive working and money as my identity was a huge breakthrough.

What do you think distinguishes striving and working hard for grades versus obsessing over them?
Ideally, nothing should fill the void in your heart except God. You should be so secure in your identity that good or bad grades will not make you feel any less loved and complete. The problem is that sometimes, you have an idol that is co-existing with God. I can have a good relationship with God, and still have an idol. Let’s say my idol is good grades. I achieve good grades and I do love God. But I need to ask myself honestly if I am working hard because I love God and want to be excellent in what I do, or if I am doing it because I am looking to good grades to define me.

WHEN IT IS CONSUMING OTHER IMPORTANT ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE, YOU OUGHT TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK.

Another indicator is to look at the amount of time you spend on studying. God gives us many things to steward. When you are disproportionately placing a lot of energy on one thing such that you neglect the others, it is clear what takes a higher priority. Within reason, there is nothing wrong with giving time to studies, but when it is consuming other important aspects of your life, you ought to take a closer look.

What are some practical tips for students who desire to excel in school but are wary about obsessing over grades or success?
Prayer is a good ‘weapon.’ Be intentional to always pray and submit your desires to God. God is faithful and He will let His will be done in your life. Secondly, be intentional about filling up your heart with God. For example, if you are trying to kick a bad habit but instead of filling it up with God, you turn to something secular, that defeats the purpose of trying to kick the habit! Thirdly, be mindful of your motivations for needing to succeed and counter it with Bible verses. For example, if you are tempted to be drawn to man’s praises, meditate on verses that counter that very temptation, like those that focus on honouring God above man. The more you read Scripture, the more God will reveal motivations that perhaps are not the most pleasing to Him.

*This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Accountability Challenge

Kallos Team — Sat, 01 May 2021 03:11:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

Find an accountability partner. Write down three goals that you would like to achieve respectively. Share them with each other and the practical ways that you plan to achieve them.
Focus on one goal per week and remain accountable to each other on your progress!

Challengers: Lucy Chung and Zaara Bharuah, 13

Fun Fact:
We’ve known each other since we were five and attend the same youth group in church.

ZAARA'S GOALS

1. Reading the Bible daily
2. Not giving in to peer pressure and gossip
3. Cultivating patience with friends and family

LUCY'S GOALS

1. Not being affected by peer pressure (swearing, gossiping, fitting in, etc.)
2. To desire reading the Bible daily
3. Fighting against jealousy of my friends’ freedom to use social media

FIRST THOUGHTS
Zaara: When I received this challenge I knew that it would take me out of my comfort zone to be held accountable to a friend for the things that I struggle with. Lucy and I decided to do a weekly check-in on Sunday to share updates about how the week has gone, and to pray through specific prayer requests that might arise. We also plan to drop each other a text each day to find out how the other person is doing.

Lucy: I have to admit I’m quite nervous about completing these goals. Usually when I’m tasked to do something, I stall till the very last minute. I’m going to try my best for this challenge and ask Zaara and my parents for encouragement!

WEEK ONE
Zaara (Reading the Bible daily): Honestly, it takes a lot of effort to pick up my Bible and read it. I’m slightly ashamed that I have a lot of catching up to do. A huge help was when Lucy shared verses with me that I wrote down and placed on the door of my closet to encourage and motivate me. A change was evident as I persisted to spend more time reading and meditating on God’s word! It was a tough and draining week, but I found myself talking to God whenever I was overwhelmed. During church, I was also able to be more attentive. Spending more alone time with God this week had an impact!

Lucy (Not being affected by peer pressure): Sometimes, I find that my choices are affected by my friends’ opinions, and it’s extremely tempting to ‘copy’ what others do in order to fit in. I challenged myself to ask God to give me strength to think twice before doing or saying something I might regret after, such as swearing or gossiping. This week was really challenging since I’m surrounded by all forms of peer pressure every day. When I shared with Zaraa about my temptation to gossip, she shared her past experiences when she had gossiped and regretted it later on. Knowing that she didn’t judge me and could relate to my struggle assured me, and it encouraged me to press on in my challenge to avoid gossiping.

WEEK TWO
Zaara (Not giving in to peer pressure and gossiping): This week, there were multiple instances when my friends talked about another person. In the past, I have caught myself joining in even though I know it is wrong. I believe that the reason why I find it difficult to rebuke my friends is because I care about my friends’ opinions, want to fit in, and I fear rejection. Though I was greatly tempted to join in on the conversations, I made it clear to them that what they were doing was wrong and if they continued on with it, I couldn’t be part of the conversation. On multiple occasions I was surprised to see my friends reflect on what they were doing and stop the conversation all together!

Lucy (To desire to read the Bible daily): Bible reading is set into my schedule every other day; it feels more like homework and not a relationship with God. My mum shared some encouraging Bible verses and quotes to spur me on. One quote said, “the more you read, the more you learn from it.” But even so, I am often tempted to just skip a day of Bible reading and read an engaging book instead. Zaara and I talked about the temptation we faced to avoid reading the Bible every day, but we encouraged each other with creative ideas to make Bible reading fun. She told me that doing little calligraphy drawings on the side of her Bible of a certain verse she wanted to remember helped her meditate on the verse through the day. That was something I had not thought of before!

WEEK THREE

Zaara (Cultivating patience with friends and family): Once I started making an effort to read the Bible daily, I found it easier to be more patient with my friends. Many times I found myself silently praying to God, “give me patience, give me patience,” when I was tempted to lose my cool. I was looking for a perfect friend who was always there for me, and when I looked at my own friends, I didn’t see that. That realisation made me snap at them as I got impatient. By cultivating patience, I’ve realised that only God can be that perfect friend of mine! I still struggle with this but that’s okay. I believe that if I continue to grow my relationship with God, He can work in me and mould me in this aspect.

Lucy (Fighting against jealousy of my friends’ freedom to use social media): Compared to many, I don’t use social media because my parents feel that I don’t need social media at this age. While I understand their concerns, I do get jealous of my friends’ freedom at times. At times, I feel left out from the latest trends on Instagram or TikTok. Zaara encouraged me by telling me that social media can promote gossip and peer pressure, which helped me to not feel as jealous of it. Also, since she has Instagram, she told me that there’s lots of stuff you don’t want to come across, so she sticks to certain topics to view such as her friends, art, etc. Having her personally tell me this helped me feel more confident about what I researched about social media on the Internet, and the decision I made with my parents not to have social media for now.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Zaara: The hardest goal for me was probably reading and meditating on the Bible daily. I generally struggle with having self-discipline for things I have no motivation for. However, this challenge helped me to kickstart a new habit. I am also thankful that Lucy shared encouraging verses and quotes with me to motivate me. With accountability, I was “forced” to hold myself accountable to Lucy about the things I struggle with and how I could change them. Without accountability, I honestly don’t think I would have found the courage to step out of my comfort zone to change my old habits!

Lucy: Reading the Bible daily was the hardest goal for me too as it required a lot of perseverance. Having Zaara helped more than I thought it would. Since we were going through these goals together, we could relate to and encourage each other. Now I think I understand why people do one-on-one Bible studies, attend cell groups, and church; we all need community to build us up in our lives! With accountability from Zaara, we were able to persevere through the three weeks to complete our goals!

Straight As, But Rejected From Law School

Janell — Sat, 01 May 2021 03:07:00 +0000

My earliest memory of primary school was coming home from school, hiding in my room, and doing my homework. Nobody forced me to do it — I just really wanted to do well! Throughout my schooling years, I always put in my hundred percent. I was satisfied with the fruit of my results, and felt like I was in control of my grades as long as I put in the hard work.

Ever since I was a child, I knew that I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. In junior college, I worked hard with the single-minded purpose of getting into law school. When the ‘A’ Level results were released, I had gotten straight As!

“God is opening the door to law school for me. I am walking in His will,” I thought.

I applied for law school in two universities in Singapore, and went for interviews and entry exams in all the local universities. I also applied for a degree in communication studies in another university, as a ‘back up option’ that I did not put much thought into. When the rejection letters from both law schools came, I was crushed.

I remember the night of the second rejection email well. I was crying and felt a sense of worthlessness. At the time, I was obsessed with having control over my studies and my life. When that was taken away from me, I felt hopeless and desperately anxious. I did not know any other option except law school, and could see no future but the one I had envisioned for myself as a lawyer. In my disappointment, I questioned God’s goodness toward me.

While I was still coping with the rejections, I received an offer for communication studies, along with an invitation for a chat with the faculty dean. I was offered a bondless scholarship, which would cover my school fees and provide an allowance. I was immediately rebuked and humbled! A mere few days ago, I had wondered if God was good, and He, in His good mercy, provided me with an alternative that was more abundant than I could imagine. I was humbled because I was so focused on my own will, that I did not rest in the truth that God is good, regardless of the outcome, and that He would provide, though it sometimes does not take the shape and form that I expected.

This was a crucial spiritual lesson for me in my life, and I pray that I will always remember His benefits and goodness when I face trials in the future!

Do We Really Have Free Will?

Jackie Hwang — Sat, 01 May 2021 02:54:00 +0000

Do we really have free will — the ability to make our own decisions? Many answers have been offered by philosophers and theologians, but each answer generates more questions. I would not claim to answer this question once and for all. Instead, let me take us on a journey of discovery by exploring how this question is relevant to a Christian’s understanding of salvation.

FREE WILL, GOD’S SOVEREIGNTY, AND HUMAN RESPONSIBILITY
The question of free will is hotly debated by Christians who connect it to two particular biblical ideas. First, they contrast human free will with God’s sovereignty — His ultimate control over all things since He is the all-knowing and all-powerful God (Ps 33:10–11; Rom 8:28). We can understand this contrast as a question: If God is sovereign, then do humans have free will to make decisions about what He already knows or has even determined ahead of time?

This leads us to free will’s connection to a second biblical idea — human responsibility for sin. We can also frame this as a question: How can people be responsible for their sin if God already knows they will sin? In a sense, this question shifts the responsibility of human sin to God, because His sovereignty seems to cancel or override human free will!

However, the Bible denies that God is responsible for human sin, even whilst affirming that God is sovereign (Jas 1:13–18; cf. Rom 1:18–32). So, as Christians, we need to hold in tension God’s sovereignty with human responsibility when it comes to the issue of sin. We are each responsible for our own choice to sin and cannot blame God for it.

GOD’S KNOWLEDGE AND HUMAN SIN
One way to resolve the riddle of God’s sovereignty versus human responsibility is to understand that God’s knowledge of the future does not mean that He controls our actions. So, we separate knowing (God’s foreknowledge of us) and doing (our own choice to sin, whether from carelessness, giving in to weakness, or direct intention). However, this solution generates other questions, such as: Why doesn’t God stop us from sinning if He already knows we will sin? If God already knows we will choose to sin, does that leave us with any other alternatives to choose otherwise?

Questions like these are difficult to answer because they venture into the realm of hypothetical possibilities. Some theologians have attempted to provide answers to these types of questions, but others have critiqued them as guesses without biblical basis. Personally, I would say that we just don’t know, and perhaps can’t know, since there are limits to human understanding.

IF OUR ANSWERS TAKE US BEYOND WHAT THE BIBLE EXPLICITLY TEACHES, THEN IT IS UNWISE TO HOLD DEFINITIVELY TO SUCH ASSERTIONS.

Here’s a good rule to follow: If our answers take us beyond what the Bible explicitly teaches, then it is unwise to hold definitively to such assertions. I understand, though, this can also sound like a cop-out! It is difficult to find an answer to a hypothetical question that can satisfy everyone.

CAN WE SAVE OURSELVES?
If people — in having free will — are responsible for their sin, then they are also in need of salvation from sin. The need for salvation takes us to another set of questions regarding free will: If we are responsible for our sin, are we also responsible for saving ourselves? Or put another way, do humans have free will when it comes to saving ourselves?

THE BIBLICAL UNDERSTANDING OF THE HUMAN WILL IS THAT IT IS LIMITED BY SIN...

The answers to these questions are also complex. At the most basic level, we know that without Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross on our behalf, there would be no forgiveness for us and salvation from our sin. In fact, the overpowering influence of sin in our lives is what prevents us from saving ourselves (Rom 3:10–26). The biblical understanding of the human will is that it is limited by sin and so we are not completely independent in our choices. So, God’s intervention in carrying out a plan for salvation is necessary.

DO WE CHOOSE GOD OR DOES GOD CHOOSE US?
The debate on free will then turns to this question: How much does God’s sovereignty operate at the individual level in our choice to accept His offer for salvation (Eph 1:11–12)? This is a concern not so much when we think about those who are saved, but those who are not saved. And if we assert that our sinfulness means that we need God to save us, there remains this question: Why doesn’t God save everyone?

The fact that there are those who are not saved seem to indicate that God is either too stingy to save everyone — which is clearly not biblical (John 3:16) — or that human will is also an important factor in choosing salvation (Luke 13:23–24; Rom 10:9–10). If human will is actually the greater factor, then the responsibility in rejecting salvation lies more with us than with God.

On this note, there are some theologians who assert that God’s sovereignty means that His offer of salvation cannot be rejected by individuals whom He has chosen. However, this position can lead to this question: Is God ultimately responsible for their rejection of Him since He didn’t choose them?

One possible way to resolve this is by connecting God’s foreknowledge of people’s choice with His own choice of them for salvation. In essence, God chooses those whom He foreknew will choose Him. However, this logic is vulnerable to the charge that cause and effect have become confused with each other.

OUR FREE BUT LIMITED WILL
I hope our journey of discovery has helped you realise how complex these questions are. The main thing to keep in mind is that both God’s sovereignty and our will — free but limited — are in operation both in our salvation and in our lives. Keeping a balanced perspective is the key. The Bible teaches that we are neither the masters of our destiny nor puppets in the hands of a puppeteer.

My Parents Messed Up. Now What?

Roxane Ng — Sat, 01 May 2021 02:46:00 +0000

“There’s nothing good about her.” That was my mother’s curt reply to a relative who asked her to say a few good things about me. The remark cut like a knife. I had thought that I would be used to such callousness by now, but tears still welled up in my eyes.

Growing up, I’ve had words like “stupid”, “irresponsible”, and “uncaring” carelessly used to describe me. At first, I attempted to reason with my parents, but this only resulted in intense quarrels. There was even once when I walked away from them in the middle of a heated argument … on the way to a relative’s house during Chinese New Year! I ended up going to my best friend’s house instead, and there, I burst into tears, telling her how I felt so misunderstood. When I concluded that nothing I could do would ever be good enough, my efforts to do well in school and please my parents came to a standstill.

Gradually, I developed a new coping mechanism. Every time I was hurt by my parents’ words and behaviour, I would go to my room and withdraw from them. I became resentful of their seeming lack of love for me and found no reason to continue trying to impress them. I was bitter that they favoured my brothers over me and was angry that life was so unfair.

The hurt and pain within me festered and I found it hard to love my family.

Eventually, I stopped caring about them.

SOME THINGS ARE JUST IMPOSSIBLE?

After accepting Christ, it felt like I had found a new and ‘better’ family in the form of the church, my leaders, and friends. My life had a renewed sense of purpose and I thought things were finally looking up!

THE HURT AND PAIN WITHIN ME FESTERED AND I FOUND IT HARD TO LOVE MY FAMILY.

Yet, as I grew in knowledge of the Word, the call to honour my parents as one of the ten commandments gnawed at me. I began to feel an inner conflict between wanting to obey God and holding firm to my belief that respect and honour had to be earned. More importantly, how would I tear down the walls in my heart that I had painstakingly built, and honour these people who had become like strangers living in the same house? I thought, “I just can’t do this!”

During a particular church service on Mother’s Day, the pastor challenged us to send a text message with “I love you, Mum!” to our mothers on the spot. People around me started taking out their phones and typing away, but my heart was so hardened, and I remained unmoved. I couldn’t bring myself to do such a simple act. I wondered if perhaps, there are just some relationships that are too difficult to repair.

EVEN THE BEST PARENTS ARE SINNERS

One day as I was reading the story of Joseph in Genesis 37–50, something intrigued me. Joseph came from a very dysfunctional family. Among other family issues, he was hated by his own brothers, and was eventually sold into slavery by them. This cruel act caused him to face plenty of hardship and injustice all alone in a foreign land. It would have been perfectly understandable if he swore to settle the score or vowed to throw them into a pit someday. Yet, instead of holding on to bitterness in his heart, he saw his situation as a part of God’s redemptive plan (Gen 50:20). I remember being in disbelief at how Joseph responded to his brothers with kindness and generosity when he met them again after 22 years!

The dramatic transformation in Joseph’s family inspired me to begin a journey of processing and understanding what went wrong in my family, and how I could respond to them with kindness and generosity the way Joseph did. I heeded good advice to seek biblical counselling and began to see my parents with fresh eyes.

I’ve heard the saying that family is supposed to be our safe haven. Unfortunately, that’s not always true. Every day in the news, we see stories of parents abusing their children (and vice versa!), siblings taking each other to court … the list goes on. Even the Bible is filled with stories of dysfunctional families and parents who messed up!

There was Abraham who, under Sarah’s influence, chased away his servant Hagar and mother of his own offspring Ishmael; Isaac and Rebekah, who played favourites with their twin sons; Laban, who promised Jacob he could marry his younger daughter Rachel, only to do a bride swap on the wedding day so that his older daughter, Leah, would not be left on the shelf; and many more.

Slowly, I saw that my parents are sinful and broken people who have gone through difficult times of their own too. They were also brought up by flawed human beings and were simply modelling what they had experienced in their own childhoods. In fact, I found out that my maternal grandmother had died when my mother was only 14! Because of my grandmother’s passing, not only was the privilege of attending school taken away from my mum, she also had to quickly grow up and ‘mother’ her younger siblings too. This made me realise that her harsh criticisms of me merely reflected the expectations that were laid on her at a very young age.

I SAW THAT MY PARENTS ARE SINFUL AND BROKEN PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES OF THEIR OWN TOO.

My anger and resentment melted away as I chose to focus on the good things my parents had done and the unspoken sacrifices they have made to provide for my needs and more. While I acknowledge that they could have refrained from saying certain damaging words and done some things differently in their parenting journey, I chose to take the first step of obedience to forgive them and see that while their words may have been harsh, their actions showed their love for me in many subtle ways.

GOD’S PLAN

Although the relationship with my parents is still not fully restored, I’ve healed from the emotional wounds of the past and learned to manage my emotions better when they say hurtful things. I’ve realised the importance of continuously forgiving them and learning to see things from their perspective. I’ve also reaped the benefits of setting boundaries; like not talking about sensitive issues which may lead to arguments, and not taking offence at every act of favouritism shown towards my brothers. I used to be troubled by how dysfunctional my family is, but I now know that sin is present everywhere, even in the most harmonious of families.

GOD HAS PLACED ME IN MY FAMILY FOR A BIGGER PURPOSE.

For some of us, the breakdown in our family runs even deeper, perhaps veering into physical and sexual abuse. In those cases, while these lessons of forgiveness are still relevant, we do have to handle the wounds differently — daring to seek help from the necessary people, and not bearing the shame and silence alone.

While a complete reconciliation may take a long time in my family, I know that God wants me not to hold on to bitterness, but to hold on to hope and His promise in Ephesians 6:2–3 that if I honour my father and mother, it will go well with me. Like Joseph who believed that it was not his brothers who sent him to Egypt but God Himself (Gen 45:8), I am beginning to see that God has placed me in my family for a bigger purpose, to be a crucible of grace and a vessel of salvation.

If your family is not the epitome of harmony right now, take heart and hold on to the hope that like Joseph’s broken family who ultimately reunited and grew old together, God’s redemptive plan will be visible in your family as well!