Issue 46 – Kallos

Jonathan Ogden: Singing For the Audience of One

Quek Shiwei — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 11:41:00 +0000

I got to hear snippets of Liane’s story through a mutual friend a couple of months ago and was inspired by how she truly loved God and wanted to live her life for Him. Despite exceling in school and working as a successful lawyer, Liane put on no airs. She was down-to-earth and personal during our conversation together. While others may look at her accolades and label her a “success,” Liane is more interested in how she lives her life for God and uses her gifts to serve others!

You may have heard of the band Rivers & Robots, but do you know the man behind the music? DOROTHEA WONG speaks with frontman Jonathan Ogden to find out how his bedroom recording project led him on a journey of becoming a singer-songwriter for Jesus.

I have been a long-time fan of Rivers & Robots and Jonathan Ogden’s solo music, so I must admit that I was thrilled to speak with him for this interview! Rivers & Robots is known as a band who writes songs about Jesus with a creative and unique sound, breaking the boundaries of what worship music can sound like. Marrying Scripture with dreamy electronic beats, the band has since led worship at churches, festivals and even clubs! However, with the hiatus of the band due to the Covid-19 pandemic, Ogden is relishing this season to write and produce music from home.

Who were some of your musical influences growing up?

I live in Manchester — a very big music city in the United Kingdom, so I grew up listening to a lot of live music. That infl uenced me to start writing songs because I noticed how creative and diverse every artist was, how every concert sounded different and used different instruments.

How did you know that God was leading you to write songs and worship Him with music and creativity?

I’ve always enjoyed creative things even since I was a little kid — I even used to make short films! Music was something I toyed around with; I used to make remixes of songs and little goofy things.

When I was turning 17, I started to take my faith more seriously. I decided, “I really want to own my faith and not just come to church with my parents.” I went for a Christian conference and right in the middle of worship, I felt something in me telling me that I was supposed to do worship as a way of serving God.

EVEN IF I LEAD WORSHIP AND IT GOES TERRIBLY, GOD STILL LOVES ME.

What were some faith-defining moments you had as a teen?
When I started taking my faith seriously, I really wanted to read the Bible for myself. There was this moment when the more I read the Word, the more it started to come alive to me in a new way; it wasn’t merely reading words on a page. I realised I could speak to the Person who inspired these words, and I could turn these words into conversation with God.

What gave you the courage to become a full-time musician?

People encouraged me to do it. One of the worship leaders at my church was always asking me to lead worship but I kept saying no. But deep down, I knew it was what God wanted me to do so I obliged. Over time, I was still really nervous but stepping out and doing it gave me the courage to keep continuing.

Did you start out making music intentionally to further the gospel and reach out, or was it something that happened along the way?

It happened along the way. It was almost a surprise to me when I felt God speaking to me about using music for Him and I realised that all this while, He had already put that desire and joy in me to make music.

It did feel different to create music with purpose attached to it. Previously, I was just curious about music and how to make songs. But now I know that the music I create can help me and other people connect with God too. Once I discovered the purpose of what I was doing, it took on a whole new level of passion and enjoyment.

What are some setbacks you’ve experienced as a musician?

There were definitely times when I got discouraged by people’s comments about the music I release online. I remember the second album that I made from home. The day it was released, one person bought it. It was my friend who sat next to me in my office! But I was okay with that as I realised that I wasn’t making music to get millions of plays but to create music and give to the Lord.

I LOVE SINGING THE BIBLE AS MANY CHRISTIANS CAN UNITE AROUND THE WORD.

How did your perspective of success change after becoming a Christian?
I became a Christian in the midst of my working years. Over time, listening to sermons and reading the Bible caused me to ask myself, “Why am I doing all the things I am doing?” The things that gave me status as an advantage over people was rendered useless in the kingdom of God.

Interestingly, things started changing at my workplace; my boss had resources to hire more people so work became more balanced amongst the employees. I started to have more time to pursue my own interests, and I realised that life is more than just work.

What really set me free was my struggle with a spending problem and I prayed for God to help me overcome it. I read Crazy Love by Francis Chan and I was convicted to only spend a fixed amount and give the rest away. That season opened my eyes to realise that there is more to life than working tirelessly to earn more money. Of course, no matter how much or little you have, you should still have a heart of service to bless others. Being freed from excessive working and money as my identity was a huge breakthrough.

What do you think distinguishes striving and working hard for grades versus obsessing over them?
Ideally, nothing should fill the void in your heart except God. You should be so secure in your identity that good or bad grades will not make you feel any less loved and complete. The problem is that sometimes, you have an idol that is co-existing with God. I can have a good relationship with God, and still have an idol. Let’s say my idol is good grades. I achieve good grades and I do love God. But I need to ask myself honestly if I am working hard because I love God and want to be excellent in what I do, or if I am doing it because I am looking to good grades to define me.

WHEN IT IS CONSUMING OTHER IMPORTANT ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE, YOU OUGHT TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK.

What is your creative process like? Do you intentionally use Scripture as lyrics, or do tunes come into your mind as you read the Bible?
I always like to write songs that mean something to me or about something that’s already stirring in my heart. I’ll usually start off by creating loops and melodies. But as soon as I get to the lyrics, I ask, “What is God speaking about this week?”

I also love singing the Bible as many Christians can unite around the Word. The Bible contains deep truths that is way beyond something could come up with; it’s God speaking to us. Sometimes I’d literally just open the Psalms, grab my guitar, sing the Bible while reading, and see if I can get any ideas from that.

If you could change anything about the
music industry, what would it be?
I wrestle with the fact that we (as Christian artistes) often produce and release music like the world does. I believe worship music is unique and not the same as just releasing an album. When things grew with the band, I found myself in a lot of conversations that involved promoting our albums and talking to labels.

Many times, I came out of those meetings thinking, “I just want to sing songs to Jesus” more than talking about how to market a product, because I don’t see it as a product to be marketed. I see it as my expression of worship. I would love to see more of that kind of heart, where music returns to the purity of why we worship and why we make these songs.

Redefining Love

Abigail Han — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 11:27:00 +0000

What do you do when the person you love is emotionally abusing you?

ABIGAIL HAN shares her story of loving, leaving, and letting go.

When I entered a relationship whileliving in America in 2016, my heart was filled with both excitement and anxiety. My then-boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend by sharing this verse with me: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Rom 8:28 ESV). We both trusted that God was leading us with our whole hearts. But we quickly came to understand that relationships are good but messy, desirable yet complex.

THE BEGINNING

Before we became ‘official’, I did my ‘good Christian girl’ due diligence by asking my church community what they thought about him. For the most part, I received good reviews from my leaders and friends. However, I did not have as much information as I would have preferred, because the church I attended was large and I did not know his closest friends. After a few nights of praying (and squealing), I said yes to being his girlfriend with peace in my heart.

SEEING GOD FOR WHO HE IS

But Jesus’ love isn’t like that. He would never even bruise a broken reed (Isa 42:3), and in our weakest moments, He meets us with undeserved grace (Mark 2:17). He loves us with an everlasting love and nothing, not even death, can separate us from His love (Rom 8:38–39). An abusive relationship was an antithesis to this love. It was through the counsel of others that I understood that abusive behaviours are not excusable and no behaviour on my part makes me deserving of abusive treatment. Dating and marriage, though imperfect, should be ways through which we come to understand more deeply the love of Jesus.

EVEN THOUGH I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG, I STILL BLAMED MYSELF AND FELT THAT I DESERVED WHAT HE DISHED OUT AT ME.

BRINGING SIN INTO THE LIGHT

When we started having issues in our relationship, one of the biggest steps of faith I took was to bring these behaviours into the light by speaking with others in my community. When you are in a relationship that is hazy and clouded, God provides community to shed light, to bring clarity, and to help you see your blind spots.

Being fearful, isolated, and unsure is not what God has intended for marriage (Gen 2:23–24) — much less a dating relationship moving towards marriage. I had been hesitant to share these red flags with others, because I was afraid they would tell me that we were not suited for marriage and encourage us to break up. In this way, the relationship revealed one of my deepest idols: marriage.

There was Abraham who, under Sarah’s influence, chased away his servant Hagar and mother of his own offspring Ishmael; Isaac and Rebekah, who played favourites with their twin sons; Laban, who promised Jacob he could marry his younger daughter Rachel, only to do a bride swap on the wedding day so that his older daughter, Leah, would not be left on the shelf; and many more.

Slowly, I saw that my parents are sinful and broken people who have gone through difficult times of their own too. They were also brought up by flawed human beings and were simply modelling what they had experienced in their own childhoods. In fact, I found out that my maternal grandmother had died when my mother was only 14! Because of my grandmother’s passing, not only was the privilege of attending school taken away from my mum, she also had to quickly grow up and ‘mother’ her younger siblings too. This made me realise that her harsh criticisms of me merely reflected the expectations that were laid on her at a very young age.

GOD HAS THE POWER TO CREATE GOOD FROM EVIL. HE IS STRONGER THAN YOUR ABUSE AND CAN RESTORE YOU.

A GREAT MERCY

Now, four years after we broke up, I can say with greater confidence the words of Psalm 23 that surely goodness and mercy has followed me all the days of my life.

The God we worship is the “God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor 1:3–4 ESV). It is through the comfort I have received that I can encourage all who are in abusive relationships. If marriage is part of His plan for you, He wants you to experience a loving relationship, in which the love of Jesus will anchor your relationship, and for your partner to help you know Christ more. God does not want you to endure an abusive relationship but to experience the true love of God.

Ask A Songwriter!

Kallos Team — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 10:44:00 +0000

ETHEL YAP

Yio Chu Kang Chapel

What is your songwriting process like?

If I begin the songwriting process from a lyrical point, it usually comes from mulling over an idea, theme, or experience that I have been processing recently. Usually, key words or phrases will come to mind, and I’ll try to expand and deepen the ideas from there such that the lyrics bring the listener on a journey. I also try to ensure that the lyrics adhere to some kind of rhyming and
rhythmic structure or metre. Once I have a rough skeleton of the lyrics, then I put the ‘meat’ on it by composing a suitable melody around the words. If I begin writing from a melodic point, then I’ll start by recording down chord progressions or guitar riff s that I’ve been playing around with. Depending on the mood of the sound, I’ll think of lyrics that match the feel of the music and work from there.

FAITH PANG

Songwriting Mentor with Awaken Generation

How do you know when a song is ‘complete’?

To me, the most important element of a song is the theme of the song. It’s the overarching idea and concept that allows listeners to understand the message that a musician is trying to convey. During my process of songwriting, these are several questions that I will ask myself:
1. Does every section of the song translate to a clear theme and play a part in
storytelling? Is the theme of the song well supported?
2. Is the song catchy enough to captivate the attention of listeners and compel them to
sing along?
3. Does the melody match the mood and theme of the song?
4. Do the lyrics convey the main message or theme of the song?
5. Do the lyrics sound poetic? Are there any other ways to tell the story in a fresh way?

JIA HAO

Fireplace Collective

Where does your inspiration usually come from?

My inspiration typically stems from the moments when I’m experimenting with melodies. It could be while I’m playing a guitar or when I’m out walking around. I would simply hum different melodies aloud or in my mind, and if I find something that I like, I’ll record it on my phone.

JEAN TAN

Yio Chu Kang Chapel

What tips would you give a budding songwriter?

Listen and listen. Listen to as many songs as possible, by different artistes, and in as many genres as you possibly can. Put together a playlist of songs you like, and pay attention to what you like about them — the melody, groove, lyrics, chords, arrangements, instrumentation, or others? The more sounds and ideas you collect, the richer your writing will be. Your songs are tapestries of the various influences you listen to, so the more you listen, the more interesting and varied your creations could be.

Our full video recording is available for purchase below!

In this two-hour virtual panel, they answered questions like:
• How do I reject a guy without being insensitive?
• What does love look like to a guy?
• What do guys find attractive in a girl?
… and more!

What Music Taught Me About Being A Girl

Benita Lim — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 10:31:00 +0000

If music were your teacher, what would it be teaching you?
BENITA LIM reveals why discernment matters when listening to music.

Growing up, my favourite girl group was the Spice Girls. They defied conventional pop group stereotypes of being just cute, pretty, or sexy (or all of
the above), and were singers with unique ‘personalities’. Their songs were catchy and fun, and often celebrated ‘girl power’.

As pop stars heavily marketed by one of the biggest global music labels, they
became heroines of girls both young and old in many parts of the world.

THE MUSIC EFFECT

Studies have shown that music influences our emotions, and lyrics, when we connect with them, have the ability to impact our well-being. What makes things more complex is that music today is more than what we listen to. It has evolved into a multi-billion-dollar industry and a multi-sensory experience. Artistes do not only write and perform music; they also try to create viral music videos, appear on different visual platforms such as TV programmes, become brand ambassadors, and create social media profiles so as to connect with their fans on a more ‘personal’ level.

WHAT DOES THE MUSIC THAT YOU HEAR, SEE, AND SCROLL THROUGH TELL YOU?

WHAT A GIRL WANTS

It seems that popular music often teaches us that what a girl really wants is sex and intimacy. A survey of U.S. top-40 hits between 1960 and 2010 showed that
67.3 percent of the lyrics referenced relationships and love, and 29.9 percent
referenced sex and sexual desire! I wouldn’t be surprised if those percentages have gone up even further in the past ten years— songs about sex in particular have only gotten more explicit.

I must admit that I love a good love song. I cannot deny that I, too, desire to hear the guy that I am attracted to one day whisper things like, “You are the only one I’ll ever love,” and “You want me like I want you tonight, baby” (+50 points if he sings it while playing the piano or guitar!). And yet, there have been times when consistently listening to music like that has led me to feelings of intense sadness and even anger at what I seem to be missing out on.

MUSIC IS INDEED A POWERFUL GIFT FROM GOD TO ALL HUMANKIND.

WHAT A GIRL NEEDS

The second thing I’ve observed in today’s music scene is an emphasis on girl power. What does a girl need? Apparently, not men! Let me be clear: music that celebrates empowerment of girls is important. In an analysis of Billboard’s
top 600 songs from 2012 to 2017, out of 1,239 performing artists, only 22.4 percent were women. Seeing the success of female performers and listening to lyrics that highlight the capabilities of girls surely gives us inspiration and encouragement.

It connects with us on many levels and can even help us with our well-being. However, as we have seen, it also teaches and communicates different messages about our needs and wants as girls which may not be fully aligned with what God desires for us. As you enjoy this gift, may you stay attuned to the Spirit’s wisdom for discernment as to what you listen to, see, and scroll through regarding all things music!

She urged me to recognise that I had been carrying a crushing weight of expectations and achievements. Underlying this was pride in my heart, consumed by the pressure to ‘have my life together’ when I had placed my identity in what others thought of me, and not in the One I belong to. Often, our daily preoccupations and emotions suggest who we belong to — a little praise and success lifts us, while a little criticism and failure makes us dispirited. Henri Nouwen puts it this way in The Return of the Prodigal Son: “All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over … shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me.”

I sought time with the Lord and asked for grace that I would be open and tender to His voice as He revealed the offensive ways in me and led me in His ways. In the secret place, I was deeply met with the revelation that there is no striving or performance in His love. With this encountered truth, I desired to turn from my ways of self-sufficiency and pride and to be set free from the need to prove myself with this constant striving and achieving. By my own strength I had tried to carry the weight of my expectations and the pressures of succeeding; but God knows our frame, and He doesn’t ask us to be more than who He has created and called us to be.

There are some weights not for us to carry and some that we are to let go of. Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” (ESV). Run the race that is set before us — not the rat race with its concomitant pressures and expectations, but the race in light of what God has called and redeemed us for.

As the striving and stress began to be replaced with such freedom and light, I found starting the day or study time with prayer helped to anchor me in the Lord. With God’s leading, I began to experience anew the joy of studying, of working heartily unto God and not others, and could fully enjoy the times meant for rest. My Jetpack Kal days are now behind me, and before me is a lifetime’s journey of placing my identity in Him and grasping this timeless truth: it is God who defines me, and nothing and no one else.

Does the Bible Support Rape?

Jackie Hwang — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 10:25:00 +0000

Rape is a horrific crime, no matter when it happens or who
it happens to. So, some of us may be troubled that the Bible
records multiple accounts of rape, and even seems to penalise
victims of rape! JACKIE HWANG digs deeper into the issue.

It may be shocking for you to find accounts of rape in the holy Bible. As a young person, I was horrified when I first read these sections in the Bible. However, I was heartened to discover later that just because historical accounts of rape are recorded in the Bible doesn’t mean that God condones rape. On the contrary, the Bible mentions rape because God condemns it and wants us to know how He deals with these sinful acts.

IS SEXUAL VIOLENCE OKAY?
The most obvious accounts of God’s condemnation of rape are found in Genesis 19:1–25 and Judges 19–20. In both accounts, groups of men set out
to gang-rape the visitors to their cities. Then, innocent women were offered up
to be raped in the place of these visitors. A close look at these two accounts shows that God condemned these actions. In fact, Genesis 19 shows that the angels of God intervened and struck the violent mob with blindness (19:11). In both cases, God severely punished these cities shortly after these incidents of sexual violence (Gen 19:12–13, 29; Judg 20:23, 28). Thus, we should understand these two accounts as evidence that God condemns rape, and so should God’s people (cf. Judg 19:30).

THEN WHY DOES GOD COMMAND WOMEN TO MARRY THEIR RAPISTS?
Though God punished these cities for their sexual violence, other passages in the Bible seem to indicate that one consequence of rape is that women are to be given in marriage to their rapists. In particular, Deuteronomy 22:28–29 explicitly states that a man who rapes an unmarried woman needs to make a financial payment to her father and marry her. To modern ears, this verdict sounds outrageous! Why would God dictate that a victim of rape be ‘punished’
by being forever bound to her rapist? She never consented to the sexual act to begin with, so wouldn’t marriage possibly trap her in a situation of further sexual violence? Furthermore, the financial reparation seems to benefit only the father but not the victim herself.

GOD’S HEART FOR JUSTICE
It would be a mistake to take the law of Deuteronomy 22:28–29 as biblical support for rape. Neither should we see it as a legal stipulation for modern societies. What is important for us to remember is its principle to restore justice in a bad situation. Its purpose is to serve as a deterrent against rape, a corrective to sexual violence in a sinful world, and apathway toward justice in the case of wrongdoing against women. Even as its ancient context is different from our modern one, we can take to heart that God’s condemnation of rape and His concern for victims of sexual violence are timeless!

Worshipping When No One’s Looking

Aarksara Foo — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 10:18:00 +0000

When we were about to bid farewell to 2019 and excitedly welcome 2020, little did we know that we’d be faced with Covid-19 restrictions, and that in a moment, all of our lives would change drastically. It has been daunting for the whole world to navigate through these unknown waters. I remember having a sense of peace; knowing that God had already promised in Isaiah 43:2 that “when you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you” (NLT).

Church services had to be moved online, and worship teams and church teams all around the globe had to figure out the best way to stay connected with their congregations during these unprecedented times. This season, it has been interesting to see worship leaders adjust to leading worship online, either through pre-recorded sets or live-streamed worship sets via Facebook or YouTube. Some have said that they have struggled with leading without anyone there; they feel like they don’t have anyone to lead without seeing the congregation in front of them. This has challenged me to see the core of being a worshipper of Jesus. What happens when there’s no one in the congregation? What happens when the lights are turned off? What happens when you don’t hear the applause of others? Will you still worship? Will you still praise and lift up the name of Jesus?

Sometimes when we are worshipping together in a live community, we ‘rely’ on others to help us get to that sweet place of worship between us and the Father. Has it been challenging or easy as you click on your church’s service link to worship along to a pre-recorded set list?

I love that Matthew 6:5–6 encourages all of us to go into that secret, quiet place — to worship and pray to God simply and authentically, just as we are, with no roleplaying. The sweetest place of worship where I have encountered Jesus is in my bedroom, singing unto Him with the doors closed, no microphones, no cameras, no makeup, my hair put up in a messy topknot and in my comfy pyjamas.

Even before Covid-19, I’ve always loved going into that secret place, sitting and soaking in His presence. Daily quiet time and worship with the Lord has always been a non-negotiable. I encourage worship leaders and vocalists to see that if we’re not cultivating that lifestyle of worship in that secret place, we’d be leading out of an empty place. If we’re not drawing from the well daily, where will we be pouring out from?

My dear sister, I want to encourage you to keep worshipping Jesus even when it may feel like no one is there worshipping with you. Yes, the lights might be turned off. Yes, there are no microphones and stages. Yes, there’s no one next to you worshipping alongside you. Yes, we miss in-person community. But Jesus is still here — worthy of all our praise and worship. Will you keep worshipping Him even when no one’s looking? Take heart, do not fear. Worshipping Jesus in every season will be the anchor for your soul.

PRAYER

Father God, please help me to worship You in every season. Help me to worship You simply and authentically in my private moments with You. I know You hear me, see me, and love me. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME!

1. What time of the day will you set aside to have your quiet time and worship time with the Lord?
2. Are there some friends you can connect with online during this time so you can encourage one another to keep worshipping?

DELVE DEEPER

Read these passages to dive deeper into this thought of ‘Worshipping When No One’s Looking’:
o Psalm 95:1–7
o Psalm 100

SONGSPO

‘No Fear’ – Tree

What Did You Say?

Kallos Team — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 10:07:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

Before the challenge begins, spend some time reading through a list of verses on speech and the power of words. Meditate on them and ask God to show you the power of words and the importance of watching what you say.
For one week, when you feel tempted to gossip, be rude, or snap back at others, refer to the practical handles provided to help you out.

Challengers: Sarah Chen, 17

1. I play tennis
2. I have a sweet tooth
3. I enjoy playing Christian music on my guitar

VERSES ON THE POWER OF WORDS

– PROVERBS 13:3, 16:24, 18:19, 18:31
– MATTHEW 15:18,12:36
– EPHESIANS 4:29
– COLOSSIANS 3:8, 4:6
– JAMES 3:3–6, 9–12

PRACTICAL HANDLES FOR TAMING THE TONGUE!

• Take a deep breath and count to 10 before snapping back when you are angry.
• Choose to walk away instead of engaging in gossip sessions.
• Be firm to make your stand that you do not wish to engage in gossip sessions.
• Ask yourself, “Do I want a friend to be sharing my personal life with others?” when you are tempted to divulge a friend’s sharing with you.
• Ask yourself, “If Jesus is sitting here and is a part of this conversation, would He be pleased at my behaviour?”
• Begin your day with prayer and ask God to give you wisdom and awareness over your words.
• Choose to speak words that edify and inspire instead.

FIRST THOUGHTS
After meditating on the verses provided, I had these thoughts and reflections:

– Words can easily tear people down and can leave a long-lasting scar on people’s hearts.
– Words can also build people up — more than you can imagine.
– What we choose to say determines the kind of relationship we have with the people around us.
– A slip of the tongue happens easily, thus, not only do we need to be mindful of what we say, but we should also surround ourselves with godly friends and remove ourselves from ‘dangerous situations’.

Initially, I thought it would be a simple challenge for me as I am cautious with my words. However, on closer reflection, I realised that I can be quite harsh towards my family members (more specifically my younger siblings). I also easily find myself in the middle of a gossip session with friends. Even though I don’t often contribute, I asked myself: Is agreeing and allowing the conversation to continue equally as bad?

I struggle with my tone and word choices towards my siblings the most. It usually comes off as irritation whenever they ask me for help and can even come across as condescending. As an older sibling, I feel like I have a sense of authority over my younger siblings and have probably developed such a tone over time.

As I see my family members every day, speaking to them this way has become a habit. I wonder how this challenge will go for me!

CHALLENGE TIME!
Day 1: At the start of the day, I tended to speak before I think, struggling to hold back what I wanted to say. For example, when I was training with my younger brother, I told him that he was not playing well instead of encouraging him to do better. In other words, my words tore him down rather than built him up. However, I identified this immediately and regretted what I said. The rest of the day was better — when I knew something unkind was about to come out of my mouth, I managed to stop myself.

Day 2: Today wasn’t difficult as I was mainly in school and I am usually very careful with my words when I am around friends. I think first impressions and reputation are very important in school, and thus I am subconsciously more careful about what I say.

Day 3: During CCA, my friends and I were talking about how one of the guys isn’t committed to the CCA and is a deadweight to the team. As he is my classmate, I contributed by telling them negative things about what he is like in class. I didn’t think much of it at first, but upon reflection, I think enjoying the conversation and wanting to hear the gossip also constitutes gossiping. I regretted what I said, especially since I consider him a friend, but during the conversation it just came out naturally.

On the bright side, I managed to stop myself from snapping at my sister when she annoyed me. I paused for a few seconds and asking myself, “If Jesus were here, would He be pleased with my behaviour?” before addressing her.

Day 4: I had Student Council Investiture today! I didn’t find it difficult to watch my speech as I spent time that morning meditating on the verses and was also in a good mood throughout the day. I also witnessed the power of encouragement and words of affirmation. Hearing my friends cheer me on and all the student councillors supporting one another was very heart-warming.

Day 5: I didn’t have much difficulty today except for one slip-up when I was very focused on my work and my brother asked me to identify a Chinese word. I said, “There’s a dictionary for a reason.” That probably demoralised him as he struggles with Chinese and I should have phrased it in a nicer way. I can work on controlling my tone and speech towards my siblings by stopping whatever I am doing when I speak to them, giving them my full attention. When I am distracted, I tend to be careless with my words and just return to my old habits.

Day 6 and 7: I met my friends from my previous school whom I haven’t seen in a very long time and shared a lot about my new school life and the people in it. On hindsight, I don’t think it was a good representation of who these people are. I completely left out the positive sides to them, and the conversation wasn’t very uplifting or encouraging.

LAST THOUGHTS
Even though I didn’t struggle much with my speech around my friends, I definitely did with my family! The list of verses and practical handles did come in handy actually! They really helped me start the day right as I looked at them every morning. Surprisingly, my prayers before meals helped to keep me in check too. They served as checkpoints throughout the day to talk to God and be reminded of my intention for the day, which was to watch my words. Simply pausing before speaking also helped a lot in being intentional about changing my phrasing of words and the tone I was about to speak in.

I will continue to meditate on the verses and cultivate a habit of watching my speech especially at home. I want to ask for God’s guidance every morning as well as be more encouraging towards people. I am definitely still a work in progress but I am glad that this challenge allowed me to be moulded more in this aspect!

I Felt Inadequate As A Leader

Sarah See — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 10:01:00 +0000

“Me? A leader? They must have gotten the wrong person!”

I was in disbelief when I was first asked to consider becoming a small group leader in church, and I remained in disbelief for a couple of years, allowing doubt in my abilities to creep into my heart. Leadership began to feel like a burden too heavy for me to bear, both emotionally and spiritually.

It wasn’t until a year ago that I realised that everything I did as a leader rested on one thing — to disprove the unspoken fear buried in my heart that someone had made a mistake in choosing me.

Every small group session was a game of comparison, a silent battle to measure up to my co-leader. While I could easily identify his strengths, I struggled to find one good thing about how I led small group. Out of bitterness, I began to see him as a competitor, completely forgetting that we are co-labourers in God’s kingdom. I was desperate to prove to him, to my leaders, and most of all to myself that I was qualified to be a leader — capable, and good enough.

I was so afraid of being seen as a weak and incapable leader that I refused to admit my need for help. My confidence hit an all-time low. I asked: What exactly did my leaders see in me? Do I really have what it takes to be a good leader? Am I really good enough for this role? I even began questioning the purpose of serving God. I thought, what good is serving in a leadership position if it only causes me so much heartache? I was upset at God for putting me in a place of ‘suffering’.

Things begin to turn around when I finally admitted how broken I was. I laid down my pride, shared my struggles with a trusted leader, and took some time out to recuperate.

During that period of rest, God restored my identity as a daughter. The hold of fear and the need to strive began to weaken as I sensed His overwhelming love and acceptance. My view of leadership was also transformed as I learned to walk under God’s leadership and allow Him to develop a deeper love in my heart for my members. I re-entered ministry with peace to continue carrying the responsibilities as a leader who is called and approved by God solely.

As I continue my journey as a leader, flawed but approved by God, I am making this one thing my priority — to reflect and glorify Him, the perfect Leader

Dear Kallos: A non-Christian guy recently confessed his feelings to me. How do I tell him that I don’t want to be his girlfriend because he is not a Christian?

Alina Teo — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 09:53:00 +0000

A non-Christian guy recently confessed his feelings to me. He is a nice guy, but how do I tell him that I don’t want to be his girlfriend because he is not a Christian? - Lover-of-Christ

dear Lover-of-Christ,

Committing to someone in a relationship is a big step, and I’m glad you have decided that you want to be with someone who shares the same belief in Christ. Personally, being a “nice guy” doesn’t cut it for me. There are many nice guys out there. The question when finding a life partner is this: who can weather the journey of life with me, having Christ as the anchor amidst the sunshine and storms?

Before diving in, be prepared that having this conversation may lead to potential awkward moments, but don’t fret. Standing by what you believe in and communicating it in love makes all the difference.

To start off, not everyone will understand why being together with a Christian guy is important to you. Some may even see you as being exclusive or self-righteous, or some may accuse you of “making a fuss” or tell you it doesn’t really matter. The truth is, it does matter. Second Corinthians 6:14 tells us that we should “not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (ESV) which, when applied to romantic relationships, upholds the ideal of choosing the right partner to journey with, spurring each other to grow in Christ-likeness so as to bring glory to God. This would not be possible with a non-Christian (or even a lukewarm Christian, for that matter!). At the heart of it, our relationships can shape or break us, so having a relationship that is anchored in Christ matters.

The non-Christian guy may not understand your position. And that’s okay. You do your part. Firstly, share openly and honestly about why Christ is such a big part of your life and your decisions. Perhaps this may be a good opportunity to ask your friend to consider getting to know who Christ is for himself. This should be a decision he comes to apart from you. Remember that you may not be the one to bring your non-Christian guy friend to Christ (so don’t try to be his saviour), but you may be the first step to him coming to know Christ.

Secondly, understand that even if you and this guy share similar values, good values are not the same as faith in Jesus. When we walk with Jesus, our whole worldview and life perspective shifts and our lives are devoted to Christ alone. Even with the same values, if both your lives are not aligned with Christ in the centre, it will eventually become a huge issue in the relationship.

Don’t be afraid to have these tough conversations. Keep walking faithfully with God and let His Spirit guide you into all truth (John 16:13).