Issue 47 – Kallos

Man-made Famine in Tigray, Ethiopia

Kallos Team — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 15:08:00 +0000

STATISTICS

0% OF THE POPULATION NEEDS ACCESS TO EMERGENCY FOOD AID (TUFTS UNIVERSITY, 2021)

400,000 AFFECTED BY FAMINE, WITH ANOTHER 1.8M PEOPLE ON THE BRINK OF FAMINE (BBC, 2021)

How did it begin?
In November 2020, war began in Tigray when Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed attempted to disarm Tigray’s dominant political party, the Tigray People’s Liberation Front (TPLF), after an attack on a military base. Caught between the TPLF and Ethiopian government troops, local civilians are stuck in the crossfire. To worsen the situation, Eritrean troops have also joined the fighting in support of the Ethiopian government, and are widely accused of sexual violence, ethnic cleansing, and outright massacre of Tigrayans. While all involved in the conflict have been accused of human rights violations and mass killings, the man-made famine is now one of the most pressing humanitarian concerns in the region.

Why is there a man-made famine?
In February this year, Tigray’s most effective aid groups were disbanded by the Ethiopian government (The Guardian, 2021). Subsequently, food aid and medicine that should have reached the most vulnerable in Tigray were blocked by Ethiopian and Eritrean soldiers from entering the region or stolen. Alarmingly, soldiers are also preventing farmers from planting, harvesting, or plowing their land. Livestock has also been killed, creating a long-lasting problem with the nation on the cusp of widespread famine.

Local humanitarian groups report that if these methods of war do not stop soon, it will quickly become irreversible. Locals simply cannot wait for the next round of harvest when no food is available now.

While Ethiopia’s government denies that starvation and rape are used as weapons of war, the fact remains that farming has become scarce, and those engaging in farming have not only been beaten, but those given food by the government have not been given enough to live on (AP, 2021).

According to the U.N. World Food Program, the full extent of this hunger situation is hard to pinpoint. Officials and food aid are unable to access remote locations due to inaccessibility and armed groups blocking major entrances. 1.4 million people in Tigray have been reached, but that’s barely half of the population who need access to resources.

What else is happening?
While families and children have been gravely impacted by the famine, perhaps the most disturbing evidence is not just the starvation and malnourishment, but the fact that these point toward a larger aim of ethnic cleansing. Gang rapes and sexual abuse committed against Tigrayan girls and women by Ethiopian and Eritrean troops are commonplace, and worse still, increasing reports are surfacing of women being violently assaulted to prevent them from giving birth in the future. Horrific accounts of a hot metal rod being inserted into a woman’s genitals, or of nails, rocks, and pieces of plastic being found inside rape victims tell a disturbing story of the extent of torture these women face (Al Jazeera, 2021). Many are gang raped over days, and have reported their limbs being broken or even being shot for resisting. Some victims are as young as 9 years old, a sickening revelation.

The combination of widespread starvation and sexual violence is a devastating situation that demands action, yet very little is being done to condemn and stop the fighting, and provide help to the vulnerable civilians who are in need.

PRAY FOR:
– Victims of sexual violence who have been deeply traumatised by their physical and emotional wounds.
– The leaders of the TPLF, Ethiopian government troops, and Eritrean troops to come to a ceasefire.
– Government officials and humanitarian aid groups to work together to create long-lasting and effective measures to combat starvation and violence.
– The troops committing these atrocities to be convicted of their wrongdoing and show compassion to their perceived enemies.

Navigating Through the Storms of Life

Aarksara Foo — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 15:03:00 +0000

Over the years, I have learned that just because we have accepted Jesus as our Lord and Saviour doesn’t mean that we are exempt from the fires and storms of this life. As John 16:33 shows us, Jesus has already given us a heads-up — in this world we will experience trouble, but take heart for He has overcome it all. What good news!

How do I keep breathing when everything around me seems chaotic and unresolvable? How can there be any good that comes out of horrible situations?

I have had these questions circulate in my mind when the gap between my expectations of how things should be and my current reality seemed far too wide for God to rescue me out of my disappointments.

But God has always rescued me. Failed relationships, broken promises, unpredictable circumstances in business, problems that arise within the ministry … when the gap between my expectations and my reality is large, Jesus has always come to fill that gap with His grace, love, and peace.

We all have experienced disappointment. I fell very ill in my final year of university. I had hopes and dreams to get a graduate job and start earning a stable income. But I became too unwell to even go for any job interviews. I started questioning why God would allow me to go through this. All the years of hard work to finally graduate came to a halt. I was deeply disappointed that my life felt like it had come to a dead end.

Little did I know, God was actually birthing something far greater than I could have ever imagined. I started writing songs and gaining more skills and knowledge in the area of vocals and songwriting. From there, doors to opportunities flung open and I was catapulted into God’s purposes for my life.

So how do we respond when the expectation and reality gap is far too big for us to comprehend? How do we make it through these storms of life? I have learned that the first thing to do is to run to Jesus. How? Pray. Talk to Him. Cry out to Him, plainly and simply, just as you are. He listens. Prayer is like a phone call to God; the line is always open. Tell Him how you’re feeling, and let out the confusion, the hurt, and the pain that seems unbearable.

Secondly, worship. Wherever you are, whatever worship looks like to you, worship! I found that switching on worship music in the background helped me. I felt like I was having a church service right in my bedroom. The presence of God calmed my spirit and helped me see the situation through His eyes instead of through the lens of bitterness.

The third step is to talk to people you trust. I talked to people I love and I know love me back. I spoke as honestly as I could about the struggles going on in my life, my mind, and my heart. Such clarity and revelation were brought forth when I was honest with my inner circle.

My friend, whatever you’re going through right now, whether it be good or bad, I encourage you to cling on to Jesus with everything you have. Allow Him to be your anchor as you weather the storms in your life. His plans are far better than we could ever imagine, pray or hope for. His heart for us is to be whole and healthy — physically, emotionally and spiritually.

PRAYER
Father God, please help me to walk through every season of life with You. Help me to trust that You know far better than I do. Lord, may You hold my hand every step of the way. Amen.

REFLECTION TIME
1. What storms are you currently walking through? How have you been responding to them?
2. Who can you call today to be completely honest with your feelings?

DELVE DEEPER
Read these passages to dive deeper into ‘Navigating Through the Storms of Life’:
o Romans 8:28
o Isaiah 55:8–9

SONGSPO:
‘Battle Belongs’ by Phil Wickham

Spotlight: Charmaine Wee – “I Started a Care Portal for the Mentally Ill”

Kallos Team — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 14:52:00 +0000

How can Christians better support those struggling with their mental health? DOROTHEA WONG speaks with Charmaine Wee, founder of Mental Connect, on her journey of reconciling her mental health and her faith.

In 2012, Charmaine Wee was first diagnosed with psychosis, followed by schizophrenia in 2015 and schizoaffective disorder in 2018. What worsened the situation was the struggle Charmaine had reconciling her mental health challenges and her faith, especially when well-meaning friends in church gave her advice like “You should read the Bible more” or “Maybe you’re not praying enough or in the right way,” causing her to dismiss her genuine mental health conditions as little more than spiritual warfare.

Her journey toward acceptance and recovery has not been linear — it has involved relapses, hallucinations caused by schizophrenia, and side-effects from medication. However, her pain has not been in vain. Her struggle eventually led her to start Mental Connect with her fiancé, Alex. Read on to find out more about her journey and how believers can better support others like her.

How did Mental Connect come about?
On my recovery journey, I was on Google trying to find resources that were available out there to get help. However, I realised that there was no central portal with mental health resources for a person going through a mental health recovery journey, or for caregivers to access. My fiancé, Alex, and I wanted to create a service directory that would bridge a service gap in the mental health community. That was how Mental Connect came about.

What made you first suspect that you might have a mental health disorder?
The journey was not a straightforward one. I wasn’t aware that I had a mental health disorder. Back in 2012, I was hallucinating hard due to psychosis and it was observed by my then-cell group leader. He asked for help from our vicar and they got a general practitioner to review me. He advised them to get me warded in the Institute of Mental Health (IMH).

After I got discharged, I started attending a different church, seeking answers for my mental illness. Over the next few years, I was unfortunately told that I wasn’t mentally ill, but just needed deliverance from demonic forces. While this may have been well- intentioned advice, it was not helpful for me because it stopped me from recognising my real mental health condition. I just rejected the whole idea that I was mentally ill. I did not relapse for two years though, and that possibly convinced me and those close to me that I wasn’t really ill.

I REJECTED THE WHOLE IDEA THAT I WAS MENTALLY ILL.

In 2014, I started hallucinating again, and ended up getting warded in IMH for a month. However, I was still convinced that it was just spiritual warfare and was resistant to taking medication as the side-effects were quite severe for me. For the next four years, I would relapse year on year. Yet I would not accept that I was ill and neither did the community around me. The only people around me that were trying to convince me that I had a mental illness were my Christian psychiatrists and therapist.

In 2018, while being warded in IMH because of another relapse, God gave me a vision and revealed to me that I was indeed ill and that I should take my meds. I was defeated but convinced that I should start my medical care plan and came to accept that I was indeed ill. That sparked the start of my recovery journey. That was the last time I was warded, and prayerfully never will be again.

I still struggle with residual symptoms though. I have moments of recurring hallucinations and challenging Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) that can last from a few minutes to a few days. I am believing that God will heal me completely.

How did people around you respond to your condition?
Friends with good intentions have told me, “You need to pray more,” “You need to have more faith,” or “Maybe you have secret sins, that’s why you are sick.” They were talking to me about generational curses, and about being double-minded (about Christ) and more. They didn’t mean harm. They were just offering solutions based on the knowledge they had, but listening to these comments was not healthy for me at all. You don’t go to a cancer patient and say “Oh, too bad, you deserve the cancer because you have secret sins.” If you wouldn’t do that to a cancer patient, you shouldn’t do that to a mental health patient too, right? The brain is also an organ — it can wear and tear, and it can also break down. Mental illness is an illness, and should be treated as such.

MENTAL ILLNESS IS AN ILLNESS, AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH.

How has your faith played a part in your mental health journey?
It’s been a source of strength and hope. When I questioned God about why He allowed me to fall sick, I felt Him say that it is a part of Him using me for His purposes.

While I am not saying God caused my mental illness, looking back, had He not led me out into the wilderness, I would not have gotten this close to Him and I would not have walked into all that I am doing now for His glory. I know it is He that sustains me.

Also, I hold closely the teaching that if He called me, He will provide. I’ve seen His hand of provision throughout my holistic recovery as He has brought the right people and resources to help me in my recovery journey. To name a few, getting psycho-educated at the Association for Psychiatric Rehabilitation (APRS) and Caregivers Alliance, getting a job in a private mental health clinic, Promises Healthcare, being part of PSALT Care, a Christian mental health support group, and an accepting, empowering, and loving care group at the church I am currently attending.

He also gave me the grace to be able to comprehend all that I’m learning about mental health tying in with spirituality to walk out my recovery. He truly has been sustaining me with His grace and strength in this suffering.

Why do you think the church has difficulty providing support for those struggling with mental health?
There is probably still a general lack of equipped manpower and resources
on psycho-education (not just in the church). Also, no two persons suffering from mental illness are alike. There are some symptomatic similarities within the same categories but the journeys are different. It takes a lot of effort to journey with a person with love, intentionality, acceptance, and care, and to understand how to be a support for those who are struggling.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA) indicates that there are eight dimensions to wellness: social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, environmental, financial, and occupational. One needs to know that it takes a different combination of these dimensions for an individual to be healed.

Personally though, I do think the situation is improving in churches, based on the increased conversations, mental health equipping talks and conferences, and growing interest in the last few years.

STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES CAN FEEL LIKE BEING AT THE BOTTOM OF A BLACK HOLE LOOKING UP.

What advice would you give to those whose friends are facing mental health issues?
Sometimes your best present is your presence, love, and acceptance. Struggling with mental health issues can feel like being at the bottom of a black hole looking up. Buying a cup of bubble tea over and just hanging out are simple ways to show us you’re there.

Be open to listen to our thoughts but don’t dismiss them. You don’t have to have experienced mental illness to do that. It also helps if you acknowledge how scary or difficult it can feel. Ask what we’d like you to do to help — we’ll let you know.
Don’t tell us to pray more because the Lord knows we probably pray heaps or can’t even bring ourselves to pray right now because the pain is so overwhelming. Keep us covered in prayer instead. Let us know you’re still praying for us from time to time!

Accept that we may behave differently because of the sickness. Sometimes, it can feel like we are defined by our sickness(es), but remind us that we are more than that and love us anyway.

Recognise that recovery is not linear. It can look like three steps forward and two steps backwards. For some, it can even look like two steps forwards and three steps backwards! Be patient, loving, and encouraging. Do not judge. Keep giving your empathic presence if you can.

Finally, get equipped or psycho-educated. There are some good courses by Caregivers Alliance that you can check out!

The “Scripture Memory” Challenge

Kallos Team — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 13:50:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

This will be a 21-day challenge. Memorise the following passages each week:
Week 1 — James 1
Week 2 — Proverbs 16
Week 3 — Romans 12
At the end of three weeks, come up with a creative product that encapsulates one thing you learnt from this experience. Enjoy!

Challengers: Pollyanna Tang, 19

Fun Facts:
1. I am blessed with six wonderful siblings
2. I am an aspiring ballerina
3. I have fractured my arm twice

When was the last time you memorised a Bible verse? Scripture memory isn’t just an old Sunday School challenge — there’s power in the Word when we let it take root in our hearts. KALLOS challenges a reader to memorise Scripture for 30 days.

FIRST THOUGHTS
Recently, I visited a missionary couple and was given a small package that included more than 70 key verses in the Bible that covered topics on our faith, relying on God’s resources, being Christ’s disciples, and growing in Christ-likeness. Since then, I have committed to memorising one Bible verse a week. However, aside from my past Scripture memory found in my home-schooling curriculum, and some memory verses from childhood, there has definitely been a period when I stopped keeping God’s word close to my heart.

Admittedly, I have been feeling a little disconnected in my walk with God recently. Hence, I hope and pray that this challenge will remind me that Scripture memory is not merely to show off to my family and friends but to gain priceless truths from the Word. I hope that after this challenge, I will be able to yearn for the Word earnestly, and continue this habit for a lifetime.

WEEK ONE
The challenge started off well. James 1 was really dear to my heart and every verse spoke truth to me. I really enjoyed how the entire passage flowed like a story, which made memorising it less of a hassle. Surprisingly, my mum and best friend decided to hop on board with me, and we cheered one another on, keeping each other accountable! Every day, my mum would bring her Bible out to the dining table. She would quote a section of the passage from memory, and I would catch any errors she made and correct them. This process really worked wonders. It was really enjoyable too, because I got to meditate on the verses while working on different chores in the morning, such as hanging the clothes or preparing breakfast for my family!

WEEK TWO
This week proved to be slighter more difficult as I had to balance many tasks alongside the challenge. Hence, my momentum slowed down for the first few days. Also, I struggled with this week’s passage a lot more. Instead of last week’s passage that was like a story, Proverbs 16 was filled with commands and advice that I struggled to piece together. Nonetheless, I decided to push on. There were days when I was a little busy and couldn’t fish out time to read the Scriptures, but I would try to make up for those days by repeating the passage a few more times the next day! The more I repeated the passage, the more it stuck with me and I was able to hop back into the routine and finished strong!

WEEK THREE

As with all challenges, I decided to grasp hold of my final opportunity to give it my all and I was able to memorise Romans 12 with ease. Nonetheless, I was certain that God was doing the work and it was definitely not my own strength and wisdom.

Writing out each chapter and bringing it on the go was a good way for me to keep refreshing my mind with Scripture. I also stuck to a daily routine of reading the chapter thrice in the morning, and thrice in the evening. My sister also volunteered to quiz me on the chapter whenever she heard me reciting the verses!

FINAL THOUGHTS
One of the most impactful verses that spoke to me in this challenge is James 1:2–4, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (NASB).

Even though I have very loving parents who have given me a lot of freedom, there’s one rule that they have always been very strict about — my curfew. When I was younger, I grasped their intention and reason for doing so. However, I recently broke the curfew and had to bear the consequences. I struggled with why they had to be so strict with me when I’m in my young adult years. This verse reminded me that I should consider my trials in a joyous manner, because the testing of my faith will produce endurance. It helped me to look at my situation in a different light; understanding that my parents would only do this because they loved me enough to care for me.

I’ve been trying to change my perspective to think of how Jesus would have reacted if He were in my situation. Pondering about how Jesus remained humble and calm when everyone mocked him when He was fully blameless and pure allowed me to approach situations with a better attitude and mindset.

Through this challenge, I was reminded of God’s living words, and I will definitely be continuing this habit of Scripture memory on my own. Ultimately, choosing to memorise God’s Word is not for the purpose of showing off an ability to men but to hold ourselves accountable to God. Knowing that there are three chapters in the Bible that I can turn to at any time of the day, at any point of my life was so special. Even though finding extra time to slot in Scripture memorisation was
a little arduous, I never regretted a single day of this challenge. I would rather have the Bible right in my heart than pursue my worldly pleasures and walk my way towards eternal death and separation from God.

Flourishing in Faith

Kallos Team — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 13:36:00 +0000

It’s a familiar feeling I’m sure we’ve all had at the end of a long day. You’ve done everything you’re supposed to: school, house chores, your homework …. Yet, as you settle in for the night, you might feel a lack of fulfilment or maybe even a bit of emptiness. For some of us, these feelings have only been amplified due to the pandemic restrictions that seem to come back with a vengeance every time we make some progress — just when things feel like they’re going back to normal, more restrictions are put in place. One step forward, two steps back. Church in person, sports together, meeting friends at malls — the usual things that bring us joy are no longer easily accessible to us.

The constant back and forth of this season means that many of us feel like we are caught in a limbo of emotions — you’re not drowning, but you’re not thriving either. You’re not flourishing, just surviving. You don’t feel overwhelmed with despair, but you’re not feeling entirely optimistic. This doesn’t sound so bad if it happens for just a few days, but when it is prolonged, it’s a different story.

The New York Times found the perfect word for this season — languishing. When you’re languishing in this limbo of emotions for too long, without a sense of purpose or fulfilment, it can start to feel exhausting and hopeless. In these moments, perhaps you find yourself exclaiming the words of the Teacher in Ecclesiastes: “Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.”

In these uncertain times, we can remember that the Teacher also says there is a time for everything (Ecc 3:1–8). There is a “time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (3:4). Though we prefer life to be rosy and free from hardship, and cannot claim to understand why God has allowed this pandemic, we can take heart that we will ultimately see that God “has made everything beautiful in its time” (3:11).

We can take this season as a gift, and use it to focus on what really matters. After experiencing and reflecting on all of life’s ups and downs, the Teacher concludes that only one thing truly matters, and that is to “Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind” (Ecc 12:13). Though our circumstances may change endlessly, we can flourish in faith as we look to God for our life’s meaning and purpose (just like Aarksara’s story on page 26, and Joyce’s experience on page 22!).

The past year has been tough for everyone. What can you do when you feel downcast? While it is healthy to grieve the loss of normalcy, will you continue to wallow in sadness, or will you choose to remember that the Lord is your joy and delight? You will flourish in faith as you put your hope in Him (Ps 43:4–5).

Reflection

1. When was the last time you felt excited to do something? What was it?

2. What are some things that usually bring you joy? How have they been compromised by the pandemic?

3. What are some things you have missed doing in the past year?

4. How have you responded when things haven’t been as you hoped?

5. Do you find it difficult to thrive in this season? Why?

6. What do you need to change so that you can flourish in faith rather than languish amidst life’s troubles?

7. Read Ecclesiastes 12. How does the passage encourage you to live life with God in mind?

4 Things You Never Knew About Being a Pastor

Kallos Team — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 13:27:00 +0000

What encourages you most as a pastor?
Pastor Melissa Quah, Faith Community Baptist Church
What really encourages me most as a pastor is to see “possibilities realised.” I love baking. Other than it being therapeutic (to me!), I like that something tasty can be created out of common ingredients. It is like seeing the possibilities in the eggs, sugar, and flour being realised in the final product.

Whenever I face difficult people or situations, I will take a step back and ask God to show me the possibilities in that situation — in that person’s life and even in my own life. That process of journeying with God, knowing what is upon His heart and seeing Him move hearts — despite what we see with our physical eyes — encourages me. It is an affirmation that God is with me and I am on the right track in being His vessel to fulfil His purposes.

Pastoring people has its challenges, discouragements and disappointments. But all it takes for me is to see that person take even a step towards growth in the Lord, and somehow it makes every effort and every heartache worth it. That is why I am always looking out for that transformation, however small it may be. I believe that that seed of possibility realised is what fuels my faith to keep believing and my passion to keep going.

God is creative. When we work in partnership with Him, He can create and realise amazing things out of that.

What is one assumption people have about being a pastor?
Pastor Guo Fen, Queenstown Baptist Church
For me, the assumption is that pastors can answer all of one’s life questions.

“Pastor, we have a new friend. She’d like her son to join our young adult fellowship, can I link her up with you?”

Of course, I said, “Yes, sure!” As a pastor, I love to connect with new people.

So I was connected with this lady and she started to share her burdens and concerns about her husband’s and son’s walk with God, as well as her worries for one of her friends, who struggles with her mental health and possibly needs counselling. She suggested that I meet her friend.

Even though I didn’t mind meeting her friend, deep down in my heart, I was apprehensive about it. I wasn’t sure if I could be of good help as I am not a trained counsellor. But we met, nonetheless. We spent two hours sitting in the garden, talking about her life. She showed me her arms, which are filled with scars. She told me she used to cut herself, as it helped her to release her emotional pain.

She asked, “Why is my life filled with ‘bad luck’?” To be honest, I did not have an easy answer for her. Instead of answering her question, I asked, “Can I pray for you?” Because I know that only Jesus can heal and mend her brokenness.

Pastors do not have answers to all of life’s questions, and we do not have
it all sorted out. Many times, I find myself simply being a companion to my brothers and sisters in Christ as they journey through difficult life stages and circumstances. We walk with them, listen to them, and pray with and for them.

What is your biggest struggle as a pastor?
Pastor Wencong, Ang Mo Kio Presbyterian Church
I would say spiritual integrity. Christians (especially pastors) know just what to say and how to behave to appear spiritual. We preach, teach, and guide others in the faith, but can fail to be ministered to by God. Reading the Bible becomes ‘work’ as we prepare a sermon for the congregation. Praying to God becomes something we say only in the presence of other Christians. We lose our integrity when we ask another Christian to read and pray and fail to do so for ourselves.

This has been a real challenge for me, because much of a pastor’s ministry is public, whether it is in a small group or in front of the whole congregation. So when people ask me what a pastor does, I often tell them that the most important thing I have to do as a pastor is to do my quiet time and pray.

First Timothy 4:16 says: “Keep a close watch on yourself and the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing; you will save both yourself and your hearers.” (ESV)

This will be an ongoing struggle as a pastor to keep watch of myself and my teaching — ensuring that it is aligned with the Gospel that I profess, and keeping my faith a personal one as I serve in the public ministry.

What do you wish you knew before you became a pastor?
Pastor Rachel, Hope City Church
I’m not sure if “knowing more” would have helped — it may have even deterred me from pastoring! As a pastor, you see all aspects of human experience, including the good, bad, and the ugly. Honestly though, I do love ministering in God’s kingdom; it’s the best thing in the world. We get to serve God and His people on a full-time basis. The dreams of serving God with creativity, innovation, journeying with people through their ups and downs, making a difference across generations, stepping out in the gifts of the Spirit and being stretched, yet feeling satisfied after… what could be better?

Yet with all the dreams and ideals, I suppose I wish I had known that I needed an experienced mentor who could walk me through the valleys of unmet expectation and stinging arrows of betrayal and disappointments. That really would have given meaning to my many heartbreaks and tears. As I was literally thrown into ministry (think sink or swim), having someone who could have absorbed the blows of leadership and be my shield and support for managing the never-ending expectations from all generations would have strengthened my foundation. Leadership is tough for anyone, let alone a young female pastor. I also wish I had known the importance of my identity in Christ, as it would have made a world of a difference. But even if I never had such a mentor, nor the perfect situation, I have One who is more than enough; a saviour who cares so much for me!

Dear Kallos: How should I reject a guy without being insensitive?

Alina Teo — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 13:21:00 +0000

How should I reject a guy without being insensitive? - Wondering

dear Wondering,

Being sensitive to someone else’s feelings shows maturity and we affirm your heart! For many guys, taking the step to confess takes a lot of courage, so on your part, responding with kindness is necessary. The guy, having shown you his heart, would be hoping for a positive response. However, if you know this guy isn’t one you can see a future together with, don’t compromise! We must not think that saying yes for now and no later would solve any problems or is even kind.

I have three simple guidelines to cushion the blow a little and avoid further hurt:
Be gentle. Choose your words wisely, not sugar-coating them but showing care in the words chosen. Using statements that focus more on “I” rather than “you” might bring across the point more gently. For example, you could say “I am not attracted to you,” rather than “You are not attractive.” Do however be honest and not make up lame excuses that rub salt into the wound.

Don’t be wishy-washy, which could possibly make the guy think you may have some feelings for him. If you don’t ever intend to date him, tell him firmly and nicely. If the situation allows for it, even think of a script in advance so there is no room for misunderstanding.

Avoid making the decision sound open-ended, as you don’t want to make the guy think he can play the waiting game and try again in the future. At the end of the day, being resolved and genuine would be most important and can be felt. Reassure the guy of his worth as a person and (if appropriate) as a friend. If the opportunity arises, point him to Christ as the One who can lead him too. But be prepared that the guy may not take your refusal well. And if he really doesn’t, it isn’t your fault.

If living our lives to please God is our goal, every action, word, and thought should flow from that starting point. Ask God to lead the guy to someone who is the best fit for him and become someone who abides in Him too!

Art, Anxiety, and the Almighty

Joyce Lee — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 13:10:00 +0000

It was sometime in September 2019. I’d had a busy day of meetings and was finally winding down over dinner with some friends.

Was it the heat? Or was it exhaustion from the day’s work?

At some point, my mind struggled to focus and I broke out in a cold sweat.

Within minutes, I struggled to breathe and thought I was going to faint (though thankfully, you can’t actually faint during a panic attack). For the first time in my life, I experienced a sense of impending doom.

A trip to the A&E (Accident and Emergency) department ruled out possible health issues and the doctor sent me home with the words, “Just try not to panic.”

A DAMAGING MENTALITY
The year 2019 had been one of massive change for me. I’d relocated back to Singapore from the UK. This also meant moving my business. Amidst juggling the reverse culture shock, acclimatising to the hot weather, and trying to find my footing as an entrepreneur in Singapore, I fell really ill with dengue fever and was hospitalised.

After five days in the hospital, I left expecting to feel fully healthy. Nobody told me I could potentially still feel weak; everyone I knew seemed to recover fine!

That added another layer of pressure. It’s silly, but I was essentially telling myself, “My body’s wrong. I shouldn’t be feeling this weak, breathless, and exhausted. I should be fine already. Now, let’s get back to work.”

It wasn’t until months later, and after speaking to my counsellor, that I finally realised how damaging this mentality was. My body had gone through a battle with dengue and instead of giving it time to recover, I pushed it further simply because I didn’t want to feel like I was being too dramatic.

WITHIN MINUTES, I STRUGGLED TO BREATHE AND THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FAINT.

SALT TO THE WOUND
In the days after my first panic attack, things got worse. Just leaving my room would trigger my anxiety, so I stayed in that safe space. To add salt to the wound, I began to notice that my hands were constantly shaking — especially when I wrote. This was crushing because I’m a full-time calligrapher. I write for a living! Work means creating calligraphy for companies (sometimes in public) and teaching it.

Being unable to leave my room and meet people, and losing the steadiness in my hands meant I had to stop work entirely. I’d lost the ability to do the two things that I enjoyed the most — meeting new people and practising calligraphy.

A VERY DARK PLACE
For the first time in my life, I felt no sense of joy at all. It wasn’t just that I didn’t; I simply couldn’t. My tears ran dry and I was afraid of being left alone with my thoughts. I was too afraid to go out or interact with people for fear of another panic attack, or even worse, embarrassing myself in front of my friends or clients if I were to experience an attack in front of them!

To those around me though, I appeared fine even during a panic attack. My husband said he couldn’t even tell when I was having a panic attack unless I told him.

I’ve experienced loss, heartbreaks, and failures in my life. But none of them left me this empty. Struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel, feeling devoid of joy, and being unable to do the things I loved put me in a very dark place.

A place in which I wish you’ll never find yourself.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I FELT NO SENSE OF JOY AT ALL.

To say that my mind was in pieces wouldn’t have been too far from reality.

The combination of stopping work, being afraid to leave home for days on end, and not talking to anyone left me feeling like my life had fallen apart.

Yet in my despair and struggle to see how I’d make it out of this, my instinct led me to look to God. In that pit, when I couldn’t see anything but felt only debilitating anxiety, all I could do was hold on to Christ.

In fact, that’s all I could muster between the depressive and anxious moments!

STEPS ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY
I only began on my road to recovery when I fixed my sight on God and His words.
The first step was praying for courage to step out of my home to seek professional help. A lot was unpacked during my counselling sessions. I’ve since learned coping techniques to deal with a panic attack and ways to manage my triggers so I can still run my business. The biggest takeaways were learning to be more aware of my own needs and setting firm boundaries, especially with my loved ones.

The next step was praying for wisdom and open channels to have that uncomfortable talk about my condition with my family. I praise God that open communication proved to be possible, and they eventually understood that going to a counsellor would help me and shouldn’t be stigmatised.

As I learned to cope with the frightful possibility of panic attacks, I slowly took my final step and turned back to calligraphy. All I wanted to do was go back to why I started calligraphy in the first place — to write out the lyrics to the worship songs I loved!

But my hand tremors didn’t make this easy.

After realising that the shakiness was here to stay, it dawned on me that just as God accepts me with my imperfections, so should I with my art. This revelation encouraged me to allow myself to focus on creating my calligraphy without the pressure of being perfect. The funny thing is that this led to an evolution of my calligraphic style.

IT MAY HAVE TAKEN BEING STRICKEN BY ANXIETY, BUT GOD HAS TAUGHT ME TO LOVE MYSELF AS HE DOES.

MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL GOD
I look back at the journey that God has taken me on and see that I now understand Him and my artistic self better.

Colossians 1:17 will always be dear to my heart: “He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” It’s a verse that has anchored me for years, serving as a reminder that God is the one who’s holding my world together.

It may have taken being stricken by anxiety, but God has taught me to love myself as He does — to allow myself to be imperfect and to move at my own pace.
I’ve experienced God’s providence in bringing the right people into my life — friends and family who don’t try to ‘fix’ me and who listen to what I need without questions. They don’t cause a fuss, and let me ride out each panic attack, just sitting with me or holding my hand.

I still marvel at how I’m able to run my calligraphy business and be out on my own today, because it was entirely impossible just two years ago. I’m able to speak candidly about my anxiety and sometimes even joke about it.

The bouts of anxiety still hit, the cold sweat, tremors, and breathlessness still happen. But God is always good and faithful.

Dig Deeper: Why Does God Allow Evil

Jackie Hwang — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 09:03:00 +0000

When a horrific event occurs, it is natural for people of faith to ask, “Why does God allow evil?” Not only is this an earnest question asked by believers who are seeking answers to experiences of horror and pain, it is also a question used by sceptics and atheists to deny the existence of a God who is good or all-powerful, or both.

This question is especially poignant as we see suffering on a global scale during the pandemic and also as those in Singapore have been shaken by the senseless killing that took place at River Valley High School on 19 July 2021. Though our hearts ache and our minds struggle to find answers for these recent events, we can still be sure that God has not ceased to be good and all-powerful. In fact, there are many ways our faith in God can help us deal with the evil we see in the world.

Can a good and all-powerful God Allow Evil?

Evil, simply defined, is the absence or corruption of what is good; and often there is an underlying assumption that God should want to prevent all evil because He is good and all-powerful. A sceptic will use this assumption and claim that, because evil exists, God does not care about humans and is therefore not a good God. Or the sceptic will assert that God is not powerful enough to prevent evil. Both arguments use the existence of evil to cast doubt on God’s goodness and sovereignty.

The problem with this assumption is that it overlooks how God has created people with free will. Because God has made people with free will, He allows us to choose to sin and to commit evil acts, even if doing so is contrary to what He desires. Evil exists not because God does not care or is somehow powerless to stop it. Rather, it is because He permits people the exercise of their free will, even though it pains Him to see their sinful choices (see how Jesus laments in Matt 23:37).

However, God will not tolerate evil indefinitely. He promises a future when there will be a restoration of all that is good and a judgement against all that is evil (Rev 21). The Bible offers an inspiring description of this new world in a promise that echoes one made in the Old Testament: “‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Rev 21:4; cf. Isa 25:8). This picture can be a source of hope when we see evil in this present world!

GOD WILL NOT TOLERATE EVIL INDEFINITELY.

Does God have a good reason for the evil?

In addition to the promise of a future hope beyond evil, God can sometimes use evil to accomplish His good purposes. However, we should not misunderstand God’s turning of evil into a greater good to mean that He has caused evil. No, evil does not come from God! But God’s sovereignty means that He can work toward a good outcome despite evil.

There are two examples from the Bible that show us how God turns evil into a greater good. One of them is Joseph’s story.

Though he was sold into slavery by his brothers, falsely accused of sexual assault
by his master’s wife, and suffered unjust imprisonment (Gen 37; 39–50), God used these evil events to put him at the right place and right time to save not only his family but many people in and around Egypt from starvation during a famine (Gen 50:20). Another example is the death of Jesus on the cross. Jesus knowingly allowed Himself to be betrayed, arrested, wrongfully put on trial, and finally crucified on the cross (Matt 26–27; Mark 14–15; Luke 22–23; John 18–19). But God used the evil done by humans to Jesus as part of His salvation plan for humanity (Rom 5). The examples of Joseph and Jesus show us that God sometimes has a good reason to permit evil, and can even turn it into something necessary to accomplish His purposes.

Sometimes, evil can appear random in that it does not seem to lead to any good outcome or even have human free will behind it. Random evil could be because God has not made His reasons obvious to us. It could be like the case of Job, who lost his family and health, but never found out that all this was a test of his faith (Job 1–2). Yet, Job recognises at the end of his trials that God’s purposes are sometimes hidden from human understanding (Job 42:1–6). And, just like Job, when we face evil that we don’t understand, we should still turn toward God in faith.

God comforts and suffers alongside those in pain

As we turn toward God when we face evil, we will discover that He is our source of comfort (2 Cor 1:4). We can take heart that He is not far away from us when bad things happen. Since Jesus has personally experienced pain and suffering due to evil (Phil 2:6–8; 1 Pet 2:22–24), He understands intimately what we go through when we face evil. In fact, we can say that He suffers alongside us (Isa 53).

NO ONE IS IMMUNE TO MENTAL HEALTH SUFFERING, NOT EVEN CHRISTIANS.

Knowing that God understands our pain, we can turn to Him in prayer. In the Psalms, we often see that God hears the prayers of those in distress (Ps 6; 13; 62). Through turning to Him, we can cling to God’s unwavering goodness and faithfulness to us (Rom 8:28; 2 Tim 2:13), even if it sometimes seems like evil rules the day.

Therefore, when we face evil, instead of turning away from God in pain, we should turn towards Him with the belief that He continues to be good and sovereign amidst any form of evil. In God, we will find a future hope as well as present comfort because Jesus took on human suffering both to accomplish God’s greater plan of salvation as well as to empathise fully with our deepest pain.

Can Christians Struggle with Mental Illness?

Melissa Tee — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 08:45:00 +0000

To my greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved sisters,

I wish the church would have a better understanding of mental health. As I listen to those around me, there seems to be two perspectives on Christians and mental health: on the one hand, there are those of us who believe that Christians cannot suffer from mental health; on the other hand, there are those who believe that mental health issues must by definition be severe, such that medical or professional intervention is needed.

My dear friends, I would like to offer you a different perspective to consider. We all struggle with mental health issues at some points of our lives. Some of us may suffer from severe mental health issues which require professional help, while some may suffer from milder forms that we are able to tide through with the resources we already have. Mental health is a part of who we are as human beings. It is not a new phenomenon; it is normal. We can embrace mental health challenges and cope with them healthily.

Who are we?
Mental health is part of the health of our whole being. We may think that our body and mind are separate, but when one is affected, our whole being is affected. Consider this example: you are stressed and busy rushing deadlines, so you cannot sleep well. You cannot sleep well, so you are grumpy and moody the next day. You are grumpy and moody, so you cannot have good, wholesome conversations and snap at your closest ones. You do not resolve this, so you feel guilty in addition to stressed and grumpy. Our mental health affects our physical body, and vice versa. The relationship between mind and body is deeply intertwined, like a tightly entangled ball of knitting wool.

MENTAL HEALTH IS PART OF THE HEALTH OF OUR WHOLE BEING.

The Bible tells us that the human being is a unified being. Genesis 2:7 explains it best — God made man from the dust of the ground, so he has a physical body, and gave him the breath of life, so he has an inner self. This is why man is a “living being” who is more than simply flesh or spirit. Our different parts are not isolated. As you have seen in the example above, the smallest disruption has an effect on our whole being. This disruption is like a tiny pebble causing large ripples when dropped into still waters.

Who suffers from poor mental health?
My friends, to say that a Christian cannot suffer from poor mental health is disregarding reality. Just because mental health is intangible does not mean it is non-existent. Let me remind you that Christian or not, we all suffer. We all go through bad times, and just as we can fall ill physically, we can also fall ill mentally. In Genesis 3, we learn about the Fall, sin, and its effects. Christ is our Saviour and Redeemer, but the consequences of sin on the world means that we who are in this broken and imperfect world still suffer. No one is immune to mental health suffering, not even Christians.

Reading the biblical accounts of Elijah and Jeremiah, and the biographies of Martin Luther and John Sung, we can guess that they probably suffered from poor mental health. They did not receive a medical diagnosis based on empirical data, like they might today, but from these written accounts, we can sense that they underwent tremendous mental suffering. Yet, they served God faithfully. My dear friends, if even such influential worshippers of God may have suffered from poor mental health, surely we too may suffer.

NO ONE IS IMMUNE TO MENTAL HEALTH SUFFERING, NOT EVEN CHRISTIANS.

Why do we suffer?
Mental health is not straightforward. There could be a host of reasons for poor mental health. Given its complexity, it is too simplistic to claim a single root cause. I wish it were straightforward, so it would be easy to eliminate the cause and then the symptoms. But it is not. Poor mental health could be a result of a myriad of factors — both internal and external.

Biological factors like a genetic predisposition to addiction could lead to mental health issues. Psychological factors, such as the intense stress of witnessing a loved one die in a car accident, gives rise to a possibility of falling into post-traumatic stress disorder. Social factors like emotionally neglectful parents may lead to poor self-esteem. Possible spiritual elements, such as disobedience to God, may cause extreme anxiety. You could find yourself dealing with one factor or all of them!

I also wonder about some concerns that young women may have these days that contribute to poor mental health. Some of us have social media anxiety from TikTok or Instagram. Some of us may be victims of sexual assault — afterwards, we cannot understand why we feel so light-headed and short of breath from certain smells and sounds; we even feel guilty and hate ourselves. Some of us struggle with our bodies — we cannot look in the mirror because the sight of our body causes us so much distress that we want to reject our very existence. Some of us may wrestle with pornography — we do not understand why there is a desire to keep watching it even after confessing our sin and asking for forgiveness. Some of us silently grapple with the idea of God as Father — our own earthly fathers have abandoned us, so we do not know what having a father feels like.

While some of us are able to cope healthily, some of us need additional help. It is akin to falling physically ill. A handful of us recover from a cold just with some rest, but a few of us will need to visit a doctor and take medication. If I may push the analogy further; if you would see a doctor for your physical health, why would you not seek help from others for mental health? This could be a mature friend, parent, youth leader, pastor, or in some situations, a trained clinical counsellor. There is nothing shameful or wrong about asking for help. When you allow trustworthy people to walk with you, you are taking charge; you are being courageous in facing your wounds and starting the healing process.

IF YOU WOULD SEE A DOCTOR FOR YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH, WHY WOULD YOU NOT SEEK HELP FROM OTHERS FOR MENTAL HEALTH?

Who do we have?
My dear friends, in our darkest valleys and coldest nights, it may seem that God has abandoned us. Yet, even as you lament to God and wrestle with these deep wounds, remember that God is a God who loves you more than you can imagine. God has shown His faithfulness throughout time and in every place from our spiritual forefathers and through all of church history. How comforting to hear that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is also our own God. God has given us the Holy Spirit to comfort us. God has also given us resources like that mature friend, youth leader, pastor, or counsellor to walk with you. Remember, you are greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved.

Psalm 27:13-14
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.