Issue 48 – Kallos

The Power of Saying ‘Yes’ to Jesus

Dorothea Wong — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 08:27:00 +0000

When you look at Joanne, you might think that she is just a sweet but unassuming young woman. However, even a superficial conversation with her will reveal otherwise. Her heart for the underprivileged shines through in every interaction, and my interview with her was no different. It is no surprise therefore that Joanne and her husband Melvin are unselfish about everything they own, including their matrimonial home that they have opened up to strangers in need.

THE FIRST ‘YES’
In truth, Joanne never envisioned herself as someone who would open up her home to host strangers. It all started when Joanne went on a mission trip to Indonesia and stayed with a missionary family for two weeks.

“It was my first time experiencing such hospitality. We started off as strangers, but became friends. Through our conversations, they shared that whenever they came to Singapore to renew their visa, they often had difficulty finding an affordable place to stay.”

Upon hearing that, Joanne then casually said, “When I get married, you can just stay with us.” Who knew that her casual offer would actually catapult her and her then- fiance Melvin into something else!

The pair made good on their word. As their flat was purchased six months before they got married, they ended up hosting two missionary families in their home before they even lived there themselves.

“WHEN I GET MARRIED, YOU CAN JUST STAY WITH US.”

Soon, the couple started to host some youth in their church that needed a place to stay, and eventually, they decided to take the bold step of hosting strangers in need that they found out about through social workers or friends who knew of people who needed a temporary place to stay. The pair have hosted single mothers with infants or school-going children, widows, and families with children thus far. The stays have ranged from two weeks to six months!

“God presented the opportunity to us. We always knew God was present in the process. He is the one who started us off with missionaries we knew personally, then to youth whom we also knew, and now strangers of all ethnicities and walks of life. It’s really a journey that God is orchestrating and writing, and we’re just obeying Him with each step.”

LOOKING DEEPER WITHIN
Joanne recognises that this way of life isn’t for everyone, and God definitely matured her faith over the years to prepare her for this radical mode of service.

Growing up, she listened to sermons by Francis Chan and was inspired by how he modelled doing family life in a missional way. Together with his wife, they invited people to stay in their home, and their children grew up observing them loving their neighbours. They also adopted a teenage daughter, giving her a forever home. The way Chan shared and lived out his faith made Joanne see that her life could be used to serve more than just herself, and that her understanding of the gospel was so limited.

“WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO LOVE SACRIFICIALLY, TO LOVE THE FOREIGNERS, AND THE DOWN AND OUT? “

“When I was younger, living out my faith was focused on simple daily things, like not gossiping, not cheating, and so on. But as I grew older, my view of the gospel was sharpened and widened. Like, what does it mean to love sacrificially, to love the foreigners, and the down and out? How do I live my faith out practically? Now that I am a young adult, I guess God is challenging me to live out my faith by giving my house up to others.”

The decision to use her house as a blessing to others was also largely shaped by a season in her growing up years. When her parents sold their flat and the family had to stay in rental flats for a few years, Joanne found herself shifting from home to home every year. Each rental contract usually spanned a year as the family had hopes that in that year, they would find a permanent place to shift into. However, the market then was so bad that they found themselves in limbo for three to four years.

Like every other teenager, Joanne desired her own personal space, and since she didn’t have it, she often didn’t feel like going home. With a wistful look on her face, Joanne commented, “Even though it was a tough time, I knew God was using that season to mature my faith and my walk with Him. At the end of the whole “sojourning” (or shifting from place to place), I realised that God was actually teaching me a lesson. That experience made me see that I am just a sojourner on this earth.”

LIVING THE LESSON OUT
As such, Joanne holds on to her earthly possessions lightly, including the house she now owns. She is convicted that her house, as with all her possessions, can be a blessing to others. God owns everything, and she is but a steward.

This conviction did not begin only when she bought her house. It was a conviction fostered throughout her teen years.

“For example, if I had extra pocket money and there were worthy causes or people in need, I would think about how much I could give. I would ask, is God nudging my heart and challenging me to spend it on something or someone who needs the money more?”

“ANYONE CAN BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS. SMALL GESTURES GO A LONG WAY!”

She was quick to point out that finances are not the only way to bless others. “You can give of your time to build relationships with people. For example, after giving tuition, I used to stay back for awhile to have dinner with the family. It’s really about the small simple ways of giving in ordinary moments. I tried my best to value people and make them feel dignified.”

She firmly believes that anyone can be a blessing to others. Small gestures go a long way!

“Remember that whatever possessions (money, time, etc.) you have are all given to you by God. What are some possessions you have that you should be holding loosely? I really believe that when you ask God this question, He will speak to you and show you. It’s just a matter of obedience.”

KEEPING THE FAITH
Today, Joanne still firmly believes in the power of small ‘yeses,’ She points out that she did not start out housing strangers from the get-go. Instead, saying a small ‘yes’ each time God convicted her to do something slowly led her to say a bigger ‘yes’ to Him.

So, what can a teenage girl do with the little that she has? Joanne pondered this question and replied, “Perhaps you can start off with $10 to bless someone or a cause. And then, as God slowly stretches your capacity to bless, you can increase what you give [whether it is time, money, or your skills]. Each time you obey and say yes to God, your capacity and conviction grows. This is what I personally experienced. So don’t undermine each small ‘yes’ you say to God. It adds up and goes a long way.”

Starving for Approval

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 08:06:00 +0000

Wide-eyed, I stepped into my new school. It was the beginning of the promising course I hoped to chart for myself. After all, being able to get into a top junior college surely meant that there was a bright future for me — all I had to do was grasp it.

I thought I would cruise through junior college just like secondary school. Little did I know that up against some of the most brilliant minds, I would barely hold a candle to my peers. I performed poorly in both my academics and my co-curricular activity (CCA), failing to meet the expectations I had for myself. With each blow to my self-esteem, my dreams of success started to fall apart, and I could barely hold myself together. I felt increasingly insecure and compared every part of myself to others. There was no place for me even though I gave my all. I started to shrink and withdraw from people, because I was acutely aware of my shortcomings and was consumed by envy and jealousy toward my outstanding peers.

STARTING TO SHRINK
As I was eaten up by my belief that I was a total failure, I started losing my appetite. I saw my weight drop and my body change. At the same time, as people complimented me on my weight loss, I started to find my identity in superficial beauty. Shortly after, I became obsessed with eating as little as possible, as I thought, “If I cannot do well in my studies and in my CCA, I shall go on a strict diet because this is an outcome I can control.” Within two months, I lost 10 kg.

A VISIT TO THE DOCTOR FOR GASTRIC PROBLEMS REVEALED THAT I WAS ACTUALLY ANOREXIC.

Although I was skinny like I wanted to be, my hair was falling out, my period stopped, and I was constantly on the verge of tears. Mealtimes that were once filled with joy were now a significant cause of stress. I felt so lonely in school, yet could not relate well to others because I was harbouring bitter envy toward my peers and wanted to continue my obsessive behaviour of restricting calories despite their genuine concern for me. Worldly success, in the form of perfect grades, talents, and superficial beauty, was all that consumed my mind in every waking moment. Eventually, a visit to the doctor for gastric problems revealed that I was actually anorexic.

LOOKING DEEPER WITHIN
After a few months of battling with this eating disorder, I slowly started to realise that as the desire for worldly success had ruled my soul, God was no longer my master. This inner desire reared its ugly head in the form of an eating disorder, but the root problem was ultimately my ungodly appetite for the approval of man. Thus began a long journey of correcting my beliefs, and God was gracious to send many wiser women to speak truths into my life. As I became more aware of my sinful rebellion against God for idolising superficial beauty and neglecting my friends and family, I started to repent and seek God’s design for success.

GOD’S IDEA OF A LIFE WELL-LIVED IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE WORLD’S DEFINITION.

UNDERSTANDING GOD’S DESIGN
As I began to understand God’s definition of success through His Word, I was convicted that my idea of success had to change. In fact, God’s idea of a life well-lived is totally different from the world’s definition. In our Lord Jesus, I see that God values a humble heart that serves others rather than one which competes for self-glory. Jesus came not to be served, but to serve, and to become a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). In Philippians 2:5–8, Paul exhorts us in this way:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (ESV; emphasis mine)

Looking to the supreme example of the perfect human, Jesus, I was convicted that a life spent chasing accolades and pursuing a worldly form of beauty would be meaningless. Instead of elevating the self, God calls us to be humble servants. There is great peace when we live by God’s design, and place our trust in God’s sovereignty and providence instead of taking pride in worldly achievements.

LIVING A CHANGED LIFE
In God’s mercy and grace, He shifted my perspectives to mirror His own. In the past, I scrambled to meet everyone’s definition of success for me, leading to my obsessive pursuit of the perfect figure and straight As. However, I now recognise that only living wholly unto the Lord matters as He has the final word over my life. This revelation released me from the once insatiable desire for man’s approval in my successes. Consequently, my self-esteem has greatly improved as I grew to root my identity in God’s steadfast love for me.

I THANK GOD FOR REDEEMING ME FROM A FRUITLESS WAY OF LIFE

During my recovery, I was also plugged into a community that valued caring for the vulnerable, which challenged me to focus on the needs of others above my own worldly success. As I actively engaged with hidden communities (people with special needs, migrants, and disadvantaged women and children), I saw that I was living in a bubble, obsessing over transient beauty and individual achievements while neglecting the more important task of loving my neighbour. Rather than spending all my energy on building up my own ‘palace,’ I have the privilege of advancing the kingdom of God and bringing the hope of His gospel to the lost!

I thank God for redeeming me from a fruitless way of life (1 John 2:15–17).

A TIME TO REFLECT
When we meet God face-to-face, even the most ‘successful’ person will not be able to justify himself through his accolades. Although I once starved myself for approval and chased after worldly success, doing so is futile, as all of us are foolish sinners before God regardless of our social standing on earth. With joy, I now sing that there is nothing I can boast in except my sinfulness, as my weak self displays the power of God’s grace.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 states, “The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” (ESV). If you are struggling with your body image, I encourage you to ask God to reveal the root issues of your heart. It may stem from a desire to cover up a deeper insecurity, or it could be a sinful craving for the admiration of man. Either way, God is more than able to change your heart if you would give Him space to speak through His unchanging Word. I would also encourage you to humbly seek counsel from spiritual mentors. May we set aside time to reassess our values and the trajectory of our lives, so that we build our lives on the Solid Rock instead of sinking sand.

Who am I? 3 Things God says about you

Amber Ginter — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 06:55:00 +0000

Since I was 14 years old, I’ve struggled to know who I am and who God has called me to be. Like a stranger in someone else’s skin, I’ve felt uncomfortable in this body called my own. Though I didn’t inherently start out hating my body, I started limiting my food intake and exercising excessively to gain the ‘perfect’ body, falling into an eating disorder that I could not control. This unhealthy obsession with how I looked fed me lies that starved my soul.

Seven years into my struggle, aged 21, this painful discomfort was resting deep in my bones. But the more I tried to change my external body, the heavier I felt on the inside. I believed that if I made my physical self socially acceptable, I would gain friends. But begging for friendships in this way doesn’t end in genuine relationships — it compromises who we are. In those years, I traded the truth of His words for several lies. I stayed in patterns of sin that I thought would make me accept myself, but really only left me with an unhelpful idol called borderline anorexia and orthorexia (an unhealthy or obsessive focus on eating in a healthy way). In place of the happiness I was seeking, I received a mental disorder as a coping mechanism for control.

THIS UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH HOW I LOOKED FED ME LIES THAT STARVED MY SOUL.

Now having recovered at 25, I realise that my issues were not merely from a mental disorder, but problems with core beliefs about who God says I am versus who I believed I was. I had boiled my self-worth down to an image in the mirror when Christ calls me to eternal beauty that never fades. I want to encourage you with three truths of who you are according to God’s Word, so that you’re well-equipped to identify the lies you are told about who you aren’t.

I HAD BOILED MY SELF-WORTH DOWN TO AN IMAGE IN THE MIRROR

1. God says I am redeemed by Christ and not defined by my past, present, or future sins.
As I began to recover from my eating disorder and obsession with health, I had to reject who Satan had convinced me I was: an imperfect person who would never measure up. As my self-esteem plummeted, even though I knew that I was redeemed by the blood of Christ, I struggled to believe that God would be able to see me as a new creation who is forgiven of her sins (2 Cor 5:17; Eph 1:7). My past cast a shadow over my life in Christ.

Satan lies that I would never be good enough, but God says that in Christ, I am. In fact, Psalm 139:13–16 reminds me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (v. 14)! Rejecting the devil’s lies helped me to see that I am of the utmost value to God because He loves me (John 3:16; Gal 2:20). All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23), but because of His grace (Rom 3:24), we are forgiven and no longer bound by that sin (Rom 8:1–2; 2 Cor 5:21).

2. God says I can be healed of my sins, and I don’t have to keep them hidden.
In the thick of my addictions, I had a distorted view of who God created me to be. Facing my faulty image in the mirror, all I saw were my imperfections or reminders of why I’d never be enough to make up for how I’d harmed myself during my struggles. The enemy got me to believe that if I hid my sins even from myself, they would magically go away. I did not understand why I was a slave to these unhealthy mindsets and eating disorders, yet I sensed they were wrong and sinful. But healing doesn’t come when you conceal your sins — it comes when you bring them into the light.

James 5:16 tells us that confessing our sins to one another opens the door to healing. That’s exactly why the enemy would want you to keep your struggles behind closed doors — you are shutting off the possibility of resolving them soon. When we bring to light the lies of the enemy, it becomes much easier to dispel them with the truth.

3. God says I don’t have to be perfect to be loved and have worth.
I am a self-professed perfectionist, and I used to define perfection as having the best body, a perfect G.P.A., and having control over every aspect of my life. I even believed that God saw my value based on how much I served Him. But sisters, this thinking is not only flawed but destructive.

To be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect (Matt 5:48) has nothing to do with worldly views of perfection, but everything to do with Christ. When Christ calls us to His standards, that means being empowered by the Holy Spirit to endeavor to live a godly life as Jesus did. However, by our own strength, none of us can be fully righteous (Rom 3:10, 20). It is only through faith in Jesus that we are able to be counted as acceptable in God’s eyes (Rom 3:22–24).

IT IS INCREDIBLY FREEING TO KNOW THAT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO BE ‘PERFECT’

Even today, I still have trouble understanding that our Heavenly Father’s perfection is something we are called to reach for but can never attain. At the same time, it is incredibly freeing to know that there is nothing I can do to be ‘perfect’. Instead, the beautiful thing is that Christ’s finished work on the Cross tells me that I am already loved and have worth — and that has nothing to do with my efforts.

We may be ugly, messy sinners, but Christ already died for you and me, just as we are (Rom 5:8).

DO YOU MEASURE UP?
When we believe these truths from God’s Word — that we are redeemed by Christ, can be healed of our sins by facing them, and don’t need to be perfect to be loved, something about how we see ourselves begins to change. When we look into the mirror, we won’t see a flawed, sinful being without hope. We will see someone worthy and redeemed in His eyes, not because of who we say we are, but who He declares us to be as new creations in Christ.

Remember, Satan prowls around like a hungry lion ready to kill, steal, and destroy, but Christ came to give life to the fullest (John 10:10; 1 Pet 5:8). Instead of feeding yourself with lies, fill yourself with the life- giving truths of God’s Word.

Dear Kallos: I am worried for a friend, what can I do?

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 06:49:00 +0000

I am worried for my friend. Her pocket money was reduced as a punishment, and she is already extremely skinny! Sometimes, she comes to school physically or mentally hurt, and also says that she and her sister are fighting for favour from her parents. I want to help her, but I don’t know what to do! - Worried

dear Worried,

It must be a very difficult time for your friend right now. We’re glad you want to help her in a tangible way, so here are some suggestions for how to do so.

Firstly, by being there to listen to her, you are already supporting her in a very meaningful way. Keep being that listening ear and even a shoulder for her to cry on. Find little ways to encourage her, like writing her cards or giving her small gifts if this is within your budget.

If she is a believer or open to hearing about God, further encourage her by sharing how God has been real in your life and how you trust in Him to help you. Let her know that there is a God who cares about her, who hears her cries, and who wants to be her refuge and hope (Ps 91:2).

Secondly, if it is within your means, share some of your food with her, such as a packed lunch or some biscuits. If her pocket money is not sufficient, encourage her to be honest with her parents and explain to them the school canteen prices and how much she really needs for a wholesome diet.

However, it sounds like your friend has a complicated relationship with her parents as she tries to earn their favour and compete with her sister. Remind her that her worth is not tied to her parent’s approval but that she has been created uniquely. Share this precious Scripture with her: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps 139:14). Tell her what specific qualities you appreciate about her, and why you value her as a friend. Build up her self-esteem by showering her with encouraging words. Healing from her wounds and learning to be secure will be a long process for your friend, but starting with the truth of who she is will make a difference.

Lastly, encourage your friend to share what she is going through with a teacher or school counsellor who has other resources to help her. It is important to speak up, especially if she is getting hurt physically. Your concern is valid, and we hope you can share it with a caring teacher who can help to protect your friend.

Keep being a friend to her and praying for her. We believe your friend is encountering God’s love through you and that is amazing! Keep going!

I Fever Felt My Mum Loved Me

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 06:42:00 +0000

“Just xx more years until I can move out…” This phrase was my mantra growing up.

My relationship with my family has always been tumultuous. My mother could be verbally and physically abusive: throwing knives at me, beating me until my flesh was exposed, and constantly degrading me publicly. She unceasingly reminded me that I was born so that my older brother would not be an only child, and she never wanted me. Since that was my only experience of parental love, my idea of what love entailed remained transactional — to be loved, I had to earn it. The fear of not being ‘enough’ to receive my parents’ love made me feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells. All I wanted was to escape, so I looked forward to going to university and being able to stay on campus. That seemed to be the only way to avoid the fights and find some peace.

As I grew older, I realised that my view towards my family started to affect my relationship with those around me. Since my concept of love had always been transactional, I did things for people expecting them to give me something in return. My relationship with my family also affected my view of God. I couldn’t understand His unconditional love, and how He could be a good father. I didn’t choose to be a part of this family, and it was easy to blame God for putting me in this position. I even
asked why God hated me so such that He would place me in this family.

Through prayer and reflection, God helped me see that He did not place me here by mistake. He impressed upon my heart a desire to discover what my role in this family was, and to mend my relationship with my mother in particular.

God spoke to me through Exodus 20:12 to honour my parents. I wondered if I was disobeying God by being resentful towards my family. I decided to submit this relationship to God, to trust in His power to heal it, and trust that I would be able to love them like God has loved me. Though there wasn’t any obvious change in my family, I started to see a change in my heart.

This journey has not been easy. Despite my best efforts, there are moments when I feel like I’m back at square one. For example, after a recent argument with my mother, my anger was so overwhelming, and I caught myself spiralling into past memories of all the ways she had hurt me before. The years of trying to improve our relationship felt like it had been in vain.

But through the years of submitting our relationship to God and growing active communication with my mother, I see that our relationship is much better than before. It is only through God’s unwavering love and power that I have been able to see such healing and breakthrough in our relationship, no matter how deep the hurt has been. No matter what challenges may come, I know that I can continue to lean on God’s strength and healing power in this journey of reconciliation.

Dig Deeper: Do all religions ultimately point to the same God?

Jackie Hwang — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 06:30:00 +0000

In Huston Smith’s famous book, The World’s Religions, he attributes the following words to Hindu religious leader Ramakrishna (1836–1886)

God has made different religions to suit different aspirations, times, and countries. All doctrines are only so many paths; but a path is by no means God Himself. Indeed, one can reach God if one follows any of the paths with whole-hearted devotion.

This statement may seem to make sense because every religion has some idea of a divine reality who is sometimes called God. Yet each religion’s notion of the divine is different from the others. In some religions, God is a what and not a who. In others, there are plural gods and not just one. The plethora of definitions for the divine leads us to the question: Just which God is Ramakrishna talking about? Since all religions talk about God/gods differently, they do not point to the same God. In the following sections, we will explore some religions — namely Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Islam, and Christianity — and their understanding of the divine. In this process, I hope it will become clear that different religions think about the divine very differently.

DIFFERENT RELIGIONS THINK ABOUT THE DIVINE VERY DIFFERENTLY.

Inclusive Religions

Broadly speaking, religions can be divided into two kinds according to their idea of the divine — inclusive religions and exclusive religions. Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism can generally be categorised as inclusive religions. What makes them inclusive is the notion that the divine has many expressions, and thus the worship of one god does not exclude the worship of another.

In Hinduism, the countless number of gods — some of which are avatars (manifestations) of other gods — point to a supreme reality or divine essence, known as Brahman. Though Brahman is often translated as “God,” there is no consensus on whether Brahman is a who or a what.

In addition, Brahman and atman (soul or human essence) are considered to be one and the same. Because human essence and divine essence are the same to them, the highest aim for those who practise Hinduism is to be released from the cycle of death and rebirth. This is when atman re-joins Brahman like a drop of water returning to the ocean. Inclusivity in this sense not only blurs the boundaries between different deities, but also between the divine and the human.

Buddhism, which was birthed from Hinduism around sixth to fifth century BCE, shares some of Hinduism’s inclusivity. Like Hinduism, the temples of Buddhism house many figures of worship, such as bodhisattvas (enlightened one). However, whether these figures are considered divine in Buddhism is open to interpretation. According to the teachings of Buddha (the founding figure of Buddhism), the goal of Buddhism is to achieve individual enlightenment and escape from suffering, rather than to worship the divine. Therefore, what or who is divine is not the central concern of Buddhism. The existence of a divine reality is questioned even within Buddhism.

Taoism’s idea of the divine is somewhere between Hinduism (a belief with many manifestations of the divine) and Buddhism (a belief with no certain definition of the divine). Taoism points to an impersonal “ultimate reality” called Dao (the Way or the Path) which is the rule by which the universe functions. Though in Taoism there is a pantheon of many gods and demigods, none of them represents Dao, nor do they collectively make up Dao. These deities, if properly appeased, can help people in their desire to flourish in life, but the main concern for those who practise Taoism is to find Dao and live according to its ebb and flow.

As we can see, these three inclusive religions differ in their ideas of the divine, even as their inclusivity sometimes allows them to absorb gods from other religions into their own mix. It would be an error to equate the Hindu Brahman, Buddhist enlightenment, and Taoist Dao as the same divine reality.

Exclusive Religions

Unlike inclusive religions, exclusive religions such as Islam and Christianity are clear in expressing that their respective concepts of God are different from other religions. Not only is the concept and identity of God distinct from other religions, the worship of God must also be exclusive — given to Him alone.

In Islam, the Shahadah (an Islamic statement of faith) declares that “there is no God but Allah, and Muhammad is his messenger.” Even though Allah is known by 99 names, these names merely describe attributes and do not change the fact that Allah is the only God in Islam. In fact, Islam is so intensely monotheistic that it often accuses Christianity of having not one God but three because of the Christian idea of the Trinity.

Indeed, Christianity’s doctrine of the Trinity — the unity of one God in three fully divine persons of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit — is a most perplexing but unique concept of the divine. It is not the same as Hinduism’s polytheistic notion of many gods blending into one. Rather, the Bible teaches that God is to be worshipped to the exclusion of other gods (Exod 20:3). Jesus Himself makes the claim, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). (Whenever Jesus says, “I am,” it is an echo of how God declares Himself to Moses in Exodus 3:14: “I AM.”)

Because Islam and Christianity are exclusive religions, they would not consider their ideas of God to point to the same God, though they share some historical roots in their development. And it would be even further from their understanding of divinity to assert that their God is the same as the divine reality described in Hinduism, Buddhism, or Taoism. Hence, from the above overview of just these five religions, we must conclude that not all religions lead to the same God!

Respectful Inter-religious Dialogues

After seeing that all religions diverge in their ideas of the divine, it is important to know that we can still talk respectfully to people of other faiths about their beliefs. In Acts 17:16–34, Paul is a model for engaging people of other religions in a winsome conversation whilst also presenting the gospel boldly. Recognising that other religions are different from ours can be more respectful than rushing to find false similarities. As we listen carefully to people of other religions, we can also be confident to present ours. In this way, we can bear witness for Christ in both our attitude and message!

WE MUST CONCLUDE THAT NOT ALL RELIGIONS LEAD TO THE SAME GOD!

How Did You Know you were Ready for a Relationship?

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 06:19:00 +0000

YONG EE WERN, 23

I knew I was ready for a relationship when I found happiness in being single! I have always believed that when one is happy with their single life, that’s when someone is ready. I realised I did not need a relationship to complete my life; I wanted someone to complement it. A partner is meant to complement your life and go through ups and down with you, not ‘complete’ you, which is what I feel society has painted romance to be.

I also found that learning to love myself was important before I was ready for a committed relationship. Learning to love yourself comes in many ways. For example, taking time to finding your own interests and hobbies, and spending time learning more about your strengths and weaknesses. Also, when I know how I want to be treated and what I deserve, I know never to settle for less.

At the end of the day, everyone has a different set of prerequisites required before getting into a relationship. Knowing what works for you is the best way to go about it. Relationships are not a one-hit wonder. It takes time to get to know a person and if it is worth getting into a relationship with that person. Everything happens in God’s timing, so trust in the process!

ANG JIN LIAT, 28

I didn’t know that I was ready, but I was ready to do what it took to get ready. There were a couple of things that I wanted to make sure was in place. As Pastor Andy Stanley shared in his book Love, Sex and Dating, I wanted to “become the person who you’re looking for is looking for.”

Hence, I read some books on relationship and I had a few criterion — firstly, get a job and be financially stable, and secondly, to be spiritually stable, ensuring that my walk with God is good. After I got these two pillars done, I went on to the next step — to try. I don’t think we’ll ever be ready, as we’re on this journey where we’re continuously learning and just becoming
better versions of ourselves. And that’s especially true when you get into a relationship because it’s no longer about one person but about two people. So no matter how ‘perfect’ you are, when you get into a relationship as two people, you will start to see imperfections and learn how to become even better and how to complement each other.

I also asked close friends, “Hey, I’m thinking of getting into a relationship. What do you think of it, do you think I’m ready?” I did a bit of research into the girl I was interested in and also spoke to people who had successful and failed relationships, finding out what worked and what didn’t, so those were all part of the background research.

So … I don’t think there was a point of time in which I thought I was ready, but more so that I’ve done my best and as much as I could to prepare myself for a relationship.

MADELINE TNG, 28

Before entering a relationship, God gave me the understanding that my partner does not complete me. Partners complement us and Christ is the One who completes and satisfies us with His steadfast love (Ps 90:14). While the desire for a relationship is good and healthy, it is not to be esteemed more than singlehood. They are both good.

Additionally, I was also given good counsel to take time to pray for my future spouse and to bring my insecurities to God. As I took time to pray for my future spouse, I saw how God directed and led me in the process, from writing out the desires of my heart about a partner to leading the way to him. We truly can trust in our good Shepherd! Some insecurities that I had to deal with were the fear of getting hurt in a relationship and the uncertainty if I could love someone well (and vice versa). And through surrendering these fears, I got to see that God is love (1 John 4:16) and we are all on a learning journey to learn how to love in a community. On a side note, when you get into a relationship, it is always good to have community support and not be in isolation only with your partner, so now is a good time to build up that trusted community before getting into a relationship.

Lastly, in preparing to enter a relationship, I kept the end in mind — marriage. Marriage is a beautiful thing that God has designed to reflects Christ’s love for the church. However, we need to know that marriage won’t solve any issues with sin or loneliness. In fact, it will only be magnified if we don’t deal with them at the cross before getting into a relationship.

Let’s also remember that marriage in this life is not the ultimate or eternal goal. The only marital relationship of ultimate significance is the eternal union of Christ with His bride, the church! Until the day we see our Bridegroom face to face, may His spirit empower us to love and serve Him, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

JACQUELINE NG, 25

Before I entered my current relationship, my boyfriend and I served together and grew to become good friends. Because of the healthy and genuine friendship that was established between us, I was able to be my authentic self. That including being able to roll my eyes, cackle, and get hit by frisbees during games with no embarrassment. I could also be honest with my hopes, hurts, and weird thoughts (like the urge to pop a giant balloon statue in the mall with a pin). I felt safe and accepted for who I am. This was a significant factor that led me to consider him as a potential partner.

Nonetheless, I was fearful of stepping into the unknown, and the thought of losing someone dear to me.

It was through prayer and journeying with friends that I came to this realisation — while I cannot be 100% ready and there might never be the perfect time, I was certain of these qualities he displayed: he was prayerful and knowledgeable about the faith, humorous and made me laugh, and was caring and empathetic. Through these characteristics, I was being led to holiness, the hallmark of the Christian life. This, and the authentic friendship between us, were the factors that gave me the leap of faith to enter into the relationship.

It has been a joy since.

Battling Comparison and Jealousy

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 05:40:00 +0000

CHALLENGE RULES

This will be a 14-day challenge. Prior to the challenge, you are to list down five things or platforms that cause feelings of comparison and/or jealousy to arise in you.
During the challenge, fast from the above-mentioned things or platforms.
Suggest five ways that you can combat these feelings during the course of this challenge.

Challenger: Victoria Yeo, 17

Fun Facts:
1. I play the keyboard in church
2. My ideal partner is one who can catch insects for me
3. I love banana prata!

Comparison is the thief of joy, so why do we find it so difficult to stop? KALLOS challenges a reader to nip comparison and jealousy in the bud and replace it with wholesome alternatives instead.

FIRST THOUGHTS
I am excited for this challenge! We live in a world that is increasingly competitive, and it is so easy for me to define my success and worth based on how well I am doing in comparison to others. Whenever I feel jealous, I try to use these feelings as a source of motivation to do better. However, I know that allowing my actions to be motivated by envy and the fear of being inferior is not how God wants me to live my life.

I will be deleting Instagram, Pinterest and YouTube, and avoiding secular music and online shopping.

I have asked a close friend to keep me accountable and remind me to stay committed to the challenge if she sees me liking or posting anything on Instagram. She will also be able to view my activity on Spotify to make sure I don’t listen to secular music.

Day 1
Today was pretty challenging. Throughout the day, I still instinctively searched for those apps on my phone before remembering that I had deleted them. I struggled with thoughts on comparison even when I was simply observing people around me. These included things like being envious of the way others looked, talked, or carried themselves. On the upside, I was surprised at the difference fasting from these platforms made spiritually! Since I didn’t have all my social media platforms to scroll through in my spare time (such as while travelling home from school), I tried using that time to talk to God instead, and pray about the thoughts and feelings I struggled with during my day.

I found that not being so caught up with all the noises of the world generally helped me be more in tune with God and more sensitive to His voice and what He was saying to me.

Day 2
Something happened today that I was really eager to post about on Instagram. I was disappointed when I realised I couldn’t, as it was one of those things that would give me temporary confidence after posting about it. In that specific moment I was prompted to pause and ask myself what was my reason for the post. Was there something about myself that I wanted to prove? Was I just eager to rake up some points in this game of comparison that everyone else was playing?

Days 3-6
When I was texting my friends and hearing about what they’ve been doing and accomplishing throughout the day, I still struggled with thoughts of comparison, getting frustrated at myself when my day didn’t seem as fulfilling or productive as others’ did. However, I found it easier to recognise and manage these feelings by reminding myself of the things God has taught me the past few days. I also took time daily to pause, converse with God, and thank Him for what He has blessed me with.

Days 7-10
One evening, I was involved in an online vote for the new Executive Committee of my co-curricular activity. Normally, I would question my own abilities and competence in comparison to the rest. However, I found myself committing everything to God and asking Him to show me who He wanted to appoint as leaders in each specific position. To my surprise, every person I voted for was the exact person who won that round. I also felt joy when I texted those individuals to affirm them!

Day 11
Something happened today that I really felt like posting about again, but this time I realised that because my thoughts were already centred more on God’s heart and seeking to please Him, it didn’t bother me one bit that I wasn’t able to do so! I’m really encouraged seeing how God has been working in and through me these past few days.

Days 12-14
A few of my friends were talking about a project that they found out about through social media, and that some other people I knew were involved in as well. They were discussing how they wanted to participate in it, and I was tempted to download all my deleted platforms before the challenge was up to see what it was all about. However, seeing the huge difference that this challenge has made for me mentally, emotionally, and in my walk with God, I was encouraged to follow through to the end of the challenge. I didn’t think I would be able to make it, but I’m really glad that I did.

Last Thoughts
Looking back, I think this challenge was something I didn’t know I needed. Fasting from all these platforms and meditating on God’s Word didn’t instantly make it easier for me to curb my feelings of jealousy and comparison, and it still took consistent effort to be mindful of my thoughts, but it was definitely very helpful! I’ve learnt to see things a little more like God does, and value the things that matter to Him.

Now, whenever I experience such emotions, I try to go back to God’s Word. One of the passages I like to read is Job 38–40, where Job finally encounters God face-to-face and has a revelation of God’s wisdom, which is far above his own. Reading this passage always humbles me and reminds me of how small I am in comparison to how great and awesome God truly is. I am reminded that God does not owe me anything, and yet He has blessed me with so many things that I do not deserve. This helps me refocus my thoughts and give thanks for all that God has given me, instead of feeling jealous and getting upset over what I do not have.

Moving forward, I want to continue living my life accountable to my audience of One and to Him alone — the One whose opinion truly matters, because He created me.