Studies – Kallos

Too Stressed To Feel Blessed?

Kalista Wan — Sat, 01 May 2021 04:36:00 +0000

In secondary school, my nickname was Jetpack Kal. My classmates gave me this nickname for my infamous 19 kg backpack (yes, I weighed it one day after school) that I diligently carried every day. It all started when one of my friends tried to help me move my bag and exclaimed — in what I understood was a mix of astonishment and mortification — “Wow, why is your bag so heavy? What do you put inside?!”

Inside that ‘jetpack’ was my textbooks, notes, and assessment books that I had bought on my own accord. I would bring all of them to school to revise in my free pockets of time, and then lug them back home so that I could have all the resources with me as I studied (#kiasu). It was thus of no surprise that my bag would be breaking at its seams and small holes had started appearing at the bottom as the fabric started to give in to the weight. Whenever my grandparents, parents, or friends told me that I should carry fewer books, as it would affect my spine and posture, I would just sheepishly nod and try to get out of the conversation. Unbeknownst to them, the literal and metaphorical weight of that jetpack was something I was willing to bear in the hopes that I could continue to score with flying colours.

ENTERING THE RAT RACE

It would have seemed to my classmates that I was a smart and confident student, but I was, in fact, a very insecure student who had been utterly crushed by the outcome of her PSLE results two years ago. I still remember the day my teacher handed me my results. She pursed her lips, nodded, and said, “OK, OK” unenthusiastically. I did not do as well as I had hoped and enrolled into a secondary school that was not one of my top few choices. I felt like a failure and entered secondary school determined to prove myself and gain the approval I craved from my teachers and parents.

That desire for approval manifested in the form of striving in everything that I did. I would force myself to wake up at 7 am on Sundays to study, bring notes to revise during family dinners, and ask my parents for money so I could buy the latest assessment books.

THERE WAS ALWAYS MORE PUSHING, MORE STRIVING, MORE TO PROVE.

I was always too stressed out to enjoy life, easily agitated when I had less studying time, and would beat myself up if I missed even half a mark.

There was always more pushing, more striving, more to prove … and this was apparent not just in my studies but also in other facets of life, including my CCAs, church, and family. I was bent on topping my class, being the first among my CCA mates to be awarded a prestigious award, and joining the student council. Plagued with the stress of my expectations stemming from desiring the approval of others, I was hardly rested, hardly appreciative, and hardly happy. Nothing was enough; I realised this the day of the release of my mid-term results. My exuberant form teacher broke the news that I had topped my cohort. I was elated, but with it also came surging feelings of anxiety, stress, and dread. I had to continue to keep this up — this achieving and over-achieving.

On the journey home, I trudged along with a weary heart and heavy footsteps, perplexed that I was not satisfied with my grades. Exasperated, I cried out to God, “How can it be?! What then is enough?!” Just like my jetpack, I was slowly breaking at my seams, crushed by the weight of my own expectations and the need for approval.

A GENTLE REBUKE

Psalm 139:23–24 became a personal plea, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” In the pit of anxiety and stress, I was blessed with a loving rebuke from my cell leader, who implored me to return to the Father’s love which is devoid of strife.

I HAD PLACED MY IDENTITY IN WHAT OTHERS THOUGHT OF ME, AND NOT IN THE ONE I BELONG TO.

She urged me to recognise that I had been carrying a crushing weight of expectations and achievements. Underlying this was pride in my heart, consumed by the pressure to ‘have my life together’ when I had placed my identity in what others thought of me, and not in the One I belong to. Often, our daily preoccupations and emotions suggest who we belong to — a little praise and success lifts us, while a little criticism and failure makes us dispirited. Henri Nouwen puts it this way in The Return of the Prodigal Son: “All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over … shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me.”

I sought time with the Lord and asked for grace that I would be open and tender to His voice as He revealed the offensive ways in me and led me in His ways. In the secret place, I was deeply met with the revelation that there is no striving or performance in His love. With this encountered truth, I desired to turn from my ways of self-sufficiency and pride and to be set free from the need to prove myself with this constant striving and achieving. By my own strength I had tried to carry the weight of my expectations and the pressures of succeeding; but God knows our frame, and He doesn’t ask us to be more than who He has created and called us to be.

There are some weights not for us to carry and some that we are to let go of. Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” (ESV). Run the race that is set before us — not the rat race with its concomitant pressures and expectations, but the race in light of what God has called and redeemed us for.

As the striving and stress began to be replaced with such freedom and light, I found starting the day or study time with prayer helped to anchor me in the Lord. With God’s leading, I began to experience anew the joy of studying, of working heartily unto God and not others, and could fully enjoy the times meant for rest. My Jetpack Kal days are now behind me, and before me is a lifetime’s journey of placing my identity in Him and grasping this timeless truth: it is God who defines me, and nothing and no one else.

Liane Lim: Obsessed With Success

Quek Shiwei — Sat, 01 May 2021 03:21:00 +0000

I got to hear snippets of Liane’s story through a mutual friend a couple of months ago and was inspired by how she truly loved God and wanted to live her life for Him. Despite exceling in school and working as a successful lawyer, Liane put on no airs. She was down-to-earth and personal during our conversation together. While others may look at her accolades and label her a “success,” Liane is more interested in how she lives her life for God and uses her gifts to serve others!

Hi Liane! Did you always do well in school?
I did not. When I was younger, I failed a lot of my exams. I was never obsessed with grades or success. I scored really lousily and people used to say that I was the stupidest girl in my class.

What changed?
Initially when I was studying in a polytechnic, I regularly skipped school and as a result, nearly lost the last friend I had there. I decided to study harder in an attempt to preserve that friendship. Surprisingly, I started doing well and realised that I actually have a knack for studying! I thought that if I kept doing well, I could go quite far with my grades and land a good career. I felt that if I were a successful, powerful, and influential lawyer, I would be happy in life. I wasn’t a Christian then, and success became something I filled the gaping hole in my heart with that only Christ was supposed to fill.

I FELT THAT IF I WERE A SUCCESSFUL, POWERFUL, AND INFLUENTIAL LAWYER, I WOULD BE HAPPY IN LIFE.

What was the motivation behind your desire for academic success?
There were many motivations. One was money. I thought, if I have money, I can spend it on anything and life can be made better. I also desired power; I could command more people to listen and look up to me. I was also driven by pride. I felt shiok (very good) whenever people praised me for exceling in things I was good at.

Is money as a motivation necessarily a bad thing?
I believe that we should steward our gifts wisely. For example, if I’m a good pianist, then I should serve God with my skills. Similarly, if I have been academically blessed, then I should use my brains to serve God. Having more money can also allow one to serve the community more effectively. So I don’t think that one should be scared of being successful or earning more money. The problem is the temptation to use money and success to satisfy one’s desires instead of serving God.

When did you begin to realise your obsessive pursuit over success? Were there visible signs?
As a student, I clocked in around four hours of sleep a day. In my time as a lawyer, I used to have ‘badges of honour’ I was proud of. Clients recognised me as someone who replied an email within minutes, no matter the time of day. I was dubbed as being ‘crazy.’ I also had a sleeping bag in the office, and eventually even a sofa bed. There were days when I would just stay in the office to work endlessly. I realised how enslaved I was to work when my tiredness physically showed in the size of my eyes — they were half its usual size! I also had emotional breakdowns. It was clear that work was my master. I knew that continuing this lifestyle would be unhealthy for me.

THE THINGS THAT GAVE ME STATUS AS AN ADVANTAGE OVER PEOPLE WAS RENDERED USELESS IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

How did your perspective of success change after becoming a Christian?
I became a Christian in the midst of my working years. Over time, listening to sermons and reading the Bible caused me to ask myself, “Why am I doing all the things I am doing?” The things that gave me status as an advantage over people was rendered useless in the kingdom of God.

Interestingly, things started changing at my workplace; my boss had resources to hire more people so work became more balanced amongst the employees. I started to have more time to pursue my own interests, and I realised that life is more than just work.

What really set me free was my struggle with a spending problem and I prayed for God to help me overcome it. I read Crazy Love by Francis Chan and I was convicted to only spend a fixed amount and give the rest away. That season opened my eyes to realise that there is more to life than working tirelessly to earn more money. Of course, no matter how much or little you have, you should still have a heart of service to bless others. Being freed from excessive working and money as my identity was a huge breakthrough.

What do you think distinguishes striving and working hard for grades versus obsessing over them?
Ideally, nothing should fill the void in your heart except God. You should be so secure in your identity that good or bad grades will not make you feel any less loved and complete. The problem is that sometimes, you have an idol that is co-existing with God. I can have a good relationship with God, and still have an idol. Let’s say my idol is good grades. I achieve good grades and I do love God. But I need to ask myself honestly if I am working hard because I love God and want to be excellent in what I do, or if I am doing it because I am looking to good grades to define me.

WHEN IT IS CONSUMING OTHER IMPORTANT ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE, YOU OUGHT TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK.

Another indicator is to look at the amount of time you spend on studying. God gives us many things to steward. When you are disproportionately placing a lot of energy on one thing such that you neglect the others, it is clear what takes a higher priority. Within reason, there is nothing wrong with giving time to studies, but when it is consuming other important aspects of your life, you ought to take a closer look.

What are some practical tips for students who desire to excel in school but are wary about obsessing over grades or success?
Prayer is a good ‘weapon.’ Be intentional to always pray and submit your desires to God. God is faithful and He will let His will be done in your life. Secondly, be intentional about filling up your heart with God. For example, if you are trying to kick a bad habit but instead of filling it up with God, you turn to something secular, that defeats the purpose of trying to kick the habit! Thirdly, be mindful of your motivations for needing to succeed and counter it with Bible verses. For example, if you are tempted to be drawn to man’s praises, meditate on verses that counter that very temptation, like those that focus on honouring God above man. The more you read Scripture, the more God will reveal motivations that perhaps are not the most pleasing to Him.

*This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Straight As, But Rejected From Law School

Janell — Sat, 01 May 2021 03:07:00 +0000

My earliest memory of primary school was coming home from school, hiding in my room, and doing my homework. Nobody forced me to do it — I just really wanted to do well! Throughout my schooling years, I always put in my hundred percent. I was satisfied with the fruit of my results, and felt like I was in control of my grades as long as I put in the hard work.

Ever since I was a child, I knew that I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. In junior college, I worked hard with the single-minded purpose of getting into law school. When the ‘A’ Level results were released, I had gotten straight As!

“God is opening the door to law school for me. I am walking in His will,” I thought.

I applied for law school in two universities in Singapore, and went for interviews and entry exams in all the local universities. I also applied for a degree in communication studies in another university, as a ‘back up option’ that I did not put much thought into. When the rejection letters from both law schools came, I was crushed.

I remember the night of the second rejection email well. I was crying and felt a sense of worthlessness. At the time, I was obsessed with having control over my studies and my life. When that was taken away from me, I felt hopeless and desperately anxious. I did not know any other option except law school, and could see no future but the one I had envisioned for myself as a lawyer. In my disappointment, I questioned God’s goodness toward me.

While I was still coping with the rejections, I received an offer for communication studies, along with an invitation for a chat with the faculty dean. I was offered a bondless scholarship, which would cover my school fees and provide an allowance. I was immediately rebuked and humbled! A mere few days ago, I had wondered if God was good, and He, in His good mercy, provided me with an alternative that was more abundant than I could imagine. I was humbled because I was so focused on my own will, that I did not rest in the truth that God is good, regardless of the outcome, and that He would provide, though it sometimes does not take the shape and form that I expected.

This was a crucial spiritual lesson for me in my life, and I pray that I will always remember His benefits and goodness when I face trials in the future!

What’s The Point Of Studying?

Jillian Lee — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:19:00 +0000

Anyone who has asked the question, “why study?” is met with the standard answers:

– To get a degree
– To get a good job so you can enjoy life
– To not end up as a road-sweeper (or trash collector, cleaning aunty or insert your own perceived demeaning job here: _____________)

It’s a narrative that has been ingrained in many of us from young. And so we jump into the stormy seas of the national exams and try our best to keep afloat with the life buoys of enrichment classes and tuition. Some do really well. Some barely survive. But have we ever asked ourselves, “What’s the point of all of this?”

As a student growing up, I certainly didn’t. School was something we all had to do to survive in this world, no questions asked. Exams were endured; while my school days were spent juggling schoolwork, CCAs, ballet and piano lessons, and Chinese and Math tuition classes that I absolutely hated.

SCHOOL WAS SOMETHING WE ALL HAD TO DO TO SURVIVE IN THIS WORLD, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

I gave due diligence to my studies, and one could say my efforts paid off because I graduated from university without much ado and got a comfortable, stable job as a teacher. Not that I really wanted to become one — it was more a matter of limited choices (what can you do with an English major?) and securing a job upon graduation. It was only in my 5th year as a teacher that the questions began. I enjoyed my colleagues and the students, producing good results on the whole and had even been selected for the leadership track. Despite all this, something began to bother me. Batch after batch of students were herded through the system. My job was to ensure that they did well enough to get into a university of choice which would then ensure their pathway to a good job and consequently, a good life. If they got married and had kids, they’d send their kids through the same stressful system in order to achieve the same goal. Was this really the abundant life (John 10:10) that Jesus said he came to give us?

After months of praying and soul-searching, I decided to leave the service. It was not an easy decision, and many told me that I was crazy to give all this up, but I had to find out if there was anything more to life than this endless paper chase.

In the end, my journey of wondering and wandering led me to this life-giving truth: education is not solely a ticket to a good job; for Christians, education has everything to do with God and His kingdom.

EDUCATION LEADS US TO A DEEPER WORSHIP OF GOD

Firstly, education deepens our worship of God. Colossians 2:3 tells us that in Christ is hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Christ, the Word of God (John 1:1), who created the world and all that is in it (John 1:2), is the Author and Designer of all things (Gen 1:1). Our time in school is a wonderful opportunity to discover more about the world that God created and, in turn, to discover more about the One who created it.

For example, maths is not just about numbers and equations; it reveals the order and beauty of God who graciously gave us a language that would help us understand and explain His world. History is not about memorising boring facts, but a study of God’s involvement in our world and faithfulness to His covenant. The sciences reveal His precision, ingenious creativity, and tender care toward all creation, and the arts explore what it means to be created in the image of a Creator God.

When we begin to see through eyes of faith, we realise that every subject we learn in school presents us with the opportunity to marvel at the greatness of God and to worship Him anew.

EVERY SUBJECT WE LEARN IN SCHOOL PRESENTS US WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO MARVEL AT THE GREATNESS OF GOD AND TO WORSHIP HIM ANEW.

EDUCATION EQUIPS US FOR THE KINGDOM

Secondly, education equips us to partner God in His mission. The Fall of humankind (Gen 3) caused a disordering and distortion of God’s original design. But through Christ, all things have been reconciled to him (Col 1:15–20) — that is, brought back into wholeness. A complete restoration will only happen when Christ comes again (Rev 21:5). But in the meantime, as co-heirs with Christ (Rom 8:17), we are called to bring wholeness to our broken families, societies, policies, and structures in all spheres of life. Education becomes a key component of this process, as it prepares us to fulfil our roles in His kingdom mission well.

In school, we learn about teamwork, discipline, and how to overcome challenges — that’s an equipping in fortitude, character, and social-emotional skills. We learn about the building blocks of knowledge and how to apply them — that’s an equipping in knowledge and skills.

In school, we have many opportunities to discover more about our strengths and talents, and to work on our weaknesses. Are we better at maths or English? Do we prefer abstract concepts or to work with our hands? Are we team players or lone rangers?

Our schooling years are the best time to find out. Sadly, when the goal of education is only about getting good grades, we miss out on the many opportunities presented to us to be able to discover these gifts.

The fact is that each of us has been uniquely gifted for a part in God’s kingdom. We are his workmanship, created for good works in Christ Jesus (Eph 2:10). God has gifted some of us with the compassion that is suited for nursing or social work. God has gifted some of us with business acumen or an entrepreneurial spirit. God has gifted some of us with agility and strength, others with finger dexterity or sensitive taste buds. Some have the gift of the gab. Just like the parable of the talents (Matt 25:14–30), each of us has been given different talents — some have more, some have less, but each is called to wise stewardship of these resources.

God is asking each one of us — what will you do with what I’ve given you? Hide it away? Complain that you have less than everybody else? Or steward whatever gifts have been given you for the glory of God and the benefit of the world?

A BETTER VISION FOR EDUCATION

As Christians, we need a better vision for education — one that moves beyond the stress of exams and points us to love God and seek His kingdom. I wish I had known this when I was growing up. I don’t think it would have made maths any easier for me, but it definitely would have allowed me to have a better attitude toward it!

THE FACT IS THAT EACH OF US HAS BEEN UNIQUELY GIFTED FOR A PART IN GOD’S KINGDOM.

Whether you have two or ten years left to your educational journey, I encourage you to make the most of your time. No doubt, it can be really challenging at times, but don’t let the system rob you of your God-given curiosity and the joy of loving the Lord with your mind. As students, and even parents and teachers, may the words of this hymn by Tom Troeger be our prayer:

Blend, O God, our faith and learning
Till they carve a single course
While they join as one returning
Praise and thanks to you, their Source

I Cried Through My Chemistry Papers

Kalista Wan — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:19:00 +0000

People often say, “Study hard and you’ll get somewhere.” I studied hard, but I wasn’t sure where I was going.

After my O levels, I prayed, “If you have a particular school you’d want me to go to, I’d go!” The night before the Joint Admissions Exercise (JAE) submissions, I felt God leading me to a Christian school through Matthew 5:13-15 (I later realised that it was the school’s chapel theme verse for the year). I had only known of the school 2 days before, and didn’t know anyone from there, but I decided to trust His leading.

On the first day of school, the devotion was on Matthew 5:13-15, the very verses that had led me there! I found myself holding back my tears in my Chemistry class as I felt the Lord’s reassurance that I had made the right choice. Deep down, I had struggled to honour my parents who wanted me to take Chemistry over History (my favourite subject then). It was not after many tearful prayers, that I felt that God was leading me to honour my parents in the decision.

The journey was far from easy — my results were lower than average, my laptop crashed three days before my final presentation, and I had to undergo surgery for a torn ligament just before the prelim exams. With each test, I grew even more discouraged. Often, I retreated to cry in the toilet or in the comforts of my quiet time at home.

Once, a Chemistry teacher wrote our names in four columns on the whiteboard. She pointed to the last column (where my name was) and remarked that we should pull up our socks. If not, we would get a grade of 5 (IB grades being ranked 1-7). I was crushed.

Still, the Lord tenderly sustained me. Before every paper I would get on my knees to pray — confessing my dependence and surrendering my results to Him.

The day the results were released, I prayed with my group of friends — “If any of us attains 45 points (the perfect score), we would count all this as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ as Lord.” Perhaps God had directed me to pray this because I soon received my results with a perfect score of 45, with the highest possible grade for Chemistry! I was stunned. My teachers and my friends who had known my struggle rejoiced with me. This time, it was tears of gratitude that welled up in my eyes, as I remembered the hymn we had been singing in Chapel — “In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, is Christ alone.”

After the examination, God led me through many encounters with James 1:27 at various camps and services to take a gap year to discover His heart for the widows and orphans through missions. Once again, I had to make the difficult decision to trust His leading.

Then, I hadn’t decided on what to major in University. At the start of my gap year, I felt the word ‘ship’ impressed on my heart. Soon, a conversation with a friend would unexpectedly open the door to a medical ship ministry. That experience as a volunteer intern significantly shaped my decision to study Medicine as I felt drawn to missions in the healthcare sector.

Looking back, from choosing Chemistry to a gap year and then Medicine, I see how God established my steps beautifully in His time, even in the area of studies. And while medical school isn’t the easiest, I know this is where I’m supposed to be!

Fill Your Heart With Joy

Jiamin Choo — Tue, 30 Jun 2020 08:09:00 +0000

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the stress of studying? I remember the many late nights in the library studying with friends when we were preparing for the ‘A’ levels. Even though we tried our best to revise our notes and help test each other, there was still the fear of not doing well.

With anxiety building up as the exam dates drew nearer, I stayed up later, slept less, and became more short-tempered at home. I had become so focused and worried about exam results that joy was taken away from me. I was drained and exhausted.

In that moment, it felt like studying was all that mattered, even if it took a toll on me mentally, emotionally, and physically. But on hindsight, I wished I could have reminded myself that there is much more to life than studying and about the importance of cultivating joy, because “a joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Prov 17:22).

The book of Proverbs was put together long ago for God’s people to learn about God’s wisdom, and I find this saying to be so true and relevant today. A joyful heart really lifts me up and makes me feel better like an effective cure, but a crushed spirit can take its toll and drain me completely. The key here is the presence of joy, which makes me wonder, “Where does my joy come from? How do I cultivate a heart that can rejoice in all situations? What tends to take joy away, leaving me feeling crushed, broken, and dry?”

For me, being thankful is one way of cultivating a joyful heart.

When I thank God for His goodness, how He has lavished His love on me, and adopted me into His family through Christ, there is the joy of being loved by my Heavenly Father. When I have my favourite dishes, learn something new in school, or have a happy reunion with loved ones (post-Circuit Breaker), I can thank God for blessing me with these tangible gifts to enjoy in this season of life (Ecc 3:12–13).

When I thank my family members or friends for their kind words, surprise gifts, or acts of faithfulness, they know what they have done have not gone unnoticed, and joy can fill their hearts too. When I choose to give thanks, my heart becomes joyful because I realise I have been blessed with much.

Another way of cultivating a joyful heart is by turning worries into worship.

With the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic and social unrest around the world, the sheer amount of negative news can make me anxious about the uncertain future. Things can also get stressful for those preparing for major exams, or for those waiting to secure an internship or job during this economic downturn. But instead of letting these worries steal my joy, I can choose to worship.

Because God knows me by name, and all the days of my life have been ordained in His book before one of them comes to be (Ps 139:16), I can surrender my worries into God’s hands, trusting Him to take care of things. When I sing praises or meditate on Scripture, I’m reminded of our eternal hope in Christ that goes beyond this physical world. Through worship, my worries fade and there is fullness of joy.

I hope that no matter what challenges come in your studies or work, joy will not be taken away from you, but will always fill your heart and keep your spirit strong. Be thankful, turn your worries into worship, and may the joy of the Lord be your strength.

PRAYER

Thank You, Lord, for being my source of joy. Fill my heart with joy such that no matter what comes my way, I will sing of Your praises and be an encouraging presence to those around me.

REFLECTION TIME!

1. Who/what brings you true joy? What stops this joy from being taken from you?
2. How can you help to cheer up someone with a crushed spirit?

DELVE DEEPER

Read and reflect on these passages on “joy”:
o Psalm 16:7–11
o Ecclesiastes 3:12–13
o John 15:9–12

HANDLES

Listen for Scripture in songs. Many songs have been inspired by God’s Word and have Bible verses incorporated into the lyrics. As you sing or listen to these songs, find out which Bible verses they are based on, and see how you can apply these words of truth in your life.

True Story: I Failed My “O” Levels

Sarah Han — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

I sat, nervous, in the tiny meeting room of my secondary school’s office. It was the day of my ‘O’ Level Examination results release and the room was uncomfortably silent. I opened the envelope containing my result slip as my form teacher eagerly looked on.

“How is it? How do you feel about your grades?”

A simple “I am okay,” was all I could muster.

Yet, when I left that office, my head was still whirling in shock.

32 points.

ITE SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY OPTION I HAD.
THIS WAS GOING TO BE MY LIFE FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS.

It took two days for the news to set in before I could even text a close friend with the news. What is perceived as a place for only the weakest students, the Institute of Technical Education (ITE), seemed like the only option I had. This was going to be my life for the next two years.

One week into school, my pastor dropped me a text checking to see if I was okay. I guess the people around me were just as shocked as I was at my ending up in ITE. The reality of being on campus made things even harder. The people in ITE were different from those in my secondary school. The new school environment and the difficulty I had with making new friends quickly made the experience even tougher. I was struggling.

After a month in ITE, the Lord impressed upon me to do a 40-day fast — one meal a day. The first few days weren’t easy. I had to be intentional in setting aside time every day to seek God and to read His word. To be honest, I was super self-conscious at the start. I was embarrassed and didn’t want others to know what I was doing. However, I grew more confident of my faith, bit by bit, and I started to be rooted in my identity in Christ.

I wasn’t afraid to read the bible or to pray in the open anymore.

It was during that 40-day fast that I grew closer to the Lord. It is this irreplaceable, intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father that got me through that torrential season of life. On hindsight, I could have chosen to go the private education route, or even retake my O levels, but I guess God had other, better, plans for me.

BEYOND THE MOUNTAIN I SEE

During those two years, I learnt what it meant to trust God. To remember that God holds my everything and that He knows what He is doing.

When I first received my results, I doubted God’s sovereignty in my life. Whenever someone shared how God saw them through major examinations, I would ask God, “What about me? If You saw them through, why didn’t You do the same for me?”

Yet, I realised that God has used the two years in ITE to mould my heart and shape my character.

It was only when I was stripped of all I wanted that I saw that God was all I actually needed.

I am thankful that I have God to journey with me through life’s challenges, and Whom I can call upon any time of the day. When things are going well, when I have friends supporting me and cheering me on— God is there. When I feel all alone— God is there too. While things may change, God remains the same yesterday, today and forever.

Sometimes I wonder why those numbers were so important to me. Today, people rarely ask me about my ‘O’ Level results. More importantly, I have grown so much closer to the Lord. I have blossomed from that girl filled with doubts to one with an authentic relationship with God.

I can now say that I truly enjoyed my two years in ITE. It has been a privilege and I look forward to the greater things that God has in store for me!

Dear Kallos: How Do I Overcome Discouragement With School Results?

Alina Teo — Sun, 23 Sep 2018 16:00:00 +0000

How do I overcome discouragement with results that don’t meet my expectations, especially when it means I can’t enter my dream school? – Disappointed

dear Disappointed,

When I was in school, I wasn’t a student who aced all my exams even though I studied hard. I fought many battles in my mind trying to remind myself that God is in control and He has my best interests at heart. Yet, the reality of getting dissatisfactory grades and feeling like I wasn’t good enough was very difficult.

My perspective changed when I understood that what I deem as “the best” for me may not always align with what God knows is the best for me. He sees the big picture and cares for every small detail of my life. Instead of asking myself whether my results are good enough and where they could take me, I realised that the question should be, Do I trust God to lead me to the best place He has for me in this season? What can seem a huge discouragement now might actually be a brilliant stroke by God on the beautiful canvas of your life!

All that being said, it is still important to work hard and truly give your best in all that you do. It does not mean being idle. I believe God wants to work with us hand in hand, to “perfect that which concerns” us (Ps 138:8 NKJV).

Trust God to bring you through this season with His grace and lead you to the next with beauty and strength. Lay down all your expectations and take up Christ.

Dear Kallos, many celebrities have been breaking up recently and it makes me afraid of getting into a relationship. What do I do? – Afraid to Hope

dear Afraid to Hope,

I understand your fear, but there is so much beauty in loving and being loved that it overshadows the fear of being hurt. The truth is that when we open ourselves to loving someone, it is hard work! When two sinful people come together and rub shoulders, friction happens, and when that happens, it is easy to feel like walking away.

But love is more than an emotion — it is a commitment. Christ could have chosen to walk away from the cross, but He chose to faithfully endure it to the end because He is committed to us. When we step into a relationship, we are choosing to commit to loving the other and giving ourselves. When we see it that way, a relationship is not something to walk away from just because it is difficult or inconvenient; it is one where we selflessly, like Christ, choose to love our partner every day.

That said, as Christians, this is with the understanding that we should not date flippantly, getting in and out of relationships as we so please. We need to value the other person as Christ would value him and also seek wise and godly counsel before we get into a relationship and also as we are going through it. Lastly, listening closely to what God has to say about whom we choose to date and marry is part of our journey of obedience.

Knowing that our anchor is Christ and not merely leaning on our own ability to sustain a good relationship, we can step into a relationship without fear!

You Are Not Your Grades! What Is Your True Identity?

Quek Shiwei — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 16:00:00 +0000

We’ve all had moments of absolute frustration and sadness when we want something so badly but just can’t get what we want. When I was a little girl, I remember throwing a tantrum in public because I really wanted a particular toy. My parents refused to give in to my spoiled behaviour and that made me fuss even more! I went home absolutely angry at my parents because they did not give me what I wanted. I was upset, but I moved on eventually.

But what do you do when what you can’t get is something really important that seems to affect your entire life? What if you don’t get the exam results you want or get into the school you’ve always dreamed of? How do you get over that?

When I was in secondary school, I had my eyes set on entering National University of Singapore and applying for Sociology as my major. I also desired to stay on-campus in a residential college called the College of Alice and Peter Tan, which focuses on reaching out to the community and had a strong Christian community too. However, some twists and turns in my educational journey led to homeschooling from ages 16 to 19, and using my American high-school diploma to apply for local universities was a complicated process.

I had high hopes, but my application was unfortunately denied.

THE IDENTITY BATTLE

I eventually got into a private university based in Singapore, but I couldn’t help but feel that this was not how my dream was supposed to turn out!

For two years, I spilled angry tears and battled with disappointment with God, but all I heard was silence. For two years, I struggled with my identity.

The failure to get into a local university haunted me to no end. I can still vividly remember how much I loathed my first semester. I remember the nights I cried myself to sleep because I felt so upset at myself and with God. I felt like a disappointment and a failure. My future looked bleak.

Subconsciously, my identity had become centred on my academic successes. To me, success was about consistent stellar grades and studying at a reputable school, and this success was one I craved and desired. It was a badge of honour and what I wanted to be known for — Dorothea, the successful one. Instead of wanting to be recognised for other attributes, such as being kind, patient, or godly, I wanted to be known most for my success.

And on a scale of one to 10, I felt like I was nowhere near success.

I FELT LIKE A DISAPPOINTMENT AND A FAILURE. MY FUTURE LOOKED BLEAK.

SINGAPOREAN SUCCESS

In primary school, every student is streamed, ranked, and placed in different classes according to how well they do for their examinations.

In secondary school, the science stream is preferred over the arts. The reason is simple — choosing the arts stream appears risky and is less desirable; the science stream offers a more secure future.

Between junior colleges, polytechnics, and vocational institutes, the choice is often for whichever appears more promising for one’s future. And when it comes to universities, private ones or those overseas are seen as options only for those who do not make it to local universities.

Whether we like it or not, many of us have grown up in the Singaporean context where the quality of your education and your academic results are early indicators of your success in life, and so when you are unable to enter a particular school or even a particular stream, it can often feel like “it’s the end”. Simply put, you’ve lost your chance at a successful future.

With these standards in mind, it is little wonder that many of us, myself included, find such a strong link between our grades and our identity. We think that our academic and future career success make up who we are, and failing to meet the mark can lead to feelings of insecurity and serious questions about whether we are good enough.

GOD'S DEFINITION OF SUCCESS

While the world’s definition of success is heavily dependent on tangible achievements such as fame, wealth, and social status, the Bible offers a completely different perspective. A successful life comes from knowing God and choosing to trust Him and follow His ways (Prov 1:7, 3:1–6; Mic 6:6–8).

All throughout the Bible, the people who led significant lives were not necessarily those who were born into royal families, perfectly eloquent, or typically successful in the world’s eyes. Instead, some of the least likely characters made important contributions to the story of God’s people — Rahab was a prostitute (Josh 2; 6), Moses killed an Egyptian and spoke poorly (Exod 2:11–15; 4:10), Ruth was a poor foreign widow (Ruth 1:4–5), and David was the youngest of seven brothers and simply a shepherd (1 Sam 16:10–12). Among Jesus’ followers, there were lowly fishermen and tax collectors, who were generally despised (Matt 4:18; 9:10–11; 10:3; Luke 19:1–10).

Why did they end up being important? God always looks at the heart not at the external (1 Sam 16:7). No matter what their background was, choosing to trust and obey God was what made them His people, and as recipients of God’s mercy through faith in Christ, we are sons and daughters of the Most High God (1 Pet 2:10). They and we are successful in God’s eyes when we choose the things of God instead of the things of the world (Matt 16:23).

WE ARE SUCCESSFUL IN GOD’S EYES WHEN WE CHOOSE THE THINGS OF GOD INSTEAD OF THE THINGS OF THE WORLD

WHO HE SAYS I AM

It took me two years of internalising these truths in the Word of God to win the identity battle.

Some days, I still struggle with society’s definition of success when I go through a difficult season in school. But there is so much comfort that I can find in the Word of God when it reassures me about who I am and who God has created me to become (Ps 139:13–16). The accolades and achievements that I may collect are not defining indicators of my identity. Who He says I am is who I truly am.

What I Wish I Knew At 13

Kallos Team — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 16:00:00 +0000

Dear 13-year-old Hazel,

It’s been ten years, and I think it’s time we had a heart-to-heart talk. There are some things I want you to know that I wish I knew at your age. So here goes.

First of all, your grades truly aren’t everything. The reality is that the Lord is a lot more interested in your growth as a person and as His child than He is in what you can do! I know you know this, but you need to believe it! There’s one thing that you will hold on to throughout the years: do your best and never regret it. As long as you’ve given your 100 percent, then the results shouldn’t matter. Try to remember that when the stress mounts and you get discouraged!

Sometimes, when I get caught up with my studies now (yes, it still happens), I ask myself, “What would it mean to you if you graduated with straight As but accomplished nothing for God’s kingdom in the process?” It’s a scary thought. I never want to be in danger of getting so distracted from our main purpose in life!

Secondly, you desire a boyfriend. Guess what? One day, you will have one, but he will dump you (sobs). But it’s going to be OK. You will think that he is your everything, and losing him will make you feel empty and lost. What I want you to know is that you can’t put all your hopes on people, because they will always disappoint you. God is the only one who is there for you every step of the way.

It will take a while, but you’ll learn one of the most important lessons of your life — that God is waiting for you, ready to heal you, and fill you up again. He is so faithful, and the “love” you think you had with that guy is going to pale tremendously in comparison to the unconditional love God has for you. I can’t wait for you to reach that point!

Thirdly, let’s get real. You have to stop comparing yourself to your best friend. Yes, she’s pretty, and she’s popular. Sometimes, it’s tempting to try to be as outspoken or funny or sociable as her, but eventually it’s going to get really draining and demoralising to pretend to be someone else to get attention. Besides, look around you! Your friends already accept you for who you are.

One day, when you share your insecurities with them, you’re going to be pleasantly surprised that they will encourage you to be yourself, and they will embrace you, flaws and all!

LET'S GET REAL. YOU HAVE TO STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO YOUR BEST FRIEND.

These are the friends you will want to invest in, because these are the friends you will truly be able to connect with.

Oh, one last thing. You will be learning some other hard lessons along the way, but those lessons are your best teachers. Take pride in the challenges and tough situations, because they will mould you into the strong lady you’ll eventually become. Be strong, love God, and love others. We’re gonna be fine!