Honor – Kallos

I Cried Through My Chemistry Papers

Kalista Wan — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:19:00 +0000

People often say, “Study hard and you’ll get somewhere.” I studied hard, but I wasn’t sure where I was going.

After my O levels, I prayed, “If you have a particular school you’d want me to go to, I’d go!” The night before the Joint Admissions Exercise (JAE) submissions, I felt God leading me to a Christian school through Matthew 5:13-15 (I later realised that it was the school’s chapel theme verse for the year). I had only known of the school 2 days before, and didn’t know anyone from there, but I decided to trust His leading.

On the first day of school, the devotion was on Matthew 5:13-15, the very verses that had led me there! I found myself holding back my tears in my Chemistry class as I felt the Lord’s reassurance that I had made the right choice. Deep down, I had struggled to honour my parents who wanted me to take Chemistry over History (my favourite subject then). It was not after many tearful prayers, that I felt that God was leading me to honour my parents in the decision.

The journey was far from easy — my results were lower than average, my laptop crashed three days before my final presentation, and I had to undergo surgery for a torn ligament just before the prelim exams. With each test, I grew even more discouraged. Often, I retreated to cry in the toilet or in the comforts of my quiet time at home.

Once, a Chemistry teacher wrote our names in four columns on the whiteboard. She pointed to the last column (where my name was) and remarked that we should pull up our socks. If not, we would get a grade of 5 (IB grades being ranked 1-7). I was crushed.

Still, the Lord tenderly sustained me. Before every paper I would get on my knees to pray — confessing my dependence and surrendering my results to Him.

The day the results were released, I prayed with my group of friends — “If any of us attains 45 points (the perfect score), we would count all this as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ as Lord.” Perhaps God had directed me to pray this because I soon received my results with a perfect score of 45, with the highest possible grade for Chemistry! I was stunned. My teachers and my friends who had known my struggle rejoiced with me. This time, it was tears of gratitude that welled up in my eyes, as I remembered the hymn we had been singing in Chapel — “In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, is Christ alone.”

After the examination, God led me through many encounters with James 1:27 at various camps and services to take a gap year to discover His heart for the widows and orphans through missions. Once again, I had to make the difficult decision to trust His leading.

Then, I hadn’t decided on what to major in University. At the start of my gap year, I felt the word ‘ship’ impressed on my heart. Soon, a conversation with a friend would unexpectedly open the door to a medical ship ministry. That experience as a volunteer intern significantly shaped my decision to study Medicine as I felt drawn to missions in the healthcare sector.

Looking back, from choosing Chemistry to a gap year and then Medicine, I see how God established my steps beautifully in His time, even in the area of studies. And while medical school isn’t the easiest, I know this is where I’m supposed to be!

You’re The Man! Encouraging The Boys In Your Life

Kallos Team — Wed, 23 May 2018 16:00:00 +0000

I (Jasper) once read that girls desire love, while guys desire respect. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

Certainly, I am not suggesting that girls do not need respect and guys do not need love. Girls do need to be respected and guys definitely need to be loved! Especially in the context of any friendship or relationship, love and respect are important ingredients to ensure that a healthy and honouring relationship lasts a long time.

However, I do think that the statement perfectly captures what fundamentally empowers and enables both genders, and such differences can potentially result in misunderstandings when we don’t understand how our friends of the other gender feel most valued and appreciated!

But all this just goes to show that understanding one another can sometimes be complicatedly simple and simply complicated.

NOT THE SAME?

It is indeed complicated … just kidding. But I (Dorothea) do concur with Jasper that both guys and girls do have different ways of feeling loved and appreciated.

I remember that years ago, I actually hurt one of my male friends quite deeply without even knowing it! We were conversing over Whatsapp and he was telling me about something that had happened during the day. When I received the text, I happened to be in the midst of something else and I absent mindedly replied something along the lines of, “Oh … I see. Haha.” I never got a reply back that night and I thought to myself that that was pretty rude of him! A couple of days later, I decided to ask about the situation he shared with me. To which he replied, “Oh, so you do care and you do remember.”

I was astounded and hurt by his actions (of not replying back) and his words (when I tried to show concern). It led to him sharing that my response came across as indifferent and bored when he felt he was sharing something important. Whilst that was not certainly my intention (I was multi-tasking at that moment!), it unfortunately came across that way. I had thought that a quick reply was better than none, as it showed that I cared and was listening.

That day, I learnt a lesson — what I thought of as encouraging and loving came across very differently to my friend! If such a simple situation could cause misunderstanding, what more when it involves the differences between guys and girls and how we most feel loved?

Perhaps if we girls are able to better understand how God has created and wired guys, we will be able to empower and build them up a lot more in our everyday interactions with them!

TO A GUY, OFFHAND REMARKS CAN OFTEN BE MORE DAMAGING THAN ONE INTENDS

THREE IMPORTANT LESSONS ABOUT GUYS

We conducted interviews with ten teenage boys to ask the questions you have probably wanted to ask but never felt you could! Here are the top three lessons we learned about what makes them feel most encouraged and built up:

1. Your words matter, A LOT

Most guys expressed that words of affirmation from a girl really encourage them, and while they may not necessarily show how pleased they are, deep down in their hearts, they do hold these words of affirmation in high regard!

Conversely, our negative words can really hurt as well. Yu Chen, 19, remarked: “It is especially edifying when girls point out and affirm certain intrinsic traits, beyond the superficial aspects like physical fitness or intellect; on the other hand, offhand remarks can often be more damaging than one intends. Phrases like ‘Don’t bother with him,‘ or ‘He’s always like that lah’ may sound really dismissive to a guy. I believe that even if you do find some faults in a guy, there’s always a way to speak the truth in love that instead of tearing down, helps to build up another person.”

So, girls, remember that our words do matter, for better or worse! Most of the guys mentioned that even a thank you or a gesture of appreciation is enough. According to Timothy, 19, “just having our efforts acknowledged by girls encourages us a lot!”

Jasper: This is really true. A friend once casually remarked that she thought I was a gentleman because of some small gestures she noticed that I do. It was surprising to me because I didn’t do those things to gain affirmation, but I was heartened because she noticed and even affirmed me!

2. Respect is VERY important

Arkash, 16, said, “Sincerity and respect are two things that I really value in a friendship, and when my female peers display these to me in our interactions it really makes me appreciative of them and builds me up as a Christian and a friend!”

Almost every guy mentioned respect when asked about what helps to build them up as a man. At the same time, every single one had a story to tell of when they felt disrespected by their female friends!

In particular, at least half of them said that they felt most torn down when girls “talked trash” about guys in front of them, making over-generalisations like “You’re not man enough,” or “You are seriously so immature”. I (Dorothea) do confess that I have done this knowingly and unknowingly before in the name of fun. According to the guys we interviewed, such statements make them feel disrespected and undermined.

HOW CAN WE BUILD UP THE BOYS IN OUR LIVES? SIMPLY BY SHOWING RESPECT.

The next time you’re tempted to criticise a guy (even if it’s not directly to his face), pause for a moment and think about how you could encourage and edify him respectfully instead! If you’re struggling with this, memorise Ephesians 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

3. Don’t assume they’re just trying to chase you

As a teen, I heard girls sharing about how they were slightly wary when a particular guy texted them often and tried to start conversations. At the slightest hint that the guy might be interested in them, they would shut down the conversation and ignore him or try not to speak with him again.

Seems normal to us, but for the guys, it can be frustrating and hurtful when girls are suddenly hostile or ignore them although the conversation had seemed to be going well! One of the guys told us that when girls think guys are just after a relationship, it can make them feel quite annoyed. “When girls are too quick to form opinions and just assume instead of clarifying face to face, and in some sense judge me, that really annoys me. In addition, if they spread rumours due to their preconceived notions, it really hurts.”

Just as we’re not romantically interested in every guy that we speak to, guys are pretty much the same. Going cold toward them all of a sudden can make them feel clueless about what they have done wrong and also make them feel hurt that they’re not worth your effort!

Jasper: I cannot speak for all the guys out there, but it is true that when I text a girl, the thought in my head is not simply about chasing her!

TO BUILD, OR TEAR DOWN?

The guys have spoken, and now the question is, are we willing to listen and act on it? How can we build up the boys in our lives? Simply by showing respect, being careful to edify instead of discouraging them with our words, and being kind in the way we respond to them. It’s complicated, yet simple, and I’m sure it’s a challenge we are all willing to accept.

“But They Don’t Deserve It!” Honouring Your Parents When It’s Hard

Isabel Phua — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 16:00:00 +0000

I want to care, but I just... don’t want to care!

More often than I want to, I feel this way about my family. Funny, it sounds similar to something Paul said when he addressed the tension between our rebellious human nature and our faith: “What I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Rom 7:15). This verse just about sums it up. I really want to love my parents! But sometimes … It. Is. Just. So. Hard!!! While I want to honour and respect my parents, there are days when it is the last thing I want to be bothered with. I ask myself: Is it really necessary? Is filial piety just an outdated Asian concept?

Ok. Let’s lay it down once and for all: What does the Bible say?

HONOUR THY PARENTS

The Bible is clear about it. In fact, honour in the family is so deeply valued by God that it is included in the Ten Commandments and is the only command with a promise attached to it (Exod 20:12). In the New Testament, Paul also reminds the early Christians to honour their parents (Eph 6:2–3).

There must be something so important about honouring our parents that the Bible places such emphasis on it. There are many types of families, each with unique dynamics. We all feel differently about our families. Yet, no matter what shape and size your family is and regardless of what you feel toward them, God’s kingdom’s culture will not change. Honouring our parents is a must if we are to walk in the ways of God.

Recently, my mother and I were in a ‘cold war’ of sorts. The tension soured the atmosphere at home, and it took us an entire night with lots of tears to make up and talk about what had happened. It was difficult for me. I was hurt by her words and she didn’t even want to talk things out with me at first! Every ounce of my being wanted to give up, walk away, and not care anymore. Yet, I knew I had to choose reconciliation. I had to choose to honour her.

CHOOSING TO COMMUNICATE

That cold war wasn’t the first we’ve had (and probably won’t be the last!). I’ve had many cold wars and arguments with my family. Through it all, one of the most important things I’ve learned to do is to stay open to communication. By communicating, I don’t mean trying to outshout or outsmart the other party in an argument. It is always tempting to win the argument, but there is no point to it if I lose something more precious in the process. Even if I win the argument and am proven to be right, all I walk away with is a puffed-up ego but all I am left with is a relationship in shambles.

EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING WANTED TO GIVE UP, WALK AWAY, AND NOT CARE ANYMORE

What I mean by being open to communicating with your parents means putting down your pride, being open to sharing your emotions, thoughts, and perspectives with them, and allowing them to share theirs and respecting their views. In the most recent cold war with my mother, as I shared my perception of her words and then listened to what she really meant by them, I realised that we were coming from two different angles and it was merely miscommunication. It was from that open sharing that we got to understand how to better communicate with one another.

BUT THEY ARE IN THE WRONG

“But how do I honour my parents who are so unlike Christ?”

This is a real struggle. It’s normal to justify yourself by saying that they are not behaving rightly, so I get to shout back or rebel. Well, it shouldn’t surprise us when they don’t behave rightly; our parents are sinful too, and they, like all humankind, have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23)! We may not be able to predict, control, or be responsible for how our parents act, but we are responsible for our own actions because we can choose how to respond.

The Bible is very clear on how we, as Christ followers, should live our lives. Ephesians 4:31 tells us to put aside anger, bitterness, and ill feeling. Instead, we are instructed as God’s chosen people to adopt a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, forgiving each other just as the Lord has forgiven us (Col 3:12–13). The bottom line is this: even when others are unlike Christ, we should still continue to be Christ-like, and this applies to our relationship with our parents as well.

Galatians 5:22–23 on the fruit of the Spirit is a good reference on what it means to practically honour our parents with the Spirit of God within us. Do our words stem from love or spite? Do we seek to make peace and reconciliation or war? Are we patient or do we get easily irritated? Do our actions reflect gentleness and kindness? Does slamming the door or throwing things across the room show self-control? Ultimately, honouring our parents is really about loving God more and becoming more like Christ.

GOD IS OUR FATHER

I remember having breakfast with my dad one day when he started sharing his memories of his own parents, especially his mother, whom he was very close to. It was the first time I ever saw my dad tear up. He shared about how, at 14, he came home after school to find his beloved mother’s lifeless body in the living room. Thinking about the trauma and grief any secondary-school child would feel in that situation makes my heart break, let alone when that child is my father.

ULTIMATELY, HONOURING OUR PARENTS IS REALLY ABOUT LOVING GOD MORE AND BECOMING MORE LIKE CHRIST

I realised on that day that he too is vulnerable, just like me, with his own share of pain and hurt. It was on that day that I sensed God whispering to me that just as I am a child of God, my own father is also a child of God. Just as I need God’s grace and love, so does my father. So, continue to pray for your parents, especially if they do not know God, for their hearts to be opened to the revelation of God, for them to find peace in and healing from Him. Continue to pray for yourself, to walk in step with the Spirit rather than give in to your emotions and be rude or impatient with your parents.

Honouring our parents may not be our first instinct. We may have every reason to justify not doing it. But my prayer for you and me is that we will submit to the authority of the Word of God and have a heart of compassion just like Christ, to see them the way He sees them.