Identity – Kallos

You are Enough – It’s time to stop comparing with others

Alina Teo — Wed, 12 Apr 2023 21:30:00 +0000

NEVER FEELING ENOUGH

Growing up, I struggled with low self-esteem, as I often compared myself with others. It was as if nothing I did was ever good enough, be it in sports, music, schoolwork, how I looked, and so on. The list could only grow.

I didn’t want to feel that way, but I constantly did. I kept wondering how in the world I could escape from this torment of my own mind.

I prayed and asked God for help. Slowly, as I gave space for the Holy Spirit to work, I became more aware that I often felt an inclination to be more like someone else and I grew unhappy with the way I viewed myself. It became clearer that the real issue was that of contentment. The question I needed to answer was: Am I contented with who God has made me to be and what He has given me?

The truth is that once you start comparing, it never ends. There isn’t an end to it. In your mind, there’s bound to be someone better than you, cleverer than you, prettier than you, funnier than you … when will the comparisons stop?

When we compare with others, we forget that God made us the exact way we are. There is beauty and a special way you say or do things that only you can bring to the world. No one else can be you, so don’t rob the world of the precious gift of yourself.

WHAT DOES GOD'S WORD HAVE TO SAY?

Perhaps we need to hear the truth once again from the Bible, where Leah was looked upon as seemingly not one to be chosen or loved (Even her father had the cheek to use her as a pretender Rachel to deceive Jacob! Read more in Genesis 29.)

Yet, God chose her. God called her. God cherished her.

Leah was the one who was chosen by God to bear a son who would eventually lead to the line of Jesus (Gen 29:25, 49:10, Matt 1:1-17). It wouldn’t be a son of Rachel, the pretty and popular one. God loved Leah just as she was and chose her. He had a really important role for her to play in His story. God saw her and He had an amazing plan for her life even if it did not seem so to her at many points.

Someone had chosen her, someone did love her —
with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love

Judah was Leah’s fourth son. With the birth of her older sons, Leah had sought her worth and love from her husband which never really came in the way she had hoped. After she gave birth to her first son, she thought that Jacob would love her because of the son she had borne for him (Gen 29:32). She was disappointed. She thought of her second son as compensation for how unloved she was (Gen 29:33). Bearing her third son, Leah still held out hope that Jacob would finally be attached to her (Gen 29:34). Once again, disappointment was her close friend.

But the day she bore Judah, Leah got it. “This time”, she understood (Gen 29:35a). Even if the world did not deem her worthy of love or did not see her significance, God saw her and that’s what mattered: and so, she will praise God (Gen 29:35b). I like how the children’s author Sally Lloyd-Jones put it in The Jesus Storybook Bible: “Someone had chosen her, someone did love her — with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.” Leah stopped seeking approval or letting her worth be tied to anyone else but God.

LOOK INSIDE

How often do we let other voices steal the worth God has already set in us? How often have we looked around and compared ourselves with others rather than look at what God has already gifted us?

Are we willing to let the walls of comparison and self-derision come crashing down and let God’s love overtake us? When we build up these walls by choosing to believe that other people or other things define us other than God, it becomes harder to hear the loving voice of God speak truth where we need it most.

Perhaps like Leah, you feel unloved, unwanted and insignificant and you can’t see how God’s good plan can take shape in your life. Look at Leah’s story and take heart. Just as Leah believed and took God’s assurance to heart, would you open your heart to hear these words for yourself today: God has chosen you. God has called you. God cherishes you.

LIVE IN GOD'S TRUTHS

Here are a few ways we can start living in God’s truth instead of lies:

We need to renew our minds. Paul tells us in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — His good, pleasing and perfect will.” We need to change how we think by submitting ourselves to God. With the help of the Holy Spirit, our minds can be transformed. But we have to begin by filling our minds with the things of God that are found in His word. We need to start learning to read and dwell upon God’s word, believing and living out the truths it tells us (Check out our article with Deborah and Elicia studying the Bible together https://www.kallos.com.sg/library/issue-43/we-did-a-bible-study-together/).
We need to surround ourselves with people who build us up instead of tear us down. Who are the people you allow to speak into your life? Proverb 12:26 instructs, “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” Friends are a big part of our lives, so if we surround ourselves with authentic followers of Christ who spur us on toward Him, we are in good company.
Take stock of the gifts God has blessed you with. Sit down and take the time to ponder about the wonderful way God has made you. Even if these things seem insignificant to you, know that God made you “fearfully and wonderfully” and there is much to praise God in that (Ps 139:14).

Hear these words for yourself today:
God has chosen you. God has called you. God cherishes you.

Let God’s truth fill your heart.

You are enough.

I too have to remind myself of this and let the Holy Spirit help me choose contentment daily. We are all on this journey with Christ, growing toward the fullness of who we have been made to be as we seek Him.

Even if you don’t feel it currently, choose to stand upon God’s truths and let that shape the way you think and act. You are a precious gift to the world, so don’t hide away but be brave and be you.

Janelle Yeo: I’m a pastor but I doubted if God was real

Quek Shi Yun — Wed, 31 Aug 2022 16:31:00 +0000

Who says pastors have it all figured out? QUEK SHI YUN sits down with Janelle, who shares her honest story of doubting God and growing her faith.

If I asked you to guess what a person might have done before becoming a pastor, I assure you, you wouldn’t even begin to guess anything on Janelle’s list. “I had a friend who was a model, and so she roped me into that. And I acted in Mediacorp, just small roles you know? I’ve been a waitress, I worked in retail… Oh! I even did Uber for a few months just so I could have a car!” Janelle’s energy was contagious, and I found that I couldn’t stop smiling while listening to her.

This was not at all what I expected when I simply asked Janelle what led to her becoming a pastor!

MY BIGGEST CHALLENGE GROWING UP WAS WONDERING IF GOD WAS REAL.

“I never set out to be a pastor,” was her immediate reply. While Janelle was raised in a Christian home, she did not really understand her faith. “I went to church out of habit. I served in ministry, I was in Christian Fellowship… but I didn’t really know if God was there. I even asked myself, what if Buddhism is what’s real? How would I know? I was born into this faith! My biggest challenge growing up was wondering if God was real.”

While her faith was growing, Janelle struggled at home and battled insecurities. Her parents’ rocky marriage was headed toward a divorce, and she questioned God’s goodness. However, a personal encounter with God when she was 18 years old kickstarted her journey of faith. During this time, she had moved to a different church where her cousins were at. It was there when she had the first sense that God was calling her to serve Him in a greater capacity during a service that year.

“I still remember being in the auditorium with about 1,000 people, and I felt a call to serve God and give Him the best years of my life. As the worship came to a close, the Senior Pastor came up on stage and said he felt led to pray for some people. He asked, ‘Is Janelle in church?’ I sensed in my heart that that was me. And as far as I knew, I was the only Janelle in church.”

The pastor prophesied that as people followed Janelle, they would turn towards God and follow Him. After the service, her leaders asked her how she thought that would play out. “I said I don’t know, maybe I’ll just be more involved in church. I brought more friends to church, but nothing really happened after that.”

RUNNING FROM GOD’S CALL

Janelle later felt led to return to her home church after five years and carried on serving God through her university days and early career. She eventually started her own company, and it was a success. She was riding the beginning of the #girlboss wave and enjoyed the hustle and glamour of being an entrepreneur.

So when God pressed in her heart the thought that He wanted her to serve Him in full-time ministry one day, she said no. She laughed as she remembered her response. “I just said, ‘Nope, I don’t want to!’” To compensate for her guilt in rejecting God’s call, she resolved to do more in church. By the end of the year, she was serving in five different ministries in church!

By 2018, she felt like she was in the prime of her life. She had just gotten the keys to her house and business was growing steadily. Her husband, Andrew, had just gotten a promotion, and a baby was on the way. “Everything was so so good, and we were so thankful for everything.”

But things suddenly took a turn in the middle of the year. At the end of June, they found out that their nine-week-old baby had no heartbeat. Andrew’s new job scope turned out to be different from what he expected. And shortly after, they lost their grandmothers in October and November.

“Before I could recover from one death, the next death happened, and then the next. We just couldn’t understand why this was happening.”

I ASKED GOD, WHY ME? … ARE YOU PUNISHING ME?

“I asked God, ‘Why me? You know we love children. You know we love our grandmothers. Why is everything happening at once? I have served you so faithfully and given you my entire youth. Why me? Am I being punished?’”

“That was the first time that my faith was shaken and I really wrestled with God. I couldn’t see how God was good.”

CHOOSING TO OBEY

Amidst her pain, she felt God urging her to go to seminary and really get to know Him for herself. By then, through a series of events and Scripture, she could no longer deny the call to change course and serve Him in full-time ministry.

“I did not want to give up the image I had built for myself — the glamour of going for events, the identity I had as an entrepreneur, and making a name for myself. But God showed me that this wasn’t what He wanted for me. There was something better if I chose to obey.”

During her time in seminary, God showed her why He allowed those things to happen to her and how He was still in control through it all. The week she found out she was pregnant, she was offered a shot at a supporting role in a long-term drama but had to turn it down due to the pregnancy. In hindsight, she recognised it as God’s protection, as He knew that the temptations of the entertainment industry would be too much for her to bear.

He also showed her how the business had puffed up her pride and it was a pride that God had to break down. “Without realising it, I was chasing after my own glory, not God’s.”

God used that season of mourning to show her an important aspect of His character — the depth of His love. Though she initially questioned if God was punishing her, she later came to a different conclusion.

“God allowed these things to happen, but He didn’t cause it. The fact is that we live in a fallen world and suffering does happen. But God can use our sufferings to draw us closer to Him. Instead of punishing me, God was protecting me the whole time. In His grace, He allowed all that to happen so that I could return to Him. He cares more about our holiness than our happiness because He seriously loves us so much. While I couldn’t see His fingerprints in the midst of mourning, God showed me that He was there all along, grieving with me. He didn’t abandon me.”

“Whatever He allows in this fallen world is not the end. This is not our home — the pains and sufferings remind us of that. We have a greater home in heaven.”

Janelle is now in her final semester of seminary, and has started work full-time as a Ministry Staff Worker, pastoring the youths — something she never expected although she now acknowledges that she sees how God had been preparing her for it all these years.

A LESSON IN FAITH

At the end of 2019, she was reading Hebrews 11, or the “Hall of Faith” as she calls it, and it spoke to her to have faith in God and rest in His faithfulness. She sensed God’s deep assurance that a child would come, and to trust in Him and wait on His timing. Then on April Fools’ Day 2021, she found out she was pregnant again. “God is very humorous!” Her son, Callen, was born later that year in November.

Her winding journey of faith has led her to where she is now. But while she sees how God has been with her each step of the way, her journey isn’t over. She makes sure to point out that even pastors have their own struggles and that having faith in God in every circumstance will be a lifelong journey as we submit ourselves to His moulding to become true disciples of Christ.

Her final encouragement is this: Keep seeking God, keep chasing after Him, and let Him lead you.

“What Jesus says in Matthew 11:30 is true. His yoke is easy, His burden is light. We don’t realise it, but it does get easier when we surrender and let God lead our life. Just trust and obey.”

Struggles of a second-gen Christian

Quek Shi Yun — Wed, 31 Aug 2022 16:12:00 +0000

As a second generation Christian, QUEK SHI YUN always doubted if she was really saved. She thought she needed a big emotional moment of conversion to be a real Christian, until God changed her heart.

“So, when did you become a Christian?”

It was a simple question, but one I couldn’t quite answer.

“Well, I grew up in a Christian home, and I’ve always been in the church … but I took my faith more seriously when I was a teen, and ….”

I stumbled my way through a response, and felt my face redden in embarrassment.

SEEDS OF INSECURITY

As I grew up, my parents faithfully shared the gospel with me and brought me to church each week. We did daily devotions together and I was taught to pray every day. Our home was filled with Christian books and music, and conversations over the dinner table consisted of talk about Christian values and what Jesus would do. I slowly developed a relationship with God and had some genuine encounters of His love that shaped my life greatly.

But as I got older, I felt my insecurities about my status as a Christian start to grow.

On a mission trip when I was 15, I vividly recall sitting in a hotel room with all the other girls, just talking about our lives. One of the girls sat on the bed hugging a pillow and started pouring her heart out: “I just love Jesus so much! I love Him so much! I just really, really, really love Him!!!” She started giggling like a girl who was truly in love. I sat there baffled. I had never felt such strong emotions about Jesus.

Also, as an avid reader, I read countless biographies of missionaries and giants in the faith who accomplished great things for God. Many gave or risked their lives to share the gospel, or faced severe persecution yet held on firmly to their faith. While I was inspired by their stories, I was also frequently discouraged. All of them had significant moments of revelation with God that led them on the path to doing wonderful things for Him. I didn’t have any such moment. While I felt that I loved God, the fact that my love wasn’t exuberant and overflowing made me feel insecure. And it made me feel like an inferior Christian.

WHILE I FELT THAT I LOVED GOD, THE FACT THAT MY LOVE WASN’T EXUBERANT AND OVERFLOWING MADE ME FEEL INSECURE.

RESENTING MY STORY

All my life, I have been called a “second-generation Christian”, which is a term used to describe a Christian whose parents are Christian. From this point of view, you could say that I have the special privilege of being a fourth-generation (!) Christian, as my great-grandmother was the first in the family to come to faith.

Yet sometimes, that privilege felt like a curse. Since Christianity was all I had known, I couldn’t say that I had ever made the choice to follow Jesus. While my friends from non-believing families had dramatic encounters with God that led them to Christ, I didn’t have such a story. I had no singular moment of conversion. I don’t even remember saying the sinner’s prayer. For some reason, not having that moment tripped me up greatly, and I was convinced that if I hadn’t been born in a Christian family and could hear the amazing story of the gospel for the first time, I would have that big emotional reaction to God’s love that I desired, and I would be a real Christian.

The thing is, even while I was having those thoughts, I was serving in church, sharing the gospel, and had a real conviction that the God of the Bible was real. I did not have doubts about who God says He is, but I constantly battled with this feeling that my faith was weaker than others’ because my journey of faith was so dull!

UNDERSTANDING SALVATION

Then, when I was in university, I met a young lady who had recently become a Christian. The more time I spent with her, the more jealous I became. She had story after story of how God had been so real to her, and when she spoke about His love, she glowed the way that the girl on the mission trip did.

One day, I told her that I was envious of her experience and wished that I was a first-generation Christian like her. With a stunned look on her face, she said, “Shi Yun, I wish I could have been a second-generation Christian.

I HAD NO SINGULAR MOMENT OF CONVERSION. I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER SAYING THE SINNER’S PRAYER.

If I had been raised in God’s ways, I wouldn’t need to have such a dramatic conversion story. I would have just known Him all my life, and I wouldn’t have gone through so much sin in order to know how much I need a Saviour!”

Her words have stuck with me ever since, as I started to see that my Christian heritage was truly a deep blessing. What I had seen as my boring story was actually rooted in so much of God’s grace, in that I could grow up always having known His love. Instead of resenting my ‘inherited’ faith, I could rejoice in my inheritance and thank God that in His kindness, He has let me know the goodness of His Word since I was born.

THE BIBLE SAYS NOTHING ABOUT EMOTION BEING THE PREREQUISITE OF SALVATION, OR A STUNNING CONVERSION BEING NECESSARY TO FOLLOWING CHRIST.

And what does His Word say? It says that if I confess that Jesus is Lord and believe in my heart that He has been raised from the dead, I will be saved (Rom 10:9–10). It says that it is by grace that I have been saved, through faith, and not by my efforts (Eph 2:8–9). The Bible says nothing about emotion being a prerequisite of salvation or about a stunning conversion being necessary to following Christ. It doesn’t say that I need to be on fire for Jesus at every moment to be a true child of God. All it says is that when I repent of my sins and receive Jesus as Lord, I am saved. And so I am.

RESTING IN GOD’S TRUTH

Today, I see clearly that all those years of insecurity and uncertainty over my status as a Christian were unnecessary, and the belief that being a second-generation Christian making me somehow inferior as a follower of Christ was an utter falsehood. I wish I could get back those years of anxiety, envy, and fear, as I questioned if I was truly saved. I now know that all those small moments of learning about Jesus and slowly building my faith were just as legitimate as someone else’s big moment of revelation about the grace of God. While growing up in a Christian home doesn’t necessarily make anyone a Christian, it gave me an incredible foundation of knowledge about God and His love for me. And as that knowledge of His Word has slowly sunk into my heart, it has transformed me.

I no longer look down on my faith journey. It might appear boring — just a steady, faithful plod along the journey of sanctification — but it is no less sacred. If you were to ask me today when I became a Christian, I still wouldn’t have a straightforward answer. But what I would say is this: I know that how and when I was saved is not as important as knowing that I am loved by God and am regarded as His child. Being able to rest securely in that truth has freed me from years of struggling as a second-generation Christian.

Dear Kallos: I often feel like I’m not ‘American’ enough for the Americans, and not ‘Singaporean’ enough for the Singaporeans.

Alina Teo — Mon, 29 Aug 2022 08:27:00 +0000

I go to an international American school, but I live in Singapore. I often feel like I’m not ‘American’ enough for the Americans, and not ‘Singaporean’ enough for the Singaporeans. I just feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. What should I do? -Confuzzled and Lonely

dear Confuzzled and Lonely,

My heart hurts hearing you share how you feel about not fitting in. Straddling two different cultures and trying to find one’s footing in either isn’t easy. Perhaps you may identify with the term ‘Third Culture Kid’ (or TCK for short), which is used to describe someone who has been raised in a culture different from their parents’, or from the culture they are currently living in. I want you to know that you aren’t alone in feeling this tension as the world grows increasingly globalised.

As an encouragement to you, the beautiful thing is that in Christ, all of us are ‘third culture’. When we become Christians, we are issued a new identity, a new passport and nationality, so to speak! We have citizenship in this world, but also in the kingdom of heaven. We have a foot in both cultures, not quite fitting in completely in either. My hope is that as you journey with other Christians in your community, you might find that nationalities and cultures don’t have to matter as much as it currently appears.

There was a time in my life when I was in a new environment. I felt lonely and unsure about how to go about making friends. One night, I told God my fears and asked for something on my heart. I prayed that He would bring me good friends — ones that I could laugh with, cry with, and be myself with. I also prayed that God would bring friends who had the same values as me, so that we would spur one another on in our faith. To my amazement, God answered beautifully.

These same friends are still my closest friends more than 15 years on. Among them are ones who became my bridesmaids and ones who have journeyed with me through motherhood. I urge you to do the same — to pray and trust that God will bring friends who can cross these cultural boundaries and be the encouragement you need.

Dear sister, nothing is ‘wrong’ with you. God made you — precious, special, and loved. I truly believe that as you keep praying and trusting God, making the effort to get to know more people, and choosing to be a good friend to others first, you’ll start to feel less out of place. It will take time, so don’t rush it. These friends may not even come from school but other circles, like from church, your neighbourhood, or elsewhere!

Above all, remember that God is your closest friend, and He is always walking with you through the good and the bad. Take heart!

Yeo Jia Min: a Christian Athlete on the Courts

Kallos Team — Wed, 01 Jun 2022 04:34:00 +0000

You may know her as Singapore’s national badminton player, but she would say that she is a child of God first. BERNICE TIAN hears from Yeo Jia Min on her athletic journey and how her faith is intertwined with her identity as a sportsperson.

Twenty-three-year-old Yeo Jia Min has been dubbed the ‘darling’ of Singapore badminton. She started playing competitively when she was just eight, and is currently ranked world number 18. Her list of achievements are awe-inspiring — amidst her long list of achievements, she can add beating then world number one Akane Yamaguchi in the BWF World Championships 2019, and representing Singapore at the 2021 Tokyo Olympics. After a difficult start to 2022 with a Covid-19 infection and an injury that left her on crutches, Jiamin entered the Hanoi SEA Games in May, and sadly ended her medal run in the quarter-finals.

When we spoke, Jia Min was warm and friendly. She felt like an older sister, as she shared sincerely about her badminton journey and how she depends on God every day as an athlete. Read on to see how she sees her faith and career are intertwined.

Coming off the back of injuries and illness, how did you feel going into the SEA games?

To be honest, I wasn’t in the best physical condition leading up to the SEA games compared to previous competitions. But I kept telling myself that no matter what, I have to go into the competition and do my best. So yeah, I was just trying to stay positive.

What do you wish people understood about the pressures of being a national athlete?

That we are learning as we compete, I guess. Sometimes we make certain mistakes, and we may even repeat those mistakes. It takes time, so, just support us along the way!

How does knowing Jesus influence the way you see failure and disappointment?

Failure and disappointment are always hard to take, especially when there are growing expectations both from myself and others. It just kind of hurts every time I go through a setback or failure. After I have cooled down and gathered my thoughts, I bring my emotions to God. And there’s always a certain kind of peace that I will feel, and am comforted when I seek Him, so that is usually how I overcome those situations.

What has been your greatest career high and greatest low?

There have been many highs! Winning various competitions, winning high-ranked opponents, going to the Olympics… those are definitely high points in my career. Well, the recent SEA Games was kind of a low for me, because I didn’t reach what I wanted to achieve. And I felt like I didn’t perform at the level that I could. It has taken me a while to get over it. Going into this competition, my coaches and fans expected me to bring home a medal, so with the disappointment I felt, it was a pretty low time for me.

I do feel like I needed to experience this. The amount of anxiety that I felt just before the match and during the match, was even more than at the Olympics! It was one of the first times that the anxiety was so strong, and I felt that I couldn’t overcome it in the moment using my own strength and ability.

ATHLETES IN ACTION COMBINES SPORTS AND FAITH, WHICH ALLOWS ME TO BE INVOLVED WITH OTHER LIKE-MINDED CHRISTIAN ATHLETES.

I just think that it’s probably an experience that God wants me to go through, so that the next time it happens, I can rely on God’s strength in the situation.

Could you tell badminton was something God was calling you to do full-time?

I like to learn and have always worked hard since my childhood. I was blessed to be able to start winning competitions early in my career. Other athletes may only start winning later, so it may be hard for them to kickstart their career. My parents were very supportive and brought me to all kinds of competitions. They were always present in my journey, which I am thankful for.

I only became a Christian when I was fifteen. My mum is a Christian but my dad is not. My dad did not allow my mom to attend church in the past. I only knew of Christianity through my mum. She would come to my room at night and share about her faith and Jesus. That’s when I learned about God, but I never had a relationship with Him. I did not study the Bible or have any fellowship with other believers.

I was fifteen when I started attending church because my dad allowed my family to. From my struggles in losses, injuries, missed expectations, or difficulties in training, my mum taught me how to lean on God, trust Him and start having a relationship with Him. I started to learn more about Him and how to live life with Him every day, not just on Sundays. I am also involved in this ministry called Athletes in Action. It combines sports and faith, which allows me to be involved with other like-minded Christian athletes. Over time, I have become more open about my faith online. I want to share my journey and that is how I go through my struggles. I do think I can be more open about my faith online but I also want to strike a balance so I don’t come across as ‘preaching.’ I want to be genuine. I just want to share about how God helps me.

Are you curious to live out the life of another 23-year-old Singaporean who may still be studying or working in other sectors?

That’s very interesting. I consider being an athlete a job. I haven’t gone into the workforce to experience working nine-to-five, but I’ve always wanted to do something sports-related and use what I have to pass down to others. If I weren’t an athlete I don’t think I’d know what I want to do and will probably still be figuring life out.

That said, I cannot take being active out of my life. My advice to others would be to find something you enjoy so you don’t drag yourself to study or work. Even if you haven’t found it yet, don’t settle for something you dislike. If you look back on life, you would’ve gone through the motions and not made good use of that time.

I’ve heard you say that sports give us a “stronger faith in God” if we continue to “invite Him into our lives.” What does that mean for you?

It means that you go to Him for wisdom when you make certain choices. Even if it’s for things you haven’t gone through before. Think about what God would do or what attitude you should have to face this problem and how to deal with it. You won’t know how God works in your life until you constantly make the effort to go to Him. He’s not someone far away. Learning how to have a friend in Jesus during the good and bad times shapes the way I think, such as being positive and faithful during struggles.

Valuing God more than my sports eliminates my burdens as well. Of course, I work hard, as God wants us to make full use of our gifts and time. But sports isn’t my everything or my identity. Knowing that God is in control of everything helps me embrace difficult or unexpected events.

YOU WON’T KNOW HOW GOD WORKS IN YOUR LIFE UNTIL YOU CONSTANTLY MAKE THE EFFORT TO GO TO HIM.

Finally, what would you say to anyone who wants to achieve their dreams like you?

It will be very brave of them. It’s something I encourage but know that it will not be easy. It is fulfilling to chase your dreams. When you’re so determined to achieve something, you will find all ways to achieve it, pushing yourself mentally or physically. For me, I will always push myself to be the best version of what I can be. I’m sure you will look back and be happy that you’ve made a choice to chase your dreams so don’t be afraid to fail. As long as you have tried your best, I don’t think it’s a failure. If you don’t try, you’ll never know.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

I Stopped Letting Personality Tests Define Me

Kallos Team — Wed, 01 Jun 2022 04:24:00 +0000

After years of allowing personality tests to define her, LUN WEISHI realised that they were influencing her in a manner they weren’t designed for. Join her as she explores how making peace with her identity in Christ allowed for these tests to serve their true purpose for her.

I was around 14 when I read a teen magazine teaching me what eyeshadow colour would best reflect my personality. This started an obsessive interest in using tests to understand myself better. From the Love Language and Ministry Assessment tests our youth group leaders gave us, to the DiSC Leadership profiles done in school, personality tests gave me what I was so badly looking for — a means of identifying and categorising myself.

I didn’t understand how I could have close friends, yet still feel out of place. How I could excel at my CCA, yet not get along with my team. I needed something to help me figure it out, so I eventually became THAT friend in class that would make all her friends do the tests so she could analyse and assess them.

AN EXCUSE TO NOT CARE

What I didn’t consider, though, was the influence I let these tests have on my sense of self, how I saw people, and even how I perceived God’s calling on my life. I started using my personality profile to excuse bad behaviour (e.g., “I’m not rude, I’m direct!”), which was a way of thinking of myself as the main character in every situation and assuming everyone else just didn’t understand me. Whenever conflict arose, I would just write people off as ignorant for not knowing about how my personality worked. I thought it was better to ‘be myself’ — someone introverted, headstrong, and logical. If my peers didn’t get it, it was their problem and not mine. I expected them to either figure it out or leave.

I STARTED USING MY PERSONALITY PROFILE TO EXCUSE BAD BEHAVIOUR (E.G., “I’M NOT RUDE, I’M DIRECT!”).

I only wanted to surround myself with like-minded people, which gave me an excuse to avoid others, namely, some of the girls in my church small group. They were so much more expressive and sociable than I was. I felt that they were too different from me, so I avoided these girls. By then, I had carefully curated my life to not include those whose mere existence challenged or triggered my insecurities. Of course, I would use the excuse that how our profiles made it difficult to get along. You see, I had allowed something that was supposed to be a tool to become a title. My personality profiles came to define me, and I internalised them as part of my identity. Since I had done all these personality tests and ‘knew myself well,’ I thought I knew better, but the truth was that I was simply allowing myself to be self-absorbed.

However, your girl here experienced a plot twist when she eventually found deep comfort in the same girls she pushed away. They provided deep comfort through their language, presence, and much-needed cry time in the wake of my devastating first breakup. I began to learn about how their unique profiles were their giftings from God. I began to love the diversity they brought into my life, and even in our disagreements and fights, we began to grow as people and friends.

I remain close friends with many of these girls 10+ years later. Don’t get me wrong, we still have our differences and disagreements!

MY PERSONALITY PROFILES CAME TO DEFINE ME, AND I INTERNALISED THEM AS PART OF MY IDENTITY.

Only now we see them as diversity and uniqueness, something worthy of celebrating and validation.

TOOLS, NOT TITLES

In recent years, I have studied research papers about the psychology of personality and explored a career anchored in utilising personality tests to help others in the workplace. I started to understand the core values behind these tests, and the intended use of them. Tests for leadership, personality, and so on are useful in helping us have a language for the very diverse and unique ways human beings are made. Personality tests and profiles are tools, not titles — they equip me, but don’t define me.

We are all created in weird, wonderful and wild ways by our wonderfully creative Creator. When we use these tests, we start to build a vocabulary and understand some of these facets of who we are. But at the heart of it all, I’m a daughter of God first! I’ve stopped letting my personality tests alone define me because I know that my identity is FIRST as a child of the King.

A NEW IDENTITY

So what is this identity that we can hold on to? We can look to Jesus, who walked freely as someone who knew God intimately, and carried Himself with the understanding that God knows Him (John 8:54–55; 10:15, 30). Jesus too, had His own personality. There are countless weblinks dedicated to figuring out what Jesus’ MBTI profile would be, or what His top five strengths might be on the StrengthsFinder. But even if we could get Jesus to take these tests, would it make that one superior above the others? I think not. Surely, then, the key is in putting our security in our identity as God’s child, and not in man-made definitions!

WE ARE ALL CREATED IN WEIRD, WONDERFUL AND WILD WAYS BY OUR WONDERFULLY CREATIVE CREATOR.

That doesn’t mean that we have to throw all personality tests out the window. These tools have taught me much! For example, it’s shown me that I need to be willing to embrace differences. Having friction or disagreements resulting from different personalities is bound to happen even with good intentions. Conflict feels bad, but it is not inherently bad for us. After all, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Prov 27:17). Understanding different personality types have helped me to love those around me better.

At the same time, it has taught me to be kind to myself. Figuring out how your personality works takes time, prayer, community, and then more time. You may experience moments of feeling out of place or not knowing who you are, but it’s part of the process. As I’ve placed my security in my identity as God’s child, and grown comfortable with the way He has made me, I’ve been able to be more patient with the process, and submit my weaknesses to His correction.

These days, I know that I am not just an “INTJ” on the MBTI test, or “D/C” in the DiSC, but first and foremost, a daughter of the Most High King. The journey of this changed heart has sometimes looked like a 90s rom-com makeover montage with a few bad haircuts and multiple awkward moments, but it has been progress, and there has been joy in this growth!

You are not your Enneagram type

Kallos Team — Wed, 01 Jun 2022 04:19:00 +0000

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Prov 3:5–6)

I love personality tests. DiSC. MBTI. StrengthsFinder. The Enneagram is my favourite. In my quest to understand myself and help those around me do so as well, personality tests are a shortcut of sorts to self-reflection and relationship-building, respectively.

My interests in these “personal assessment tools” have regularly been met with both enthusiasm and cynicism alike. These tests have brought clarity to the teams I’m in and reduced conflict as we work together. There are now explanations for certain behaviours that could have once confused or distanced each other. But from those less convinced, I also see how these explanations can become excuses for rudeness, rashness, or self-righteousness.

In my foray down the Enneagram rabbit hole, I was drawn into the fascinating explanations for each of the nine Enneagram “types” numbered one to nine. This particular test explains each Type’s motivations and fears, which gives insight to not just why they act and interact the way they do, but also what they seek after and avoid. I eventually found myself reading copious amounts of Enneagram literature, following Instagram accounts dedicated to the Enneagram, and convincing my friends to discover their Enneagram type. I became an Enneagram evangelist.

It was a few of my close friends and church leaders who pulled the brakes on my obsession. “You are not a number,” they said. And I knew deep inside they were right. I had begun to filter so much of what I knew and communicated about myself through the collective lens of the Enneagram and every personality test result I’d ever taken.

Perhaps horoscopes, tarot cards, and other attempts at divination have a similar hold on people for a similar reason — we want to know the unknown. We can trace this desire for God-like knowing back to the Garden of Eden (Gen 3:5–6), where the fall of humankind arose from the deceptive idea that ‘knowing’ negates any need for God or a relationship with Him.

The biblical book of wisdom, Proverbs, also urges us to guard against sole reliance on our own understanding (Prov 3:5), and that includes the understanding of others. This includes the best of traditional and academic sources, because of humankind’s fallen tendency to trust in their knowledge and wisdom above that of God. We are to submit all that we are, known and unknown, to God as He has made Himself known to us, and to trust Him more than anyone else as we navigate this world, our relationships, and our inner selves (3:6).

Wanting to understand yourself more is not a sin. The issue is what drives this search for self and where it takes us — away from God or towards Him. Personality tests are useful in our self-reflection, if we ask God to reveal through them the hidden motivations and fears of our heart. This is so that we can develop a “sanctified self-awareness”, or a better sense of who we are in Christ; not simply for self-transformation, but for surrender. Because rather than using these test results to make excuses for our behaviour, they can be submitted to God — along with our whole person and personality — for Him to “make [our] paths straight” as we are transformed more and more into the likeness of the person of Jesus.

JONK’S JOURNALS

A PRAYER
Dear Heavenly Father, as my Creator God, You have perfect knowledge of me and all my ways. You know what motivates me and what I fear, what I need to die to in order for Christ to be the Lord of every area of my life. Transform me into the likeness of Jesus as I surrender my whole person to You. Amen.

JOURNAL THIS!
1. What is your relationship with personality tests like? Might you be relying too much on them to define who you are? Conversely, what has God shown you about yourself?

2. Think about your personality test results. How can they help you identify areas in your life that are not fully submitted to God? Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom and revelation — then pray for yourself!

KNOW THE WORD
Allow the Holy Spirit to illuminate His truths:
– Hebrews 4:12–13
– James 3:13–17
– Psalm 139

AFTERTHOUGHTS
Explore Christian opinions on the Enneagram and its roots at the following sources.

Should Christians Use the Enneagram?

The Road Back To You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile

The Enneagram Goes to Church by Todd Wilson

How to follow Jesus on social media

Kallos Team — Fri, 01 Apr 2022 05:07:00 +0000

Digital creator STEPHANIE PHUA explores how we can keep Christ at the centre of our social media use.

There’s a lot I don’t like about social media, so I’ll admit it: when God called me to work in the social media space, I was a little upset. And annoyed. Maybe more than a little.

For a bit of context on my career — I run an advertising agency that focuses on creating content on social media. As the years have gone by, I have had more and more experience creating content both on my personal platform and for my clients. But the truth is that some days, I struggle to find meaning and purpose on social media.

It has been an interesting journey, especially as someone who was born into a world where the Internet hadn’t existed yet. The convenience of access to the interwebs now has thrust our generation into having to navigate a whole new world. It’s scary that a channel that reflects our identity and makes it accessible to the rest of the world is so easily available through a smartphone that exists in our pockets.

THE BEST THING THAT I CAN DO IS TO FOLLOW JESUS. EVEN ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

Taking a look around every time I step into a public space, especially on public transport, it wouldn’t be surprising to see people glued to their screens scrolling through one of the many social media platforms — TikTok, YouTube or Instagram. It often amazes me how much has changed!

Being an introvert and someone who enjoys deeper conversations with people IRL, and who is disinclined to broadcast my life on social, I’ve had to press in deep on what it means to navigate this space as a believer. As I’ve journeyed through this, I have come to realise that just as with any aspect of my life, the best thing that I can do is to follow Jesus. Even on social media.

DON’T FORGET YOUR IDENTITY

Social media has a way of trying to rob you of your identity and redefining it. The Internet says you’ll be more ‘liked’ if you take nice photos, edit them well, have flawless skin, and do a mean TikTok dance. You’ll get more attention if you have an opinion that is loud, strong, and divisive. You’ll be more accepted if you share the sentiments of the echo chamber.

It’s easy to get swept up and link your identity too closely to the numbers online; it is crucial to have the discipline to remind yourself where your identity lies. You are a daughter of Christ. You are loved, you are chosen, you are redeemed — no matter how many followers you have on your platform.

As we are called to be salt and light in a world that needs them to taste and see the goodness of God (Matt 5:13–16), you are an influencer no matter how many or few followers you have. There is no need to chase numbers. There is no need for likes to validate you. See yourself how God sees you, not through the lens of others.

Your Father loves you for who you are and it is He who has also given you this platform for your voice to be heard Because of its proliferation, social media is a powerful channel that can be used for outreach, which leads me to the next point — that it’s crucial that we see it as a gift that should be stewarded well.

STEWARD IT WELL

Jesus says in Matthew 5:15 that nobody lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl: “instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” In the same vein, I do believe that social media can be a “stand” we can leverage to give light to those around us, “that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

I used to take to Instagram stories as an outlet for my emotions: if I was tired, feeling angsty or annoyed in general, it was an easy way for me to rant to others, get validation from my friends, and move on with life. It took a fellow believer to point out that my social media platform should be treated as a sacred space, especially so if I felt called to

YOU ARE AN INFLUENCER NO MATTER HOW MANY OR FEW FOLLOWERS YOU HAVE.

ministry in this space. Were we not called to “do everything without grumbling or arguing” (Phil 2:14)? If I aired such emotions on my public platform in such a self-centred and negative way, was I painting a positive picture of what a Christian should be?

WHAT WOULD JESUS POST? DOES WHAT YOU POST GLORIFY GOD?

That made me a lot more intentional about the content I was posting. To ensure that what I’m posting sets a good example of Christian living, I’ve set certain guardrails to examine the condition of my heart — a heart check, if you will — before posting anything, anywhere:

Why are you posting? For connection? Affirmation? Pride?
What has God called you to steward in this space? What topics should you lend your voice to?
What would Jesus post? Does what you post glorify God?
How can you love others through this channel?
How can we amplify the truth of what we know through this channel? Is it always right to keep quiet about certain topics? Count the cost of speaking up or staying silent.

DRAW BOUNDARIES

Proverb 4:23 states, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Let’s get real — social media is one of the distractions that has easiest access to your heart. What is it you reach for, first thing in the morning? When both the Word of God and Instagram exist on the same device, I’ll be honest in admitting that I often struggle to choose the Bible over social media. Beyond time spent idling on the platforms, another way the enemy could rob us of quality time with our Father would be getting us to be invested in the lives of influencers or celebrities. Here’s a great question to consider: should you be limiting your screen time so that you don’t allow these things to become idols? Create your own boundaries for when, where, and how long you use social media, so that you can choose to guard your heart with the wisdom of God.

ARISE, SHINE

Just as I had to learn that there should not be any distinction between my identity at church and my identity elsewhere, living authentically in Christ means that there should also not be any distinction between my identity online and my identity offline.

In a space that glorifies appearances and champions cancelling, we need to be a generation that dares to be counter-cultural, so that others can experience the goodness of God through our channels.

Let us commit to staying in step with God as we journey through life and learn about our identities, our unique voices, and our callings. Let us live our lives authentically in Christ, no matter where we find ourselves — in our homes, workplaces, churches, on social media, the metaverse, and beyond.

The Me in Social Media

Kallos Team — Fri, 01 Apr 2022 04:49:00 +0000

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made …” (Psalm 139:13–14)

I was a teenager when the big names in social media like Facebook and Instagram were birthed — and like most teens, I was not too hesitant to jump right into something that would allow me to share my life with the world. Then I grew up and graduated, entered the creative industry, and it’s been ten whole years of doing what I know best — sharing the identities and stories of brands, much of it on social media.

In 2015, I was invited to speak at a TEDx session to an auditorium of parents of teenagers about the power of media on our minds. I titled it “The ‘Me’ in Media,” sharing about how it was easy to lose ourselves in a sea of voices telling you how and who you should be, what you should know and believe in. Today, social media is no longer just about following accounts — it’s also about following trends by miming over another person’s voice or mimicking their moves.

The fun has grown with the technology, and the cautions against it, cliché. But the truth still stands: you can lose yourself, or maybe never find out who you are, as an individual, apart from everybody else.

Two 2022 Netflix series based on real-life scammers, “The Tinder Swindler” and “Inventing Anna,” recently topped global viewing charts. Each captivated the world, with the respective stories of Simon Leviev and Anna Delvey, their outrageous identity fraud, and million-dollar scams. To me, one thing stood out about these two: an unbelievable level of delusion about who they were in comparison to who they really were. It was almost as though they believed the lies themselves.

That has to be the most dangerous con — being convinced of a reality that is not quite real. And social media is a hotbed of all sorts of virtual, created realities. Live online longer than you do in the real world, and the lines between them begin to blur.

“Who am I outside of my social media identity?” I ask myself. “Who am I, even, away from everything my friends and family know me as?” But it’s a murky self-examination for anyone. Only the One who crafted the core of our beings knows (Ps 139:13). God knows our thoughts before we think them and our words before they are spoken (139:2, 4). He has every day of our lives laid out and written down (139:16).

We need to step away from the crowd every once in a while, as Jesus often did to seek His Father (Luke 5:16). For us, that includes the great crowd and clamour of voices online. Our secret place with Him is where we can scroll through the infinite feed of His thoughts towards us (Ps 139:17), where we can invite Him to examine our hearts and point out the ways in us that diverge from His ways — that we may live by His reality and not our own (139:23–24).

Looking back, it was through my journey as a writer at Thir.st, an online Christian website and social media platform, from 2016 to 2020, that God really shaped my understanding of who He had made me to be. In my solitary reflections, as I worked on each article, His voice in my quietened spirit gently revealed His truths against the lies I had come to believe of myself. As He had done in my mother’s womb, He made the person I am online with great care and wisdom.

When someone asked me how I had the courage to share my unfiltered, imperfect life with the world, I found myself replying: When you know who you are, you stop being so scared. The “me” in social media has also been fearfully and wonderfully made.

JONK’S JOURNALS

A PRAYER
Dear Heavenly Father, I want to walk in Your identity for me, even on social media. Search me and show me where my ways online have fallen short of Your glory. Renew my mind, that I may understand who I am and should be according to how You made me. Amen.

JOURNAL THIS!
1. How has your online life been? What are you doing, and who are you following? Consider how social media is affecting your life and if it has been beneficial.

2. What would someone who follows you on social media say about you as a Christian? Less than it is about posting “Christian content,” our testimony lies in how we “live” like Christ in the online world. How would you like your online testimony to be?

KNOW THE WORD
Allow the Holy Spirit to illuminate His truths on your identity and purpose:
– Psalm 139
– Romans 12:1–3
– Acts 17:24–28

AFTERTHOUGHTS
Check out my 2015 TEDx Talk on “The ‘Me’ in Media” here.

And my story of becoming who God made me to be, written when I turned 30.

Starving for Approval

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 08:06:00 +0000

Wide-eyed, I stepped into my new school. It was the beginning of the promising course I hoped to chart for myself. After all, being able to get into a top junior college surely meant that there was a bright future for me — all I had to do was grasp it.

I thought I would cruise through junior college just like secondary school. Little did I know that up against some of the most brilliant minds, I would barely hold a candle to my peers. I performed poorly in both my academics and my co-curricular activity (CCA), failing to meet the expectations I had for myself. With each blow to my self-esteem, my dreams of success started to fall apart, and I could barely hold myself together. I felt increasingly insecure and compared every part of myself to others. There was no place for me even though I gave my all. I started to shrink and withdraw from people, because I was acutely aware of my shortcomings and was consumed by envy and jealousy toward my outstanding peers.

STARTING TO SHRINK
As I was eaten up by my belief that I was a total failure, I started losing my appetite. I saw my weight drop and my body change. At the same time, as people complimented me on my weight loss, I started to find my identity in superficial beauty. Shortly after, I became obsessed with eating as little as possible, as I thought, “If I cannot do well in my studies and in my CCA, I shall go on a strict diet because this is an outcome I can control.” Within two months, I lost 10 kg.

A VISIT TO THE DOCTOR FOR GASTRIC PROBLEMS REVEALED THAT I WAS ACTUALLY ANOREXIC.

Although I was skinny like I wanted to be, my hair was falling out, my period stopped, and I was constantly on the verge of tears. Mealtimes that were once filled with joy were now a significant cause of stress. I felt so lonely in school, yet could not relate well to others because I was harbouring bitter envy toward my peers and wanted to continue my obsessive behaviour of restricting calories despite their genuine concern for me. Worldly success, in the form of perfect grades, talents, and superficial beauty, was all that consumed my mind in every waking moment. Eventually, a visit to the doctor for gastric problems revealed that I was actually anorexic.

LOOKING DEEPER WITHIN
After a few months of battling with this eating disorder, I slowly started to realise that as the desire for worldly success had ruled my soul, God was no longer my master. This inner desire reared its ugly head in the form of an eating disorder, but the root problem was ultimately my ungodly appetite for the approval of man. Thus began a long journey of correcting my beliefs, and God was gracious to send many wiser women to speak truths into my life. As I became more aware of my sinful rebellion against God for idolising superficial beauty and neglecting my friends and family, I started to repent and seek God’s design for success.

GOD’S IDEA OF A LIFE WELL-LIVED IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE WORLD’S DEFINITION.

UNDERSTANDING GOD’S DESIGN
As I began to understand God’s definition of success through His Word, I was convicted that my idea of success had to change. In fact, God’s idea of a life well-lived is totally different from the world’s definition. In our Lord Jesus, I see that God values a humble heart that serves others rather than one which competes for self-glory. Jesus came not to be served, but to serve, and to become a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). In Philippians 2:5–8, Paul exhorts us in this way:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (ESV; emphasis mine)

Looking to the supreme example of the perfect human, Jesus, I was convicted that a life spent chasing accolades and pursuing a worldly form of beauty would be meaningless. Instead of elevating the self, God calls us to be humble servants. There is great peace when we live by God’s design, and place our trust in God’s sovereignty and providence instead of taking pride in worldly achievements.

LIVING A CHANGED LIFE
In God’s mercy and grace, He shifted my perspectives to mirror His own. In the past, I scrambled to meet everyone’s definition of success for me, leading to my obsessive pursuit of the perfect figure and straight As. However, I now recognise that only living wholly unto the Lord matters as He has the final word over my life. This revelation released me from the once insatiable desire for man’s approval in my successes. Consequently, my self-esteem has greatly improved as I grew to root my identity in God’s steadfast love for me.

I THANK GOD FOR REDEEMING ME FROM A FRUITLESS WAY OF LIFE

During my recovery, I was also plugged into a community that valued caring for the vulnerable, which challenged me to focus on the needs of others above my own worldly success. As I actively engaged with hidden communities (people with special needs, migrants, and disadvantaged women and children), I saw that I was living in a bubble, obsessing over transient beauty and individual achievements while neglecting the more important task of loving my neighbour. Rather than spending all my energy on building up my own ‘palace,’ I have the privilege of advancing the kingdom of God and bringing the hope of His gospel to the lost!

I thank God for redeeming me from a fruitless way of life (1 John 2:15–17).

A TIME TO REFLECT
When we meet God face-to-face, even the most ‘successful’ person will not be able to justify himself through his accolades. Although I once starved myself for approval and chased after worldly success, doing so is futile, as all of us are foolish sinners before God regardless of our social standing on earth. With joy, I now sing that there is nothing I can boast in except my sinfulness, as my weak self displays the power of God’s grace.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 states, “The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” (ESV). If you are struggling with your body image, I encourage you to ask God to reveal the root issues of your heart. It may stem from a desire to cover up a deeper insecurity, or it could be a sinful craving for the admiration of man. Either way, God is more than able to change your heart if you would give Him space to speak through His unchanging Word. I would also encourage you to humbly seek counsel from spiritual mentors. May we set aside time to reassess our values and the trajectory of our lives, so that we build our lives on the Solid Rock instead of sinking sand.