Purpose – Kallos

Finding My Purpose And Remaining Faithful In Sports – Chui Ling Goh Shares Her Story

Kallos Team — Mon, 30 Oct 2023 11:10:00 +0000

Having been involved in sports since an early age and going on to represent Singapore in the SEA Games, Chui Ling Goh pens her own journey and shares what God has been teaching her through sports.

WHO AM I?

It has been 17 years since I started high-performance sports. As a young 13-year-old girl in a neighbourhood school, I was looking for my individual identity, innate self-worth, and unique passions in life. My parents and sisters were my role models, but they were not … me. I sought myself and it might take a lifetime for me to say I truly know who God has created me to be, but through sports, I have gotten glimpses of the glory of the Lord and the individualised journey He has for me. In brief, God took my personal passions and adapted it for His plans, and I find myself going through a journey of faith to remain faithful to Him in a world that denies Him.

Through sports, I have gotten glimpses of the glory of the Lord
and the individualised journey He has for me.

SPORTS AND ME

To say I was created to do sports is an understatement. I come from an extraordinarily sporty family and was born with a competitive spirit. I was identified by teachers and coaches in schools for my inclination towards sports, and even out-sported my male classmates from a young age. At the age of 15 after entering the national youth squad, with no structured training, I was invited to train with (and eventually invited to attend) one of the top junior colleges in Singapore. When I was 19, I was invited to apply (and was eventually offered) the inaugural sports scholarship with National University of Singapore, when I also joined the national senior squad. By the age of 24, I was offered jobs based on my affiliation with sports, on the condition that I continue sports.

Through the different stages of my life, I contemplated and even took steps to leave sports, but sports always found me. When I was 26, I decided that I was going to retire from competitive sports because I started work as a lawyer and the pressures of my legal career felt too much for me to bear. But my legal mentor and coaches around me decided that it was not the end of my sporting career and tussled me out of retirement. I struggled and wrestled like Jacob wrestled with the Lord (Gen 32:22–32), but I relented when I learnt that it was not just God who wanted me in sports but that I myself had a grave passion for sports that I could no longer deny. I learnt that I loved running. I learnt that I was running not because I had to continue my commitment with the national team, or because I wanted to keep my scholarship or financial opportunities with sports. I learnt that despite the ups and downs in my life, I loved running. It brought me unspeakable joy and a sense of achievement that I could not find in other areas of my life.

THE STRUGGLE

However, through the many years of being in sports and despite being connected to various sports ministries (like Cru Athletes in Action), I struggled to comprehend and align the demands of high-performance sports together with God’s plan and purpose (for me) in sports. I had two deep-seated intellectual and spiritual struggles with sports and God:

What is God’s purpose in the physical pain of high-performance sports that I go through regularly, and how am I supposed to find God within?
How can I juggle the innate and common-place self-centredness in high-performance sports that is antithetical to God’s call for us to love and honour others (Luke 6:35)?

If I am not able to be good, or practise godly values in the field of sports, am I deserving of being a witness for the Lord? The lack of alignment between sports and God in my life saw me retract many times back to my shell, feeling undeserving of my spot in sports on the one hand, and lacking purpose and intentionality in sports, on the other.

SEA GAMES 2023

In 2023, after years of a dull life in sports,the Lord intervened. It started with my 1500m event at the South-East Asian (SEA) Games, when things went beyond my control and spiralled. The schedule of my events was changing multiple times at the eleventh hour, causing additional stress and anxiety on my already pressured body. On top of the additional stress, I struggled deeply with sleep the night before due to external factors, like the random beeping of a smoke detector running out of battery. I went into the competition like a zombie, feeling defeated, only to experience God in a measure that I did not foresee. At the end of the race, I clinched the bronze medal in the 1500m event. It was a miracle. The run became my testimony, and the Lord assured me that despite my inability to find purpose and self-worth in sports (yet, then), I had work to do there, and He was honouring my passion in running.

The run became my testimony, and the Lord assured me
that despite my inability to find purpose
and self-worth in sports (yet, then),
I had work to do there, and He was honouring my passion in running.

DEALING WITH MY HEART

Over the next few months, the Lord unravelled my approaches to sports and broke down deep strongholds I have had about sports and pain which had hindered me in my pursuit of sports. On many levels, I lacked the focus and will to be the head and not the tail (Deut 28:13). With the intellectual and spiritual struggles I have had with having a sporting career as a follower of Christ, I felt that I lacked the dignity and grace in sports that the Lord had bethrew me with (Prov 31:25–31). But now, I run more sober and clear-headed than ever before (1 Pet 1:13) — to make space to run with the bravery and courage that God has called me to run with (Josh 1:9), and run for and towards God through pain.

But now, I run more sober and clear-headed than ever before
… run for and towards God through pain.

ROLE MODELS IN SPORTS

But beyond my personal experiences, I saw the way in sports through other godly witnesses. I saw how it is entirely possible to be a world-class athlete without being selfish or self-glorifying. Athletes like Allyson Felix (USA), Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone (USA) and Nicola Olyslagers (Australia) have approached world-class sports selflessly, to be antithetical to the norm of the self-centredness of performance sports. Since top Christian athletes like them are able to practise their craft without being selfish and still reach the top of their sport, I do not need to conform to the selfish ways of the world in order to reach the top of my sport. To inherit the legacy of those who came before me is such a privilege; being able to run with the forerunners called by the Lord. I have accepted that I was not created to bear the glory of the world, and that gives me true freedom to run my best.

I do not need to conform to the selfish ways of the world
in order to reach the top of my sport.

RUNNING FORWARD

When I was learning to be a Christian athlete, I was taught that I had to use the platform I was given to be a witness for the Lord (Matt 28:16–20, Isa 43:10). After years of wrestling intellectually with my purpose in sports for the Lord, I have structured three main dimensions of work for myself in sports. I call them P2P³:

Platform to PRAY: Remembering my motivations and the Giver of my talents.
Platform to PERFORM: Do not be lazy but do the hard work, and fight for my platform and influence, without losing sight of being a gracious competitor.
Platform to PREACH: Give thanks for the talent and acknowledge that I am stewarding the talent I have been entrusted with. Be a witness to the Giver of my talents and the right motivation for sports.

These areas of work align my motivation and conduct to those of the Lord’s, in a world that does not acknowledge His existence and value. With these, I find my passion and conduct aligned and properly ordered with my spirit and godly values, allowing me the freedom and liberty to run my best for the Lord. This is how I choose to remain faithful in sports.

Anne Ng: Prayer Warrior for Revival

Quek Shi Yun — Thu, 03 Nov 2022 06:58:00 +0000

When Anne became a Christian, God gripped her heart to see more on her campus live with radical faith. QUEK SHI YUN finds out how she is contending for revival in polytechnics in Singapore.

Anne’s passion for Christ is unmistakable. As she spoke fervently about her desire to see more turn to Jesus, I couldn’t help but feel excited by the fire in her. Together with a few friends, she has been championing a movement called Poly Revival, a network of polytechnic students inspiring the next generation to live authentically for Christ. As leader of the Singapore Poly prayer space, Anne gathers with like-minded Christians each week to worship and intercede for the move of the Holy Spirit. Read on to hear her heart for Poly Revival.

What does ‘revival’ look like to you?

It is really to see the move of the Holy Spirit. When we look at revival in the book of Acts, we see people getting baptised in the Holy Spirit and being empowered to live for the gospel.

How did you get involved in Poly Revival?

When Poly Revival first began, I started out by helping with the publicity for a big worship night. It didn’t really work out, but afterwards, as we were praying, we felt that we should go in the direction of creating prayer movements for the five different polys.

I felt the Lord prompting me to start one in Singapore Poly. And I was like, yeah, I have a heart for that! I became a Christian three years ago, and then COVID struck, so I didn’t really go to the church, but I read the Bible a lot. And in the New Testament I saw the apostles getting persecuted for their faith. As Paul says, “to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Phil 1:21).

I had been really excited to be a Christian in a polytechnic, because for the first time, that would be where I could live out my faith. But I saw Christians in my class who seemed like they were living in the world or it felt like there was this lukewarmness going on (Rev 3:15–16). So I thought, there must be more to

THERE MUST BE MORE TO CHRISTIANITY IF PEOPLE WERE DYING FOR THEIR FAITH.

Christianity if people were dying for their faith. There must more as students that we can do to harvest the field. And that’s where my heart developed to see a move of the Holy Spirit in the campus.

Has your faith journey influenced your desire to see revival and for more people to know Him?

The day that I accepted Christ was the day the Lord rescued me from the depths of hell. How I view the gospel is that it is more than a story that gets you to church every Sunday. It’s a story that rescues you from hell — it is a story that changes your life, that brings about transformation. And it’s just such a beautiful story. It’s one where you get to have a personal fellowship with the Lord.

So, I want people to know that living for Christ is something you live or you die for, you know? Don’t be lukewarm. You’re either hot for Him, or you’re cold. Personally, I have a heart for evangelism. One of my goals in life is to make everyone I interact with either love Jesus so much that they’re either willing to die for Him or they spit on Him. It’s either this or that. Don’t be stuck in the middle.

WE ARE HERE TO CHANGE CULTURE, TO BE MORE LIKE CHRIST.

Why do you think this movement is needed on poly campuses?

Tertiary education is the season where people really craft out their identity. And what I noticed about poly culture is that it’s very secular, where it’s very easy to live like the world. What we want is to provide a platform to say, hey, there is more than just getting a diploma; there is more than just conforming to culture. We are here to change culture, to be more like Christ, to be a living vessel, and to be the salt and light to the people around us and on campus. We want this to be a place where believers can come together to strengthen and sharpen each other. We want to empower students to not just conform to the culture, but to be more than that and to live authentically for Christ.

Before someone enters poly, what would you tell them might confront their faith?

I think there is a pressure to be popular, to dress a certain way, or conform to certain worldly values. People will hang out with people who share the same values. And that can be tough, because when it comes to certain issues like abortion or LGBTQ rights, you will need to learn how to defend your faith [under such pressures]. But at the same time, you also need to learn how to win the person and not just win the argument, even as you might get challenged in your knowledge of God and the gospel.

YOU ALSO NEED TO LEARN HOW TO WIN THE PERSON AND NOT JUST WIN THE ARGUMENT.

It’s easy to talk about living out Christian values, but when everyone around you is doing something, it is hard to leave it, much less go against it, because that means that you might be persecuted.[In Singapore, it won’t be] biblical persecution where you get hanged [on a cross] or anything [like that], but you will not be well-liked [and even ostracised or bullied].

Do you have personal experiences of a situation where you had to defend your faith?

Being in design school, a lot of people in my cohort feel really strongly for the LGBTQ movement. When people ask me what I stand for, I do say that what I stand for is in the Bible. I do say that I love them as well, but for them, a huge part of their identity is their sexuality. If you don’t agree with them, they see it as rejecting them. So, because I’m a Christian, I get called homophobic, or don’t get treated as nicely because I don’t align with their values or ideology.

How do you deal with that?

What I can do is just be one-on-one with my friends, to show them that I love them. In John 13:35 it says that the world shall know we are Jesus’ disciples by our love [for one another]. And I think that is what we should do. We abide in Christ [together]. And then we grow the fruits of the Spirit and we love on others. Sometimes, it’s not about what you say, but it’s about what you do and how you show love consistently. And they can see how different you are.

Has being a prominent part of Poly Revival put you in a difficult position with friends who do not share the same faith or values?

When I was really involved with starting up the prayer space, I wasn’t there for multiple group meetings with friends. So I became the topic of the gossip. And at first, it was quite lonely. But I know that if the gossip is centred around my Christian values and not how I am as a person (for instance, that I am selfish), then it is a privilege to be able to embody Christian values. It was definitely lonely at the start, but I guess it puts you in a position where you understand just a glimpse of how Christ felt, or a glimpse of how the persecuted Christians feel.

What advice would you give someone who wants to see their campus transformed for Christ?

I will affirm them and say that the fire that you have, this desire that you have, the Lord is going to use it and it can inspire people around you. Practically, I would encourage them to get a mentor if they want to start a prayer movement in their school, and gather people with similar hearts. I would also encourage them to get connected with the wider praying community, such as Praying Schools for secondary schools, and Unity for those on university campuses. This community can journey with them to offer advice on how to start a prayer group and champion revival in their own spaces!

Janelle Yeo: I’m a pastor but I doubted if God was real

Quek Shi Yun — Wed, 31 Aug 2022 16:31:00 +0000

Who says pastors have it all figured out? QUEK SHI YUN sits down with Janelle, who shares her honest story of doubting God and growing her faith.

If I asked you to guess what a person might have done before becoming a pastor, I assure you, you wouldn’t even begin to guess anything on Janelle’s list. “I had a friend who was a model, and so she roped me into that. And I acted in Mediacorp, just small roles you know? I’ve been a waitress, I worked in retail… Oh! I even did Uber for a few months just so I could have a car!” Janelle’s energy was contagious, and I found that I couldn’t stop smiling while listening to her.

This was not at all what I expected when I simply asked Janelle what led to her becoming a pastor!

MY BIGGEST CHALLENGE GROWING UP WAS WONDERING IF GOD WAS REAL.

“I never set out to be a pastor,” was her immediate reply. While Janelle was raised in a Christian home, she did not really understand her faith. “I went to church out of habit. I served in ministry, I was in Christian Fellowship… but I didn’t really know if God was there. I even asked myself, what if Buddhism is what’s real? How would I know? I was born into this faith! My biggest challenge growing up was wondering if God was real.”

While her faith was growing, Janelle struggled at home and battled insecurities. Her parents’ rocky marriage was headed toward a divorce, and she questioned God’s goodness. However, a personal encounter with God when she was 18 years old kickstarted her journey of faith. During this time, she had moved to a different church where her cousins were at. It was there when she had the first sense that God was calling her to serve Him in a greater capacity during a service that year.

“I still remember being in the auditorium with about 1,000 people, and I felt a call to serve God and give Him the best years of my life. As the worship came to a close, the Senior Pastor came up on stage and said he felt led to pray for some people. He asked, ‘Is Janelle in church?’ I sensed in my heart that that was me. And as far as I knew, I was the only Janelle in church.”

The pastor prophesied that as people followed Janelle, they would turn towards God and follow Him. After the service, her leaders asked her how she thought that would play out. “I said I don’t know, maybe I’ll just be more involved in church. I brought more friends to church, but nothing really happened after that.”

RUNNING FROM GOD’S CALL

Janelle later felt led to return to her home church after five years and carried on serving God through her university days and early career. She eventually started her own company, and it was a success. She was riding the beginning of the #girlboss wave and enjoyed the hustle and glamour of being an entrepreneur.

So when God pressed in her heart the thought that He wanted her to serve Him in full-time ministry one day, she said no. She laughed as she remembered her response. “I just said, ‘Nope, I don’t want to!’” To compensate for her guilt in rejecting God’s call, she resolved to do more in church. By the end of the year, she was serving in five different ministries in church!

By 2018, she felt like she was in the prime of her life. She had just gotten the keys to her house and business was growing steadily. Her husband, Andrew, had just gotten a promotion, and a baby was on the way. “Everything was so so good, and we were so thankful for everything.”

But things suddenly took a turn in the middle of the year. At the end of June, they found out that their nine-week-old baby had no heartbeat. Andrew’s new job scope turned out to be different from what he expected. And shortly after, they lost their grandmothers in October and November.

“Before I could recover from one death, the next death happened, and then the next. We just couldn’t understand why this was happening.”

I ASKED GOD, WHY ME? … ARE YOU PUNISHING ME?

“I asked God, ‘Why me? You know we love children. You know we love our grandmothers. Why is everything happening at once? I have served you so faithfully and given you my entire youth. Why me? Am I being punished?’”

“That was the first time that my faith was shaken and I really wrestled with God. I couldn’t see how God was good.”

CHOOSING TO OBEY

Amidst her pain, she felt God urging her to go to seminary and really get to know Him for herself. By then, through a series of events and Scripture, she could no longer deny the call to change course and serve Him in full-time ministry.

“I did not want to give up the image I had built for myself — the glamour of going for events, the identity I had as an entrepreneur, and making a name for myself. But God showed me that this wasn’t what He wanted for me. There was something better if I chose to obey.”

During her time in seminary, God showed her why He allowed those things to happen to her and how He was still in control through it all. The week she found out she was pregnant, she was offered a shot at a supporting role in a long-term drama but had to turn it down due to the pregnancy. In hindsight, she recognised it as God’s protection, as He knew that the temptations of the entertainment industry would be too much for her to bear.

He also showed her how the business had puffed up her pride and it was a pride that God had to break down. “Without realising it, I was chasing after my own glory, not God’s.”

God used that season of mourning to show her an important aspect of His character — the depth of His love. Though she initially questioned if God was punishing her, she later came to a different conclusion.

“God allowed these things to happen, but He didn’t cause it. The fact is that we live in a fallen world and suffering does happen. But God can use our sufferings to draw us closer to Him. Instead of punishing me, God was protecting me the whole time. In His grace, He allowed all that to happen so that I could return to Him. He cares more about our holiness than our happiness because He seriously loves us so much. While I couldn’t see His fingerprints in the midst of mourning, God showed me that He was there all along, grieving with me. He didn’t abandon me.”

“Whatever He allows in this fallen world is not the end. This is not our home — the pains and sufferings remind us of that. We have a greater home in heaven.”

Janelle is now in her final semester of seminary, and has started work full-time as a Ministry Staff Worker, pastoring the youths — something she never expected although she now acknowledges that she sees how God had been preparing her for it all these years.

A LESSON IN FAITH

At the end of 2019, she was reading Hebrews 11, or the “Hall of Faith” as she calls it, and it spoke to her to have faith in God and rest in His faithfulness. She sensed God’s deep assurance that a child would come, and to trust in Him and wait on His timing. Then on April Fools’ Day 2021, she found out she was pregnant again. “God is very humorous!” Her son, Callen, was born later that year in November.

Her winding journey of faith has led her to where she is now. But while she sees how God has been with her each step of the way, her journey isn’t over. She makes sure to point out that even pastors have their own struggles and that having faith in God in every circumstance will be a lifelong journey as we submit ourselves to His moulding to become true disciples of Christ.

Her final encouragement is this: Keep seeking God, keep chasing after Him, and let Him lead you.

“What Jesus says in Matthew 11:30 is true. His yoke is easy, His burden is light. We don’t realise it, but it does get easier when we surrender and let God lead our life. Just trust and obey.”

Surrendering My Sister

Kallos Team — Fri, 01 Apr 2022 07:44:00 +0000

With the knowledge that time with her sister is limited, AMANDA NG determined to make every moment count. She shares the joys, heartaches, and rewards of leaving school to care for her sister.

When my sister was born, I was prepared to be a good older sister. I planned to protect my baby sister from bullies and anyone that would hurt her. But what I didn’t know was that I couldn’t protect Amelia from the realities of life. While other siblings are journeying together through their school life, dating life, work life, or eventually marriage life, Amelia and I are journeying towards making memories before death knocks on her door.

Amelia was a smart toddler growing up and I loved her company. However, when she was around 14 months old, my mum started noticing that Amelia was crying and hitting her head with her hands a lot. She brought Amelia to the doctors but no one was able to explain what was wrong. After a few more months, my mum realised that Amelia was struggling to crawl. From that year on, we saw a rapid decline in her condition. She was losing all her physical abilities. By the time she turned two, she was unable to crawl, sit, or babble. When she was five, Amelia started having seizures that were so severe that she needed the strongest epilepsy drug available. My younger sister that was once able to sit and call me jiejie (Mandarin for older sister) is now bed-bound, tube-fed, and requiring round-the-clock care.

A STEP OF FAITH

There was a time when Amelia was frequently admitted to the hospital, and every few months, we had to visit her in the high dependency ward or the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). As a family, we have had to learn how to remove her phlegm via suction so that it doesn’t obstruct her airways. There are also moments when Amelia’s oxygen rate can drop, causing her to turn pale and blue due to the lack of oxygen to her brain, which is life-threatening. We have had to resuscitate Amelia with medical equipment to force air into her lungs to help her breathe again.

One day when I was 13 years old, when my dad and I arrived home after he had picked me up from school, we heard screams. Inside the house, I saw my 10-year-old sister looking lifeless and turning a pale blue. Miraculously, my dad succeeded in getting her breathing again. That night while Amelia was in the hospital, I couldn’t sleep. I wondered, if I had lost Amelia today, did I made enough memories with her?

I WONDERED, IF I HAD LOST AMELIA TODAY, HAD I MADE ENOUGH MEMORIES WITH HER?

Towards the end of the 2017, God dropped the idea of home-schooling into my heart. It was something I had never considered, but it was the only way I could spend more time with my younger sister. When I approached my parents about it, their answer was a firm NO! However, a few weeks later, God showed my mum that home-schooling isn’t just about my education. It was giving me an opportunity to explore my life the way God wanted. We prayed as a family and felt peace to go ahead with the school withdrawal after my Secondary 2 year-end exams.

GLORIFYING GOD’S NAME

Through my four years of home-schooling, Amelia and I have become best friends. As Amelia is non-verbal, communication looks different for us. It requires patience from both parties, and can sometimes feel like a guessing game. Amelia was often frustrated when we couldn’t understand her, so my mum taught her to blink or swallow her saliva if she wants to say yes, and to ignore us when she wants to say no. In 2018, we started Amelia on an eye-gazing device in the hope that it would help her communicate with us. With the help of a therapist and the eye-gazing community, she was able to use icons to communicate her thoughts and views. She was able to play games with her eyes, draw, and finally tell us what she likes and dislikes. The machine gave Amelia her voice back!

After I started home-schooling, I took up the role of helping to resuscitate Amelia. I can barely keep track of the number of times I have had to do it. Our home has become like a mini ICU, with Amelia hooked up to oxygen tanks and various machines to keep her alive. One night in June 2020, Amelia was admitted into ICU. Her condition had become so critical that the doctors didn’t know if she was going to make it through the night. Her heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature were lower than usual. During that season, many came forward to share these verses with us:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13–14)

The verses reminded us as a family that Amelia was created wonderfully and made specially by God. Amelia is not a mistake and she is here to glorify God’s name. When we brought Amelia home, the doctors told us that she was going to die soon. The fact that she made it through that night was already a miracle. The fact that she is alive today is a wonder. To this day, no one knows how her body is coping with a very low temperature of 32–34 degrees and a low heart rate when she is asleep.

WALKING IN SURRENDER

Time and time again, God has shown us that despite her physical challenges, He created Amelia perfectly in every way. Death is not a taboo subject in our family. Amelia has experienced countless near-death experiences, and each time she comes back to us, she confirms that she has seen Jesus, and I believe she truly has. Whenever we ask her if she knows what heaven is, and whether she believes that God has His plan for her and His plan isn’t finished, she swallows to tell us “yes”. Despite all the trials in her life, Amelia is now a teenager with so much strength and will to live. Even so, I strongly believe that it is only by God’s love and His grace upon my family that she has lived this long.

HE IS IN CONTROL OF AMELIA’S LIFE AND HER JOURNEY WITH US.

Just a week before Amelia’s 15th birthday last year, she was finally given a diagnosis for her condition — Infantile Neuroaxonal Dystrophy (INAD). This rare condition with no cure affects only 150 kids living worldwide. Amelia is the first case in Singapore. Children with INAD eventually lose their physical and mental skills, and most pass on before the age of 10. That stunned us. Statistically, Amelia was supposed to have died five years ago! It was like God telling us once again that He is in control of Amelia’s life and her journey with us.

Our family has made the difficult decision to not bring Amelia back to the hospital if her condition becomes critical again, because Amelia wants to receive palliative care at home and leave this world with everyone she loves and everyone who loves her by her side. It’s the toughest decision we have made but we know that as the time draws nearer, God has been preparing us gently as a family.

INAD has stolen everything from Amelia — from the ability to stand, crawl, and cry when she was a child, to the ability to breathe, eat, and move on her own now. But one thing that INAD will never steal is her fighting spirit. We don’t know if Amelia will make it to her 16th birthday this year, but I know that she is a warrior, a fighter, and a light to many others.

Her life is a miracle that medical science says is impossible. But just as Jesus says in Matthew 19:26, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Straight As, But Rejected From Law School

Janell — Sat, 01 May 2021 03:07:00 +0000

My earliest memory of primary school was coming home from school, hiding in my room, and doing my homework. Nobody forced me to do it — I just really wanted to do well! Throughout my schooling years, I always put in my hundred percent. I was satisfied with the fruit of my results, and felt like I was in control of my grades as long as I put in the hard work.

Ever since I was a child, I knew that I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. In junior college, I worked hard with the single-minded purpose of getting into law school. When the ‘A’ Level results were released, I had gotten straight As!

“God is opening the door to law school for me. I am walking in His will,” I thought.

I applied for law school in two universities in Singapore, and went for interviews and entry exams in all the local universities. I also applied for a degree in communication studies in another university, as a ‘back up option’ that I did not put much thought into. When the rejection letters from both law schools came, I was crushed.

I remember the night of the second rejection email well. I was crying and felt a sense of worthlessness. At the time, I was obsessed with having control over my studies and my life. When that was taken away from me, I felt hopeless and desperately anxious. I did not know any other option except law school, and could see no future but the one I had envisioned for myself as a lawyer. In my disappointment, I questioned God’s goodness toward me.

While I was still coping with the rejections, I received an offer for communication studies, along with an invitation for a chat with the faculty dean. I was offered a bondless scholarship, which would cover my school fees and provide an allowance. I was immediately rebuked and humbled! A mere few days ago, I had wondered if God was good, and He, in His good mercy, provided me with an alternative that was more abundant than I could imagine. I was humbled because I was so focused on my own will, that I did not rest in the truth that God is good, regardless of the outcome, and that He would provide, though it sometimes does not take the shape and form that I expected.

This was a crucial spiritual lesson for me in my life, and I pray that I will always remember His benefits and goodness when I face trials in the future!

Review: Soul

Eunice Sng — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 07:55:00 +0000

WARNING: This article contains spoilers.

I’ve been a fan of Pixar for as long as I can remember. Yet, my years of experience (and packs of tissues) did nothing to prepare me for the sucker punch of emotions Soul served out in this beautifully animated feature film.

The movie spotlights Joe, a disillusioned middle-school band teacher who unexpectedly loses his life. Joe, now a newly departed soul, winds up on a travellator headed straight into a blazing ball of light known as the Great Beyond. Terrified and unwilling to leave life on earth just as things were looking up, he runs away and ends up stumbling into the Great Before, where souls are prepped for life on earth. There, he meets an equally disgruntled soul named 22, who seems to resist being born just as much as he dreads being dead.

Soul good: Small actions, big impact
Joe isn’t willing to die because he thinks he hasn’t accomplished anything worthwhile. In a moment of sad realisation, he states, “My life was meaningless,” echoing Ecclesiastes 2:17 — “All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

Stuck in what he sees as a dead-end job, he has bigger dreams of being a famous jazz musician, which he believes will give him the happiness he desires. Little does he realise that he was making a greater impact on people around him as a teacher than he ever could playing the piano on a big stage!

That’s one of the central messages of the movie — that even those who are doing seemingly mundane and underappreciated tasks can have an outsized impact. It took nearly losing his life to realise that chasing his dream career wouldn’t bring him lasting happiness; if anything, it just amplified the emptiness he had been trying to fill. Joe learns that what brings true meaning to life isn’t success or fame, but the deep relationships you build and the way you use your gifts to benefit others, not just yourself.

Soul questionable: The Great Before and the Great Beyond
While many religions embrace the concept of a holding area for souls before their physical body is created, the Bible emphasises that God creates humans as physical beings (Gen 2:7; Ps 139:13–16). The movie puts an emphasis on the autonomy of the soul separate from God or other higher powers, or even the connection to one’s physical body (22 could enter Joe’s body and Joe’s soul could enter a cat)! Soul also erases the traditional notion of heaven and hell, and takes away the gravity of how one’s actions on earth can affect where they go in the Great Beyond.

That said, the fictional explanations about life before and after death shouldn’t prevent you from taking in the fullness of Soul’s message — that each day is a gift and life is a blessing. True contentment comes only in living life to the fullest but with the understanding that God is the one who gave us life and all its possibilities. Ecclesiastes 3:12–13 summarises it perfectly — “I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil — this is the gift of God.”

I Failed ‘O’ Level English!

Joey Tay — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 13:02:00 +0000

I still remember the day, sitting anxiously in the school hall as we waited for our ‘O’ level results. When my turn came, the look on my teachers’ faces was one I can never forget. They handed me my results slip and different polytechnic course brochures, as well as a private diploma brochure. Something wasn’t right.

26 points.

Out of the seven subjects I took, I scored D7 in English, B3 in Literature, and C5s and C6s for the rest. I was flooded with anger, disappointment, and frustration with myself and with God. How could this be happening? How could I fail my English paper and get the highest grade out of all my subjects in Literature? The irony stared me in the face.

The worst thing was knowing that failing the English paper meant that I could not enter most courses in a polytechnic. Entering my dream school and course suddenly became impossible.

I eventually enrolled in a private university in a course I liked, but I kept all the course brochures I had collected from the different polytechnics in a drawer. For four years, I lived in shame and guilt. Whenever someone mentioned their grades, I found myself moving away or feeling depressed. I was ashamed of my results and didn’t want to tell anyone about it. There were times when I was home alone at night and was reminded about my bad results. I would open the drawer, sit on the floor and cry.

When I was 20, God healed me from the pain that I endured silently for four years. I remember coming home one day after listening to a sermon that spoke to my heart. I emptied the drawer, and threw all the course brochures away. That day, I felt so relieved and free, and I knew it was God who had given me the courage to let all my shame, disappointment, and pain go.

As I look back now, I see that just because my path was different, it doesn’t mean that I was lost or abandoned. God was and is in full control of my life, and my journey was no mistake. While I did not have the chance to experience life in a polytechnic or junior college, I was surrounded with classmates much older than me, and from different countries, which forced me to think and act more maturely. I was part of a Christian community in school and joined a discipleship group. I wasn’t exposed to friends who enjoyed clubbing, drinking, or speaking vulgarities. It was as if God was protecting me and sheltering me in a safe environment.

Someone once told me, “Age does not define your maturity, grades do not define your intelligence, and rumours do not define who you are.” God made us in His image and we are who He has called us to be. Nothing should make us feel unworthy or lousy about ourselves, especially not our grades. Understand, dear friend, that you are the Heavenly Father’s precious daughter, and you are loved even when you feel you have failed!