Singlehood – Kallos

How Did You Know This Was The Right Job For You?

Kallos Team — Wed, 01 Dec 2021 04:58:00 +0000

Cheot Yee See
Partnerships & Special Projects
Executive at Migrant x Me

I’ve always believed the right job for me would be one which I enjoyed the work and was passionate about! God provided this job for me through Migrant x Me (MxMe), a non-profit organisation that seeks to build an inclusive Singapore for the migrant worker community by empowering youths.

I was based in Seoul, Korea for the past few years studying, working, and living away from home. Even though my job as a full-time designer was stable, I felt lost and did not feel free to grow to my fullest potential in terms of my creativity. However, God presented the opportunity for me to use my skill sets to help with the conceptualising of MxMe’s branding in 2018 when the organisation was starting out. From then on, I designed materials to educate Singaporeans on the migrant worker community. It was through this experience that I saw how design can be used for good and have the power to impact others!

How does your work make an impact?

When I came back to Singapore in 2019, I met an injured migrant worker who shared about his struggles after he was injured. I remember empathising with how helpless he felt not knowing what to do and being alone in a country that does not speak his language. I wondered if there was a bigger role for me to play as my heart for the migrant community grew.

This led to a full-time job with MxMe in 2021, where my work focuses on building partnerships with schools to run our educational programmes, and working on special projects where I can express my creativity. How God has led me here and grown my passion for the community over the years helps me believe that He has equipped and led me to this role!

CAROLINE CHOONG
DOCTOR

It was all very natural for me. In secondary school I preferred science, and toyed with the idea of being an astronaut one day … till my dad told me NASA is for Americans. In JC I subscribed to and read American Scientist every month. The articles on neuroscience fascinated me and I dreamt of being an award-winning neuroscientist, making new discoveries about the human brain and behaviour. However, a short stint working as a research assistant in the lab made me realise that my extroverted personality meant I needed to be around people at work too.

So when it finally came to choosing a university course, I just knew I had to apply for Medicine because it tied together the 2 things I liked: science and working with people. I applied for NUS medicine, went for the interview, and got in. Over the next 5 years, I realised that medicine was indeed a perfect fit for me — working with science and working with people.

How do you see God’s hand at work in your career?

Fast forward another 8 years, I am now working as a specialist in a public hospital. As I look back on my years of medical school and residency training, I see how things just fell into place easily. I am now in a career that fits me perfectly. Everything was so natural that I know it could have only been God’s grace and wisdom. Only my Heavenly Father who knows me perfectly could have led me to this place. Only He who created me would know what job I could excel in and would be happy in.

Rachael Lim
Financial Consultant

Six months before coming across my current company, I had an impression of a path before me marked with bulbs and doors. Suddenly, it lit up and the doors opened and shut, guiding me forward. Open and closed doors are like guides showing us next steps. I had experienced a closed door to an exchange programme to UCL, but I was led to career coaching sessions by my financial advisory firm. It made me realise that my strengths — being curious about people and not afraid to talk deeper about their lives, and the love of planning — fit the role. Through these resources, I experienced first-hand what their tagline #ImpactingLivesBeyondFinance meant. This was something that resonated and aligned with my values.

Why do you think God led you here?

Four years on, I can see God’s hand clearly. I’d never thought of being in Finance! My family is experiencing the long-term damaging effects of products sold instead of going through holistic planning. This made me wonder what planning really entails. As God led me to an independently-owned financial advisory firm that gives unbiased advice and customised financial solutions, I can now do my best to provide a financial advisory experience that reflects godly principles and brings clarity to situations. When people openly share with me their goals and dreams, problems and pains, it allows me to journey with them in working towards solutions — financially, in life, and prayer.

How do you find meaning in your work?

Recently, I’ve learnt that God gave us work for us to steward and create value out of the resources He has given — skills, natural resources, etc. — for the betterment of society. Holistic financial advisory enables me to do that. Finance is connected with almost all aspects of life, and I believe my role isn’t just to help people earn more and pay less, but to help them realise that by stewarding our finances, we end up stewarding our lives.

CLAUDIA TAN
SECRETARIAT, YELLOW RIBBON PROJECT

When I graduated, I looked for a job where I could contribute meaningfully to society, involved skill sets that I am good at, and opportunities to expand my perspectives. My degree helped me to land a job in the entertainment industry related to my major in marketing. However, the interest waned as I felt I wanted to impact lives and serve in meaning jobs with purpose. When I joined the public sector through the Yellow Ribbon Project,I could use my training in marketing to create campaigns and events aimed at changing mindsets towards ex-offenders. It was meaningful to shed light on the challenges ex-offenders face and bring hope to inmates and ex-offenders, as many struggle to find acceptance from their family, friends, and society at large. It was also where I lived out what was taught in the Bible — to be kind and compassionate towards one another, forgiving just as in Christ God forgave us (Eph 4:32).

What does it take to thrive in your career?

Finding a career we will enjoy and thrive in requires high self awareness and a strong anchor in our identity. Even though I am not in a role typical of graduates in my course, I found ways to apply my educational background in the course of my work. My advice for those starting to think about your career is to be patient in letting God show you your desires, skills, how your background matches the jobs you are considering, and how you can contribute to your job and organisation. Lastly, don’t be afraid to venture out of the norm!

How Did You Know you were Ready for a Relationship?

Kallos Team — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 06:19:00 +0000

YONG EE WERN, 23

I knew I was ready for a relationship when I found happiness in being single! I have always believed that when one is happy with their single life, that’s when someone is ready. I realised I did not need a relationship to complete my life; I wanted someone to complement it. A partner is meant to complement your life and go through ups and down with you, not ‘complete’ you, which is what I feel society has painted romance to be.

I also found that learning to love myself was important before I was ready for a committed relationship. Learning to love yourself comes in many ways. For example, taking time to finding your own interests and hobbies, and spending time learning more about your strengths and weaknesses. Also, when I know how I want to be treated and what I deserve, I know never to settle for less.

At the end of the day, everyone has a different set of prerequisites required before getting into a relationship. Knowing what works for you is the best way to go about it. Relationships are not a one-hit wonder. It takes time to get to know a person and if it is worth getting into a relationship with that person. Everything happens in God’s timing, so trust in the process!

ANG JIN LIAT, 28

I didn’t know that I was ready, but I was ready to do what it took to get ready. There were a couple of things that I wanted to make sure was in place. As Pastor Andy Stanley shared in his book Love, Sex and Dating, I wanted to “become the person who you’re looking for is looking for.”

Hence, I read some books on relationship and I had a few criterion — firstly, get a job and be financially stable, and secondly, to be spiritually stable, ensuring that my walk with God is good. After I got these two pillars done, I went on to the next step — to try. I don’t think we’ll ever be ready, as we’re on this journey where we’re continuously learning and just becoming
better versions of ourselves. And that’s especially true when you get into a relationship because it’s no longer about one person but about two people. So no matter how ‘perfect’ you are, when you get into a relationship as two people, you will start to see imperfections and learn how to become even better and how to complement each other.

I also asked close friends, “Hey, I’m thinking of getting into a relationship. What do you think of it, do you think I’m ready?” I did a bit of research into the girl I was interested in and also spoke to people who had successful and failed relationships, finding out what worked and what didn’t, so those were all part of the background research.

So … I don’t think there was a point of time in which I thought I was ready, but more so that I’ve done my best and as much as I could to prepare myself for a relationship.

MADELINE TNG, 28

Before entering a relationship, God gave me the understanding that my partner does not complete me. Partners complement us and Christ is the One who completes and satisfies us with His steadfast love (Ps 90:14). While the desire for a relationship is good and healthy, it is not to be esteemed more than singlehood. They are both good.

Additionally, I was also given good counsel to take time to pray for my future spouse and to bring my insecurities to God. As I took time to pray for my future spouse, I saw how God directed and led me in the process, from writing out the desires of my heart about a partner to leading the way to him. We truly can trust in our good Shepherd! Some insecurities that I had to deal with were the fear of getting hurt in a relationship and the uncertainty if I could love someone well (and vice versa). And through surrendering these fears, I got to see that God is love (1 John 4:16) and we are all on a learning journey to learn how to love in a community. On a side note, when you get into a relationship, it is always good to have community support and not be in isolation only with your partner, so now is a good time to build up that trusted community before getting into a relationship.

Lastly, in preparing to enter a relationship, I kept the end in mind — marriage. Marriage is a beautiful thing that God has designed to reflects Christ’s love for the church. However, we need to know that marriage won’t solve any issues with sin or loneliness. In fact, it will only be magnified if we don’t deal with them at the cross before getting into a relationship.

Let’s also remember that marriage in this life is not the ultimate or eternal goal. The only marital relationship of ultimate significance is the eternal union of Christ with His bride, the church! Until the day we see our Bridegroom face to face, may His spirit empower us to love and serve Him, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

JACQUELINE NG, 25

Before I entered my current relationship, my boyfriend and I served together and grew to become good friends. Because of the healthy and genuine friendship that was established between us, I was able to be my authentic self. That including being able to roll my eyes, cackle, and get hit by frisbees during games with no embarrassment. I could also be honest with my hopes, hurts, and weird thoughts (like the urge to pop a giant balloon statue in the mall with a pin). I felt safe and accepted for who I am. This was a significant factor that led me to consider him as a potential partner.

Nonetheless, I was fearful of stepping into the unknown, and the thought of losing someone dear to me.

It was through prayer and journeying with friends that I came to this realisation — while I cannot be 100% ready and there might never be the perfect time, I was certain of these qualities he displayed: he was prayerful and knowledgeable about the faith, humorous and made me laugh, and was caring and empathetic. Through these characteristics, I was being led to holiness, the hallmark of the Christian life. This, and the authentic friendship between us, were the factors that gave me the leap of faith to enter into the relationship.

It has been a joy since.

Love & Sexuality: How Do I Find Contentment In Singlehood?

Alicia Heng — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000

“How do I find contentment in singlehood?”

In my secondary school days, I was the kind of girl who could never go for long without being in a relationship. Over time, after going through multiple breakups and purposeless relationships I thought: “What is the point of being in relationships if they do not end in marriage?” The emotional issues I had to deal with each time a relationship ended were draining and affected me in unhelpful ways. This made me more cautious toward entering a relationship flippantly, and I started thinking about the purpose of relationships and marriage.

Contentment in singlehood begins when you have a personal conviction that have a personal conviction that you not need to be in a relationship to be happy. I learnt that no human being, not even the “right guy” can make me contented all the time. We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and heartbreak if we think romantic relationships complete us.

When my purpose in life was not fixated on finding love and happiness from being in a relationship, I found happiness from many more things. Spending time with good friends, having great conversations over meals, having fun singing (or screaming) crazily at karaoke, attending youth camps and interesting church workshops, pursuing my interest in soccer, and serving in my church’s children and youth ministries – these were memorable and meaningful things that made me thankful to be alive, happy and contented. What are some meaningful interests and activities you desire to pursue? God does bless you with seasons and opportunities to cultivate these interests and grow in your personal development and fulfilment.

Yes, at the end of the day, I still yearned for a relationship. But I was aware that my inner restlessness and emptiness could only be deeply touched when I spent time with God, whether it was in prayer, journalling, listening to Him from His Word, or soaking in His presence in worship. Pursue God-give opportunities, but spend time with Him daily, and let Him enrich your life greatly! Whatever your age, singlehood can definitely be a rich and deeply satisfying experience when you let God show you how fruitful it can be.

Single And Loved

Gwen Teo — Sun, 23 Sep 2018 16:00:00 +0000

I was 27 and single. That phrase alone feels taboo in today’s society, where love is so highly sought after that we even have mobile apps to help us find love.

The year that I turned 27, the reality that I had never dated anyone hit me hard. Over the years, I had my fair share of crushes and a couple of guys who were interested in me, but none blossomed into a serious relationship.

The very first guy who confessed his feelings for me was a classmate in poly. As a teenage girl, it definitely felt good when a guy confessed his feelings for me and was exceptionally nice to me.

In university, I got to know this guy through orientation, and our friendship blossomed into daily late-night calls that lasted a few hours at a time. Naturally, I developed feelings for him, but I did not dare to tell him. He eventually got into relationships with a few other girls, and I got so upset
and jealous because he continued to keep a close friendship with me in spite of that. I wondered, “When will it be my turn to be with him?”

When I started working, a person I saw merely as a ‘big brother’ confessed his feelings for me. Even though I had no feelings for him, it felt good that someone was pursuing me again. Regretfully, I led him on for a while before realising that I could not keep up the pretence. It was this false security of being “in a relationship” that I was hooked on, along with the fear that no one else would come along if I missed this opportunity. I made the decision to come clean with this friend and we ended all communications between us.

THE FOUR-YEAR DROUGHT

The next four years were spent wrestling with God about my singlehood. Well-meaning friends and family would ask ever so often, “When are you getting attached?” or “How? Do you have a boyfriend yet?”

All these seemingly casual remarks triggered my insecurities about my relationship status. Somehow, the culture we live in today has taught us to gauge our worth and attractiveness as a female based on the number of suitors we have or the number of relationships we have been in. As if I wasn’t already struggling to trust God with my future — these comments made me doubt His plan for me even more.

Often, I would feel like God had forgotten about me — it felt like I was the last to be given that special someone.

Soon enough, I found myself looking for a potential relationship with every guy I got to know. I would intentionally put on my best front while interacting with them in the hope of the friendship blossoming into something more. I would find ways to increase our interaction with each other by setting up group outings. But these guy friends would then get attached to someone else and the familiar disappointment would set in again.

IT FELT LIKE I WAS THE LAST TO BE GIVEN THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE

What ensued was a period of feeling confused, angry and tired with God because nothing seemed to work — after so much prayer and effort, I still had not met The One. I found myself asking, “What is wrong with me?”

KNOWING THE BELOVED

Breakthrough came one night during a prayer meeting in church. During worship, I felt God whispering to me, “Gwen, I love you just the way you are. You don’t have to be someone else to find love. You are already deeply loved and valued, by Me … I know the desires of your heart even before you can say them, so won’t you trust Me with your future?”

Tears flowed down my cheeks uncontrollably. The immense love of Christ reached the depths of my heart, soothing wounds caused by insecurity and disappointment.

Each time I remember this gentle whisper, I renew a commitment to entrust and surrender my future and current season to Him. This commitment is a daily and conscious decision to not let insecurity and lies from the devil rob me of my identity in Christ and keep me from walking in my God-given destiny.

I have two learning points from this journey with God to share in the hope that they’ll encourage those who may be in the same season as me.

1. We are deeply loved and valued by God just as we are

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well” (Psalm 139:13–14 ESV).

This psalm of King David puts it beautifully — we are remarkably created by God. We do not need to be someone that we are not in order to find love or acceptance. The moment we feel we need to be someone else, we downplay the unique personality and character God has placed in each one of us.

2. God is not withholding anything good from me

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favour and honour. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11 ESV).

Remember what caused Eve to sin in Eden and eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil? It was her belief that God was withholding something good from her. When we are overly focused on that one thing God has not given us or imagine that He does not have our best interests, we lose sight of all else He has blessed us with.

I choose to celebrate daily the life God has given me — Jesus Christ, my family, my friends, my job, and the opportunities to serve God, making a difference in people’s lives and help others in need. I choose to fix my eyes on Christ alone, the source of my faith and all good things.

WHEN WE FOCUS ON THAT ONE THING GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US, WE LOSE SIGHT OF ALL ELSE HE HAS BLESSED US WITH

WHO HE SAYS I AM

While I was attending a three-month course at a Bible school, God asked me the hardest question I had to answer thus far in my faith journey: “Gwen, would you still love and obey me with all your heart even if you never have a husband?” It was that unreserved, never- changing and unconditional love He has for me that convicted my heart to say YES.

Each time I have felt insecure about my relationship status, God would again whisper His love message to me, and every time He does that, it leaves my heart overflowing with love, peace and assurance that my future is in His hands and that He hasn’t forgotten about me and the desires of my heart.

Dear Kallos: Is There Any Good That Can Come From Being Single?

Alina Teo — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 16:00:00 +0000

“Is there any good that can come from being single? Everyone around me seems to be getting attached!” – Single & Wondering

dear Single & Wondering,

When I was in university, I remember wondering the same thing. Since then, I’ve seen many girls in the same situation, often feeling like the odd one out or thinking that something might be wrong with them because they are single. That saddens me, because no matter whether you are single or attached, you should celebrate the season of life God has given to you. I truly believe that singlehood and marriage should both be celebrated! Singlehood is a wonderful time to discover more about who God has made you to be and marriage is a beautiful reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church.

There are so many good things about being single! There is a greater freedom to explore new areas of interests without needing to consider another person’s preferences. For certain ministries (e.g. those that involve travelling to places with treacherous conditions), only singles are able to perform such tasks without fearing they are endangering their children. In the Bible, there are numerous singles, like Paul and many of the twelve disciples, who were mightily used by God. No matter whether you are single or married, your life is a gift from God, so use it wisely!

With each season of life comes its own set of challenges. Don’t believe the lies like being single means you are not loved as much or that you need to strive more. Don’t be entrapped by these untruths. Enjoy singlehood and maximise it for God’s glory! Who knows where God will lead you as you place your trust in Him!

“I’ve always wondered: Is it possible to be best friends with a guy?” – A Girl-Friend

dear Girl-Friend,

I love your question! The question of platonic relationships is a real struggle for some. Personally, I don’t think there is a clear no or yes to this question. But I do believe that there are clear boundaries and motivations that need to be addressed when such a relationship surfaces. It is crucial to remember that what goes on in a girl’s head is vastly different from that of a guy. What a girl sees as “nothing” might be “something” to the guy and vice versa. Platonic relationships, or so they are called, may be possible at first, but often feelings develop unintentionally in either party, even if both swear there is nothing going on initially. In fact, a study conducted on this topic showed that guys were much more likely to be attracted to a female friend than the other way round in a “platonic” friendship, and only a small handful of people truly have platonic relationships that remain so.

As such, even if it is possible for you to be best friends with a guy, it may not be possible for the guy to just be best friends with you (though he may paint it that way). I know, guy-girl relationships can be so complicated!

This is what I feel is the baseline: Consider the other before self. Ask yourself: Will being close to this guy possibly stumble him? Are you choosing to honour the other person in your thoughts and actions?

If you do find yourself struggling to answer these questions, do talk to your leaders and close friends as well. Perhaps they would be able to shed light from an outsider’s perspective and point out what you cannot see.

At the end of the day, our choices and decisions have an impact on others and our own lives. Make decisions in light of what would delight God and what would most honour the other party, even if it’s not something we would prefer!